Way Over My Head

Disclaimer: You know how it is. I don't own Card Captor Sakura. But you probably don't either so ha!

-----

I'm waiting.

For what?

A boy.

Yeah, I know. With boys I could be waiting forever. Especially with this one, seeing as I haven't talked to him in about three years.

But you see, I don't mind.

Someone once told me that there is no such thing as coincidence in this life, only fate.

And something tells me that even though we haven't spoken in three years, even though I'm pretty sure he's forgotten my existence, our fates are somehow intertwined.

There was a time in the past where they were. An intense time, a time when I needed someone to be there for me and help me in my tasks.

And he was.

But then he returned to his home in Hong Kong, summoned by his clan for training for his future leadership position.

I wrote him letters. Often. He responded at first, but after three months the replies suddenly stopped. I wrote every week for another month after that, but got nothing.

So I decided to let him be. There was a reason and while I wasn't sure I wanted to know what that reason was, especially if it was because he no longer liked me as a person, I accepted it.

I had no choice.

Intermediate school was a blur. My best friend was always worried about my lack of enthusiasm.

"Sakura-chan?" she'd ask, "What's wrong? Is it Li-kun? I'm sure there's a good reason why he hasn't contacted you yet. Please don't be sad. When you are happy I am too. But when you are sad…"

And while I appreciated her worrying, I just wanted him to be there. To tell me it was okay, he didn't hate me he was just up to his neck in work and couldn't break away to write to me.

To hold me and whisper in my ear words I've only heard in my dreams.

No. I can't let myself think like that.

The fact that he's here, now - that should be enough happiness for me. Being able to share the same high school with him should be enough. Seeing him everyday from across the courtyard should be enough.

It should be. But it's not.

He appeared suddenly halfway through the last year of intermediate school, scowling like always. I was so excited to be in the same class as him. I must have talked his ear off, telling him this, asking him that, and he just sat there and nodded, answering whenever I took a breath to let him.

He seemed happy to let me ramble on.

I wonder what happened to him in Hong Kong. The first time I saw him again I almost didn't recognize him. His face looked the same, older of course, but the same messy brown hair and trademark scowl.

But his eyes. I didn't recognize his eyes.

There was something in the amber-brown irises that refused to reflect the light like they used to. It was as if the light was absorbed by the sorrow that lay hidden underneath the brown.

It makes me sad, remembering.

We talked a lot those last months before high school. Sometimes he'd try to tell me something, but I never found out what it was. He would always turn around and say 'never mind; it's nothing'.

High school pulled us apart. Fate seemed to hate me then. We were put in different classes all three years, classes that just happened to always be on opposite sides of the building. Our clubs were also night and day. He chose soccer, I stuck with cheerleading. And while there were a few times we cheered for his soccer matches, our practices never once allowed us to cross paths.

Being in different classes and social groups severely messed with whatever relationship we had prior to high school.

I still watched him. I couldn't help myself.

I used to think he watched me as well, but then I realized I was just deluding myself. People with different friends, different purposes, different lives don't do silly things like watch each other across the courtyard.

Although I'd give anything to have it be true.

Our sotsugyou-shiki is tomorrow. I wonder if I'll have a chance to talk to him then.

Hm? What's that?

I should call him?!

Why? I have no reason!

Make one up?!

You are one crazy…wait. Maybe I could invite him to our graduation party afterwards.

Do you think that'd be okay?

It's not like it'd just be me and him. Although I wouldn't mind that.

Ah! Stay on track, girl!

Anyway, there are lots of people from school coming. And it's at a restaurant, so he could leave whenever he wanted without feeling pressured.

I heard he lives alone. That's too sad for me to think about. No family to be with as you close a major chapter in your life?

No, I can't have that.

As much as I want to be the only one there for him, I know that can't happen. But at least he'll have some other people to celebrate with.

Even if he chooses not to spend time with me.

No! Can't think like that. Gotta be optimistic. He hasn't even said yes or no yet.

What?

Oh yeah.

I have to invite him first.