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Part Two
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The front door of Alfred's apartment slams open, letting the blonde himself and his company spill into it's warmer atmosphere hurriedly. Matthew, acting as the last one to enter, closes it behind him, looking a lot less bothered by the cold than the others.

"Don't get me wrong," Alfred says while stripping his coat off, "I'm all for a white Christmas, but it's frickin' freezing! Seriously, look at my ears!"

He goes on to point at his ears that have been colored red by the weather, and is ignored by the others as they take off their own outer layers of clothing. Alfred pouts slightly and places his hands on his hips.

"Hello?"

"We heard," says Gilbert, all while plopping himself on the sofa and putting his feet up. "You wouldn't stop bitchin' in the morning when you got in and then you started up again before we had to leave. Yeah, you're cold, we know."

"You should just get some earmuffs if it bothers you," Matthew comments. "It's not like they're too-"

The rest of his sentence is cut off by an undignified squawk as he moves past Gilbert to take up the space next to him and the other male feels the inclination to reach out and become grabby. Matthew smacks the other's hand away from his bottom with a fierce glare (or rather as fierce as he can muster while blushing an extreme red) before sitting further away than he intended. Though by the time the others settle down comfortably themselves, the two ended up sitting side by side in any case.

"Okay!" Alfred announces. "So as we all know, we are here today to come up with an offensive attack against my Secret Santa."

"I thought you liked getting all those gifts," Antonio says.

"Oh no, believe me, I do." He pauses to tap at the new ear buds he's been wearing since first receiving them. "But me and Artie were talking over the cubicle and thought that it might be a good idea to find out who it is before things get outta hand."

"I recall that conversation taking place at Chotchkie's," Francis puts in. "And that I was involved as well."

"Well, yeah, but we kept talking about it afterwards."

"In any case," Arthur interrupts, "it wouldn't hurt to be on the safe side and just find who this person is."

"Yeah, he's all afraid that someone's stalking me and that it's dangerous somehow," Alfred shrugs.

"It's kind of creepy," says Matthew. "But that's just what I think."

"That's exactly what I've been telling him."

Alfred claps his hands together, cutting off any further chatter. "Okay, so now that we know why we're here, any starting questions?"

Gilbert raises his hand and asks, "Can we start drinking now?"

So as the remainder of their Friday turns into a one of binge drinking (leaving them quite incapacitated in discussing anything else of further importance), Alfred's Secret Santa sits behind his computer, nibbling on his bottom lip as he scans through numerous pages of earmuffs. He noticed how red Alfred's ears had become from the cold, and the time it took for them to return to normal. He had also heard the blonde complain at the end of the day, all about not wanting to return to the freezing temperature and torment his ears in such a way.

While Alfred and his gang of misfit friends have chalked up gaining this sort of information as a byproduct of stalking, the truth of the matter is that it's simply a benefit of his Secret Santa's job. Delivering mail and passing messages for others give him the free reign of learning all sorts of tidbit information around the workplace as he walks about.

A few pages later, Ivan smiles to himself and leans back into his chair while rubbing away the dull ache in his eyes from constantly staring at the screen in front of him. After an hour or so of searching, he finally finds something that he's sure Alfred would be more than happy to receive. He goes about placing an order for pick up (how absolutely lucky it is that a nearby shop carries such an item) the next day and wanders into the kitchen to indulge himself in a dinner left by his sister before she left for her night shift, feeling sheer anticipation for the following work week to come.

When Monday rolls around, Alfred strolls in at his usual time, rubbing at his ears for warmth all through the lobby before making it into the work space. Instead of greeting all those on the way to his cubicle, Alfred makes a beeline for his desk. The reason being there was no others stationed at their own, for some reason they are gathered around Alfred's.

"What're you guys doing?" he asks, nearing the scene.

Many turn at the sound of his voice, though only one bothers to answer.

"Looks like your Secret Santa's getting bolder," says Elizabeta. She holds up a small digital camera to her chest and goes on with, "Hurry up and open it."

"What's she talking about?" Alfred directs at Arthur once he pushes past the outer layer.

"Your present today is a bit bigger than normal," Arthur answers and directs his eyes at the large box sitting on top of his keyboard. "Called everyone's attention over here."

"Even you, huh?"

"Just open it."

Alfred brushes past the other and settles down in his office chair, taking his time in making himself comfortable before even pulling the wrapped up box in front of him. Everyone surrounding him leans in closer the moment he slips the ribbon off and lifts up a piece of tape from the side and carefully removes the striped casing. Once he has that off, he lift the lid of the box only slightly, bending over to take a peep inside before letting anyone else see the contents within.

"Oh. My. God," he says and throws the lid off completely. He picks up the item inside and holds them close to his chest, wearing a bright smile filled to the brim with unadulterated delight. "They're hamburger earmuffs! This is so frickin' cool!"

True to his word, clutched against his torso are novelty earmuffs made to look like mini hamburgers.

Though Alfred seems to be completely ecstatic over the gift, even putting them on with a happy grin despite how ridiculous they make him look, the others leave the scene feeling somewhat disappointed at how anticlimactic the whole situation had been. Really though, considering who the receiver is, they shouldn't be totally surprised.

So with them gone, the only remaining people are those involved in Alfred's scheme, looking on at the blonde unsurely as he starts to sway about in his chair in a rhythmic fashion.

"These things are totally kick ass," he says. "I'm never taking them off."

"I don't doubt that," Matthew mutters.

"Your approval is hardly discouraging to your stalker," Arthur tells him.

"But how can I not love these?" Alfred asks him. "Dude, this is total Professor Frink."

Though Alfred looks on them as though that in itself should be all the explanation needed. The copious amount of exasperation and uncertainty, with minimal curiosity, in their expressions as they continue to stare back, is more than clear enough for Alfred to decipher that the reference is lost on them completely.

"From The Simpsons?" Alfred goes on. "Homer says he's gonna make hamburger earmuffs, but Frink says he'll never get passed the pickle ratio and puts on his own? How do you guys not know?"

"So here's the four eleven on what I think is the most awesome way to do all this," Gilbert says suddenly, steering the conversation away from whatever it is the blonde blathers on about. "Antonio and me have already bugged the bathrooms-"

"For what reason?" Arthur interrupts.

"It's a crucial part of the plan we came up with yesterday," Antonio tries to reason.

"It's 'cause psycho's always talk to themselves in the bathroom," Gilbert explains. "Anyway, we have those bugged."

"And my ingenious part of the plan was to slide up next to just about everyone in the office and seduce some information out of them," Francis puts in, shimmying in between Gilbert and Antonio. "With our charismatic charm, there's no way we can fail."

"We also have a stylish look to help," Antonio says and takes out a pair of sunglasses from the inside of his jacket. Both Gilbert and Francis do the same, the three of them slide them up the bridge of their noses. "Sneaky, huh?"

"Like a hippo hiding behind a flamingo," Arthur says sarcastically. "You three are complete idiots."

"I don't hear you putting out any ideas," Francis sniffs, looking very affronted and yet still oh so stylish.

"Um, I could probably get the security feed from last week," Matthew speaks up. "If I can get it, we can just watch it later and find out that way."

All eyes turned on him, staring at him with a complete look of incredulity.

"How can you do that?" Alfred asks.

"I dated Vash for awhile," the other confesses, gaining an even more unbelievable stare from all of them. "So I was just gonna ask him for a favor…"

"You didn't tell me that!" Gilbert exclaims.

"I didn't think it really mattered," the other shrugs.

"Mattie, dude," Alfred says. "You have like, the most violent taste in men, y'know that?"

Gilbert instantly rounds on him. "He does not, take that back or I'll kick your ass."

"Back to the point," says Arthur. "If you can get it before lunch, Matthew, we can watch it then."

"Oh! There's a working TV in the basement," Antonio informs them. "I found that one day Lovino locked me down there!"

"Awesome! Okay, so Mattie's gonna seduce Vash again," Alfred starts to list, ignoring the irritated expression Gilbert wears while Matthew denies that he would try anything of the sort. "The three of you are gonna interrogate… What do I do?"

"Oh! You should walk around with your earmuffs," Antonio suggests.

"That's.. actually a very reasonable idea," comments Arthur. "That way, Alfred, you'll be able to decipher through people's reactions for someone who is a little too inclined to discuss them."

"Oh yeah." Antonio breaks out into one of his bright grins. "I just thought Alfred looked really cool in them."

Alfred strikes a pose. "Don't I?"

The conversation trickles down into a reiteration of ideas and actions each of them promise to perform mixed with small talk. As Matthew reminds everyone of what it is he could provide, Gilbert drags him off for a personal discussion of their own. The storm off causes Antonio to take his own exit, going on about something or another that no one takes any particular interest in as by that point Francis and Arthur start in on a verbal spat that Alfred finds thoroughly entertaining.

After the last of them disperse from Alfred's cubicle, the blonde settles himself back into his personal work environment, earmuffs still on, and prepares for the long day ahead of him. His entire routine is interrupted however, by a sharp swear that is able to permeate through the mass of fabric covering his ears from the other side of the cubicle wall.

Alfred stands up from his chair and looks over the wall at Arthur, asking after the problem.

"Ivan didn't pick up my outgoing mail," the other replies. "Did he get you?"

Alfred leans his head back, noticing that his incoming mail has been delivered but like Arthur, his outgoing mail is still present. He quickly informs Arthur as much.

"I didn't get any new mail either," the other continues to grouse. "That's never happened before."

"Maybe when he got to us, that's when people started to crowd around," Alfred tells him. "He's like really shy, isn't he?"

Arthur, just about to brush the suggestion off as a pitiable excuse for someone to be so idle with their responsibilities, turns to face Alfred completely with an expression of some sort of sudden realization.

"What if it was everyone crowding your desk that made him leave?" he asks. "What if Ivan is your Secret Santa?"

Alfred immediately laughs lightly at the idea. "No way, I barely talk to the guy."

"That doesn't necessarily rule him out."

"Well, yeah, 'cause everyone's pretty much suspect. But I don't think he'd be high on the list."

Arthur slowly closes his eyes, all while letting out a hefty sigh before he turns away and grabs his paperwork. "Make what you will of it, I've got to take all this upstairs."

"I'll do it for ya," Alfred offers. "Gotta take mine anyway and show off these bad boys."

A small audible bell noise emits from Arthur's computer that just about cuts off any sort of rejection about to me made on the proposition. Instead, he hands over the thin white and sturdy manila envelopes to Alfred with an insincere sounding word or thanks. Alfred watches for a moment, seeing Arthur pull up a minimized window to show that baking application he had seen numerous times around Facebook. He quickly takes his leave before he is able to make a comment on how the only reason Arthur would ever play in a virtual bakery is because of his incapability of baking anything edible.

Alfred walks out of his cubicle, making his way to the elevator and taking ever opportunity to point out his latest gift to just about everyone who crosses his path. When he does reach the elevator, the metallic colored doors open and out walks Feliciano, a large jar in his hand filled with several slips of paper.

"Alfred!" he calls out. "Oh~! Are those new earmuffs? Where'd you get them? They're so cool looking!"

"I know, right!" Alfred replies just as enthusiastically. "These're like the best earmuffs I've ever seen!"

"Where did you get them? Do you think they'd have some pasta ones? I wonder what those would look like."

"Hm, maybe not pasta. Meatballs?"

"Maybe, but wouldn't they just look like regular earmuffs?"

"Not if they had some sauce on the top. Oh, it's a meatball cut in half, y'know so you can wear the flat part on your ears, and then there's red felt on top for the sauce… Maybe even with some kind of felt spaghetti on the bottom of it."

"That sounds like fun! Where can I get them?"

"Well.. We just kinda made them up right now, Feli, I dunno if they're real."

Feliciano's face falls only slightly as he begins to remember. "Oh, right… Maybe there's pizza earmuffs?"

"Maybe," Alfred laughs. "Lookit, I gotta hit up the mail room, so lemme know if you find those earmuffs."

Feliciano nods his agreement, though before Alfred is able to continue on in his journey, he calls out once more to him, "That's right! I came down here for the Secret Santa exchange. Do you want to take your pick now?"

"Sure, why not," the blonde says and shoves his hand into the jar. He grasps at numerous pieces of paper before filing it down to just one and lifts it back out, not even taking a small glance at it as he asks, "Did you get yours already?"

"Yeah, I picked it out with Lovino and Ludwig," he replies. "But I can't tell you, it's a secret."

Alfred only laughs while slipping his piece of paper into his pocket and says, "I know, I know. You should hurry up and let everyone get who they're gonna be a Secret Santa for."

Feliciano lets out a small gasp before saying his parting words and rushes off for the nearest cluster of cubicles. Alfred observes his antics for a moment or two before continuing on way. In a few minutes or so, he finds himself on a slightly more hectic floor, moving past people scurrying about until he comes across the mail room.

"Knock, knock," he announces before walking into the clustered area. "Ivan, ya in here?"

His sudden entrance startles the only occupant within, which not so surprisingly is Ivan himself. The other males fumbles with an armful of packages and other correspondences, effectively dropping the items less than gracefully.

"Alfred," he says. "Wha-what are you doing here?"

"Forgot to pick up some stuff at our cubicles, big guy," Alfred replies and places all that he has been carrying on a nearby table top. He approaches Ivan and bends down to help clean up the accidental mess and continues to speak with, "You okay? Never done that before."

"I'm fine, thank you," Ivan replies kindly enough. "What are you doing here?"

"To drop off my mail," Alfred laughs. "I just said that, are you sure you're okay?"

"Yes, it's just.. Monday.."

"Gonna blame a case of the Mondays?" Alfred stands up along with the other male and piles some envelopes onto of the mountain Ivan already carries.

Ivan only buries his head into his scarf and mutters an inaudible reply as he sets the mail down onto his desk. Alfred pays no real attention to his behavior, figuring it to be normal since he never really does have any actual contact with the other to notice anything strange. So, instead, he blathers on about his reason for coming into his domain of letters, packages, and the like, all while asking for Arthur's mail as well since the other blonde was sure to have some sort of hissy fit if he came back without it.

Ivan complies with his request, of course, though just as it seems as Alfred is prepared to take his leave, he speaks up suddenly, saying, "Those are interesting earmuffs."

The random comment startles Alfred into a faint silence before another one of his beaming laughs covers it up as he replies, "Yeah, I know! This is like the coolest thing I've ever gotten!"

"Really?" he asks, the subtle pink dusting his cheeks going unnoticed as Alfred continues to lavish numerous praises and compliments on his new earmuffs.

"And they're just total Professor Frink, y'know," he ends.

"Who?"

Alfred's face falls once more from hearing yet another person not knowing who the nerdy professor is. "From The Simpsons? I'm beginning to think I'm the only one who watches it."

"I've only seen an episode or two some time back," Ivan confesses.

"I have like, every season ever on DVD," Alfred tells him. "I grew up with the show, it's just one of my favorites."

"Oh, so it is something you would recommend?"

"Pfft, yeah, it's only one of the best cartoons ever."

Ivan shrugs in a contemplative manner, making it seem as if he's not at all sure of the other's opinion. "I would have to watch some of the first episodes. To better compare to the more recent ones, you see."

"That'd probably would be better," Alfred agrees. "But I don't think they really show those episodes on TV anymore."

"Hm, that could be a problem," Ivan tells him with a small smile.

"Yeah…" Alfred trails off, leaving the two to be cascaded into a silence.

They remain in that silence, long enough for Ivan to look on at Alfred expectantly and the other, not knowing what it is that Ivan expects from him, starts to fidget in his place. His eyes widen though, as a sudden realization dawns upon him and another one of his signature grins works his lips.

"I know! I'll let you borrow my first season. Just gotta promise to give it back in awesome condition."

Ivan's smile twitches as he forces it to stay in place. "Of course."

"Awesome… Okay, I'll see ya later then."

And so Alfred takes his exit, not noticing the way Ivan allows his head to meet his desk and makes his way back to his cubicle. He visits Arthur's for a short while, handing him over his things and chats over what happened on his way to and from before returning to his own desk. The day more or less progresses as it often does, only being interrupted when Francis makes an appearance and says to follow after him.

"Matthew was able to get the security feed," Francis tells them, leading the two to the basement where the others already are. "Apparently Gilbert was so concerned about him having a past relationship with Vash, he even followed to oversee how Matthew went about asking him."

"Matthew was able to get the security feed," Francis tells them on their way to the basement. "Apparently Gilbert was so concerned about him having a past relationship with Vash, he even followed to oversee how Matthew went about asking him."

"Why? It's not like Mattie's gonna jump someone to get something," says Alfred. "Right?"

The two only shrug indifferently, or as indifferently as they are permitted towards the question and before long the trio bypass Antonio keeping guard near the small closed off area of the basement where Matthew and Gilbert have set up a space for their congregation. The second the two spot the others, Gilbert announces that he's had enough with trying to figure out the wiring and leaves the position open to one of them to help out Matthew. Francis takes up the job, stating that he's had experience in viewing many types of video feedback. No one bothers to comment on it.

"So did you guys find out anything before getting this?" Alfred asks.

"Nothing," Gilbert responds. "What about you two? Actually do anything?"

"Arthur tried to run by a theory of Ivan being the Santa Stalker on me earlier."

Gilbert instantly laughs at the notion. "You better hope it's not Ivan. That guy's some kind of weird."

"No he isn't," Alfred says, meaning it sincerely as well. "He's quiet and all, but that doesn't make him weird or anything."

Gilbert only shakes his head. "No, you don't know. I had to live in the same building as him for awhile, next room and everything. One time, he got so drunk he tried to drop kick a tree out on the side walk. Now, that wasn't creepy, but it was funny as hell."

"You're exaggerating," says Arthur.

"No, really! He tried to drop kick a tree."

"It's true," Matthew puts in. "He sent me the YouTube clip."

Antonio joins them as soon as he's sure the coast is clear and they are not to be disturbed. By that time Matthew and Francis have the spare television up and running, the feedback from last week showing clearly on the screen. Francis takes charge of fast forwarding through the morning up until the first people begin to show up.

"Are you sure this is from the right angle?" Alfred directs at Matthew.

"Definitely," Matthew answers. "I asked Vash to be sure before he gave it to me."

"Yeah, and then some," Gilbert mutters, obviously displeased at whatever methods it was that Matthew succumbed to in order to retrieve the video.

"Are you really going to start that up again?"

"Continue your lover's spat another time," Arthur cuts in. "We need to be paying atten-"

"Look!" Francis exclaims. "It's the Santa!"

The small group snaps their attention to the luminous screen, directly going wide eyed at the sight of one Ivan Braginsky turning his head in all directions to make sure he is not noticed before picking out a small package hidden in the mail cart along with a few more envelopes, and places it on Alfred's keyboard. He quickly goes through his regular motions before entering Arthur's cubicle, doing the same, and waltzes off screen.

Francis stops the feedback, the television screen showing nothing but a bright blue glow before being turned off all together. The room remains silent, all eyes turn to Alfred, waiting for him to say something, anything.

"Huh."

"That's all you're going to say?" Arthur asks him.

"Well, what am I supposed to say? Oh, I'm sorry, Arthur, you were right. How dare I question your Sherlock Holmesyness?"

"It's not that big of a deal," Matthew reasons. "So Ivan has a crush on you, big whoop."

"It's kind of like back in school," Antonio says. "When the quiet kid wouldn't know how to tell the one they liked that they liked them."

"Except this quiet kid is a six foot Russian who tried to drop kick a tree," Gilbert adds.

"Ah, fuck me," Alfred mutters to himself and thrusts his hands into his pockets.

The action causes one of his hands to brush up against something rough, and when Alfred pulls it out for further inspection, finds that it's the slip of paper with the name of the person he's supposed to be a Secret Santa for. He unfolds the small strip and his eye twitches at the sight of Ivan's name scribbled before him.

"Ah, fuck me!"

xxx

-Funnily enough, I have those hamburger earmuffs. And my reaction upon finding them was pretty much like Alfred's. XD

-And this line: "like a hippo hiding behind a flamingo", is from Atemu'sLotus. Srsly, most awesome thing I've heard in like, forever. XD

-Next chapter carries a not so awkward lunch date that's spied on and an out of control office party plus office sex. Because it's not like any of you guys pressured me or anything! Lol, jk'ing.^^

-One more thing! The very lovely Trisana Tennant wrote me a one-shot that's posted up in her Songbook of Memories series, and while you should read all of them because they're all pretty awesome, chapter 85 is the most epic thing in the universe right now and you should read it and you should give her love for it. Srsly.

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Anonymous Reviews:

Lumbergh: Despite the character you used, I frickin love you. I don't think anyone else has seen Office Space, so I'm really happy to have seen that reference, despite how much ass kickery someone would get if they ever said it to me.^^