I was nervous. Well, of course I was, I had every right to be, but I still loathed the fluttering in my stomach and the sweat on my palms. I glanced over at her and my breath caught in my throat. Her green eyes were fixed on me, me, not James, not Sirius, me. Oh God, I couldn't do this, I didn't even want to take this class anyway, I mean History of Magic was wasted on me, I just didn't care.
She looked away, back down at her book, I looked too. She was bent over it, so close the page was probably damp with the moisture of her breath, her hair spilled over the sides of it, just inviting me to reach out and- no, I couldn't think like that.
Damn, I had gone over my staring time limit. I allowed myself 15 seconds at a time, which wasn't realistic, but I liked to think I had more self control than I really did. Reluctantly, I tore my eyes from her but my jitters wouldn't allow me to concentrate on the work in front of me. I happened to catch that terrible smirk out of the corner of my eye, Potter.
Why did he have to be in this class too? One of my only chances to win Lily back, or just drool over her beauty, was ruined by his ever present arrogance.
I felt the paper hit me in the back of the head, a crumpled ball. Flattening it the best I could on my desk, I was greeted to a crudely drawn picture of Lily and James in a tight embrace while I, or rather a poorly drawn caricature of me, sulked in the corner.
I felt the familiar rise of anger, the wave of heat starting at my knees and flooding my face. Quickly, I shook my hair into my face so no one, especially her, could see the blood coloring my skin. My waxy skin, as Potter would so nicely point out. It wasn't my fault I had some… undesirable characteristics.
"Class, I expect a foot long essay on the Goblin Revolution, due ten days from now, that should be plenty of time." Professor Binns droned. He's an ancient man, we're all counting the days until his death, as awful as that sounds. Even though he was assigning homework in an annoyingly monotone voice, his words brought a certain amount of relief, only because they meant class was over and I could escape the overwhelming ego of James Potter, really it was suffocating me.
As I walked into the Great Hall for lunch I could hear them coming, the gaggle of narrow minded, teenage boys who called themselves TheMarauders. Sirius and James almost ignored my presence except for the sharp pain as they slammed their shoulder into mine as they walked past; Peter attempted the same but missed and nearly fell flat on his face. Remus chose to ignore me completely and walked on with the distinct air of a scholar. He had never actually done anything to me really, but he looked at me with cold disdain.
Then Lily. She wasn't officially a Marauder, but after we fell apart last year, our third year, she needed a group to cling to; besides, it was obvious James wouldn't have it any other way. She walked past, her head held high, with a quick glance back at me before hurrying forward to take her place by James.
I cringed as he placed his arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer to him, flashing his perfectly white teeth. Everyday I regretted the moment I had pushed our friendship over the edge.
I couldn't eat so I pushed my plate away and stood to leave.
"Hey, where'd you think your going?" Came the voice of my "friend", Mulciber.
I ignored him, walking at an oddly fast pace, the cries from my rowdy friends grew silent as I slipped through the giant doors. Immediately I knew I wasn't alone, I saw her, walking towards me, her face lowered to a book. I didn't know what I was doing, not exactly, but I couldn't stop myself. My feet moved even faster, this time moving towards an actual destination.
"Lily!" I called her name, she stopped, and we were face to face. I stopped breathing; this was the closest I had been to her since last year. I took in everything, her scent, her flawless skin, her silky hair; it was all right in front of me. I had forgotten how much joy I had gotten out of accidentally brushing against her hair.
"Snape?" My name left her tongue with a prominent lack of enthusiasm, "What do you want?"
It was my one chance, my one chance to say something that would truly make a difference, only I hadn't thought about that, I hadn't even imagined getting this far. I started anyways, I didn't care if I sounded stupid anymore, she already thought of me as the repulsive scum of Hogwarts.
"Do you remember, the afternoons we spent at the park? The one right by our houses? And how we'd have our lunches in the shade of those giant trees?"
"Well, yeah, but that was before-" I cut her off.
"Before Hogwarts, before any of this, when we were just little kids." My breath was shallow, but at least it was coming now. "Well, one day, when we were just finishing lunch, I told you we would be friends for a long time." I paused, studying her expression, it was almost blank but I could see a hint of regret. Regret for what? For our fight? Or for being my friend in the first place? "Well, that wasn't what I meant, I meant I would love you… forever, and I meant forever." I bit my lip, but turned away before she could speak.
Walking up the stairs to me next class, I had a small feeling of hope, that was instantly put out when I heard the calls to Lily from her friends, but I could feel her eyes burning a hole in the back of my head. I didn't know if I had just made the biggest mistake of my life, or the greatest move of my life.