A/N: Alrighty, I'm back! Thank you, Peaches732, for your review and favorite!

To understand this next chapter you MUST read this for reference: Soup-Guy is the nickname my friends and I gave Yeto, that Yeti that was making the soup from the Reekfish. Similarly, his wife, Yeta, was named the Blanket-Lady. And Sheik is a guy here, OK? If you see something saying 'she' in reference to Sheik, let me know, because originally, I was writing him as Zelda. But now he's not.

Oh, and Mr.Nay Nay is the nickname a friend of mine gave his horse, who's real name is Epona.

Chapter 2

Link yawned and stretched as he shuffled across his floor to his refrigerator. Last night, Skull Kid, a Stalfos from Arbiter's Grounds, Ooccoo, several squirrels, two monkeys, and Epona had all played card games until Ooccoo Jr. had fallen asleep and they all returned to their respective homes.

FLASHBACK!

"Aw, great! How am I supposed to get back to the Gerudo Desert without scaring the Cannon Guy half to death?" the Stalfos groaned, staring down at its rotted, skeletal body.

UN-FLASHBACK!

"Uhn… need milk," Link groaned, rubbing the sleep from his eyes, and opening the innocent-looking door to the refrigerator.

Link's morning routine was abruptly cut short as several strips of bacon were flung at him by the refrigerator, accompanied with a cry of "BACON'D!" More correctly, someone IN the refrigerator. Link dove for cover behind a convenient table, overturning it and crouching down until it seemed impossible that his assailant had any more bacon to fling.

Very cautiously, Link leaned out to see who – or what – was attacking him. In his refrigerator, wearing form-fitting blue clothes, was a figure. The person had short, blonde hair, red eyes, a white hat, and a white veil that covered most of their face. It was completely impossible to tell whether it was a boy or a girl.

"Uh, who are you, and what are you doing in my refrigerator?" Link asked.

"I'm Sheik, of the Sheikah. I'm living in here, of course. What does it look like I'm doing?" Sheik gestured around at the other items in the fridge. There was a pillow, countless packages of bacon, a fuzzy blanket, a toothbrush, some toothpaste, a yellow bottle with "Mean Mr. Mustard" scrawled on it, a harp, and a wheel of moldy, half eaten Ordon Goat Cheese.

"But why are you living in my refrigerator? And when did you get here?"

"I got here last night, obviously. As for the first question… I don't really know. Maybe I'm guarding this here bottle of milk," Sheik said, waving the item in question at the Hero, "from being poisoned by Ganondorf."

"Oh, okay," Link said before stopping and staring at his visitor with a confused look. "Wait, Ganondorf is dead! I impaled him! …Again! How do you know about that guy, anyway?!"

"Eh, erm… well, never mind that! Ganondorf… well, we never actually saw him die, now did we?" Sheik wiggled his eyebrows as he said this "He always seems to show up again, so, by the Light Spirits, we might as well be prepared for once!" (Author's Note: REOCCURRING BAD GUY ALERT!)

"…You make absolutely no sense!"

Sheik threw back his head and laughed. "I will, Hero! Eehehehehehehe! I will!" Sheik grinned, then, and sat back in the fridge. "Now, what did you want?"

"Milk" Link said. Sheik chucked him the bottle, before slamming the refrigerator door.

"How does he breathe in there?" Link muttered to himself before uncorking his drink and downing its contents. (After all, Link cannot exist without nummy coughLon Loncough Ordon Milk!)

Unnoticed by the Hero, a dark, looming shadow was slowly creeping up behind him. Now, Link would normally notice this, but the milk consumed his full attention. As the shadow drew closer and closer, it resisted the urge to either break into a monologue about how pathetic Link was, or laugh evilly. Or both.

Just as it drew a large, faintly glowing sword from beneath its cloak, and was about to stab the preoccupied milk drinker, Sheik burst out of the refrigerator, hurling the entire stock of bacon and the wheel of cheese at the shadow, screaming:

"CHEESE'D and BACON'D!"

"Hey, ow! Owch! That hurt! Oh, the humiliation!" Ganondorf (for of course, it was he) shouted, falling out of his handy disguise of The Ominous Creeping Shadow™.

"Wah, it's Ganondorf!" Link cried, pointing at his worst enemy.

"You don't say?" Sheik said sarcastically, panting heavily and squinting one red eye at the self-proclaimed King of Evil.

"The humiliation!" Ganondorf said again, pulling himself off of the floor.

"Shut up!" Sheik screamed, flinging another piece of bacon at the Gerudo, causing him to stagger backwards.

"You will pay for your insolence with your lives!" Ganondorf yelled, brandishing his awesome glowy-sword, "The history of light and shadow will be written in blood-"

Ganondorf's inevitable monologue was cut short as a startling guitar riff shattered what little peace the morning had left.

"What? What was that?" Sheik peered curiously out the front window of the house.

"Muahahaha! ROCK ON!"

There, between the little patch of dirt in front of Link's house and the winding path that lead to Ordon Village, was a death metal band.

The name Black Stallord was emblazoned on the base drum and the band member's ripped clothes and dark sunglasses. The drummer was very large, didn't appear to have any arms, and wore a pink, blue and white patchwork quilt. The lead singer was very, very short and had chubby cheeks, the bassist wore a weird green jumpsuit, and the very scrawny guitarist wore a red uniform with a tall red cap.

However, there was a fifth person among the group, someone who obviously was just stopping by (because he didn't wear ripped clothes or sunglasses), and was holding the guitar guilty of creating the noise. And he was the one in the fit of maniacal laughter.

"Thanks for letting me do that, guys… And girls," he said, handing the still vibrating guitar back to the chubby singer.

"You're welcome, Dark," said the drummer, before giggling her signature giggle. Dark nodded absently as he turned to look at the tree house behind him.

"Let's see whom I so rudely awakened," he said humming absently as he climbed up the ladder. Sheik and Link beat the mysterious cough, cough visitor to the door, flinging it open, and staring at the person with wide eyes. (Or, in Sheik's case, eye; I don't think he can see with all that hair in front of his face!) He had white hair, a black tunic, red eyes, and he looked almost exactly like Link.

"Oh, hi. I'm Dark. I see you're awake!" Dark said as he looked at the two people in front of him. (He is just Dark. Not Dark Link. That's a wholly unoriginal name! Blame Navi!)

"Erm, yes," said Link. Dark examined the Sheikah and the Hylian, frowning unhappily.

"But I didn't wake you up. Curses! This is what I get for not hurrying…" he muttered crossly. "Oh well. Let's see… Ahem… I have been sent by Prince Ralis to ask for your help."

"Help in what?"

"Eradicating a particularly violent strain of aquatic Moldorms. They've stolen his headdress, and are befuddling tourists in Crossbow Training. When they're aquatic it's SO much worse, you know."

"Hem, haw…hem, haw…"

"AND, might I add, good sir, that they are NOM NOM NOM-ing our Reekfish! Zora's Domain just ain't the same without that delicious whiffy smell. Plus, Soup-Guy is having violent urges."

"Tut tut tut."

"And…when Soup-Guy ain't happy, NO ONE'S happy."

"Tsk…"

"PLUS THEY'RE FREAKIN' UGLY!! JUST TRY TO RULE A RACE WHEN ONE O' THOSE SUCKERS POPS UP IN YER FACE!!"

"Hrm…"

"ARE YOU GOING TO SAY ANYTHING BESIDES VARIOUS TRANSITORY NONSENSE WORDS??"

"Uh…"

"THE HERO OF TWILIGHT IS SUPPOSED TO BE REASONABLY INTELLIGENT!!"

"Erm…"

"That's it. I'm gonna' go fetch Ilia. She could do the job with her blathering prattle." Dark spun around and stalked away from the Hero of Twilight and the Last of the Sheikah.

"Aurgh!" Link yelled, "no!"

"What's wrong?" Sheik asked.

"What's wrong? What's wrong? WHAT IS WRONG?!"

"Stop repeating yourself."

"He's about to unleash the terror of Ilia on Zora's Domain!" Link screamed. Sheik had no time to question him any further, because he rushed out of the house. Sheik gave one last suspicious glance back at Ganondorf before hurrying away to stop the Shadow.

Dark knocked on Bo's front door, grumbling angrily to himself. He pretended to perk up when Ilia's father opened the door.

"Hello, my good sir. I am here to ask for the assistance of your daughter in saving an entire race from aquatic monsters and enraged Yeti."

Bo said nothing.

"It is of great importance that she assist me in this task!"

"…Hey, Ilia! Link's here, and I think he's asking you out on a date!" Bo said, turning back and calling into the house. While Dark gasped and recoiled in horror at the suggestion, a delighted squeal echoed ominously from the depths of the house.

"Ah, Mr. Mayor, Sir! Please, that's not-"

"Oh, Link! You're so romantic! Where are we going?" Ilia squealed, bouncing up and down. Majora's Muffin gazed desperately at Dark with huge orange eyes from the cage of Ilia's arms.

Swallowing the bile rising in his throat, Dark forced a smile onto his face that ended up looking like a pained grimace.

"Zora's Domain."

"Ooooh! Zora's Domain! How beautiful! Oh, daddy, can I go? Please?"

"Of course, dearest." Bo said. How did he stay sane with THIS living under his roof?! Most likely, he didn't.

"Oooooooohh but Link, can I bring Timmy-Muffin?" She said, looking up at him with ridiculously large, wavering eyes and a quivering lip. Dark gagged but held a toothy expression on his face that in no way could be seen as anything but an expression of hatred. Unless you were Ilia, of course. He was about to say no, but "Timmy" looked so terrified of being left behind with Bo, that Dark gave in.

"Yes." He spat.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! THANK YOU!!" She shrieked. Dark cringed. Perhaps he shouldn't have given up on the Hero so early… but it was too late now. Turning away from the father and daughter and muffin, Dark summoned his horse: Mr. Nay-Nay. The demon-horse gave the situation a good once-over and then glared at Dark with one glowing red eye.

"Don't blame me, boy! I have to keep up my end of the deal!" He hissed to his horse. Mr. Nay-Nay snorted and stamped a hoof, but let it pass. "Now, come on… "

A/N: I'm so happy that this story is finally going up! It started September in first period last year... and it evolved into this! Just look what happens when your teacher gives you easy assignments and a computer.