Driver's Ed! for Dummies

Disclaimer: Naruto is not mine… I'm sorry for ruining all your hopes and dreams, but (sighs) it's the truth.

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" yelled Kiba in terror as the car swerved wildly again.

Naruto corrected the car's position and scratched the back of his head sheepishly. "Sorry, got distracted." he said apologetically.

"Just keep both hand on the wheel… AAAAAAAAHHH!" The car jolted to the side, front wheel running over the curb. Kiba lunged forward to grab the steering wheel out of Naruto's hands.

"What's your problem?" asked Naruto as the brunette wildly tried to take control of the car.

"You CAN'T DRIVE, IDIOT!" he yelled into Naruto's ear, practically deafening him. The car changed direction wildly as the two fought for control.

"Calm down, boys." said Kakashi-sensei distractedly, still engrossed in his violently orange book. Even though the station wagon was rocking forcefully back and forth, he did nothing to control the actions of the two boys.

"YES I CAN!" replied the blonde, equally loud. He viciously elbowed Kiba in the face, thereby regaining power over the vehicle.

"Owww…" moaned Kiba, clutching a bleeding lip. He plopped back into his seat, resigned to a premature death. How did I get into this situation again? he wondered, trying to staunch the blood.

Kiba's Flashback:

Having woken up rather late, he had needed to run all the way to Konoha High, his school, where the driving lessons were being held. He arrived just as the students were filing into the empty classroom that served as the driver's ed headquarters.

"Hey Kiba!" called his blonde friend from the back of the room.

Kiba walked over to him, grinning.

"I can't wait for the test!" yelled Naruto, jumping up and down in his seat.

"Erm, Naruto… how many energy drinks have you had today?" questioned the brunette as he watched his extremely hyper friend's antics.

"Only about…" the boy counted on his fingers. 'Three. That's it."

Kiba rolled his eyes as he took a seat next to Naruto. /God help us./

"All right guys! Excited for your test? Remember, if you pass, you get your driver's license!" The head instructor was a purple-haired woman who reminded Kiba a lot of Naruto - they had the same spunky personality. "You guys are taking the test in pairs." Anko-sensei continued. "I've already assigned them -here there was a collective groan from those assembled- along with your teachers. First up is Akimichi Chouji with Hyuuga Hinata; you guys are with Asuma-sensei. Haruno Sakura and Nara Shikamaru, you're with Kurenai-sensei. Yamanaka Ino and Momochi Haku, you guys are with Ebisu-sensei. And finally, Naruto and Kiba, Kakashi-sensei's taking care of you."

"YES!" yelled Naruto, jumping up happily. "Kakashi-sensei just sits and reads porn the whole time! We can get away with anything!" He gave Kiba a high five.

The groups walked to their respective cars. Naruto hopped in the driver's seat, making racecar noises and turning the steering wheel wildly. Kakashi-sensei tossed him the keys and climbed into the passenger's seat, immediately getting out his infamous orange book. Kiba, gulping nervously, climbed into the back.

His flashback ended as Naruto pulled into another wild turn that would make a NASCAR driver envious. "Where the HELL are you going, you maniac?!" he asked wildly as he was slammed into the side door.

"I don't know," replied Naruto absently, a look of utter concentration on his face as he gripped the steering wheel tightly.

"Then why the HELL are you driving so fast?!"

The blonde shrugged. "It's fun… I'm pretending to be a racecar driver."

Lord, help us. prayed Kiba fervently. He looked over to the passenger's seat, and the mop of unruly white hair showing over the headrest. "Kakashi-sensei!" he pleaded. "Stop the madness!"

Kakashi's only reply was to mumble, "He seems to be doing fine to me." The teacher's nose was still buried in his book, and the boy shuddered to think of what was keeping him so engrossed.

Suddenly, Naruto stopped the car for the first time (he had run all the previous red lights). He seemed to forget about driving and waved wildly to the car next to them. Kiba craned his neck and saw two of Konoha High's most popular kids: Hyuuga Neji and Uchiha Sasuke. "Hi guys!" called the blonde, rolling open the window so they could chat. "I'm taking my driver's license exam today! What're you guys doing?"

Their only response was to look at him, Sasuke with disdain and Neji with amusement. Finally, Sasuke, sitting in the passenger's seat, rolled down the window slightly and gave Naruto the 'one-finger salute'.

"NOT cool!" yelled Naruto as he gunned the engine. The drivers who had been honking at both cars blocking the street shouted curses at him as he suddenly raced forward. Neji sped up similarly, so the two cars were matching in speed. "RACE!" yelled Naruto as he pushed the poor Volkswagen even faster.

Sasuke smirked as their car, a dark blue Mustang, matched it for speed. "Dobe." he said to Naruto.

"Whoever gets to Ichiraku's first wins!" yelled the 'dobe', oblivious to Sasuke's comment. The two cars raced forward, oblivious to red lights, stop signs, and little old ladies crossing the street. Kiba could only cling to his armrest and pray.

Five Tortured, Insanely Fast Minutes Later

"YES!" yelled Naruto. "Almost there!" He glanced behind him at the rapidly gaining vehicle, and then turned back to pay attention to his driving. I need to concentrate now… he thought absently.

Kiba had long since been reduced to a mound of quivering, mentally scarred jelly. He whimpered like a puppy at the occasional jolts and jerky movements of the car, but dared not do anything except clutch the armrest and squeeze his eyes shut.

"THERE IT IS!" yelled Naruto, pointing and waving at the cheerful looking ramen shop. This proved to be his undoing, as, in his excitement, both of his hands left the steering wheel.

"NARUTO!" screamed Kiba, having just opened his eyes to see the blonde waving his arms in the air and the steering wheel unattended. "PUT YOUR HANDS ON THE STEERING WHEEL!" He lunged forward to grab it just as Naruto whammed his arm down. The blonde's fist connected to Kiba's head with a 'thud', immediately rendering the Inuzuka unconscious.

Naruto didn't even notice his comatose friend crumpled on the car floor. He had realized that, in all his celebration, he had sped past Ichiraku's and effectively lost the race. "Nooooooooooooo!" he wailed, gnashing his teeth and ripping at his hair. This, of course, led to both his hands once again leaving the steering wheel, and this time, there was no Kiba to save them.

The car swerved violently, causing Kakashi, who had been giggling in his perverted-ness, to lose his grip on the orange porn which promptly flew out the window.

"MY POOOORN!" screamed Kakashi, diving out the window after his obsession.

Naruto didn't spare Kakashi a glance, as he was too absorbed trying to regain control of the car. He desperately turned the steering wheel from side to side, but it only caused the Volkswagen to fishtail wildly and end up smashed into a tree.

"Oops." said Naruto sheepishly as he and a miraculously revived Kiba watched the crumpled car smolder.

Kiba said nothing, still traumatized.

"Oh well. Let's go get some ramen!" Naruto began skipping cheerfully.

The brunette sweatdropped at his friend's antics. I will make sure he never gets an energy drink again, Kiba swore to himself as he shakily followed the blonde.

At Ichiraku's

"Hi guys!" Naruto waved at Neji and Sasuke and went over to sit with them, dragging Kiba behind him.

"Uzumaki. Inuzuka." The Hyuuga nodded at the pair, scooting over to create some space.

Sasuke just smirked. "Dobe. You lost."

"AAAARRGH! YOU TEME! I'LL KILL YOU!" Naruto went wild, chasing Sasuke out of the shop and down the street.

Kiba just looked at Neji, and they both sweatdropped. "I don't think it was his destiny to get a driver's license just yet." commented the pale-eyed boy, interestedly watching Naruto beat Sasuke up.

"Thank God." Kiba replied fervently.

Did you notice my writing style changed about three or four times during this story? I wrote it over a period of… a week, more or less. I don't think it's quite as spontaneous or funny as the previous ficcie, but… what can you do? Anyway, read and review… please.

Oyasumi-nasai!