Alexis leaves right before dinner; like always, her father's apartment is just a stopping place on her way to meet up with friends in the city and spend all night catching up. Castle used to mind, but he won't stop her from seeing her friends. Sometimes he feels like his firstborn has slowly withdrawn from him, as if she thinks she's unnecessary now that he and Kate have Dash.
Not true. Not at all true. Kate tries to reassure him that Alexis knows this, but he worries because he's always worried about her. And if he can really convince Kate to have more kids, then what will that do to Alexis?
But before that, Castle thinks he should reevaluate the master plan. Dashiell is more than a handful; he's nearly impossible. He doesn't like to be told what to do; he's stubborn to the extreme; he runs everywhere; he can't leave well enough alone. Dash has somehow collected all the best qualities of Kate and all the worst of himself and twisted them into a concoction of crazy: her determination suddenly becomes pig-headedness in Dash; her laser-focus ends up as blinders in Dash; Castle's charming boyishness (if he does say so himself) becomes emotional immaturity; Castle's cheerful spirit becomes manic episodes that just won't quit.
Of course, how can you judge an 18 month old on emotional maturity? You can't. And he knows that Dash is just a boy, and young, but Castle gets zero writing done and barely gets to see Kate either. When he does have down time, he's doing Kate's job, catching up on her cases, or he's trying to lure Alexis into town for some quality time.
He has four chapters due in two weeks and he's got fifteen paragraphs. It's the first time in years he's felt this panicked over a manuscript. And he doesn't even have writer's block this time. Instead, he's got pieces of paper and notebooks scribbled on all over the apartment, and yet he still can't get to his laptop long enough to get it typed out.
He wrote a scene last night at midnight once Kate fell asleep, but then Dash woke up again and was cranky and instead of making Kate get up again with him (Kate has had so little time to sleep lately), Castle did it himself. He and Dash roamed the hallways trying to settle them both for sleep, and after that, Castle dropped into bed and didn't even edit his work.
He feels like a shitty father. He doesn't mind admitting it. Problem is, he can't admit it to Kate. Dash was a mistake-well, not a mistake, a surprise-and Kate looked absolutely crushed when she told him the news. Devastated. Like her life was over. And he knew, at the time, what it was she felt. How was her work going to change, how could she be a good mother as a cop, what was she doing having a kid with him? So Castle spends an inordinate amount of time pretending that everything is copacetic because he doesn't want Panic!Kate back.
Yeah, well, he knows it's a stupid idea to keep this to himself, to hide how ragged he's been run. But he won't do anything to change the status quo. She looks confident again, seems to be on top of things at work and at home, despite getting about four hours of sleep at a stretch due to Dash's terrible sleeping habits. She looks like she's okay with this arrangement, like she could even love it at times, and he is all for that.
And the reason he's re-hashing all the issues in his head right now? They are playing an all-out game of hide and seek and it's his turn to hide while Dash leads Kate around seeking. Not that Dash exactly gets it. And not that Castle is exactly hidden. He does love the look of pure terror and extreme joy on Dash's face when he's 'found' someone. But the waiting is torture; the waiting gives him too much time to remember how tired he is, how little he's accomplished today.
Dash and Kate are wandering the kitchen again. Third time so far. Kate can't possibly suggest where to go next because then Dash will go the exact opposite direction. They've tried reverse psychology on him too, but he takes perverse pleasure in ignoring their helpful suggestions.
Dash is a sly little bastard; he'll give the kid that. He knows way too much. He can interrupt a romantic moment faster than anything, and he picks up on the least little slip of the tongue. Dash's current favorite? "You filthy whore!" Castle has absolutely no idea where Dash heard that one, but the boy loves repeating it and has managed to pronounce every syllable, despite having trouble with 'l' sounds and 'th'. Of course.
Speaking of, he forgot to tell *Kate* about Dash's latest exclamation. She'll be mortified if he blurts it out in the park tomorrow. It will make Castle feel marginally more amused to share it, though. Because goodness knows, it wasn't funny the first time. Or the 19th.
And here they come, finally. Dash is clueless and running full tilt for the study doors-despite the fact that he *knows* the study is always off-limits (he's broken too many of Castle's irreplaceable toys, and once deleted an entire chapter of his manuscript). Castle is behind the open hall closet door and the boy is getting closer.
At just the right moment, Castle pushes the door away and jumps out at Dash, yelling "Ha!"
Dash screams like a girl, startling so bad that Castle has to reach out and catch him. As soon as Castle's hands are wrapped around the boy's arms, Dash giggles hysterically, falling into his father and practically gasping for breath.
Kate's grin is almost as good to see as Dash's dizzy, relieved excitement. Castle scoops Dash up and grins back at Kate. "Our turn to find. Mommy gets to hide!"
Dash is still giggling and patting Castle's cheek as if to reassure himself that it's really his father. "Play train?" he asks.
Kate holds out her arms and Dash falls over into them.
"Everyone play trains?" Dash bounces in her arms; Castle sees Kate's moment of panic as the boy looks to be about to fall, but then she's got him secure again even as he wriggles. "Momma!"
"Hold still, little worm. You're going to fall right out of Mom's arms." Castle thumps Dash's ear and for a brief moment, it looks like Dash is going to take this into consideration.
And then he resumes wriggling. "Stairs!" Castle sighs. Dash always wants to climb the stairs, with no help, and he can barely clear the steep incline. He's been dragging the boy away from the baby gate all day long. Because, of course, Dashiell can make it over the baby gate, given enough time.
"I'm carrying you up the stairs-" Kate starts.
"No! No! No!"
"He's been doing this all day," Castle says helpfully, giving her a shrug.
"Baby, I don't want you to fall-"
"No! No! Stairs! Stairs! Trains!"
Kate wrestles the kid under one arm, finally, and gives him a stern look. He's not a criminal in an interrogation room, so apparently it's lost on him. He goes right on squirming and protesting.
"This gets old fast," Kate murmurs, throwing Castle a look over her shoulder as she heads for the stairs to the kids' bedrooms.
"I wouldn't-" Castle says, hurrying to get behind her to keep her from tumbling back down. Just as he thought, Dash starts bucking his whole body in her arms to prevent Kate from getting up the stairs while he is still being held. Kate, off-balance by Dash's tantrum, wobbles on the second step, and Castle catches her, his heart beating fast.
She breathes a thanks to him, her face white with that near miss, and resolutely starts up, this time with a better plan. "Stop throwing a fit, Dash. Stop or no trains."
"No trains!" Dash is probably just repeating her words, but he's still contorting his whole body, threatening to topple them all down the stairs. His face is sweaty with his anger.
That's enough for Kate. "Fine. Bedtime." She gets a vice grip on their son-a perp grip-and forges her way to the top of the stairs.
"No no no no no nooooooooo!" Dash wails.
Kate ignores him and walks into Dash's nursery; she turns the light out as she moves inside. Dash is writhing now and shouting no at the top of his lungs.
"Boys who pitch a fit do not get to play with trains." Castle says, trying to back Kate up on this one. She complained once that he made her look like the bad guy every time. Castle shot back that if she was there during the day, she would see plenty of his being the bad guy. But whatever. Not a smart thing to say. He's never had someone questioning his parenting, day in and day out, before.
Castle takes Dash out of Kate's grip and manhandles him into the crib. He's not even going to try to reason this one out with him. They took a bath an hour ago, so he's basically clean, he's got his pajamas already on. The extra time after bath was supposed to be a treat for Dash, let Kate have some play time with their son, but Dash is obviously worn out and coming unglued.
Kate sighs and leans into Castle's back as he tries to soothe Dash's fit with a firm hand on his head and the light-up lullaby toy. Dash is mesmerized by the lights and the soft music and the ocean-movement from the display hanging over the side. He stops screaming 'no' and hiccups with his tears, but he still presses up against Castle's hand, still wriggles around trying to get out from under his father.
Kate is a heavy weight against Castle's back, soothing in its own way, and Castle feels his arm going numb over the railing. The boy is shuddering now in his fit, his eyes blinking fast in the darkness, rubbing his face into the mattress. Castle finally moves his hand as Dash gives up trying to stand in the crib. Kate reaches past him and begins stroking the boy's cheek-an old trick that always makes Dash's eyes droop. The boy tries to shrug her off, trying to rouse himself to stay up for the tantrum, but Kate's movements are lulling him further down.
"He was tired," she says, very softly so that Dash won't overhear. "Did he get an N-A-P?"
"For an hour or so. He needs more. He has trouble sleeping."
"Even then?"
"Even then. I've been wondering. . ." Castle presses his fingertips to Dash's forehead in a kind of kiss or benediction, then laces his hand through Kate's. "Maybe we should take him in to see someone. A sleep study. Something."
She shivers a little and tugs him away from the crib, the two of them slowly backing out. In the dark room, the only light comes from the lullaby machine. It will play itself out in fifteen minutes, and hopefully Dash will wear out before then. Sometimes when it goes off, the absence of noise wakes the boy because he hasn't managed to get into a deep enough sleep.
"Really think he needs that?" she whispers. Outside the room, Castle closes the door softly, raises his eyes to meet her warm brown ones.
"I don't know."
"You're the one with previous experience," she says, her brow knitting. He sees her sudden concern and wishes he didn't have to mention it. But it *is* worse than he thinks it ought to be.
"I have previous experience with a girl. I don't know how it's supposed to be with boys."
"Ask your mom?"
"Right. Probably not the best person for parenting advice." Castle gives her a look, and she rolls her eyes at him, but there is a faint hint of a smile.
"You turned out all right," she says and lifts up to kiss the corner of his mouth. His lips burn with it suddenly, like a switch has been flipped.
"In spite of her best efforts, it seems I *have* turned out all right," he says. All he wants to do is taste her lips, rub his thumbs over her cheekbones, the soft skin of her throat while he kisses her, leave everything else about today forgotten.
So he does. Kate warms immediately, lifting into his body even as he hunches over her, surrounding her. She's tired-he feels that-but she's willing and devastating his mouth with her tongue.
She breaks away from him, her hands seeking but her lips moving ever further away from his. It takes him a second to clear the fog from his brain, but when he does, she sees it and finally speaks.
"I want you."
Well, yeah, he thinks unkindly, I knew that. "Then get over here."
"I want you in the kitchen," she grins, her smile sly and slow and like a hook through his guts, tugging.
He groans and attacks her, unable to help himself because she knows what that does to him, and he knows what she means-exactly what she means-when she says she wants to have her way with him in the kitchen. His brain is short circuiting, but he thinks she's again proved just how smart she is, how brilliant she is, when she insisted he get a vasectomy after she got pregnant with Dash, because right now the last thing he wants to do is worry about her birth control since it obviously failed spectacularly with Dash, and why-
why is he thinking about that? Especially when she's got one hand practically in glory land and leading him back down the stairs, her tongue caught between her teeth and poking out between her lips, her eyes energetic and burning him, fervent and clever at the same time.
Castle trips on the last step but doesn't make an idiot of himself, thankfully, only crowds Kate back into the kitchen with his momentum, bringing her up against the counter and bending her back. She hooks her legs around his waist and pulls him down with her.
They haven't even gotten to the best part.