From here it is going more and more AU and for me that's means it's getting better. I hope for you too.
Enjoy, and please leave a review.
A letter
When John entered the Abbey he was angry and he needed to find Thomas. But it was not until the afternoon that he got a chance to confront him in the courtyard. One second both of them were smoking a cigarette and the next John had pinioned him against a wall. John started to speak with a low but very furious voice: "What did you do with Anna yesterday? I saw you both and I do not believe one word of this story." Thomas only smiled and said: "You're barking up the wrong tree, poor Mr. Bates. Believe me. I only helped." "What help did she need? Why has she been injured in that way?" John's voice became louder and ... the door opened. He moved quickly away from Barrow. The day was packed with work because Gillingham's valet hadn't shown up. He was sick or something and John had to attend the Lord too. He had no chance to see Barrow alone again.
His thoughts kept going back to Anna and her bruised face.
The day was horrible. She was nervous, twitchy and wanted to go for walk or speak to someone, but was too afraid to do so. She locked the door and checked it numerous times and in her mind it felt like she had to check it every minute. But she also felt trapped. The cottage had always been a place of refuge from the storms of the everyday life and now it felt wrong. She didn't feel secure anymore. Anna spent the day trembling, thinking, shouting and crying.
When John came back in the middle of the night after a long day he found her sleeping on the sofa. She looked exhausted and she was wearing her nightdress and dressing gown as she had when he left her. The kitchen was a small shock too. The breakfast was still standing on the table. He would insist in the morning that she had to see Clarkson. She was no longer herself.
She woke in the night with a scream and shortly after that John came down the stairs. He tried to calm her but she refused to let him. When she was more awake he did make tea and they sat down at the table and John insisted that she had to see Dr. Clarkson the next day and Anna was in some way happy about it.
In the morning she went to the doctor and he knew almost from first sight. He gave her something for calming her nerves, something for healing her skin and he wanted the reassurance that she was no beaten wife. Anna made it very clear that Mr. Bates was innocent but that she would not speak of it any further. They had a small quarrel about involving the police but Dr. Clarkson had quickly given in. It would be a dirty business and no one could foresee the outcome.
So Anna shared her secret a second time and in some way she was happy with that. The medicaments made it a little bit better but she knew that she would keep this story to herself when she saw the pity in the eyes of Dr. Clarkson. She decided John should know, but not yet. She needed time on her own. She couldn't face his pain now. At the moment it was quite difficult to face her on pain. After seeing Clarkson she went back to the Abbey and in truth everyone was worried about her, but she was relieved when John had to dress the Lord and that she afterwards had to attend Lady Mary. Lady Mary was also very concerned but Anna could convince her she was okay and because of that Lady Mary told her that she wanted her to accompany her for a whole week in London. That would mean some more time by herself. Anna was afraid because of that but at the same time it was her escape from John and Downton.
Anna told John in the courtyard that she had to go with Lady Mary to London and that she would go to the cottage and pack but would have to sleep at the Abbey since it was more convenient. When he laid in their bed alone that night his thoughts started wandering and he only slept for one or two hours before he got up. Very early he went to the Abbey and found Anna in the servant's hall. She was pale and he was not sure if she had eaten something at all. John sat down beside her and she got up and when he tried to reach out for her she flinched again. He could not remember when she ever did something like this. He said: "Anna, see, I am totally sorry. I know I shouted at you in public. It all started with this silly game. I know I did something wrong and I want to talk to you. It seems that we are no longer touching or talking and you have not laughed for days, at least not in my presence. I have written a letter to you. Please take it with you and read it when you are in London and write to me or talk to me when you are back. I will miss you." She took the letter.
A friend?
Thomas woke in the night. He heard the screams of a woman. He grabbed his trousers, opened his door and then realized the calmness around him. He had been asleep. He had had a nightmare. He heard Anna's voice again. He couldn't imagine how this night had turned out for Anna. When he saw her again two days later she looked worse than she had ever looked in her life. There was a bruise badly covered with a little bit of makeup and of course she normally used none of it and she looked so tired. Thomas stood near to her when Mrs. Hughes asked if everything was alright and Anna nodded shyly and Thomas said: "Anna must have hit the table when she was falling the other day. Perhaps you need some more time off." But Anna's eyes begged him to stop and John Bates was looking at her with a strange expression on his face. Thomas decided to speak with Anna outside. They got a moment before the Afternoon Tea and Anna even took the cigarette Thomas was offering. It calmed her. Thomas was always an outsider and now Anna felt for the first time outside everything too. She felt outside her body and her soul. This concerned all her life so far. Anna felt outside her life. When she was speaking with Thomas she was starting to feel the same as him. These days he always was at a distance to everything around him and at present she felt only secure in this exact distance. Everything inside her hurt. Every feeling deepened her wounds and the pain was overwhelming. When she saw the love in John's eyes or if she woke in the night after a nightmare bathed in sweat it felt the same. It was all too much. Her heart was beating like it wanted to burst and simultaneously her chest was pressed together and she could not breath anymore. The only way of not feeling like going mad or dying was trying to feel nothing at all.
When she was speaking with Thomas she could be at a distance even to herself and in a way it was the only possible way to connect to someone. Anna thought she was not the same person anymore and John was still married to that other laughing Anna. Mrs. Hughes had educated this other Anna and she didn't know how to be this person anymore. It was like she had forgotten her. Anna felt like everyone was expecting something from her. Thomas did not expect anything. Actually he did. He wanted to have information from upstairs. But he did not expect her to act in a certain way. He even encouraged her to be different when anyone else wanted back the person she could not be anymore.
Thomas decided he would not try blackmailing or threaten her because that would only drive her back into the arms of Bates. He would try to be a friend and she would need one. He smiled and thought: "You are talking to a friend much more than with an enemy". And he could tell his own tale about what happened in the boot room when it would bring him some reward.
They met more often in their breaks and Thomas learned that Anna was a witty observer of all the small and sometimes even the bigger things in Downton but she was still on her guard. He made up his mind that he needed a real spy upstairs but he was happy to have Anna in his pocket now and Anna was anxious and happy that someone in Downton knew. In a way she felt protected when Thomas was standing beside her whenever someone tried to approach her to ask about her health or behavior. Anna didn't realize that normally John would have stood besides her. It was not his fault but she just couldn't stand his love because she did not know if she was still the woman he loved. She felt completely changed. Thomas really enjoyed these moments when Mr. Bates looked like an injured puppy. Since he had forced him against the wall in the men's quarters he wanted to hurt him and now he had found the perfect way. Anna avoided John's eyes and so she never saw his pain. She did not even feel her own anymore.