Seth pulled his fingers through shaggy curls a few more times, trying to act comforting, but honestly becoming a bit bored with the moment. He set the thoughts at the back of his brain spinning on new ways to torment Dean, but couldn't come up with a damn thing until the universe, once again, provided for him.
"If we're dating..." Dean sniffed and looked up at Seth for confirmation. When he recieved a subtle smile and nod in return, he was given the confidence to continue, "If we're dating, then why was I sleeping in another room? Did something happen between us? I did somthing stupid again, didn't I?" He didn't wait for the younger man to answer before his voice wavered from his usual rasp into a sad whisper, and as Seth thought over his response and how to frame this whole imaginary 'fight' and how it was Dean's fault, he understood something that should have been obvious at first glance. The self depreciating wording of Dean's question, his curled-in posture, and tone of voice all combined in a display that made Seth realize that the poor man's situation had triggered an all too common struggle with his intese depression. He was supposed to be on some kind of meds for it, but Dean had the bad habit of going off his medication everytime he started to feel 'better', even back in his Shield days with both Seth and Roman nagging him to take them. Apparently this was one of the times he'd stopped medicating himself.
Seth sighed at the fortune that was shining on him that particular night, but abrubtly released his Lunatic 'Lover' and spun to face the opposite direction. He breifly scrubbed at the lower half of his face before letting his arm drop back to his side, making the entire gesture seem equal parts angry and exasperated. The two toned man rubbed the back of his neck with his right hand, and (assuring that Dean could clearly see it) a made a tight fist with his left. "Yeah." He said making the older man want to cry all over again with one word, and being deliberately short so that Dean would be forced to ask for details. "Yeah, we faught. I guess. I dunno."
"What the Hell does that mean? How the fuck do you guess we had a fight? That's the kind of shit you remem-", the Lunatic stopped suddenly and sucked in a slow breath as he rubbed his right hand over his collarbone again.
Seth figured the embarassed silence that followed meant that Dean had finished ranting at him, and so, began to spin the lie of the fight, "Fight implies that it was a two way street. In this case it was mostly just you screaming at me." The younger of the two walked back to the bed and sat a respectful distance from his new lover. Still he refused to make eye-contact out of supposed anger. "We haven't been romantic, or even really touched eachother much since... what happened with... Well, anyway, last night I was trying to make a night of it, you know, make it special? Try to ease back into things? But it just seemed like you were trying to start a fight. First you were mad about the watch I got you; said I was trying to act like your 'Sugar Daddy' and you didn't want to be anyones whore. I thought you were just nervous, so I poured you a glass of that Crystal Skull vodka you love, and apparently that was wrong too. You said I was just trying to get you drunk so I could do what Roman had failed to." His was voice low, and rough with the pretense of withheld anger. Seth paused a moment to let it all sink in; let the poor bastard marinate in the (completly false) idea that he had acused of attempted rape the man who, not only claimed to love him despite his many obvious flaws, but had apparently saved him from an 'actual' rape attempt a week prior.
He braced his elbows on his knees and put his head in his hands, like he was angry and didn't know how to express it. "I didn't...I couldn't stay in the same room as you, knowing that's how you thought of me. That you expected me to act like that disgusting jackass. And more importantly, I didn't think you would honestly be able to sleep next to someone you thought would do that to you, so I got my stuff together and checked out while you had locked yourself in the bathroom. I didn't know what to-" He sighed again and tried to sound like he was on the edge of crying once more, "I didn't want to leave you alone." He emphasized the final word, having figured out long ago, without even Dean knowing, that it was a trigger word for all the negative emotions and compartmentalized self-loathing that the bedraggeled man had carried since childhood. He felt a comforting hand on the back of his shoulder, and allowed himself another quick smile, hidden behind the curtain of his loose hair, that Dean was ignorant of. "Oh God, I didn't want to leave you at all...But you told me to get out, and I wanted you to be alright again, so I left without you. Got my own rental, got here, and got my own room." He said with a finality that suggested he hated what had happed but was clueless about how to make it better.
The young man waved a dismissive hand before dropping them both to hang limply between his knees, "You obviously got here by yourself, and got your own room, so I just figured you would be better without me. Less upset. Less stressed maybe." Another power play to elicit sympathy from the Ohioan and make him feel worse about the story he was being fed.
Dean had tried to pull a similar stunt in the first few weeks of the Shield, becoming more and more distant each day before taking off while he thought Roman and Seth had been sleeping in on their first real morning off after their debut. His sob story back then had been that he was crazy, yes, but sane enough to know that he didn't want to be a 'burden' on Roman and Seth. He then had promised that they wouldn't even have to speak to eachother oustide of work, and vowed never to bother them again. The Lunatic Fringe hadn't made it two steps away before Roman grabbed him by the forearm and steered him to the hotel bar, where they proceeded to get completely hammered while Roman explained that team-mate was really just an old Samoan word for brother. It had become an inside joke with them not long after, but it had really meant something to Dean in those days. Brotherhood. People he could depend on. It was probably the first time in his entire life that Dean had had anyone who would support him unfailingly, and without asking for anything in return.
Thinking about it now just kind of made Seth feel sad and a bit sick to his stomach, and so he endevored not to entertain the memories any further.
The tanned young man finally turned his head to face his new boyfriend and continue their conversation, "We all know you have your issues, but I thougth that if I gave you a little space, you would come back to me when you were ready." He gave his best hopeful smile, "You are- I mean..." Seth exhaled, "You are ready, right? To start over again?" He lifted his left hand to stroke gently over Dean's thigh, before quickly stealing it back, as if afraid of the older mans reaction. "I don't want to upset you, or hurt you again. But I don't want you to have to be alone for the rest of your life." An over exaggeration, for sure, but it helped sell the bit, and as a bonus, hit Dean's trigger word again. "I'm sorry if I hurt you. But I love you, Dean Ambrose. And I'm not sure how much longer I'll honestly be alright without you. I need you." He emphasized, staring into his boyfriends eyes and trying to sound romantic without being cheesy.
Apparently it was working better than he thought, because Dean gave a short sniffle before giving in to a rather unseemly crying jag. He tried to speak his mind several times but it was a good minute before he could calm himself enough to make sense when he spoke. "I- I don't want to start back at the begining. I ca- I can't." He had to stop and compose himself again as he used the sleeves of his leather jacket to try and wipe away the tear tracks running down his stubble covered cheeks, "We're together, right? So let's be together. Wherever we were then, wherever we are now... it's all the same at this point." His voice became much more stable as he conveyed what was on his mind, "And I think it might even help my memory to just jump right back into things. It might trigger something good." Dean sounded more hopeful and optimistic with each word he spoke. As the blond scooted closer to his boyfriend, he leaned in, bringing his left hand up to cup Seth's jaw. His eyes darted from to his lovers mouth, up to his eyes, and back down again, as if he was asking permission without actually asking. His faulty memory making him question what actions would be appropriate, and weather or not his advances would make things better or worse.
It was all Seth could do not to smile at Dean's eagerness. That willingness, that need to please his friends was a trait that Seth was going to love exploiting.