DISCLAIMER: I OBVIOUSLY DONT OWN ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS STORY; CHARACTERS OR OTHERWISE -THIS IS A RE-IMAGINATION OF AN EXISTING WORLD - EVERYTHING BELONGS TO A MRS STEPHENIE MEYER
***this is my very first fan fiction story and also my very first attempt at creative writing. I am in every sense an amateur and all comments, guidance and constructive criticism are welcome***
…NOT WORKING! I couldn't clear my mind, not even close. I sat up and threw my covers back. I started rubbing my eyes with my palms. I hopped out of bed got down on my hands and knees and lifted a loose floorboard. I felt around for a folded picture and threw it on my desk. Pulled up my chair and stared at it. Sure enough it was him, perfect Edward staring back at me. I felt blank, why wasn't I suddenly overcome with want and obsession? Any other day I would have felt completely alone knowing he had left me in the night. I would have felt guilty for asking him to stay with me when I knew he didn't sleep. But in this moment I wasn't worried in the least. I knew no matter what he would be waiting for me out side my house at 8 leaning on his Volvo. I could have woken up screaming I LOVE JACOB BLACK! And still there he'd be with some lengthy eloquent speech about how he didn't care because he would stay with me regardless because without me his life had no meaning…unless of course it wasn't what I wanted then he would make himself disappear. I'd heard it 1000 times before and normally this sort of dedication would have tugged at my heart-strings or made my head spin but right now it kind of seemed absurd. I stared at his picture and it was as though some sort of smoke had cleared and I could finally see Edward's flaws...or lack there of.
My eyes lingered on the portrait for another moment then I spun around leaned over to my nightstand, open the drawer and pulled out a folded letter. Though the letter was nothing to smile about I couldn't help but grin. This letter seemed so odd to me. I couldn't picture Jacob towering over a pen and paper and writing a letter. It didn't seem like his style. I studied the paper. His writing was exactly what I would have expected it to look like, a messy scrawl but the words were well thought out. Jacob always had a way of saying things, unapologetic but kind and true, always true. It wasn't always the perfect thing to say but it always made me feel better. He always said exactly what was on his mind and was rarely judgmental. The only exception to these rules had occurred after his change, which I had to forgive him for because he had some pretty legitimate reasons to be upset. I preferred to imagine him saying the things that he wrote down in this letter because it bothered me that he wasn't able to say them to my face. We always had an honest relationship. I was never afraid to tell him anything because I knew he would understand. I thought Jacob felt that way about me, but this letter spoke otherwise. I picked up the letter and the picture and sauntered back over to my bed and sat on the edge.
I needed to see Jacob. I needed to see him as soon as possible, but how? Edward had made it clear that I wasn't allowed to go and visit him in La Push but Jacob wasn't taking my phone calls. Knowing Jacob he was probably testing to see if Edward would let me on their land. Edward and I had failed the test. How long would it take me to convince Edward to let me take a trip down there… a few days if at all? I didn't have that kind of time. It suddenly occurred to me that each passing hour that I didn't see Jacob was an hour he was moving on, accepting the fact that I had chosen Edward and tossed him to the side. Yes I had tried many times to call him, but that wasn't enough, not after what he'd done for me. Tonight was out of the question, it was almost 2:30 the truck would wake Charlie and the late night visit would test even Billy's slack visiting hours. Tomorrow I worked and had agreed to study math with Edward after and if I bailed it would raise suspicion. Though our study session would be easy enough to get out of I had a feeling Edward would be close by making sure I was out of danger. I thought long and hard, I was beginning to feel trapped and I didn't like it. I was 18 and capable of making my own decisions, it shouldn't be this hard to plan a trip across town to see my best friend.
I thought for another minute. Maybe Jacob was on patrol tonight? I knew that Sam had drawn the borders back but something told me Jacob would be keeping tabs on my neighbourhood. I wasn't sure what it was that made me pull a hoodie over my pyjamas and walk out the back door but I was desperate.