Chapter Two:

"I'm betting she's twelve."

"Nah. Her tits are just beginning to show – I'll say thirteen."

"You're really fucking creepy, you know that?" Matthew told Lars with disgust, blowing out the smoke of...whatever it was he was smoking. Matthew couldn't really remember anymore.

"Then why do you hang out with me?" Lars asked, lowering his sunglasses to give the thirteen year old girl a wink.

"You give me weed and shit," Matthew said with a shrug.

"Touché," Lars replied.

They sat in silence, the screams of Alyssa and her friends reaching over to them.

Lars glanced at the other group as he took another puff on his cigarette. "Your sister's pretty hot," he remarked.

"Fuck you," came the reply.

Lars chuckled. "Nah, she's too old for my taste. I wouldn't go for her. You know who else is too old for my liking but still totally hot? Louise Beilschmidt."

"Big tits," Matthew agreed appreciatively.

"Supple and firm," Lars added. "Pity she's such a priss – and that Gilbert would fuck us up if we tried anything," he continued.

"Apparently he thinks I'm cute," Matthew remarked.

Lars snorted. "That's 'cause you are. You look like an adorable, flat-chested twelve year old," he replied. He paused. "Actually, I kinda want to fuck you now," he remarked.

Matthew scowled, punching Lars in the arm. "Shut the fuck up," he growled.

Lars laughed; shaking his arm like Matthew didn't hurt him [though he totally did]. "So how are things in the brothel?" he asked innocently.

"You are such an asshole," Matthew growled, glaring at the other boy.

"No, but seriously; how's it like at home?" Lars asked.

"Since when did you care?" Matthew demanded.

"Since I decided we should make small talk," Lars replied.

"They're alright, I guess. How's your whore?" Matthew asked, reaching over to the cooler for a can of coke [he and Lars liked smoking crazy shit and drinking coke because to them, it sounded punny].

"How dare you – Elise is not a whore," Lars said, looking offended.

"How come you're allowed to call my home a brothel and I can't call your sister a whore?" Matthew demanded.

"Because I'm a giant dick; you're supposed to be the adorable softie who likes talking about his feelings and shit like that; that's why we work so well together. Opposites attract; hot and cold, yes and no, in and out, up and down, wrong and right, black and white, boy and girl-ow!" Lars exclaimed as Matthew punched again, harder this time.

"I'm not a girl – and you totally just quoted Katy Perry," Matthew pointed out.

"Maybe I did, maybe I didn't," Lars replied with a sniff.

"Pussy."

"The fact you recognized that that was Katy Perry makes you a pussy too."

"Touché."

"So...any girl and/or boy you've got your eyes on?" Lars asked conversationally.

"Are you making small talk again?" Matthew asked warily.

"I kinda have to. I don't know if you realize this, Mattie, but we're the calmest fucking potheads ever. I'm bored. D'you wanna come to my house later? There's a Jersey Shore marathon on tonight; we can play a drinking game – whenever someone swears we can take a shot. It'll be fun," Lars asked.

"What about taking a shot whenever someone says something stupid?" Matthew asked.

Lars shook his head. "We'd be trashed before the first commercial break; I'm not suicidal, dude," Lars replied. "So, you in?" he asked.

"Nah. I gotta go home and do the laundry. Besides," Matthew said, glancing out into the water, where Mathias Køhler was carrying Alyssa, who was giggling and screaming to be put down, smacking the Dane's ass to accentuate her request, "Liz is going to flip her shit when Al gets home and since Marianne's gonna back Liz up, I might as well be there for Al," Matthew said, shrugging.

"Why would Marianne backup Liz? Doesn't she support being flamboyant and slutty?" Lars asked.

Matthew shrugged again. "Liz lets her top; it's the least Marianne can do."

"Hot?" Lars asked, still puffing on his cigarette.

"Not when it's your sister and former babysitter," Matthew replied.

"Gross," Lars agreed. "Well maybe you can come over after World War III?" he suggested.

Matthew shrugged. "I gotta help Marianne make dinner; Al and Liz aren't allowed in after the Christmas episode of '09," Matthew replied.

"I remember that; it was pretty epic, not gonna lie," Lars said.

Matthew made a face. "It was traumatizing," he replied.

"That too," Lars agreed. "I should stay over," he said suddenly.

"Why?" Matthew asked in confusion.

Lars shrugged. "Your house sounds like more fun than mind. And maybe I can bang Aly-"

"Go back to watching prepubescent little girls."

"You make me sound like a pedo."

"That's 'cause you are one."

"Bitch."

"Jerk."

And that was the end of their conversation for a good while. The two smoked in silence, letting the cool breeze blow past them, Matthew smirking as Lars desperately tried to keep his hair still.

"Psycho-bitch, three o'clock," Lars said suddenly, nudging in that direction with his head. Matthew looked up to see Natalia Arlovskaya walking along the shoreline.

"Psycho-bitch's wearing next to nothing," Matthew commented appreciatively.

"She's got her sister's tits," Lars agreed.

"Pity Gilbert and Mathias are busy partying with my sister and her friends; we could've had more hot girl commentary," Matthew said. "At least then I wouldn't have to listen to you talking about your paedophilic hard-on," he added, leaning away so Lars couldn't punch him.

"You're a terrible friend," Lars said, with mock-offense. "Go suck Mathias' and Gilbert's cocks then, if I'm too boring for you," he said with a sniff.

"Want me to find a five year old to suck yours?" Matthew teased.

"You're an ass," Lars growled.

Eventually, Gilbert noticed the two of them from his hiding spot under a beach umbrella and ran over, leaping on top of Matthew and stealing his coke.

"Sup bitches?" he asked cheerfully, emptying the can and crushing it on top of Matthew's head.

"Get the fuck off, Gilbert," Matthew howled as the albino's elbow dug into his stomach.

"What's the word?" Gilbert teased, sprawling out on top of Matthew.

"He'll give you a blow job," Lars said.

"Deal," Gilbert said, rolling off of Matthew onto the sand.

"Sex with a minor is illegal," Matthew pointed out. Gilbert was a year younger than Marianne; twenty-three. The only reason he was even in the city was because his university finished up and didn't start up again until a few months later.

"You're only a minor until July," Gilbert replied.

"You're just as bad as Lars – why are all my friends pedos?" Matthew asked to no one in particular.

"You're just not very good at making friends," Lars replied. "So you're stuck with us."

Before Matthew could retort that he was very capable of making friends other than those two, the three boys heard a giggle from behind them.

"Don't be so mean to Mattie, Lars," Elise, Lars' little sister, chided good-naturedly as she moved into their line of vision, clad only in a bikini.

"Matt knows I didn't mean it," Lars replied, looking embarrassed as Gilbert and Matthew smirked.

"Oh I dunno man, you hurt my feelings," Matthew said, scrunching his face up to look upset.

"Now look what you've done!" Elise exclaimed, rushing over to Matthew and throwing her arms around him, forcing Matthew to get a face full of her chest. She winked at Lars and petted Matthew's head, the boy quite happy where he was at that moment. "Feel better now?" she asked, finally lifting Matthew's head off of her chest.

Matthew took in a gulp of air, his face slightly flushed. "Much better," he said, feeling Lars' glare on his back. Elise giggled and stood up.

"Well, mom said to pick me up; I'll be over there if you need me. Nice seeing you guys!" Elise said, already starting to walk away.

"What, no hug for me?" Gilbert protested, looking jealous.

Elise turned back and winked. "I don't hug creepy old guys," she teased, skipping off.

"I'm not that old!" Gilbert exclaimed, looking very miffed.

"Sucks for you. Just for the record: Elise has very soft breasts," Matthew said cheerfully.

"Were they supple?" Gilbert asked excitedly.

"Stop talking about my sister like that, douchebags," Lars growled threateningly.

"Oh, but you can talk about fucking Al?" Matthew demanded.

"Bro, I'd fuck Al too; everyone would. She's pretty hot," Gilbert said defensively.

"Exactly," Lars said triumphantly.

"But Elise, no offense Matt, is hotter. I'd fuck her and then ask her to make me waffles for breakfast," Gilbert continued.

"Well since we're sharing our feelings about each other's sisters, I'll mention here that Matt thinks your sister has nice tits," Lars blurted out.

There was a silence as Gilbert turned to glare at Matthew. Matthew blinked, feeling slightly horrified [and betrayed, God, Lars was an ass] at the look Gilbert was giving him.

"Well, Lars thinks her tits are supple and firm," Matthew countered and Lars let out an undignified squawk.

"Traitor!" Lars exclaimed as Gilbert tackled him to the ground.

"You started it!" Matthew replied as Lars tried to escape Gilbert. Fighting was Gilbert's forte, after all.

"Why can't you beat up Mattie instead?" Lars protested, finally managing to kick his way out of Gilbert's headlock.

"Because," Gilbert said, pushing Matthew slightly so he can sit on Matthew's chair with him, "Matthew is adorable."

"I thought you liked girls," Lars huffed, nursing a particularly gross looking bruise.

"Bisexual's the way to go," Gilbert cheered, ruffling Matthew's hair absently. Matthew flushed as the other boy leaned against him; Gilbert's bare chest touching Matthew's bare back felt odd and made him feel squeamish.

After that very eventful mini-fight, the three fell into silence, Gilbert leaning over to steal Lars' cigarette [his chest brushing against Matthew again (oh God Matthew could feel Gilbert's nipples why were they hard and why did it make him feel so weird)] and Matthew still trying to get some space between him and Gilbert.

"Wanna sabotage some family's barbeque and steal their food?" Gilbert suggested finally, breaking the comfortable silence.

"I'm down," Lars said, putting out his cigarette. "What about you?" he asked Matthew.

Feeling hungry, Matthew opened his mouth to agree.

"MAATTTTIEEEEEEE~!" Alyssa shrieked from the other end of the beach. "MARIANNE SAYS WE SHOULD COME HOME NOW BECAUSE SHE WANTS YOU TO PUT YOUR FRILLY PINK APRON ON AND HELP HER IN THE KITCHEN!" she continued.

Matthew's face turned a bright red as Gilbert and Lars, joining the teens who were with Alyssa, burst into laughter.

"Fuck you all," Matthew growled, standing up and pushing Gilbert off of his chair, taking it and setting off. He paused and turned back, taking the beach umbrella with him.

"No, not the umbrella!" Gilbert howled as sunlight finally hit his pale skin. "How will I survive?"

"Sunscreen and your own umbrella," Matthew replied, pointing to Gilbert's abandoned beach umbrella before huffily walking away, trying to ignore Mathias' rambunctious laugh as he walked by Alyssa's friends. God, why did they only notice him after Alyssa humiliated him?

"Have fun?" Alyssa asked Matthew cheerfully as he stuffed their beach things in the trunk of his car, the girl already in the shotgun seat of his open roofed Mustang.

"Lovely," Matthew replied with an eye roll, pulling out of the parking lot and to the road that would take them home. But really, Matthew meant it; being around women twenty-four/seven made him relish dicking around with Lars and Gilbert [Mathias used to be part of their Awesome group before he broke the Bro Code and slept with Elise and Alyssa and hit on Louise. He was subsequently banished from their group of awesome from then on] or eating ice cream with Señor Martinez [though being mistaken for Alyssa every single time did get annoying sometimes] or even playing hockey with Ivan, Tino and Svea [the only girl who could actually almost beat Matthew in hockey].

As Matthew and Alyssa made their way into the house, Matthew could already hear Marianne in the kitchen, setting up pots and pans to start cooking dinner. He'd take a quick shower and then go help her out, Matthew decided.

"Maybe it wasn't a good idea to not change into something else before coming in," Alyssa whispered suddenly, brandishing at her barely there bikini. Matthew was sure the bottom piece was a thong though he had no intentions of checking to see for himself.

"Oh good, you're home," Elizabeth said pleasantly, a university textbook in her hands as she came to help Matthew put the beach things away. The moment she got sight of Alyssa however, the smile on Elizabeth's face faded.

"Hi, Liz," Alyssa said meekly with a hand wave. Elizabeth's face turned a dark purple.

"WHAT IN GOD'S NAME ARE YOU WEARING?" Elizabeth shrieked.

And thus started World War III.

A/N: Just for clarification, Elizabeth is 21, Marianne is 24, Matthew and Lars [Netherlands] and Mathias [Denmark] and Natalia are all 17, Alyssa Kiku Elise [Belgium] and Louise [Fem!Germany] are 16. Oh, and Gilbert's 23, but I think I've mentioned that. Tino, Svea [Fem!Sweden] and Ivan are 17 as well.

Matt and Lars [and Gilbert to an extent] talk exactly like the boys I know. Lord, I have no idea how many times the word 'tits' were used in this chapter.

Oh and Lars isn't really pedophilic. I'll explain this better later on in this story but it's more of an inside joke between him and his friends.

Please review? I'm incredibly fond of this story [for some reason, I still haven't gotten writers' block for this story, which to me is magical] and I'd love to hear what you guys think about it~ feel free to ask any questions if you're confused about something :D