Oh why do we keep holding on with nothing left to hold on to? Let's be honest with each other, that's the least that we can do. I feel guilty when they envy me and you. We're holding on with nothing left to hold on to.- Dolly Parton

Mary sat in her office going over the budget reports before her meeting with Ed Schroeder, the station manager. The morning at home hadn't been much better than the night before. She and Lou barely spoke before he headed out for a morning meeting at the paper. Her schedule allowed her to take the children to school most days and her mother picked them up. Normally her personal and professional life gave her equal satisfaction but lately she found the office a welcome distraction, when she could concentrate, that is. A knocked on the door caused her to look up from her papers.

"Come in." She said

A pretty blonde about thirty five stuck her head in, "Hi, Mary."

"Sarah, what are you doing here?" Mary asked surprised to see her stepdaughter

"I was running some errands downtown and thought I would stop in and see you, if you're not too busy." She explained

"Well, sit down." Mary said, "I'm glad you stopped by but I am pretty busy, I have a meeting to prepare for."

"Oh, well, I won't stay long," Sarah told her taking a seat in the chair opposite her, "Actually I was a little worried after you called last night. What time did Dad come home?" She

Mary looked down for a moment, "I didn't mean to upset you. He got home a little while after I called you." She didn't want to tell Sarah what had really happened. She had become close to Lou's daughters but she felt there was a line she shouldn't cross

"Oh, good," Sarah said smiling, "You sounded strange on the phone. I thought something might have been wrong." She had been married long enough to know that sound in a wife's voice

"No, nothing, I just forgot that he had told me he would be late. You know, with the kids and everything, it just slipped my mind." She said nervously

"Boy, I know how that is. So we're still on for shopping with the girls on Saturday?" Sarah asked getting up to leave, "I think Janie and Melissa are going too. Steve will join the guys for the game." She said referring to Lou's middle daughter and her husband

"That's great, it'll be fun." Mary said, "You know what, why don't you all come to our house and we'll have a cookout after we get back from shopping?"

"That sounds good, if you don't think Dad won't mind changing plans." Sarah asked standing at the door

"Mind?" Mary said, "It will give him an excuse to fire up the grill."

Sarah laughed, "Then we'll see you Saturday about 10?"

"That sounds good," Mary said with a smile, "You know, I'm really glad you stopped by."

"Me too," Sara said then turned, put her hand on the door knob but turned back again, "Mary."

"Yes?" Mary asked looking up from the papers she had returned her attention to

"My dad really loves you," She assured her, "you know."

Mary smiled as something known but unspoken passed between them, "I know."

That night as Mary cleared the dishes Lou read the paper. The kids had cooperated and were taking their baths. After starting the dishwasher she joined Lou in the living room, hoping to talk, not necessarily about the growing gulf between them, but about anything, for the first time in days.

"Well, the dishes are in the wash and with any luck, so are the kids," She said upon entering the room

"Hmmm." Lou said without looking up

She sat next to him on the couch, "So, I talked to Sarah and we thought it would be a great idea for everyone to come over here Saturday. We girls will go shopping and you guys can stay here and watch the games. Then we can have a cookout that night."

Lou groaned looking up from his paper, "Here?" he asked, "Great that means after they leave we'll have to spend the rest of the evening cleaning up."

"I thought you would enjoy firing up the grill. We haven't had everyone over in a long time." She said

He turned his attention back to the paper, "It's just such a hassle."

"Spending time with your family is a hassle?" Mary asked

"You know what I mean, the food, cleaning up." He explained

"Why are you acting like this?" She asked

"Like what?" Lou asked, "I just wish you wouldn't go changing plans we have without asking me. Is that to much to ask?"

Mary looked down at her hands, "I'm sorry if it upsets you."

He put the paper down, "Well, it's already done, don't worry about it."

Mary took a deep breath, "Lou.." She began

"Mommy!" She heard Sam calling from down the hall

Mary got up and crossed the room to walk down the hall. She turned back and looked at Lou whose back was to her. She wanted so much to get to the bottom of this but the words seemed to stick in her throat. She headed down the hall to check on Sam.

Mary was asleep when Lou finally came to bed. He had intentionally waited until he was sure she would be asleep, he didn't want to have to talk or possibly argue again. He quietly changed into his pajamas and got into bed. He watched her sleep. She was turned on her side and the moonlight coming through the window illuminated her profile. She was still so beautiful, he thought, so why is it now so hard to love her like I should? How could explain his feelings to her when he didn't understand them himself?

Mary stirred and shifted onto her back. She opened her eyes and looked over at him, "Hold me?" She asked quietly

Lou took her in his arms and they drifted off to sleep

TBC…An awkward family gathering and will Mary break her rule and confide in her stepdaughters?