A/N: We are overwhelmed at the amount of follows, favorites, and reviews! Thanks so much for giving this story a chance! We're glad to see that people are starting to love this story as much as we do! There have been multiple reviews asking what our endgame is… Rizzles is the word! (;
When Jane arrived at the hospital, she demanded to be alerted to when Maura's surgery was complete. During the two hours that Jane spent pacing the hallway, fists clenching and unclenching, hands aimlessly wandering through her dark, unkempt hair, Jane had prepared her speech for when Maura would wake up. She had bargained and pleaded with God, praying that Maura came through the surgery with no complications. But fear and anger won out, and she found herself being furious that Maura would keep something this life altering to herself. "Don't we tell each other everything?" Jane thought. "Well, maybe not everything. Some things you can't say out loud, things that would ruin a friendship. Those things you keep to yourself." As Jane wrestled with this inner dialogue, her anger put a stop to that thought process.
Jane stopped pacing and stared out a window, thinking about her best friend and being completely overwhelmed by this woman who was so generous that she would give her kidney to a complete stranger, only to be subjected to the pain of anonymity that came with it. She thought to herself, "I couldn't be that generous. They don't deserve her, not any part of her, not after the way they have rejected her, discarded her." Jane cringed when she remembered the night she picked Maura up off her living room floor after Hope and Cailin had left her there alone, rejected, and broken. As Jane felt the weight of Maura in her arms, she knew in that moment she loved her more than anyone should ever love another person. It was Jane who was there to console, reassure, and love. It was Jane that pushed the strands of tear-soaked hair off Maura's face, who held her as sobs wracked her petite frame. Maura's hurt consumed Jane, and she vowed then to never allow Hope Martin to get close enough to Maura to cause such emotional pain.
Tears formed in her eyes, and she put her hand up on the window, steadying herself. From somewhere behind her, she heard a voice call out, "Family of Dr. Isles?" As she turned around, her eyes met the surgeon's and she exhaled. An exhale that was full of relief, and fighting more times that she cared to admit since she entered the hospital, the urge to burst into tears. It was in this moment, she promised herself that at some point when she could put this behind her, she would come clean with Maura about her feelings. It wasn't normal for a "friend" to feel this way; to be unable to function without the other's presence.
Jane followed the surgeon, Dr. Womack, back a long corridor while he filled her in on the details of the surgery. Dr. Womack explained that while it was an outpatient procedure, it would be a day or two before Maura was released because they need to monitor her vitals and see how quickly she rebounds from the anesthesia. He also added that Jane could visit with her as long as Dr. Isles allowed her to be there. Jane had been so engrossed in her thoughts that she continued walking and bumped right into the surgeon as he had stopped outside of a recovery bay. Dr. Womack motioned for Jane to make herself comfortable, and assured her that Dr. Isles would have nurses in and out until they moved her to her private room for observation.
Jane was immediately struck at how pale and fragile Maura looked lying on the hospital bed. Her golden hair was fanned out across the pillow and her pale lips were parted. She was dwarfed by the hospital gown she wore and as Jane approached, she could see the gentle rise and fall of her chest. She looked so peaceful, although that wouldn't last long, and Jane winced remembering the surgeon's explanation of what the next few weeks of healing had in store for Maura. The surge of anger she felt initially dissipated, and was replaced with a feeling of relief and a feeling of joy that she could be here, be present with her. Maura wasn't alone and she would never be alone again as long as Jane had breath left in her body. She wouldn't allow Hope and Cailin to reject Maura again. Pulling a plush chair up next to the bed, she sat down and took Maura's hand in hers. She allowed the tears that had been threatening all day to fall.
Jane must have fallen asleep, the emotional turmoil having exhausted her, and she was startled awake by a squeeze to her hand and a sharp intake of breath. "Maura," Jane cried. "Do I need to get a nurse?"
As brown eyes met hazel, Jane watched the confusion, the realization, and finally panic overcome the face of the beautiful doctor. "No...just...everything hurts," Maura manages as tears welled up and threaten to spill over.
Jane pushed the nurse's button frantically. In that moment, Jane would have literally done anything if it meant freeing Maura from the physical pain and emotional turmoil her biological family had brought with them. In this moment, Jane selfishly wished that Hope and Cailin had never come into Maura's life. Jane pushed Maura's hair back from her cheek and leaned over to kiss her forehead. She knew the road to recovery from this surgery would be long and emotionally draining.
"It's ok...it's all going to be ok. I'm here. I'm here." Jane murmured softly as she stroked Maura's hair, praying silently that the nurse would come and give her something to take the edge off the pain.
As Maura struggled to get comfortable, one of the nurses came in and asked Maura to rate her pain. Jane threw the nurse a dirty look and let out a discontented snort, as it was clear that Maura was in a considerable amount of pain. Jane was barely paid attention to as more medication was pushed into Maura's IV. The nurse informed Maura before she slipped back into sleep that Dr. Womack would be in to check her blood pressure readings again prior to moving her to a private room.
Maura had been moved to her private room, and Jane stood with her back to the hospital bed and her hands shoved in her pant pockets as she stared out the window at the Boston skyline. She had spent at least an hour watching the medical examiner sleep. She knew that Maura was beautiful, but she was not prepared for the emotions that overtook her as she sat at her bedside. Jane was mesmerized at the splay of freckles across her nose, her dark lashes and the way they danced while she dreamt, and how her lips parted gently every so often when she exhaled. Jane wanted to reach out and smooth her hand over Maura's jaw line. God, what I wouldn't give to know what her skin would feel like under my lips. In that moment, Jane extricated herself from the chair and scolded herself internally, working hard to tamp down the feelings that so often came bubbling to the surface whenever she thought about Maura. Now is not the time, Rizzoli.
She heard a light knock on the door, and as she turned around, Angela walked in, carrying lunch and a bouquet of flowers. Angela set the flowers down on the side table and bent down to press a kiss into Maura's hair.
"How's it going in here?" she asked.
Jane sighed. "As good as expected, I guess. She hasn't come to yet, but they expect her to soon. I just pray she won't be in a lot of pain," she said, gazing at Maura and absentmindedly covering her friend's hand with her own. The tenderness in her voice surprised Angela. There was something almost reverent about it.
Angela took notice of the gesture, but decided against mentioning it. She had never seen Jane so still, so quiet, so grounded. Her eyebrows rose as she took in the gestures before her, but when Jane met her gaze, she could see the hurt, betrayal, and anger threatening to erupt.
"Jane," Angela whispered and motioned for Jane to follow her over to other side of the room. "What are you thinking, honey?" Angela knew that getting her to discuss her feelings almost never happened. She was more likely to talk about her feelings with Maura than with anyone else. Angela momentarily felt badly for capitalizing on Jane's moment of weakness, but there was a sense of urgency that accompanied this observation. She knew that emotions such as these could ruin the best of friendships, or rather the best of relationships, if not dealt with properly.
Angela looked at Jane, really looked at her, for the first time in a long time and slowly took in her daughter's countenance. Jane's raven hair was as wild as ever but attempted to be tamed in a ponytail. Her dark brown eyes were red-rimmed, and she worried at her bottom lip. Her posture was decidedly depressed, with her shoulders drooping forward and her hands shoved deep into her pants. This wasn't the countenance of a friend. This was the countenance of something deeper, something undiscovered. Angela reached out to smooth a stay curl from Jane's face and she leaned into her mother's touch. She took a hesitant step forward and allowed Angela to wrap her up in an embrace.
As Angela tightened her grip around her daughter, relishing the fact that Jane was actually allowing her to hold her, she felt the sobs as they wracked Jane's body. Minutes passed before her body relaxed into Angela's as the sobs subsided. "Wha-what if...if she...wha-what," Jane hiccupped and Angela held Jane's head to her shoulder, her hand rubbing soothing circles against her back. Angela directed them to the small built-in couch and they sat down facing one another. She took Jane's hand in her own and placed her other hand under Jane's chin, guiding her gaze to her eyes.
"Look at me, Jane. Maura is fine. She made this decision because she felt like this was something she had to do. She is such a generous person, Jane, and you should not take this decision as a slight against you. If she had turned her back on Cailin, she wouldn't be the person that you love." Jane's eyes widened and before she could retreat, Angela shook her head almost imperceptibly. "I can't believe….all these years, and I haven't seen it."
Jane swallowed thickly, her breathing threatening to progress into hyperventilation. "Ma…" She started.
"Jane, let me explain something to you. There is nothing, absolutely nothing, that you could tell me about yourself that would ever separate me from loving you. Accepting you. You are my daughter and I am in awe of you." She reached out and placed her hand on Jane's cheek.
Maura hears whispers of a distant conversation, voices recognizable, as she tries to work through the thick fog her brain is engulfed in. Her mouth is dry and she wishes she could just manage to open her eyes. She lay still, trying to gather her wits about her, when she hears the voices rise. Suddenly she becomes aware that the conversation is about her. She desperately tries to process what is being said, but her brain is so hazy from the painkillers, she's having difficulty focusing.
"Jane," Angela continued, "people live their whole lives without finding what you have found in Maura. What the two of you have defies logic, convention. You couldn't be any more opposite, but instead of it hindering your relationship, it strengthens it. Please don't throw this away for harbored anger. I know how you felt about her even considering donating her kidney but Jane, this was her decision. I know you're hurt that she didn't confide in you, but please understand where she is coming from. Please come to terms with whom you are and who you love, and know that our family supports you in everything that you do. We love you and we love Maura. She makes you happy, Jane. All we've ever wanted is for you to be happy. For Maura to be happy."
Hurt. Love. Happy. Snapshots of a conversation between Angela and Jane. Maura's heart is skipping beats, and she feels lightheaded and grounded all at the same time. She hears the alarms on the monitors start to go off and within seconds, the door is opening and the nurse, Erin, rushes in to check her vitals and clear the monitors. The commotion in the room drew Angela and Jane from their conversation and both women flanked Maura in her hospital bed as she awoke. "Maur?" she hears, and she becomes aware of two scarred hands pressing into her arm. Her eyes fluttered open and her heart swelled as she took in the sight of these women in front of her. These women who had dropped everything today to come and be by her side. She laughed bitterly at herself inside, her conscience telling her that she isn't deserving of their love, their support. She managed a weak smile and her eyes flitted back from Jane to Angela. They seemed to be in a staring contest of sorts. She watched as Angela's eyes tried to convey a silent message to Jane. She noticed that Jane was looking pointedly at Angela, desperately trying to convey her own silent message.
Maura finally broke the silence, "How did...who told you I was here?"
Jane replied flippantly, "I'm a detective, Maura. It didn't take long for me to realize where you were when I got to work and was informed you had taken an 'extended leave of absence'."
Angela asked cautiously, "Maura, sweetheart, how do you feel?" She threw Jane a look, eyes imploring Jane to be kind.
"I'm very sore, much more so than I had anticipated. And I'm exhausted, but thank you for asking." Maura sighed and turned her attention back to Jane. She swallowed thickly and squeezed Jane's hand. Jane was avoiding eye contact with her at all costs.
Maura decided that she would give Jane the space she needed so she again turned her attention back to Angela. "Thank you so much for coming."
Angela sighed and ran her hand through Maura's hair, smoothing it back from her face. "Maura," she started, "why didn't you tell us?"
Maura chuckled, knowing that she could always depend on Angela to cut right to the chase. It would take days for her to pull that question out of Jane. "Angela… it's complicated."
Jane let out a dry laugh and replied, "When is it not complicated with your family?"
Angela looked across the hospital bed at Jane, dumbfounded at her response. This woman was just consumed with fear at the mere thought of losing Maura, yet here she was, reconstructing the wall to keep everyone out.
Maura withdrew her hand from Jane's and tried to push herself up into more of a sitting position, but she felt the impact of the carbon dioxide that had been pumped into her stomach cavity and the force of the pressure on her shoulder literally stole her breath away. She leaned over to the other side, trying to catch her breath. Never in a lifetime could she have anticipated the amount of pain associated with donating a kidney. The literature she pored over did not prepare her for this. Jane could see the physical struggle Maura was engaged in, and all of the anger subsided, again, as she reached out to help Maura back into a reclining position.
"Why are you holding your shoulder, Maura? Do I need to call for a doctor?" Maura was shocked by the amount of fear and uncertainty she heard in Jane's voice.
Maura allowed Jane's hands to guide her onto her back and she took a deep breath. "It's the carbon dioxide they pumped into my stomach cavity. It's quite common, but I wasn't prepared for the level of pain associated with it." Maura's eyes finally met Jane's and she gave her a half smile, "I'm ok." Jane held up Maura's morphine pump that Erin showed her earlier and pushed the button, unconvinced.
"Rest." Jane ordered. "There's nothing to talk about now that can't wait. I'll be here when you wake up." She pulled her seat up next to Maura's bedside.
Angela stood across from her girls, watching in amazement at how tender Jane could be. Jane was looking at her hands, which encased one of Maura's. But Maura, Angela noticed, was looking directly at Jane, something between guilt and adoration playing across her features.
Angela leaned over and kissed Maura on the forehead. "I'm going to go so you can get some rest." She looked across at Jane, adding, "Call me if you need anything."
Jane asked as Angela gathered her belongings, "Ma, will you please look after Jo Friday until-"
Maura cut her off and whispered, "Jane, you don't have to stay here with me."
Jane ignored Maura's comment and added for good measure, "Will you bring me a change of clothes, some pajamas and some personal items? My overnight bag is in my closet."
Angela nodded, a thin smile playing across her lips. "Sure, honey. I love you girls," she said softly as she pushed open the door to Maura's room.
Jane could feel Maura's eyes on her as the silence engulfed them. "I won't leave you, Maur," was all Maura heard before she was pulled back into sleep.
Maura had woken up for dinner and refused to eat. An argument ensued. Jane won. Another argument ensued over what to watch on TV. Maura won. Jane thought it felt nice that things seemed somewhat normal between them. Maura fell asleep shortly after the documentary began, and Jane had been channel surfing when she heard the first whimper. She took Maura's hand and stroked her arm, whispering and consoling her. She could see Maura's respiration rate change and it just destroyed her to see Maura in such pain. She impulsively slipped her shoes off and gingerly climbed into the bed, spooning Maura. She was careful not to disturb any of the leads or her IV, but she scooted as close as she could until she could smell Maura's shampoo. She continued to whisper words of consolation in her ear, rubbing her hand up and down her arm until the tension in her body relaxed.
When Maura woke up a short time later, she noted that the sun was setting and she was lying on her side. She could feel the weight of a familiar body pressed up against her. She smiled, a genuine smile despite the discomfort, at the warmth radiating from Jane's body. Maura's body ached in places she had never felt pain before. Her mouth was dry and she was hungry, but she wouldn't disrupt Jane. She couldn't bear to not be touching her. It was like every other time; she was comforted in sleep by Jane's body pressed into her. So she closed her eyes and allowed Jane's breathing to lull her back to sleep.
Angela quietly slipped into the private room and stopped at the sight before her. She had ended up working late, and as she gathered some of Jane's things, she contemplated just dropping them off in the morning, but she was so glad she had decided to deliver the requested items tonight. Moonlight was streaming in through the blinds and Jane was curled up behind Maura, her right arm gingerly draped over Maura's side and her hand was tucked into Maura's. One of Jane's legs had separated Maura's and it was difficult to tell where one woman started and the other began. Angela was struck at the peace on both of their faces. She laid Jane's belongings on the couch and backed out of the room.
It was impossible for Erin and Jessie, the nurses at the station, to ignore the smile of the Rizzoli matriarch as she passed by them on her way out of the hospital. They couldn't get to the room of Dr. Isles fast enough. Jessie pried open the door to Maura's room and they gaped at the women entangled in one another. At the sight before them, Jessie groaned as she and Erin exchanged a knowing glance. Jessie reached into the pocket of her scrubs and handed over a twenty dollar bill.
"Told ya."