"Come now, I take your silence as an insult!"
Nothing but shudders and gasps came from the audience.
"Considering the terms of your precarious position, I would think this audience would be more inviting… but to each his own!"
With a sadistic smile and a wave, Mumbo disappeared from his position on the countertop in a flurry of confetti and reappeared with an enormous drill in front of the vault. "Open wide, dearie, this will only hurt for a business cycle or two!" Sparks danced as the drill was forced into the vault door.
"My, my, my… what thick doors you have!"
A blue sonic cannon shot the drill from Mumbo's hands at the same moment that a steel-rimmed boot smashed into his torso and sent him flying aside.
"The better to keep you locked up in, my dear," Robin announced as the remaining Titans rushed in through the doors behind him. He smiled shrewdly and taunted, "Give up now, Mumbo, and you may just get limited access to a deck of cards in jail."
"Aaargh!" the crazed criminal barked as he jumped back up and gathered himself. A sudden smile came over his face and he spread his arms in a full arc around himself in drama. "How nice of you to join me, Titans. I'm glad you made here safely. Hahahaha…"
Halfway through his taunt, the team was already upon him. Robin swung his bo staff at the villain's goofy face full force. With a crooked smile, the magician bent his upper torso a full ninety-degrees backward and, incredibly, gave a kick with an unbelievably large boot that sent Robin crashing into a distant pillar.
Mumbo was off-balance exactly as planned. A large green ram charged at the vulnerable legs holding up the leaning body with enough power to stop a pickup truck. The blue-skinned burglar belted out a demented cackle, curled his feet up to his floating body, and thrust his feet with all of his might when the stunned ram found himself headbutting empty air.
Still looking at the airborne ram, Mumbo pulled a large mirror and deflected a sonic shot into a black encased sofa shooting in his direction.
"Now, now, Titans! Why go straight down to business? Let's pass the pipe around and give each other a hand first!"
Mumbo vividly waved the flimsy wand around in the air and suddenly struck the ground.
Nothing.
Starfire paused on the brink of throwing two rather large starbolts. "Um… we are supposed to be frightened?"
"Terrified, my pretty!"
Something heavy rustled off to the corner. Robin, the nearest to the threat, spun around, poised with two birdarangs to counterattack.
Nothing.
"What kinda lameas—"
Simultaneously, several unbelievably large white gloves pounced on each of the Titans from nowhere.
"HAHaHAhaha. You really should considering investing in some handymen of your own, Titans!" cackled the magician.
"No, thanks," answered Cyborg as he shot off a glove from on top of him, "we're all pretty good with our own hands."
The brawl began.
Kangaroo feet struck two henchhands back several feet. The two shook their "heads" and jumped to converge on the changeling.
Swooooooooooooooo—SLAM
An incoming glove in the midst of a barrage of green starbolts quickly swept them both aside.
"Beast Boy," Starfire began, "you are unhar—"
Thump.
A wave of gloves tackled her mid-air before she could finish.
"Ha HA!" Mumbo jested. "You can never—" Fortunately, a titanium arm smashed him from behind and stopped any unspeakably terrible pun he was about to release.
As the magician painfully crashed into a pillar, Cyborg thundered to the fallen Starfire and furiously tore away the crazy hands that held her down. A glove lunged at him from the side, but he caught it by the "neck" and used to smash away the others.
A green light welled up underneath the pile and an explosion threw hands everywhere. Cyborg barely had time to catch his balance before a hand started pulling at him from behind.
"Stupid things won't stop coming!"
A flood of emerald fury took care of the henchmen behind him… and it didn't stop there.
Meanwhile, two metal railings tore off the floor and flew at the dazed Mumbo. He eyed the black steel charging his way and grinned evilly. "Stop playing with those silly little toys." He flicked his wrist and the rails sprung to life, razor sharp teeth appearing in random places.
Raven stared at the weapons that were formerly under her control.
"Damn. That can't be good."
—
"It's really unfortunate that you've got your hands tied, Titans. The tricks could have gone on all afternoon! Hahahahahaha…" The team scowled at the insane magician from under their bindings and over the restraints of gaggles of white gloves. "Well, the vault beckons me and I'm not one to disappoint such a fair lady!"
From under the grasp of a multitude of hands, the Titans watched as the villain turned and began strutting away.
Suddenly, Robin cracked a smile. "You know, Mumbo, you're right: it really is too bad."
The crook lightened his laughing slightly. "Hahaha… what is?"
The entire team looked at their leader in the same confusion as the demented criminal. He didn't look back at them, but instead continued his arrogant smirk. "You were really close too, but I guess you're going to just throw it all away…"
"I don't need any silly talk about crime and redemption and whatnot!" sneered Mumbo. "Just keep quiet and observe the master!"
A second of silence. Cyborg spoke up from the back of the room, voice booming with traces of barely held laughter. "Yeah Robin, it's almost a waste, really…"
"Enough nonsense, already! Speak your peace, then shut it!" the magician ordered, still more annoyed than curious.
"Well, you're going to try to steal the booty and escape now and we were just warming up with you… It's too bad you're going to be taken out by the secret weapon…"
Starfire scanned the faces of her teammates curiously.
"hAHaHAh! That's rich, Titans! You've got nothing up your torn sleeves and I'm sure of it! So just clam it while I get what's coming to me!"
"That's why it's such a shame. You can't even see it comi—"
"Enough chatter!" he interrupted and sealed Cyborg's mouth with a big blue string of handkerchiefs.
Cyborg looked down at the ridiculous gag with incredulous eyes: first time for everything.
Raven caught a glimpse of amusement in his eyes and smirked.
"Well, you really blew this one, Copperfield. I hope you liked your old jail cell..."
"Stop your yapping!" Mumbo shouted. Various hands responded to his outburst, gathering around the sarcastic superheroine.
She continued. "I really think you should be more respectful in light of how imminent your doom is."
"SILENCE IN THE AUDIENCE!" he bellowed.
Raven managed to be heard one last time from behind the gathering gloves. "Wow, are the other loonies in the bin gonna laugh when they hear how your carcass got dished out by the secret weapon."
The magician aimed his wand at the belligerent empath.
Cyborg fell down laughing, gesturing behind his gag. The gloves securing him shifted a bit uncomfortably and tried without success to stop him from squirming around in hysterics.
Steam literally came out of Mumbo's ears.
"Robin!" Starfire cheerfully said. "The time of the absolute victory is at hand, is it not?"
"Sure is, Star."
"STOP IT—"
"Any second…"
"I SAID SILEN—"
"NOW!" Robin hollered and threw a look towards the entrance to the bank.
The capped villain whirled around and with unearthly screams, spasmodically thrust his wand in the direction of the door, unleashing a vicious flurry of flashing lights, furious sparks, and countless explosions. Two henchhands flew to the area and seized whatever they could find.
Nothing.
Mumbo dazedly turned back around to the Titans.
"…What're you trying to pull—"
CLICK.
Every pair of eyes in the room again turned to the glass double doors at the entrance.
Afternoon sunlight poured in from the opening and a figure concealed by radiant light stood in the doorway. Behind squinted eyes, Mumbo searched the brilliant figure with undeclared apprehension.
A small, old woman appeared from behind the glare.
"Is everything okay in here? I heard some crashes..."
Mumbo stared at the elderly woman with a literal dropped jaw.
"Your secret weapon is a cat lady?"
"Sorry dude," came a voice behind him, "that's me."
He reeled around and a hairy, green gorilla arm smashed his bulging eyes.
—
A feeble old man was dragged through the doors with both of his hands cuffed behind his back. He looked away to hide a welt on his forehead and mumbled something over and over. As he was led through the crowd, he his eyes rested on the Titans standing off to the side.
He suddenly threw himself forward to them.
"How did you loosen yourself from my Hands, Mutt?"
Beast Boy sneered. "Duh, Houdini… Hands can't scream for help. And you were a little bit busy at the time that my master plan went to work."
The geezer managed one look of surprise and hatred before he was thrust from the street into the back of the police van. Several officers followed behind with small piles of floppy, lifeless gloves and dumped them into a large steel box.
As the car spurred to life and took off with the felon in the back, the Titans faced one another and were forced to crack a smile.
"I can't believe we just bluffed Mumbo into screwin' up," Cyborg said behind a smile. "When the whole con started up, I had no idea how we were ever going to get away with it."
Robin simpered. "To tell the truth, neither did I. It wasn't until about halfway through that I even saw that Beast Boy had gotten loose."
"It was nothing. I was just workin in my silent op mode," the changeling said with a dramatic glance around him. "It was hunt or be hunted. And I totally hunted his sorry butt."
"I agree," Starfire beamed. "Beast Boy's angry talents certainly took possession of Mumbo!"
"…"
Raven cleared her throat. "Yeah… ok… Beast Boy owned the magical moron and all that…" Raven said. "Let's go now."
"Hold your hood, little lady," Cyborg interjected, "I say we mark this victory with a feast fit for champions."
The team stared at his one raised eyebrow.
"Alright, alright… Let's go for pizza," Robin said giving in.
"Woah, woah! I'm the Most Valuable Beast of the day! Don't I get a say in anything?"
Silence.
Beast Boy sheepishly looked away. "Whatever, lets get pizza…" He looked back suddenly and quickly added, "I'm sure everyone will enjoy the old-fashioned tofu and extra cheese toppings we'll be ordering when we get there…"
Cyborg grimaced.
"Oh, Hell NO! We are not about to waste time and money on—"
"Dude! They're like practically related to me—"
"I don't care if you've freakin' dated them, it's just some—"
The voices trailed off as the two walked away in heated debate.
"Brats," Raven muttered.
The remaining three took their time in following Beast Boy and Cyborg down the street as the sun slowly began to dip into the horizon.
—
They walked in like any average customers would. One normally doesn't see a group of five oddly-dressed teenaged superheroes enter random pizza places; at least, not without some sort of hysteria following close behind. But there they were: Titans.
Of course, people started softly murmuring when they walked in. A small bevy of girls in the corner giggled and admired from afar. Several older citizens smiled and mumbled to each other nostalgically. A few males in the room stared out of the corner of their eyes, but none of them whistled; they knew better.
The five settled down in a booth a couple of tables away. Even then, they were easy to listen in on; they did little to hide their voices.
"I'm telling you, man, don't worry about it," Cyborg declared. "There's nothing we could do to find where those robots came from anyway: no clues were found at the scene or on the bots."
"Still, we should be investigating the possibilities. There's no telling what could be brewing next and we have no clue what the probable targets could even be!" Robin answered.
"Robin," Starfire began, "we shall look into the matter thoroughly, but in the mean time, we should enjoy the relative peace we have."
"—besides, whining sure isn't going to help anything," Raven stated, looking out through the window of the pizza place.
The Titans looked at her; she didn't look back. Beast Boy broke out laughing, dripping soda water from his nose.
They were an interesting group. The rest of the customers—who never quite stopped their discussions about them the time they were there—certainly agreed. I didn't know much about them really and, frankly, I didn't care much either, but they were entertaining enough to examine in the plain restaurant.
The bestial one kept cracking jokes the entire time. In them, the rest of the team seemed to find some mild satisfaction, except the goth, who just looked out the window or at the others. The orange alien ordered a large bottle of mustard. (What the hell?)
The whole time, their conversation continued, meandering from topic to topic and, curiously enough, no one ever said quite what I expected them to.
After some time, I glanced away and out the window to see it had grown quite dark outside.
"Ma'am?" I turned in my booth and saw a bright red vest staring angrily back at me. "Miss, we've told you before," said the head a foot above the vest, "if you're not going to order anything than we're going to have to ask you to leave to make room for other patrons."
I got out of the booth and stared at him in the eyes. He was a full head taller than I was, but I could still feel him bend back to my challenge.
"Certainly."
I made to go on my way, but paused midstep. Turning, I handed him a quarter.
"Here's a tip for your patience."
He quizzically frowned as the coin shimmered colorfully in his palm.
I walked passed the Titans, through the restaurant, and out the establishment. As I crossed the parking lot, I stopped and turned back. At that moment, a small flash and a girlish shriek came from the pizza parlor.
He wasn't hurt: I knew how to give it just enough juice to feel like a bad carpet burn.
Doverie nikto.
—
He looked like any average, middle-aged man: average height, average build, no scars, no distinguishing characteristics. Nothing to make anyone look twice in his direction. But he was looking at me.
"Hello, sweetie. I've missed you ever so much." The 'R' in "ever" was thick and rolled, full of an unspoken smugness. His hand never left the shoulder of the young boy in front of him. "We were worried about you two."
People walked between us and around us, but our eyes were deadlocked; the passing world was meaningless. Gaze still unbroken, he took a couple of steps forward.
"Now be good little children and follow orders…"
Never leaving the boy in front of him, he came closer until I could clearly see the stubble across his chin. A curt smile revealed a row of clean, sharp teeth.
I curled my fingers around the nunchaka in my waistline.
"Ya tebe ne doveryayoo," I spat through clenched teeth.
"I don't care if you don't trust me, you will follow my orders if you value your life and that of your little friend," his said while closing his grip on the young man's shoulder; the expression on his face revealed that the man was squeezing much harder than it appeared. "Poidyom so mnoy."
I shook my head angerly. "We're not going anywhere."
"Oh, but your peers would beg to differ."
What? I glanced around the harbor and saw what he was smiling about: the hot dog stand to my left, the park bench near the railing ahead, the fountain in the center of the plaza. They were posted.
"Now walk, suka," he practically growled in my ear, "wouldn't want those filthy Americans to get you now, would you?"
—
I was finally getting near home. Well, as much as the ground underneath a bridge can be considered a "home." The street where I walked was dark and almost entirely devoid of life; people in the neighborhood seemed to know better than to spend any more time outside after dark than was necessary.
Sighing, I thought over the events of the day. It had been fairly calm, and largely uneventful; in fact, nothing interesting had even happened—
Suddenly, I was yanked aside.
It took me awhile to realize that somebody was actually clutching me from behind and holding a hand over my mouth. "Don't struggle, Gorgeous, and everything'll go smoother…"
He forcefully whipped me around, threw me up against an alley wall, and pressed a switchblade up to my throat. He appeared to be in his mid-to-late twenties, with medium stature and a face not even a mother could love. Other than rough, features, I really couldn't make much else out of his appearance.
"What's a little girl like you doing walkin' around this late?" he slurred. "You know, there are lotsa bad people 'round here…"
Was he serious?
"Why don't you do what I say, and we both might leave here a little happier..."
In spite of my peril, I couldn't help but crack a smile at the line. He was serious… "Anything you say, sir," I replied innocently.
"Really?" he remarked with a raised eyebrow.
"I'll obey. Trust me."
"Good girl." He nodded, put down the blade, and reached for my scarf with his right hand.
I caught his hand with my left, now with a stone look on my face. Twisting his wrist to the left, I unfurled my nunchaka with free right hand. I struck the first link on the base of his neck and the rest lashed behind his head, leaving the third link in perfect position to smash his nose. While still gripping his wrist, I gave him a sharp kick in the ribs then plowed through his chest with a kick that sent him flying into the opposite wall.
I took one step towards his groaning body and peered down. My mind went dizzy with consideration of each of the ways I could end his life. So many possibilities...
"Doverie nikto."
Trust nobody.
I walked the rest of the way home uneventfully.