Eliana

"So you know him from before he was king, right?" I asked Isabela.

She gave me a sly look. "I do. Not as well as I would have liked to though. He's too much of a Chantry boy. But I'm thinking that might have changed since I knew him. The way he's been watching you makes me want to find some man and ride him like you would a ship in a storm." Isabela laughed and elbowed me.

"He hasn't been watching me. And what do you mean?" I asked.

"Well, when the ship's being tossed about you have to…" Isabela started, but I quickly cut her off.

"Not that! I meant why did you call him Chantry boy? He doesn't seem to like the Chantry much." I said taking a quick peek at him as he played cards with Anders, Varric, Fenris, Donnic, and of all things, Bowser, my mabari.

"Haven't you heard the tales of Ferelden's bastard king?" She asked. I shook my head and motioned for her to continue. "He was raised in the Chantry. Sent there when he was a kid. He would have been made a templar, but the Wardens recruited him. The king sent him and the Hero off to the tower to light the beacon or something like that. They survived the fight and went on to save the lands. All very heroic and lots of action later he's made king."

"So he was raised in the Chantry, but he doesn't like it?" I asked puzzled by this. Sebastian had been sent to the Chantry when he was younger and hated it. But now I didn't know anyone as devoted to it as he was. I glanced over at the Starkhaven prince as he sat with Aveline and some other guardsmen. He was watching me. He was always watching me. He made me nervous. Under all that pious exterior lurked a dangerous man. I often wondered how tightly reigned that other man was.

"From what I understand he did everything he could to keep from taking his vows." She shrugged. "This is boring though. I want to do something fun. Let's talk about the handsome men over there just waiting for us to come and pluck them up."

"Is sex all you ever think about?" Aveline asked moving to sit with us.

"No. Sometimes she thinks about ships." Merrill said defending Isabela. We all laughed and Isabela hugged Merrill.

"You are a treasure, kitten. Now back to the matter at hand. We need to find a way to convince the Champion here the king is interested. It's time for a royal throw down. She needs to take out his septor and see if it's as impressive as the armor makes it seem."

"Isabela! I'm supposed to be protecting the king. Not seducing him." I protested, though the thought of being in his arms had been crossing my mind.

"What better way to protect someone than to have them under you?" She laughed.

"You're awful!" I protested and was sure my cheeks were flushed.

"He has been watching you." Merrill said with a nod.

"Everyone watches me, Merrill. I'm the freaking Champion. And I'm dangerous." I sighed.

"He's not watching you like the others. He's watching you with those puppy dog eyes." Merrill said with a laugh as I frowned at her.

"He has been. Well, I don't know about puppy dog eyes, but I've noticed him appraising you more than a few times." Aveline smiled. "And speaking from personal experience, there is nothing more relaxing than a good man tending your…needs. Might do you a world of good."

We all stared at her open mouthed. "Did that really just come out of her mouth?" I asked shocked. Aveline didn't talk about her personal life. Ever.

"Well, well, well. Big girl's got a bit of a dirty mind after all!" Isabela laughed.

"Hanging around you all these years, it was bound to happen." Aveline laughed. "Don't mention it again, or I'll have to kill you."

"See? I'm handy to have around. Now then, Eli. I'll prove to you he wants you." Isabela said and held her hand out to me.

"I don't think I want proof. I'm good right here." I said quickly. I didn't want any of them to know how truly limited my experience was in this department.

My life had never been my own. There had never been a time I had been able to find someone to like, much less love. But as I looked back over at Alistair I wondered if maybe now I couldn't start looking. Not to him. He was a king after all. I might have a noble family and a new noble title, but I had no illusion to what I really was. And I was a far cry off from what he would want or need.

Despite the fact I knew all this I couldn't help but wonder what things would have been like if we had met under different circumstances. If I could be the Champion that the title implied. If I didn't feel like a phony. I had killed a man I respected to protect a woman I cared about. It hadn't been to save the city. It had been for her. Saving the city was an after thought. I had wanted them to leave with the relic but not Isabela. That was all.

I was struggling still with all the choices I had made and the major consequences of them. Every thing I did felt so weighted now. I missed that carefree teasing girl from six years ago who thought the world held possiblities and potential for her. I had wanted to be free and chose my own life. And now that I had it, I couldn't help but wish it was different.

I had failed so many times. In so many different ways. With Carver. With Bethany. With Mother. I felt lost. Everyone was looking to me to decide and help and I didn't feel up to it anymore.

Meredith was right. I hadn't even been able to protect my own mother. Who was I to be deciding anyone's fate? And now here was this handsome man, hoping to use my influence to secure what he needed for what had once been my home. I wanted desperately to find a safe place to hide. I wanted to give into the grief and doubts that were eating me alive. I just wanted it all to stop. For one day. One night. One minute even.

I looked at my companions. These were my family. These were the ones who loved me and stood by me even when they didn't like each other. I could do this because they loved and believed in me. The grief binding my heart loosened a bit and I could breath again. I wasn't alone. And for all my failures, I had done something right. They were proof of it.

"Well?" Isabela asked. I eyed her outstretched hand.

"What the Void? Let's get crazy for one night before the world turns to more chaos." I said giving in to the relief that the comfort of my friends around me gave me.

"And that's the girl we know and love." Aveline smiled at me. I took Isabela's hand and she tugged me to the corner of the room opposite from a band that was playing a lively tune. She drug me around until finally I gave in to her and stopped worrying about what I looked like. I let the music and laughter wash over me and sooth away more of the pain and doubt. Tonight I wouldn't look back. Tonight I wouldn't look forward. Tonight I was going to live in the moment.