Hey guys! It has been awhile since I updated this fic so I figured get this out now while it's still fresh in your mind.

This chapter is rather sad but sometimes that's the way it is.

It will get happier soon though.

For the first half of this chapter I recommend listening to Whatever You Became by Cold

Second half I recommend listening to Possibility by Lykke Li

Crash is not mine. Oc's are mine.

Enjoy

Chapter 1 Who am I?

Crash was sitting nonchalantly inside shop class. He really wasn't into building or any of that garbage, but he liked the fact that he got to use destructive tools, so he didn't really complain.

He gazed at the other students; all of them seemed to be getting in the mood, but Crash seemed to scowl at their overall cheerful behavior. Why did they all want to be happy in a world that had nothing darkness all around?

Crash jumped slightly when he felt Elkie touch his shoulder.

The bandicoot turned toward her; he barely talked to her anymore, so why did she want to talk to him all of a sudden?

"You seem depressed." She said, softly.

"Gee how could you tell?!" Crash asked, sarcastically.

"Crash, I may be blind but I am not stupid! You've been wallowing in self loathing for the past 3 three years! You're a completely different person!"

"I DON'T FUCKING CARE!" Crash screamed, jumping in front of the blind girl's face.

Everyone was now staring at him.

"Crash report to the office immediately; your getting more and more out of control!" The teacher demanded, pointing to the door.

Crash gave the teacher the finger before storming out of the classroom.

Elkie stared at the door with numb eyes.

"Crash, what happened to the kind bandicoot that came to my aid three years ago?" She whispered, softly.

"Miss Renner get back to your seat!" The teacher angrily demanded.

The girl sighed in defeat before she slinked back to her seat.

The rest day slowly ticked by until the final bell rang.

Elkie walked to her locker to gather her things; she was more than pleased that the weekend had come. She was distracted that she never noticed Curtis tap her shoulder. She yelped in surprise.

"It's only me." The older male said.

"Oh hi..." She said, quietly.

"You doing anything over the weekend?" He asked.

"I don't know yet." She answered, quietly.

"I was just wondering if you wanted to come to Jersey with me and my sisters this weekend."

Elkie turned her head when she thought she felt Crash's presence nearby.

"Curtis is Crash standing next to me?" She asked, hopefully.

"Why would he be; he hasn't talked to any us, besides Candy and Beau, for three years. So why would he now?"

"I don't know; maybe I was just being hopeful."

"So you gonna come?"

"I'm gonna pass." She said, quietly.

Curtis glared.

"Whatever..." He stormed off.

Elkie glared; he really wasn't any better than his sisters. She then decided to do what she should have done all those years ago... Go and talk to Crash.

Taking her cane she made her way out of the building. She remembered that Crash had moved in with some friends a little farther downtown and decided that it would be the best place to find him.

After about a half an hour Elkie came to the apartment building. Walking inside, she walked over to the front desk.

"Do you know if an orange bandicoot lives here?" She asked.

The man looked at her.

"Yes. There is a bandicoot that lives here. His apartment number is 987."

Elkie nodded her thanks as she made her way to the elevator.

After a short ride, she was on the ninth floor and slowly made her way down the hall. After she found a and ran her fingers along the room number to see that she had found the right apartment.

She knocked on the door loudly.

She heard the clicking of the door and Crash answered.

"Crash it's..."

But he immediately slammed the door right in her face.

Biting her lip she began pounding on the door.

"GO AWAY!" Crash snarled on the on the other side.

"Please let me in!" Elkie begged. "Don't shut everyone away like this!"

"I don't need anybody! I'm fine!" Crash growled.

"That's the problem, Crash! You're not fine! You're even more lonely than you realize!"

No answer.

"Crash... Come out here and talk to me!"

"No..."

"Well if you won't come out, then just listen to me..."

No answer.

"Crash... I know you are feeling a great amount of pain. I know that what had happened to Jan has really hurt you; and I know it's hurting you even more that you have no idea where your sister is... But Crash, you can't close yourself off like this; it's not healthy! There are still many people that are here right now that care about you. Don't you think that's worth something?" The blind girl said, tears flowing down her face.

Crash bit his lip to keep himself from crying, but he couldn't open his mouth to say anything.

"Crash are you listening?" Elkie asked, quietly.

No answer.

Elkie tried to choke back a sob as she came to the realization that Crash was not going to open the door.

"I take it your not going to open the door."

Elkie's words were getting deep into Crash's mind; but he still couldn't speak or move.

"Well I'm sorry Crash; I'm sorry I wasn't there to see how and why you became this way. I guess that's my own fault. I shouldn't have come here... I'm sorry."

Crash swallowed a sob as he could hear the sound Elkie walking away. He wanted to open the door and tell her everything he felt; but all he could do was stand there and do nothing.

Crash knew she was right. He was shutting away the people that were still around that cared about him. All because of his self loathing and guilt.

After about five minutes, Crash finally found the strength to move making his way to the bathroom. He looked in the mirror; he could see himself staring back with his bloodshot eyes. And for a second from the corner of his eyes, he thought he saw a hint of red behind him.

"Jan...?" He asked, looking behind him. Only there was nobody.

The bandicoot breathed heavily; of course Jan wasn't there. Jan was gone and all that was left was her shadow.

"I know you were only trying to do what you thought was best. I know you only did what you what did because you didn't want Cortex to use you to hurt me anymore; but when you left, why did you have to take a large part of me with you?" Crash asked, looking at the ground.

The shadows didn't answer.

"Everything I seemed to be, was taken when you left."

Again there was only silence.

Crash smiled sadly.

"I only wish that wherever you may be, that you're happy. I hope that you've finally taken flight, my flightless bird..."

He looked out the window, it started to rain again. It always seemed to rain.

He looked back into the mirror when he noticed tears streaming down his face; it was first time he had cried in three years.

Jan was gone and he had to except that. He couldn't hold out hope anymore.

"Crash old buddy..." He said to himself the sad smile still on his face. "What's happened to us?"

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