Disclaimer: Mm repeating myself is annoying but I don't own this.

Pure Heartache

Pushing the bridge of his glasses father upon his nose Seigaku's former pillar of support stood silently for a moment at Seigaku's empty tennis courts. His face was etched into its usual blank expression, his lips formed into a solid line that was neither a frown nor a smile, and his eyes were clear of any noticeable emotion. All and all he looked no different then normal despite how his mind was in a state far from what he was used to. But appearance wise there was no evidence of such a thing for that would be considered letting his guard down and that he wasn't prepared to happen right then.

Simply staring at the recently used courts the tall male wouldn't admit that he was deep in saddening thoughts, that he felt hurt, and that it was harder then ever for him to keep his usual stoic mood in place. His clear headed, or perhaps stubborn mindset, wouldn't let it show especially not right after practice had ended. There was his team to think about, nationals, along with everything other responsibility that fell upon his shoulders that kept him from doing so. How he felt was of no consequence to anyone but himself that was always what he told himself, what he believed to be true.

Without a word or hardly a sound at all Tezuka turned before slowly picking up his feet to walk towards the locker room. Taking his time despite how class would soon be starting his brown eyes barely registered anything he was seeing even when he reached his locker and stood in front of it. Reaching out to open said locker his hand moved on its own accord and without conscious thought of doing so he was soon dressed in his school uniform. Closing his eyes momentarily his lips parted ever so slightly to let escape a tiny sigh knowing that no one was around to hear it.

Grabbing the things he needed and shutting the locker his chestnut hues glanced around the empty room for a moment before finally he began heading towards his first class. Stepping into the classroom a minute before the bell rang it was the first time the brunette had even been remotely close to being late. Ignoring this fact in light of his already far too preoccupied mind he took his seat as silently as ever but as the teacher began the lesson for once he tuned it out.

Simply staring at the bored his face was still molded into its accustomed stoic expression yet a few creases here and there were proof of his troubled thoughts. Thoughts that now free of responsibility of his team grew and festered within him as the seconds drove on. Brooding he believed it to be called yet he couldn't muster up the feeling to care, to set those thoughts aside, and to pay attention to the lesson he knew would be on an upcoming test. Who in the hell cared about math at that moment? Tezuka Kunimitsu did not for he cared about something else, about his brooding, the subject of his utter dismay.

'Fuji...'

A largely melancholic thought surfaced to the forefront of his mind despite how all along it was probably already there. With none of his teammates to rest his focus upon the buchou found it nearly impossible to keep at bay the thoughts that threatened to engulf him. How one person, one incident, one seemingly small thing, had caused the stoic entity that was Tezuka to crack and show his utterly human side. Too long had he placed his team before himself forcing himself to be disciplined and the entity of his personal saying. 'Yudan Sezu Ni Ikou,' how much those words had changed him.

Yet now the crack ran deep like a broken damn and his emotions trickled out such as water does when it finds an escape. The person who was now snatched away from him was becoming the majority of his thoughts. Fuji Syuuuske, the infamous tensai of Seigaku, was now gone forever and Tezuka himself had seen him die.

Finding himself still at Seishun Gakuen despite how classes had ended hours ago the stoic male was rather unsure himself as to why he was still there. Practice too had ended awhile and despite how Oishi had offered Tezuka had stayed to lock up. Yet still he lingered there without much of a reason as to why not that he let himself ponder this either. Instead he chose to find an opportunity in this and 

began to practice on the now empty courts. Nationals were coming up and he was determined to be at his peak for his team, he wouldn't let them down.

Practicing his serve he let himself focus solely on tennis, on the ball he held in his hand, the racket in his other, and the baseline on the opposite side of the court. Brown hues staring out from behind his clear frames he began to serve again and again not stopping until he was satisfied with himself, a no small task.

Yet when a thin coat of sweat covered his body he finally stopped. Placing the tennis ball back where it belonged and his racket within his locker the glasses wearing buchou changed into his everyday clothing fully preparing to leave now. Making sure the place was locked up, it would do no good if Oishi found it unlocked in the morning as he would surely fret about, he found himself stopping to stare at the schools rooftop. Why he didn't know, a gut feeling perhaps, but in either case the action was proved to not be in vein.

Up on the rooftop he could spot a figure and upon squinting he recognized it as none other then Fuji Syuusuke. Brow furrowing slightly in both confusion and agitation he shook his head slightly before heading into the school intending to find out exactly what the tensai was doing on the rooftop. Climbing the several flights of stairs, some of them unfamiliar as he had never actually been to the roof, Tezuka found himself growing more agitated then confused.

Probably Fuji was up to another one of his strange antics that never failed to slightly agitate the stoic male. So yet again he had no answer as to why he continued up the stairs his pace imperceptibly growing faster. There was no use wondering about this so he simply didn't deciding that continuing on was now the best option.

Though as he finally reached the rooftop Fuji was no longer where he had first spotted him. In fact he was no longer within his sight. Pausing to blink, a rather odd gesture from someone like him, his eyes darted to the side to spot the tensai on the other side of the protective fence. Curiously he had an expression that Tezuka had never seen on the slightly younger male, acceptance.

Fully intending to scold the other for doing so as dangerous as climbing the fence to get on the other side of the rooftop the buchou found that he never got the chance. After he had taken but a step or so a horrifying moment occurred, Fuji took a step closer to the edge turning his head around so that his icy blue eyes met Tezuka's, and in that instance he knew exactly what the other was going to do.

Heart beating faster then he ever thought possible the buchou did something he had never done before; panic. Running towards the fence without a thought his mind refused to listen that it was too late when Fuji did the most horrifying thing of all.

He stepped off the edge leaving nothing behind but those startling blue eyes burned into Tezuka's mind.

Just as he felt another crack would form in his stoic mask from the all too raw memory the bell rang interrupting him from his thoughts. Blinking rather slowly he mechanically grabbed his things and stood up having not a clue as to what had gone on in that lesson, frankly he didn't quite care. Carrying his things to his next class Tezuka found himself buried even deeper within his thoughts his feet carrying him to his destination without thought.

And again he arrived just before the bell rang, sat down in his seat, and tuned out the lesson completely in favor of his thoughts. At that moment it didn't matter to him that he could possibly fail the next test, be yelled at by his teachers, or something else of like nature. All that mattered was his grief; grief that he had finally admitted was there. That Fuji Syuusuke meant something more then just a simply teammate and fellow third year.

He had seen him die. Been there when the horrible moment had occurred where the tensai's foot no longer touched something solid and instead fell mercy to gravity. Tezuka had seen the look in his usually closed eyes that chilled him to the very bone. And worst of all he had the knowledge that he 

might have somehow been able to prevent it. No, he knew, that he could have prevented it in someway or somehow.

The nagging feeling that it was all his fault chose now to engulf him and oddly enough he accepted it for the need for a sort of outlet took place. He was the one who should receive the blame, it was unacceptable to let his teammates do so, for Fuji had trusted him, and sadly he now knew that Fuji had cared for him far more deeply then he had thought. Taking however long it was, time seemed to be nonexistent that day, Tezuka let the feelings that he was to blame steadily wash over him.

Like a rock steadily being pounded on by the elements he slowly felt more and more of his stoic-ness be eaten away. What use was it of now anyways when no one that counted on him was around and especially that one mischievous brunette was now gone. And unbidden by his thoughts the memory of a recent conversation the two had shared washed over him to further erode the mask.

"Saa, Tezuka do you know what love is?" Coming from seemingly nowhere the tensai of Seigaku spoke in his usual evasive way.

Withholding a mental sigh Tezuka looked up from what he was doing to glance blankly at the shorter male. Taking a moment to deem that the question was actually intended to be answered he reached up to adjust his glasses before replying simply with, "yes."

Apparently unsatisfied with this answer Fuji moved closer to him before reaching out to nudge his shoulder. "Ne, that's not a very clear answer Tezuka. You can't answer that question with a 'yes' or a 'no', it's unsuitable." A hint of agitation and what was maybe disappointment colored his voice but Tezuka hardly took any notice of it.

He was busy trying to decide the best line-up for the teams next match and had no time to play Fuji's little games. Glancing back at his chart he dismissively waved his hand replying monotonously, "its unimportant in my life."

Receiving another nudge for his response it was quite obvious that yet again the tensai wasn't at all satisfied by this. "Even if someone who is close to you professes their love to you?"

Finding himself struck by the oddity of the question he once more looked up only to spare the other a small glance that quite plainly said he had better things to do. "Love gets in the way, it is useless and only ends up being a bother. There's your answer now if you would leave so I can finish this Fuji." Dismissing him rather coldly without a thought he barely heard the whispered response as the honey haired male walked away.

"Then it really is time"

Thinking back Tezuka realized that he had never quite understood what Fuji had meant by those words but now he finally did. True to form Fuji was using his obscure ways to admit to him that he loved Tezuka and he had been too inane to notice. Now did he wish that he had paid more attention and had understood that Fuji meant to end it all after his rejection. Yet he truly had been blind to the facts that lay right in front of him.

Regret was now an all too familiar thing and he would never be able to forget the sting of it. Never.

Yet as the bell rang again he gathered his things and began his routine of making it to class just in time and brooding during the lesson. It wasn't hard at all to predict that he would only feel twice as worse by the end of the day, blame himself more then he originally had, and go over his many mistakes with the one and only sadistic tensai. Love, he found out was something that could never be taken lightly. Heartbreak even more so.

What truly mattered was not the chance of ruining the teams chance of nationals by involving himself in a relationship but accepting that he in fact did love Fuji Syuusuke. He truly had loved him, loved him still, and his foolish mistakes had ruined it all.

Yet somehow through all of his less then pleasant thoughts Tezuka made it through afternoon practice or at least enough so to make sure the team didn't slack off. Despite how much he wanted to just call it off and let everyone go home and grieve. It just seemed wrong to be playing tennis when Fuji was...gone.

Ordering everyone to run a few extra laps he ended practice telling everyone to go home while he himself lagged severely behind yet again. Though unlike that morning he wasn't alone, his fukubuchou had stayed behind has well, forgoing getting ready to go home to instead stare worriedly at the other. If there was anyone that could tell when Tezuka's stoic mask was broken it would be Oishi and as he slowly walked into the empty locker room he felt as if his very being began to crack.

It was all too much for him, Fuji's sudden death, the blame he placed upon himself, and all the regrets he had along with the pain of loosing someone he only recently realized he loved. And as soon as he reached his locker the damn finally broke, Tezuka Kunimitsu broke down right then and there. Fresh hot tears leaked quickly from his eyes blurring his already poor vision as he let his body slump against the lockers, falling down onto the bench.

Absently he heard the obvious sound of Oishi hurrying over to him and placing a hand upon his shoulder but Tezuka didn't care. Fuji was dead, dead, and it was all his damn fault. If he hadn't rejected him, refused to admit that he loved him, then Fuji would still be alive, Syuusuke could be in his arms that very moment. The enigma that was the honey haired male could have been his and his alone but all he had now was his regret. All he had was the cold pain of being all alone without the person he truly loved.

Tezuka Kunimitsu for the first time felt heartache and knew that nothing is this world hurt more.

...Oh wow that's the end of this chapter and to be honest I find myself growing a bit teary eyed. Its so sad to think of Tezuka finally breaking down like that, really it is. But I wrote this for everyone who loved my fic, I thank them all for reviewing as well, and for the fact that I myself love this pairing to death.

Though I'd like to bring up a few things: First of all; yes Fuji is well dead. If this bothers you I'm sorry but its what happened in this story. Also remember that each chapter will be written in a different view with various flashbacks along the way to further tell this story. Each person will be someone close to Fuji and they will tell there own touching stories of him.

So if you like this, review please! It keeps me going.