The village hadn't changed a bit, not that Craig had imagined that his departure had destroyed the place. He felt locked between past and future, sitting beside his Irish girlfriend while looking at all the old familiar places through the window of the taxi. Every single spot reminded him of John Paul, but he tried his hardest to just focus on the memories of the two of them as friends. Because that was why he had come back - to look after an old friend.

And nothing more.

"Craig! There you are! Jack just told me about your text. Welcome home, sweetie!"

Frankie Dean greeted her youngest son in front of the Dog and held him tight, before going towards his girlfriend, arms wide open. "And Donna! Oh, darling you look even more beautiful than the last time I saw you."

"Hi Frankie," Donna said. "I'm not the only one that's looking great!"

Craig smiled. Donna really was great with his mother, his whole family actually. Though she had never come with him to Hollyoaks before, she had met them all several times in London at Debbie's. Frankie adored her, Jack was impressed by her, Jake and Darren loved her and both Steph and Debbie wanted to be her. When they were all together it seemed to fit. And the Deans and Osbournes had all silently agreed that everything that happened during Craig's last summer in Chester was a finished chapter, not needed to be mentioned. Even Darren had managed to keep his big mouth shut.

They stepped inside the pub which was its usual crowded and noisy self.

"Oi, Craig and Donna!" Jack shouted from behind the counter and placed two bottles of lager on the desk. "Welcome back, son," he said, smiling broadly and was about to walk away to serve another customer when Craig grabbed his arm. He made sure that neither Debbie nor his mother was listening before he leant in and whispered: "Any news?"

Jack shook his head sadly and Craig felt the same nausea rising again. "Your mother will probably try to keep you occupied," his stepfather informed. "She's not happy that I called you and caused a bit of a row."

Craig nodded distractedly. He could only think of one thing - how to sneak off to the hospital. And it was soon revealed that he wouldn't get an immediate opportunity; his mother insisted on making them dinner, and then they had to eat, and then it was tea. Frankie and Donna kept chatting and chatting while Craig restlessly checked his watch. He finally figured that there would be no opportunity at all and quickly arose, excusing himself.

"Craig honey? Where are you going?" his mother asked.

"Um, going out for a little walk?" Craig tried, not turning to look at them. He shut his eyes tightly when he heard Donna saying that she wanted to come with.

"Actually Donna, I'm a bit…um…tired after this day, so I really just want to be alone for a while…"

"Nonsense son!" Frankie exclaimed. "Take that wonderful girl with you and show her around!"

"No, really Frankie, it's okay," Donna said, squeezing Craig's hand. "We see each other all the time, so I understand him perfectly." She looked up at him and smiled. The look his mother gave him though, could probably kill small creatures. He couldn't make himself smile reassuringly, just left the flat and headed downstairs.

He borrowed Jack's car and drove like an insane to the hospital. He had explained to Donna that his mother never approved of his friendship with John Paul (it wasn't entirely untrue) and practically demanded her not to talk about that or why they had come back, even though it was obvious that Frankie knew. He felt safe that his earlier affair would not be an issue between the two women. Getting there, he hastily parked the car in front of the hospital, not caring about the fact that it would be a hell for the owners of the cars parked next to him to maneuver their way out. After asking a nurse he was directed to the right floor. He stopped outside the waiting room to catch his breath. Now what?

What would he see? What should he say? Standing there, it dawned on Craig that he really didn't have a clue what he was doing there. But he didn't feel like he had the time to worry about that now, he just needed to get inside and see… When he saw, maybe then he would know…

All the McQueen women were spread all over the waiting room. Carmel and Michaela were sleeping leaning towards each other. Tina was reading and Mercedes and Jacqui had a quiet conversation in a corner; Craig couldn't see Myra anywhere. The three sisters that were awake looked up at the unexpected sound of the door opening and closing. Seeing the brown haired man, they all looked shocked. Their mouths opened and they all just stared at him. "Craig…" Tina whispered.

Before he got to say anything, Mercedes had gotten to her feet and he didn't even see her move before he was pushed into the wall next to the door. Her eyes were like a lightning, burning into him.

"What the HELL are you doing here? Huh?"

Jacqui had arisen too, and were now standing right behind her sister, her arms crossed and with equally piercing eyes.

"Well, well, well. What have we here? Which rat brought this into town?" she spat.

Craig started to sweat. The McQueen sisters were not someone anyone wished to provoke. "Please," he begged with a trembling voice. "I just want to-"

"What?" Mercedes shouted. "Want to come back here and mess our John Paul about again? Well you can forget about that you little toad rat. The only thing you can do is to say your final goodbyes, and I won't even allow you to do that!"

"Mercy!" Carmel shouted. The outbursts had awoken the other sisters and they were all standing around here now, watching him. Craig could hear violent sobs coming from Michaela. Jacqui looked furiously at Mercedes. "You stupid cow! Look what you've done! No one's gonna die here, okay?" She placed a comforting arm around her crying little sister, before looking at Craig again. "Well, at least not our John Paul… This pile of shit though…"

"Let him be, girls."

Myra's voice was harsh and strict. She had obviously come out from what Craig thought was John Paul's room. The girls obeyed and sat down, all except Mercedes who was still forcing him up against the wall. "Don't think so, mum," she said through gritted teeth, not once looking away from his face. Myra came up to them and placed an arm on her shoulder. "Sit down, Mercy."

To Craig's great relief the young dark haired woman finally released her grip on him and stepped away. Their mother stepped in front of him.

"What do you want here?"

He shuddered by the cold look in this usual warm woman's eyes and started to rub the back of his head. "I just want to see him," he said, looking down on the floor.

"Why?"

It was an easy question without an easy answer. Why did he so desperately see John Paul?

"I-I-I-" he stuttered. "I-I don't know- I mean- It's not- Well, we were close once, and-"

"And you treated him like shit," Myra said, her voice dripping with disgust. "Do you have a guilty conscience, Craig? Is that why you turn up so suddenly?"

Craig felt his heart sink and opened his mouth to answer but she raised a hand, signaling that she was not finished.

"If you think that I would let you go any near my son again then think again. Not now and not if… When he wakes up. Have I made myself clear?"

He couldn't answer. Her words stabbed him like knifes.

"Good," Myra said, but of course she didn't sound very pleased. "Now get out before I change my mind and allow my Mercedes to beat the hell out of you."

There was nothing more to say. Eleven pair of eyes, all filled with hatred, watched him as he turned and left.

Craig didn't go home. He did what he usually did when life didn't go his way - he found a place where he could get hammered undisturbed, choosing a pub on the other side of town where he was certain not to see any familiar faces.

No beer tonight. Whiskey. That was the key.

He didn't expect that kind of reaction from John Paul's family. Not at all. And what the hell was he going to do now? Returning to Dublin without having seen John Paul was not an option. He needed to see him. How dared they?! Refusing their brother and son's best mate entrance?

Best mate… He snorted. Yes, he and John Paul had been best mates once. But they had also been so much more. They had been boyfriends, lovers, hell - they had almost moved in together, and not just as flat mates either. Craig had thought he had found out which one of the "John Pauls" he had returned home for - his best friend, without doubt. But being confronted with the hospital and his family, the grief in their eyes, not to mention all of the memories floating in the air, he wasn't so sure anymore.

The barman brought him another whiskey and Craig supported his head in his hands, feeling as if all life had been drained from the very earth. Since John Paul left him at the airport almost a year ago, he hadn't been able to cry. No tears had come, even when he wanted them to. He still couldn't cry. He just couldn't get close enough to his feelings, it seemed. They were locked away somewhere, deep buried in the never ending hole in his heart. Hearing Jack say that John Paul was in a coma and possibly never waking up, had shocked him. But at the same time the terrible information had withdrawn him from reality even more - he just wasn't present. Not in Dublin, not in Hollyoaks.

The time flew by, the whiskey kept coming and he ignored the worried text messages from Donna. When the alcohol started to have the wanted effect on him, he lowered his guard and allowed his thoughts to drift back to the summer before; the summer when he had a secret relationship with his best mate.

Those blue eyes…

Craig remembered the first time he seriously told John Paul that he loved him. He had never seen his eyes a more intense shade of blue, than just then.

His smile… His laugh…

He chuckled to himself thinking about the time Jack had practically barged in on the two of them in bed. John Paul had quickly hid beneath the covers making Jack believe that he really was Sarah. They had shared a laugh remembering the situation several times. Even though it hurt John Paul like hell to be a dirty little secret, he was still able to laugh about it. That was just the kind of person he was. Or maybe it was just because he loved Craig so much. And Craig loved him. Had JP ever really believed that?

Because I did - with all of my heart, I loved you.

Another glass of whiskey was placed in front of him and Craig emptied it in one drop. Then he paid the barman and headed home, driving drunk but not caring. Everyone in the flat had luckily gotten to bed and he went to the bathroom to brush his teeth ten or twenty times - if Donna found out he had been driving in this state, hell would follow.

Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was his heart, or maybe another powerful source - for the first time in almost a year, Craig looked deep into his own eyes reflected in the mirror and broke the ritual: "I'm coming back tomorrow."

It was morning and his head felt like the little drummer boy had settled in there in a bad mood; it hurt like hell. The summer was on its way but Craig felt ice cold, probably because he had been sitting on the bench outside the hospital for two whole hours now, just keeping his eye on the main entrance. He was waiting for something; a solution, a good idea. He had figured that sooner or later one of the McQueen sisters had to come out on her own, and then he would have his chance - they were easier to get through to when they weren't together with joined forces. Craig needed an allied within the clan and just hoped that the first sister coming out alone wouldn't be Jacqui or Mercedes. The two of them would probably punch his teeth out faster than he could say "I'm not gay." The ultimate would have been Carmel - she was sweet and romantic and probably not the most intelligent person in Chester. Yes, Carmel would be easy to get on his side, Craig thought and tried to keep himself from shivering.

Another twenty minutes passed before a familiar blonde caught his eye as she walked towards the entrance. It wasn't Carmel but could it be…?

"Hannah!" Craig jumped to his feet.

Hannah Ashworth turned at the sound of her name and looked shocked by what she saw: Craig Dean practically galloping towards her. "Craig?!" she said in surprise as he embraced her in a choking hug.

"My god, how long?" she then asked when he released her.

"About a year or so," Craig said. They smiled in silence for a little while before Hannah's face got serious. Suddenly he noticed how tired she looked and how the smile hadn't reached her eyes. "Guess you're back because of John Paul," she said.

Craig rubbed the back of his head. "Yeah, Jack called me yesterday. Got here as fast as I could."

"It's devastating seeing him like that or what?" Hannah said, tears filling her eyes.

"I haven't seen him."

"What? Why?"

He smiled bitterly. "Guess."

"Ah. His female relatives aren't your biggest fans, or what?"

"That's a bit of an understatement," Craig said and sighed. "I knew that they after… everything that happened, probably wouldn't greet me with open arms, but I didn't expect this kind of rage."

Hannah smiled sadly and knowingly. "The McQueens aren't the most forgiving family in the village. You should have seen what they did to Sonny Valentine when he came crawling back!"

Craig's eyes widened. "What? Is Sonny back?"

She nodded. "I'll tell you about it later," she said and grabbed his arm. "The sisters are back in about half an hour."

"What? They're not here?" Craig asked.

"They've stopped spending the night. Only Myra's here now," she explained. "I'll get her to come with me for a cup of coffee, while you sneak in."

He stopped and looked at her in astonishment. "Hannah, why are you doing this? Everyone else surrounding John Paul, seems to hate my guts."

She turned on her way up the stairs and looked back at him. "I'm surprised you haven't asked, but John Paul and I really managed to plaster our friendship back together when I got out from the clinic."

Craig looked down on the floor, feeling guilty about the fact that he hadn't asked Hannah how she had been, knowing that she was dealing with a heavy eating disorder when he left the village.

"You look great…" he tried.

She laughed. "It's okay, Craig. But my point is that he's my best friend now. I'm one of the few he has confided in about his feelings for you. You broke his heart, Craig, you really did. And I'm not impressed about the way you treated him either. But I'm not here to give you a lecture, or to question your sexuality or whatever. Knowing John Paul, I think he would appreciate that you at least stopped by."

He didn't know what to say. Her words were neither comforting nor hurting, they were simply true. Separating by a soda machine not far from John Paul's room, he looked at her intensely.

"Thank you."

"Just don't tell anyone - his mother and sisters will kill me!" Craig watched her as she walked away and wondered what this tough and confident girl had done to the Hannah Ashworth he once knew.

After a short space of time he could see the two women walking towards the stairs, Hannah turning her head and signaling "15 minutes" to him. Impatiently he waited until they were out of sight before he headed to the room he felt inexplicable drawn to, together with a sudden fear of what he would see.

"Just take it easy," he reminded himself. "And no matter how the situation is, just…don't."

Taking a deep breath, Craig Dean opened the door in front of him and stepped inside.