"Waiting for the end to come
Wishing I had strength to stand
This is not what I had planned
It's out of my control"
-Linkin Park, Waiting for the End
It was a cloudy Sunday in Royal Woods Michigan. Anywhere outdoors was almost deserted as people took shelter from the cold, pelting rain. One boy in particular had just gotten home from walking his dog. Lincoln Loud unhooked Charles from his leash, letting the wet dog run free. He headed to his room, passing Luan on the stairs.
Lincoln changed into dry clothes and looked around his room.
"Hmm, what to do?" Lincoln wondered aloud, "Wait a minute!"
He started sifting through his drawers, trying to find the latest two issues of Ace Savvy that he had bought a few days prior and only read once. Finally, he grabbed ahold of something that felt vaguely like one of his comics, when he actually pulled it out from his drawer he was surprised to see a marble composition book labeled 'Joke Notebook Vol. 9.'
It had been two weeks since the Chortle Portal incident, when Luan almost gave up comedy after hearing her other siblings vent about her. Lincoln thought he had given back all of her joke books after she had won the Junior Comedian Competition. He then remembered that he had roughly shoved this one in is drawer after Luan almost walked in on him practicing his routine for the Chortle Portal.
Lincoln checked the composition book for rips or tears from his admittedly too rough treatment of it. On the outside it was fine, aside from a piece of scotch tape that had apparently ripped and was now sticking up on the bottom on the cover. Upon further inspection he saw that the tape had been holding a split in the cover closed. He lifted the notebook and out of the pocket that the tear formed a piece of paper fell.
"What's this?" Lincoln picked up the piece of paper and read it quietly, "1-800-273-8255? Whose number is this?"
At that moment his door opened and Luan peeked her head in, "Hey Linc, just wondering if you've seen Volume 9 of my joke books, I was reorganizing from the other week and…" Her eyes landed on Lincoln, "Noticed…" When she registered what he had in his hand her eyes narrowed, "It was missing…"
At that point she crossed the small space in between them and tugged both the phone number and the notebook out of Lincoln's hands, "Please take better care of my stuff and don't snoop through it next time." The words were said in a perfectly normal tone and the action, though slightly aggressive, didn't seem out of the ordinary. There was, however, something off, Lincoln could feel it.
"Luan, wait," Just as she was about to walk away she turned her head towards him, "Are you feeling okay? Who did that number belong to?"
Luan's gaze softened and her signature smile crept across her face, "The number is just from a friend of mine. Anyway I'm fine Linc."
He still looked worried.
"C'mon, don't be like that, you know I'm an open book!" She waved her notebook around and laughed, "Get it?"
That seemed to satisfy him for the time being, "Alright Luan, have fun."
Said sister merely replied with a smile and was out the door.
Lincoln found himself unable to concentrate on his beloved comic. Since he had started reading an hour ago he barely gotten through half of it. Sighing, he haphazardly tossed the comic onto his dresser without bothering to save his page. It wasn't as if he actually paid attention to anything he read. Something about Luan just seemed off and yet exactly the same as usual.
"Maybe I'm just being paranoid, it's not like she was acting any differently than usual, right?"
As expected, there was no answer.
"She said she was okay!"
Again, nothing.
"Besides she's always so cheery! Trying to make other people laugh, smiling all the time…"
'What about the other week when she gave up comedy?'
'She didn't smile then.'
"That was because of what we said about her, it was a one time thing."
'How can you be sure?'
Lincoln growled in frustration, deciding to cease arguing with himself. He lifted himself off his bed and headed out into the hallway. All the doors were open.
All but one.
Luna and Luan's room.
The white haired boy tentatively tiptoed to the doorway and pressed his ear to the door. He could hear a muffled conversation but couldn't make out most of the words.
"Hey…Want to hang… Day."
"Like… Tree?"
"No, not…"
"Then… me out!"
Deciding he wasn't going to figure anything out that way he opened the door and heard the tail end of Mr. Coconuts' laugh.
"Hey, Luan?"
She turned to face him so quickly that it wouldn't have been surprising if she got whiplash. She then stood and tossed Mr. Coconuts onto her bed, something very uncharacteristic as she treated the dummy like a child most times, and addressed Lincoln with a smile.
"What's up Linc?"
No pun.
No joke.
'She said she was going to tone it down, you're overreacting.'
'Something isn't right.'
He was pulled from his mind by a snap in front of his face.
"Linc… Linc… Lincoln!"
"Huh?" He said dumbly when he realized Luan was standing right in front of him.
Said sister put her hands on her hips and raised one eyebrow questioningly.
"You good?
"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," He changed his tone to a more relaxed one, "What about you, you haven't cracked a single joke this whole time. Are you sick or something?"
"I did promise to tone the jokes back, if I'm annoying to my own family then what's-" She paused, "I want to see you guys smiling, and if I'm annoying you that's not going to happen."
'Acting casual got me something I suppose…'
"I am feeling a bit under the weather though," She pointed outside, where it still looked like a monsoon, and grinned like a madman, "I'm gonna go to bed early, please refrain from storming in, lest you rain on my parade!"
Lincoln checked the time on his phone as Luan guided him out of her room, "It's barely 7:30!"
"I know, it's just I've been kinda tired and as I said I'm not feeling good," She rubbed the back of her head and Lincoln got a good look at her face up close in the light of the hallway.
She was more pale than usual and had dark circles around her tired looking eyes. If she was sick she certainly looked the part.
"Alright, feel better Luan."
"Thanks Linc," she shot him a warm smile before turning around and shutting her door.
Lincoln felt relieved as he walked back to his room.
'She's okay, just getting sick.'
'Everything will turn out fine…'
'Right?'
Luan stood in front of her door for a few seconds, waiting until she heard the sound of her brother's footsteps descending on the stairs to step back. She let out a sigh that would put Lucy to shame and hunched over a bit, pressing a palm to her temple. Luan turned the light off and headed back towards her and Luna's bunk bed, grateful that she had the bottom bunk instead of the top one, right now even just breathing felt like an enormous task. She settled down, laying her head down on her pillow. As expected sleep didn't come.
'Why can't I just sleep.'
'I'm so tired.'
As usual her mind felt blank and yet was buzzing with thoughts. She just wanted it to stop.
Luan groaned in frustration and rolled into a sitting position, her legs hanging off the side of the bed and her feet flat on the floor. She stared through the darkness at her joke books. Her eyes locked onto the fresh tape on the cover of Volume 9.
Maybe tonight she would finally call.
Luan made a move to get up but stopped and then settled her weight back on the bed.
No.
'You're too weak.'
'Besides, what are they going to do besides tell you to talk to your parents?'
That wasn't an option.
Besides, who'd even believe her?
She thought back to Lincoln, it wasn't surprising he picked up on her foul mood today. Honestly, what she was surprised about was that he didn't pick up on her depression sooner, he always was observant, especially when it came to his sisters.
Not that her other siblings didn't care. She was just good at hiding those feelings and her sisters were usually oblivious.
'Keep telling yourself that.'
Luan shook her head, desperately trying and failing to clear the negative thoughts. She would have to be more careful. She fell back on her bed, it was getting harder and harder to do basic things everyday and she wasn't sure how much longer she could function. Even making jokes had become harder, they never just rolled off her tongue anymore, especially since she overheard her siblings talking about her.
Luan hadn't even known what to act when she quit comedy, just choosing not to appear as sad as she felt.
'Lincoln is going to be a problem.'
She laid in her bed for a while, silently hoping, waiting for the end to her thoughts and maybe even more, before sleep crept up on her and her world went black.
The whole 'suicide hotline number falling out of Luan's notebook' thing was inspired by one of the later chapters of JamesSutherlandsPillow's "Wanderers" read iiiiitt
Take care lovelies