A/N: Based on a theory, of course. And I apologize for any error vs. the actual dialogue as I'm going off the novelization and memory. And thanks, as always, to AstraPerAspera for the beta and idea sharing.
Most of the time, it wasn't a problem. He went on as though nothing had happened, still the same reckless and carefree quick talker he'd always been. But in the dark and quiet of his bunk, in the minutes before waking and sleeping, he'd remember...
The warm weight of the child in his lap as he'd worked the Falcon controls, only occasionally having to swat small hands away as they reached out to try and press buttons and pull levers themselves. His quick, "You're too little, sweetheart," was usually – but not always – sufficient to stop them.
Squeals of delight filling his ears as he'd bank the ship quickly (too quickly, as the voice at his shoulder would usually remind him), then looking down into eyes gleaming with a sheer joy at the speed that matched his own. Hell, who didn't love an admiring audience?
Tiny shoes dangled over the deck edge above him as he tangled himself in the Falcon's guts, making yet another necessary repair. He might have had to reach just a little further to grab each tool held out for him, but he only had to describe each one once; even as a toddler the kid was a natural.
Yeah, it was usually only in the dark, as he was drifting away, that he let the memories overtake him. Memories which were all he'd ever have now. Ben he missed too, of course. But Ben was... complicated, his memories far more painful. But his daughter... Even his last memory of her, smiling up at him as she held her uncle's hand, proud to finally be old enough to join her big brother in training, believing her parents would be back to visit soon... Even that was too precious to lose.
He closed his eyes, clearing the memories. Now wasn't the time.
He cast another sidelong glance at the woman standing next to him, this young woman who seemed to have dropped out of the sky and whose skills and excitement pulled up memories of his own lost daughter and what might have been. Just when he'd almost forgotten how good it felt to fly with someone whose enthusiasm matched his own, or who could give back as good as she got, firing words back at him as quickly as he could deliver. And whether he wanted to admit it or not, he'd missed that, too.
She smiled at him, the expression lighting her face, and he couldn't quite prevent one corner of his mouth from twitching upwards in response as he felt something break loose inside him. He suppressed it as soon as he felt it – he was too good a sabaac player to show his hand that quickly – but damn it felt good to smile again.
In that instant, he made up his mind.
"Hey, Rey... I've been thinking about taking on some more crew..."