Scarlett went down the long flight of stairs and walked through the house desperately trying to figure out what to do. She paced through the house until her mind was raw. She couldn't settle on a solid place to begin...
I know she thought to herself, I will have a drink and that will ease and open my mind.
She knew her servants watched the decanter of Brandy in the large dining room and that is why she cleverly hid others in places she thought terribly clever. One was in a guest room rarely used an inner closet of a closet. There was one Rhett kept in his closet too... Rhett's room... She went there often when he left because the mere presence of him was intoxicating. The smell of his cologne the smell of him...She longed for his smell on her. She retreated and would think in some peace and quiet away from the sound of...nothing. She was surrounded by quiet whether she wanted it or not. As she approached Rhett's room she faltered. She knew he wasn't in there, she could just walk in.
No, I am not ready yet... I need my journal.
She walked away from the door back down the hall to her room and retrieved her journal from the desk and a pen and some ink. Then returned to the room where her husband had spent so much and yet so little time...
She touched the cold handle of the door and felt a shiver run down her spine and through her whole body. She closed her eyes and slowly opened the door. She inhaled deeply and felt her body rise and her head get light...
A single tear escaped her closed eye as her senses were overwhelmed. She closed the door behind her and went to the closet and opened the door. Inside she saw a large red, velvet chair that she had sat in so many times before. She put the lamp and her journal down on the small table beside the chair and went back and closed the door of the closet. She looked around and saw most of Rhett's clothes still hanging. She walked around in the closet gently running her fingers across the fabric. She saw one of his night robes hanging there in the dim lit room. She ran her fingers down the amazingly soft fabric. She took out the handkerchief from the pocket within the folds of her night robe and inhaled it as she looked at the robe. Then the tears flowed freely again... She unhooked the clasps of her robe and let it slowly fall to the floor. Then she slid the straps of her night dress off her shoulders and let it fall to the floor revealing her naked body. She stepped out of the mound of the fabric at her feet and took Rhett's robe and wrapped her tiny frame in his robe enveloped in the smell of him, all that was left of him to her and with time that too would be gone... Returning the handkerchief to her face she walked back over to the seat and curled up in the chair. She poured herself a drink from the decanter Rhett had left on the small night table and drank deeply. She felt the rush of the heat spread through her and the smell of Rhett all around her and she was lifted to another level. She opened the book and prepared to write...
Rhett arrived in Charleston late it had already been dark for several hours. He figured he would go to the house of his mother. He was a bit grateful that it was dark. He didn't want people to see him coming with bags and things. He had always known of the death dealing blows of gossip and now he cared about what people thought, so while it was not of importance to him in the past, he wanted approval now. Before he didn't care two cents what people said about him, but this time was going to be different.
As he approached the door he took a deep breath and knocked on the door. Eleanor Butler had been passing on her way up the stairs when she heard the knock at the door.
She paused briefly as Manigo her butler went to the door to answer. She saw the form at the door and could not believe her eyes!
"Rhett!" she breathed and caught her breath in her throat.
"It can't be..." she thought out loud in a tone just above a whisper.
"Good evening M'ist Butler, wasn't 'spectin to see you 'round these parts." Manigo said.
Eleanor returned down the stairs and said "Rhett darling you've returned home at last!" With arms outstretched she went to her most loved son.
"Mama!" he said warmly and fell upon her neck. She embraced her son for what seemed an eternity.
Manigo took Rhett's bags and walked past the happy reunion to take his bags to his old room.
Eleanor stood tearfully embracing her son and stroking his bent head and neck. "Oh my son, I can not believe you are here in my arms. At last. Oh how I have missed you my dear."
Rhett breathed in the smell of his mother. He at once felt as if he was a little boy again and his mother was comforting him because he had scraped up his knees. Then tears began to slip from his eyes.
"Come my dear" she said in a way so tender that only a mother can to her most beloved son.
They walked together to the drawing room and Rhett pulled himself together. He could not openly weep before his mother. She would worry to no end. He pulled out a handkerchief and wiped his eyes before his mother could see.
They took a seat in the drawing room and began to talk.
"My dear I am so happy you have returned to me. How are you? Where is Scarlett?"
Rhett caught his breath, he knew he was going to have to face that question, he did not figure it would be the second question out of his mother's mouth...
"I am well enough under the circumstances..." he began. "Scarlett," he continued "decided to stay in Atlanta. She has a business there and can not leave it. I needed to get away from Atlanta, the memories are just too much for me to bear and I really miss my..." his voice trailed off.
"Shhhhh, I know darling. Don't worry. You can stay here just as long as you need to in order to heal." She could see how much pain he was in over Bonnie and decided not to bring up Scarlett or Atlanta anymore. She moved closer to her son and embraced him once again.
"I am going to make it up to you mama...Everything. The time I was away, the shame I caused..." His voice trailed off. "Everything," he looked up into his mother's eyes and saw the shining love and made a solemn promise to try to undo all the damage he had done.
"Now, now Rhett, don't fret" she said with a smile in her voice. He had heard her say that so many times before. It felt good to be home. It felt right. He was right to come home. Here he felt safe. With his mother's love nothing could touch him. He would become strong again. The first thing he wanted though was a drink to relax...
She could sense that her son wanted to go up and relax, "Come dear, come upstairs and rest your things and relax."
He followed his mother up the stairs and she left him at his door. He bent down and kissed her on the cheek and hugged her once more. "I love you mama."
"I know. I love you too dear."
"I never told you enough..." he said honestly. "I love you" he said again.
"And I love you my son. Good night."
"Good night."
He closed the door softly behind him and saw his night clothes laid out on the bed and his bag resting by the bureau. The only thing left in it was his journal and some papers the pen and ink. He took the things out and put them in the drawer of the desk in his room.
He changed his clothes and sat at the table with a lamp lit. The room was very dim and he looked at a blank page of the book in front of him and could only stare at it. Next to the lamp there was brandy and a glass. He poured a drink and downed the first glass in only two swallows. He poured a second. He looked again at the pages.
Scarlett...Scarlett. How could you... Didn't I love you enough? Wasn't I enough? Melly said you loved me. If you did...oh if only you did... Why could it not be me that you want to come to? Why could it not be my voice you hear in your head? How could it be that it is not me you want intertwined with your body? I will get you out of my head! I will never be enslaved to you again! I will never be this weak man over you again...Not ever. Not ever. Not ever...
He kept repeating those words over and over to himself as if each word was a brick and he was building a wall. Over and over he kept repeating. Was he making himself stronger? Only time would tell.
I have so much to do he changed the subject. I have to try to win over this old town. How do I even begin? Maybe I will restore this old house to the glory it used to have... Yes I believe so. But first I must make myself visible again. I will ask mother what she suggests. I really do not know. I do know that I have to think of a way to make my money look clean or else no one will accept what I am going to do...
Dunmore landing, I want to make that beautiful too...
Maybe I will start a business.
Ugh, I can't believe she went to him when I was in jail and married that Frank...and practically stole that store, and that mill. Then joined that Ashley Wilkes to her like a...That's it! Miss Ashley. Julia. Julia Ashley.
She has an amazing head. She also has land out by Dunmore Landing. I can see what she is doing, maybe I can figure a way to do a business including the landing and I will be doing two things at once. I can find out from her maybe next week.
Rhett closed the book happy that he had thought of something. So he finished his drink and prepared for a good nights sleep.
As Rhett slept his mind moved over his past life with Scarlett and he began turning to and fro and shaking his head...
Scarlett...no... Scarlett! No!
He woke up in a cold sweat. He had kicked his blankets off and was sitting up wondering what had happened.
The same thing that always happened...He would wake up in a fit, only to realize he had been having the same bad dream that he could never remember...Only Scarlett and the cold sweat and the irritation...
This only meant he needed another drink... Then perhaps she could be able to stop thinking about her.