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After walking for what felt like hours but was actually about ten minutes, Carrie reached the getaway car.
It had moved a good distance from the planned rendezvous point once news of the bombing broke.
Agent Fuller reached from the driver's seat to open the passenger side door, reaching to pull Carrie into the vehicle when it looked like she would walk right past it.
"Jesus are you alright? What the hell happened?"
Trembling, adjusting a sleeping Farrah in her lap, Carrie opened her mouth to answer but no sound came out. She didn't even know where to begin.
"Who the hell is the kid?
Buckling her seatbelt she turned to glare at him.
"Just fucking drive.", she hissed covering Farrah's ears. Agent Fuller thought better of saying anything else.
...
"Carrie, you are aware how risky it was bringing her here, right?"
Major Joy Mendez spat. Pacing the safe house study as Carrie stood, head bowed, in the center of the room.
"I'm aware."
"I don't even know what to say. You're practically second in command with the Agency. And your first time back in the field since you pull something like this?"
"Major, I didn't pull anything. I was protecting a child!"
"The child of our most wanted terrorist."
"Hadad's dead."
"Killing one man won't kill an idea. You know that better than anyone."
"What would you have done if you were me? Abandon an innocent girl in a sea of rubble and bodies?"
Shrugging, Joy perched on the end of the desk.
"I had to do this Major. What choice did I have? I am all Farrah has left."
"Carrie..."
"And what if I had left her behind. After her home is blown to bits an American she trusts turns her back on her? You know what kind of message that would that send?"
"But Carrie have you considered all the repercussions, what could happen, what will because of this? The Agency can only offer you so much protection!"
"Who's going to come after me? Fucking Child and Family Services? Farrah's parents are dead. Her two older brothers are off running around Amsterdam and probably don't even know she exists. She has no living grandparents, no aunts or uncles."
"So what, you're going to adopt her? Foster her?"
"I...I don't know! I haven't thought it that far through."
"Well you had better think quickly. We're supposed to be out the safe house tonight, fly home tomorrow."
"Yeah so I've heard.", Carrie sniffed, crossing her arms protectively in front of her.
This prompted Joy to stand and approach her, placing a hand on her shoulder in something resembling understanding.
"I do realize how difficult a position you were in. In answer to your question I don't know what I would've done. Probably the same thing."
"I didn't plan on this. I mean, I'd come to care for Farrah but I never-"
"I know. I do." Joy assured, getting a small nod.
"Listen I set up a conference with Saul for a half hour from now."
"Saul?", Carrie sputtered.
"Does he know everything?"
"He's been briefed. I think you should speak with him before you make any final decisions."
Shaking her head, now it was Carrie's turn to perch on the desk.
"Carrie he had to know."
"No I, I know. I just, I think I need some time to prepare here."
"Alright, I'll leave you alone."
"Wait, Major Mendez?"
"Yes?"
"Could you check in on Farrah for me?"
Nodding, Joy smiled.
"She is a sweet little girl. I understand why you came to care for her so much."
"Yeah, well.", Carrie smiled, awkwardly but with a hint of pride in her eyes.
Once alone, she grabbed her purse then her iPhone, untangling the earbuds before starting up a playlist.
Miles, Thelonious, even a little Coltrane. Barring booze it was her only hope of calming down before Saul's call.
Along with a few pictures stashed on the device.
Thumbing through them she smiled at images of her dad, Maggie, her nieces. Landing on the penultimate photo she bit her lip. Her thumb ghosting over his smiling face, her hyped up mind calmed enough to drift back.
They'd been in bed at her place and after she'd gotten up to refresh their drinks, Brody got a hold of her phone and took a few self portraits.
Some were innocent, most were inappropriate. Carrie eventually deleted them, too many people ran into stupid trouble because of things like that. But she'd kept a closeup of his face. Grinning, that sly gleam in his eyes.
He looked rakish and rogue, goofy and gentle all at the same time.
Sadly she thumbed to the last photo. One of the two of them. She was curled up on his shoulder wearing his shirt, laughing up at the camera not knowing as she was taking the shot, he was smiling down at her.
Gently, lovingly, sadly. She cherished it. It was her proof that they'd been there. Together. In that perfect, playful place even for a short while.
And it reminded her, reinforced for her that they'd made it there once. They'd be able to again. Someday.
That knowledge tucked in the back of her mind was about all that kept her functioning lately.
Longingly she looked at them a few minutes more. Then checking the time, realized her conference with Saul was soon.
Breathing in and out slowly, she drummed her fingers on the desk in time with the jazz until the song concluded.
More at ease, removing the headphones she sat behind the desk as Joy entered with the satellite laptop. Powering it on before placing it in front of her.
"Carrie are you there?"
"Yes, Saul."
Warily she watched him stare her down through the screen.
"So, the rumors are true?"
His tone was questioning, like he was hanging onto false hope this was all a big misunderstanding. Carrie hated correcting him.
"Yes."
"What the fuck were you thinking?"
He didn't yell, he sounded more disbelieving, disappointed. She didn't know which hurt worse.
"Saul..."
"I thought after everything with Brody, after we rebuilt the whole fucking agency, this kind of thing would be behind us. You throwing caution to the goddamn wind and nearly costing us everything."
"Saul c'mon."
"You asked to do this, Carrie. Remember? You barged into my office demanding to head up the task force. Saying over and over how you promised Brody you'd be the one to exonerate him."
"And you were probably banking on my failing miserably, right?", Carrie scoffed.
"Actually if anyone out there could pull it off, it'd be you."
Taking the compliment, small and out of context as it was, she softly smiled. Saul's frown stayed in place.
"But now, I don't know. You've gone and added a whole other level here, Carrie. For God's sake, bringing Hadad's child to a safehouse?"
"He's dead, Saul.", she bit back.
"And his child? Her name is Farrah, she's six years old, she's my student, and she has no one left but me. I wasn't about to let her fend for herself in the middle of a fucking war zone!"
From the look on Saul's face Carrie could tell her feelings weren't lost on him, but that he was in no mood to deal with emotional hangups. He'd crossed into that damage control mode she was all too familiar with.
"Listen, I'm about to get in touch with everyone of our known contacts in the area. See if they can assist, help us find some way out of this mess."
"Assist how?"
"We arrange for Farrah to go into the custody of a private citizen. Remove you from the situation involving her abduction entirely."
"Abduction?! Fuck, Saul! I don't have her bound and gagged in the basement!"
"A child disappears from her home in the company of a stranger. You got a better word for it?"
Carrie bit her lip.
"Carrie, I know you had good intentions."
"Yeah paved myself a whole new road to hell with them." she muttered. Saul chose to ignore it, waiting quietly for her to act intelligent instead of just smart with him.
"There's got to be an alternative to some stranger knocking on the door and dragging her off.", Carrie said sadly.
"Not unless you've got a different plan cooking."
The silence that followed was interrupted by a soft knock on the door that creaked open.
"Farrah?", Carrie called, forcing a smile on her face as the girl entered the study.
"Hi honey. You sleep well?"
Farrah shook her head and ran over, climbing onto Carrie's lap.
"Shhh, it's okay. It's okay."
Rubbing her back, Carrie kissed the top of her head.
"Hey, you want to meet a good friend of mine?", she asked.
"Friend?"
"Yes. See, he's right there."
Shifting Farrah on her lap so she faced the screen, Carrie watched as she shyly waved at Saul.
"His name is Saul. Saul Berenson."
"Bear?" Farrah chirped.
Stifling a laugh, Carrie looked on as Saul smiled, waved back, and complimented Farrah in Arabic and English.
Blushing she shied into Carrie's shoulder, before her stomach made a grumbling sound.
"Hey, are you hungry?"
"Yes. What..what's cooking?", Farrah asked shyly, looking to both the adults.
Carrie's laughter subsiding first, she answered.
"Well, I don't know. Why don't you go over to the kitchen. I think there may be some fruit in there, maybe even chocolate?"
"Chocolate?!"
"Yes, tell Major Mendez if she asks I said you could have two pieces."
Delighted, Farrah hugged Carrie tightly then went to leave her lap. But not before waving goodbye to Saul.
"Bye Bear!"
"Goodbye Farrah.", Saul grinned, waiting until she scampered off before shaking his head.
"You don't fucking play fair."
"Have I ever?" Carrie teased, then bit her lip nervously.
"Saul we have to do something. She feels safe here, happy even. I can't just leave her to fend for herself even in protective custody. I'd never forgive myself."
"I wish to God you hadn't let me see her just now.", Saul sighed.
"She worships you, Carrie."
"Tell me what to do.", she begged.
"Just give me an ultimatum or something."
"Why so you can do the exact opposite?", Saul scoffed.
"Carrie, I can't tell you what to do. Nobody can. I... actually...hold on."
Reaching into his desk drawer for a small address book he began flipping through it.
"Saul, what?"
"Mira knows someone. Ages ago when she was thinking about adopting or fostering, she and I had a meeting with a woman. Her name was...Amir. Something Amir."
"You considered having kids?", Carrie asked in surprise.
"No, Mira considered it. I went along with it to keep from eating fucking peanut butter for a month."
"That sounds more like it."
"Anyway,...ah, here's her name. Sabina Amir."
"Is she local?"
"She's not far from you. I'll try and negotiate some kind of arrangement for you and Farrah through her. Temporary custody, foster care, something. I'll tell her to keep a low profile with it. At the very least it'd offer you some kind of protection, going through proper channels instead of just, taking off to God knows where and hoping no one notices."
"You can really arrange that?"
"I'll do my best."
"Thank you Saul."
"Don't you dare go thanking me yet. Just take care of that girl.", Saul demanded before signing off.