Chapter Two: Carlisle's Song
CPOV
I smiled at my family as I raised the microphone to my lips.
"The song I picked is called 'Pressure' by Staind. And it describes how I feel about my father." I said with a small sad smile. And then I hit play and listened to the drums and guitar that started to play. As the song played I remembered all the times my father had burned those innocent people and not the monsters he thought he was burning. I thought about the fear I had in me after I had transformed into the vampire I was today. I was quickly dragged out of my thoughts as I realized it was my turn to sing.
I just need this to be all right
I can't feel this another night
Images of my father and me standing side by side as we tied innocent people to poles to burn. The smell from the smoke still lingers in my nose. Their screams of agony still ringing in my ears. I pushed their faces from my mind and tried to focus on the faces of my family. I stared into all of their topaz gold eyes and remembered all of their transformations. Their screams of agony from the fire also ringing in my ears. This song wasn't just about my father, it was about them as well but I would never admit it.
I just need this to be alright
I can't feel this another night
My mind drifted to the days of the Spanish Influenza. But most importantly the day I met Elizabeth Mason and her son, Edward Anatony Mason. Those few days with the Mason's changed my existence forever. I still remember Elizabeth's emerald eyes staring into my topaz eyes, begging me to save her son. The pressure she had put me under back then still haunts me today. My eyes went to Edwards and he gave me a sad smile. I smiled back and let my eyes and thoughts wonder. Elizabeth I hope you can see the gentleman your son has become. Please forgive me for damning him to this life, as I have done to the rest of my family.
I can't take this I come unglued
I might breakdown in front of you
necessary to medicate
I'm not sleeping, can't stay awake
When my gaze met Esme's she smiled at me and I smiled back. I still remember the day I found her in the morgue, clinging to life. Even so close to death she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Only after I changed her did I realize what she had gone through. The sweet, innocent teenager I meet had been through so much. She had lost her husband and her son, which caused her to jump off a cliff. At first I regretted changing her; I thought she deserved to be with her husband and son. But now I'm positive I made the right choice, she's the love of my life and I can't live without her.
Can't see through this
Too much pressure
Drowning in this
Too much pressure
My eyes met Rosalie's next. She smiled at me and I smiled back. She was another difficult one to change. When I saw her, lying their on the ground, dying. I had to save her. I could smell that she had been raped. The smell was still fresh in my memory. The debate I had with my new family afterwards was not what I was expecting. All it did was put more pressure on me. And then when Rose killed those men, even more pressure was added. I closed my eyes and pictured Rose walking up to Royce in a blood-covered wedding dress, her once deep blue eyes were now a dark crimson red. I shuddered and continued to sing.
If you need me I'll be here
Half unconscious to escape my fear
I can't take this I come unglued
I might breakdown in front of you
necessary to medicate
I'm not sleeping, can't stay awake
My smile grew as I saw Emmett holding his wife, staring at her like she was an angel. Another tough one to change. Rosalie found him being attacked by a bear and when she brought him to me she was in tears. She begged me to save him. At first I was going to tell her no, but when I looked into her topaz eyes I could see how much she loved him, and that reminded me of Esme. I couldn't live without her and I could see that my daughter couldn't live without this man. So I bite him. I damned him to this life just like I had done to the rest of my family. I was depressed at first but now that I see my son for the goofball he is, I'm happy he is one of us.
Can't see through this
Too much pressure
Drowning in this
Too much pressure
When my gaze found Alice and Jasper I smiled at them lovingly. They just walked into our lives one day and asked to stay with us. And when I saw the little pixie I see today I know I made the right choice to let them stay. If I had turned them down our lives wouldn't be as great as it is right now. With Alice and Jasper I didn't have any extra weight put on my shoulders because of their change. I only had a fathers love to give to my new son and daughter.
My head hurts this shit
isn't getting me high
My chest is so tight am I going to die
My stomach's in knots and the
room starts to spin
As I wait for this valium
to slowly kick in
I sighed quietly as my gaze meet Bella and Renesmee's. Again no added pressure was put on my shoulders; instead it was put on my son Edward's. He changed Bella because he loved her and he didn't want to lose her. Bella was changed the day little Nessie was born. Me and Edward had no idea that humans could reproduce with our kind so when we found out Bella was pregnant we had no idea what the risks to her and the baby would be. But my son made the right choice in letting his child live. Now I had another beautiful daughter and a beautiful granddaughter. I couldn't be happier with my life right now. I dry sobbed a little and continued to sing.
Can't see through this
Too much pressure
Drowning in this
Too much pressure
TOO MUCH PRESSURE!
When the song ended I rushed over to Esme and hugged her tight. I had no idea one song could bring so many emotions out of me but it did and I was grateful that I had let me feelings out in the open. The pressure that I had felt since the beginning of my change had finally been lifted.