Disclaimer: Not my characters.
This is a short chapter. The next will be longer.
Sorry about the crazy formatting on the first upload.
Reviews appreciated.
Jack's heart hammered as he sped to his office. His mind was in a whirl and he needed something to take his mind off the man dying in the room behind down the hall. When he finally reached the conference room, he rushed through to his office, closed the door, and sat behind his big desk. He hated the hell out of that desk. He'd never felt it wasn't really his; like he was a kid playing at his dad's desk, hoping not to get caught. For a moment, he laid his head back into the leather of his chair and wondered how things between he and Carter had gotten so screwed up. Years ago they had both admitted feelings for each other, and in the days, weeks months and years since, had fallen into a pattern of looks and careful touches to remind themselves of the unspoken promise between them. After she came back from the Prometheus though, things had changed somehow. He had wanted to take the galaxy apart to save her, and snapped at anyone who suggested she'd never make it home. When she did make it back to him, he felt a shift in their relationship. He'd never quite understood what happened to her during the time she was missing, but he could feel her pulling away slowly. The more she pulled, the more he wanted to go after her, wrap his arms around her and tell her exactly how he felt, regs or no regs. He realized she'd been trying to move on, and had respected her decision, even though it was something that ate at him every day. He'd even tried to move on himself, but knew it would never work. There was no substitute for Carter. He groaned and rubbed his palms hard into his closed eyes. Kerry. He'd totally forgotten about her since the moment he'd gone after Carter. Damn, he had to talk to her. Had to explain…something. Hell, he had no idea what he was going to say, but knew he had to talk to her in person. She deserved that.
He was about to stand to go look for her when Walter came bustling into his office with a stack of papers in his hand. "Sorry to interrupt, Sir," he said. "I know this isn't a good time, but I need these forms signed before EOD."
Jack waved him over and Walter placed the pile on the desk. "I'll have these for you soon." Watching Walter leave the room, he sighed. It looked like Kerry would have to wait a while longer.
An hour later, he was done with the signing, had sent them off to Walter, and now sat a little confused, staring at the wall. Kerry had come in and called things off between them before he'd had the chance. It seemed, like Jacob, she too knew his true feelings, and urged him not to let the military get in the way of what he wanted. It was probably the last thing he expected, but was grateful that she'd done it, and not him. He'd never been good at calling off relationships. He appreciated her honesty, and knew that they could still have a good working relationship. She was certainly a classy and likable woman. Some man would be lucky to have her, but it wasn't going to be him.
He looked at the clock. The Tok'ra council had come through the gate about 30 minutes or so, and were preparing Jacob and Selmak for their imminent death. Jack didn't understand what all was involved, but it was there custom, and while he normally didn't give a flip for what the Tok'ra wanted, he'd been more than willing to allow it for Jacob and Selmak's sakes.
Standing, he stretched the muscles in his back. He hated sitting behind a desk all day, but knew he was getting too old for constant field missions. His aching knees constantly reminded him that he was no longer a young man. He left the office, and headed back towards the medical ward. He wondered suddenly if Carter would think him too old after all these years. While she was still in her late-30's, he had recently celebrated 52. He decided it didn't matter at the moment. He'd get her through this, and then lay his cards out on the table, and let her make the decision. He would respect whatever she had to say, even if crushed him.
Jack decided to go directly to the observation room instead of Jacob's room. When he opened the door, he saw a slim figure sitting there, hands clasped in front of her. Sam looked over as he slid into the chair beside her, their shoulders touching. He needed to do something. He needed to help her. They chatted inanely about Jacob, but it was stuff they both already knew. Without thinking, he slid his arm around her shoulder, pulling him to her. She reached up and took his hand and leaned into him. Without conscious thought, he knew this was right. This was where he was meant to be. Carter needed him, and he'd be there for her in every way he could. Always.
They sat, him holding her, tears slipping gently down her cheeks, watching the Tok'ra perform their rituals. When they were done, Sam looked over without saying a word. They stared at each other momentarily before she stood and went down to say a last goodbye to Jacob. Jack watched from the control room, and wanted nothing more than to wrap her in his arms and tell her how much he admired her, and how very much he loved her. He'd tried letting her go, but deep down, he knew he never would. He'd promised Jacob he would tell her, and he would. She had to know, and he had to say it. She was engaged to Shanahan, but before she walked down the aisle, she had to know how he felt. If she still went through with the wedding, then he would at least know he'd tried. He'd spent too many years trying to keep his feelings under wraps, and in that damn room, but if he didn't at least try, like Jacob had told him earlier, he'd regret it for the rest of his life.