"Last time on Total Drama Pahkitew Island! It's an all new season with an all-new island. And eighteen all new victims... I mean competitors. Two incredible teams were created. And when I say incredible, I mean incredibly weird. The first challenge was to build a shelter. Team Kinosewak's tree fort was a clear winner. Especially when compared to Team Maskwak's useless wizards tower. And for not doing too much to help his team other than making annoying noises. Beardo was sent home via the all-new Cannon of Shame. So, what can we expect in the second challenge? Find out soon. On: Total. Drama. Pahkitew Island!"
At Team Kinosewak's tree fort all the contestants are asleep. Jasmine is sleeping up in the tree unlike the rest of her team who is in the cabin. Jasmine wakes up and climbs down from her tree. Amy sticks her head out of the window.
"Ugh, what are you doing?" Amy asked.
"I'm going to forage for some food," Jasmine said. "Want to come?"
"Not really... But I'm sure Samey wants to" Amy said.
Amy rushed over to Sammy's bed.
"Samey! Wake up!" Amy said.
Amy pushes Sammy towards Jasmine. Sammy is still in her pajamas.
"Go with Jasmine to get your team some breakfast," Amy said. "And don't be all lazy like when you were born"
Confessional
"After I was born I had to wait seventeen minutes for Samey to come out," Amy said. "Of course, I have very little memory before the age of two... But it was probably very annoying for me!"
End Confessional
Over on Team Maskwak Leonard is telling his team a story.
"It was then that I and my bard Tammy encountered an Umbercolossis," Leonard said. "Luckily I had enough mana to banish it with a displacement spell"
"Mr. Wizard I don't understand what you're saying half the time. That's how I know you're smart" Sugar said.
"A harrowing tale of dungeons and dice, and stopping a monster that just wasn't nice!" Ella sang.
"Shut it dressy" Sugar said.
"Agreed, your voice is giving me a head earthquake" Dorothy said.
"You mean a headache?" Sky asked.
"Yeah, one of them" Dorothy said.
Confessional
"I'm on to Ella's nice girls act," Sugar said. "She'd better watch her step"
End Confessional
"Maybe instead of making up stories we could do something productive?" Dave suggested.
"You doubt my word?" Leonard asked. "It happened"
"Yeah, and I'm related to Thomas Jefferson," Daryl said sarcastically. "Actually, I am related the far less popular Herbert Hoover"
"I still banished several demons" Leonard said.
"Will you all shut up!" Dave said angrily.
"What Dave means is that we should find an actual shelter" Sky said.
"We used rocks as pillows last night," Dave said. "Very dirty rocks"
"I levitated all night" Leonard said.
Confessional
"Am I on the right show? Or did I land on my head when I fell from the Zeppelin?" Dave asked. "Is that is? Am I unconscious and this is just a nightmare?"
End Confessional
"Guys, with our... Diverse set of skills we can win the challenge" Sky said. "But we have to work together. Go Team Maskwak!"
"Go Team Maskwak!" Everyone else cheered.
Meanwhile, Sammy and Jasmine are looking for food.
"You should stand up to your sister," Jasmine said. "You're an underdog and underdogs have got a lot of fight and honour in them"
"Um... Yeah, I guess" Sammy said.
Jasmine notices a weird looking bush.
"Huh, that's a Chinese mulberry bush. What's it doing up in Canada?" Jasmine asked.
Jasmine turns around and notices that Sammy is about to eat a strange looking green apple.
"Sammy, no!" Jasmine exclaimed.
She picks up a sharp stick and throws it. It skewers the apple gets stuck on the tree.
"Whoa... I would have given you a bite if you asked" Sammy said.
"It's not that," Jasmine said. "That apple is a-"
"Manchinee fruit" A voice from above them said.
They look up and see Shawn standing up in a tree.
"The Spanish refer it it a Manzanilla de la Muerte" Shawn said. "AKA the little apple of death"
"He's right," Jasmine said. "It probably wouldn't have killed you. But it would have made your mouth blister something awful"
Sammy looks at her hand and realizes that she has a rash on it from the apple.
"Ah! My hand! It's so itchy" Sammy said.
"Congrats. You got your first lesson in survival 101" Shawn said. "Second lesson is go wash your hand off and scrub it with sand. That'll stop the swelling"
"But I'm supposed to help with the foraging" Sammy said.
"You won't be much help with your hand swollen like a wicket keepers glove" Jasmine said.
Shawn and Sammy give her a weird look.
"Cricket? It's a sport" Jasmine said. "Do you not have it in Canada?"
"Is it anything like curling?" Sammy asked.
"Just go" Jasmine said.
Sammy leaves. Jasmine notices the sack of berries that Shawn is carrying.
"Nice score," Jasmine said. "You're quite the outdoorsman"
"You gotta know stuff if you want to survive the impending zombie apocalypse" Shawn said.
"Right... So what were you doing in that tree?" Jasmine asked.
"That's where I slept last night," Shawn said. "No zombies can get me up there. They aren't strong climbers or swimmers"
"I hear that mate" Jasmine said.
Confessional
Jasmine is laughing in the confessional.
"Not only is he cute but he's kind of hilarious" Jasmine said.
End Confessional
"Good morning everybody!" Chris announced over the loud speakers. "But the only thing that's good is that it's about to get worse, for you. There's a path in the forest. Follow it to today's challenge"
Cut to team Maskwak walking down the path towards the challenge. They are all eating the berries that Shawn collected.
"You see, this is teamwork. Way to go Shawn" Sky said.
"I can't believe you found so much food so fast" Dave said.
"You'd make an excellent kitchen wizard" Leonard said.
"Um... Okay" Shawn said.
Confessional
"That Leonard kids obsession with magic is weird," Shawn said. "Not like my zombie obsession which is totally normal no matter what my grandparents say"
End Confessional
Meanwhile, on team Kinosewak they walking over to the challenge. They are enjoying the berries Jasmine and Sammy collected.
"These are excellent berries Amy," Topher said. "They give my skin that camera worthy glow"
"Yeah, thanks, Amy," Chuck said. "I mean, I accidentally crushed mine into a pulp with my giant hands... But still, it's good pulp"
"Um, uh, actually I got the berries," Sammy said. "Jasmine also helped"
"Right, sorry Samey, I have trouble telling you and Amy apart" Topher said.
"What he said" Chuck said.
"My name is Sammy" Sammy said.
"Nobody cares" Amy said.
The camera pans to the back where Max is talking to Scarlett.
"I have invented something," Max said. "It's so evil. So diabolical. So-"
"Shut up people. Let's pick up the pace" Chris said over the speakers.
"Yes sir" Max said.
Later the teams are gathered around Chris and Blaineley. There's a giant TV next to them.
"Hello victims," Chris said. "Welcome to the Obstacle Relay Race of Hilarious Hurt"
"He really likes alliteration" Blaineley said.
"Love the name," Topher said. "Total props Chris"
"I think he over did it a bit" Phoebe said.
"Thank you, Topher. And I don't care what you think Phoebe" Chris said.
"Now, each player takes on a different obstacle" Blaineley explained. "Starting with a greased log over a thorny bog"
Blaineley turns on the TV to reveal two logs covered in grease going over a bunch of thorns.
"After that you climb some greasy stairs and then get back down" Blaineley said.
The TV switches to two sets of stairs that go up and then down on the other side.
"That takes you to the greasy zipline" Blaineley explained.
The television turns to a greasy zipline going over a cliff.
"Then a short trip through the greasy tubes" Blaineley said.
The TV changes to a series of very greasy looking tubes.
"Next up are the grease tires" Blaineley explained.
The TV switches to a bunch of tires covered in grease lying on the ground.
"After that you have to take on the greasy stepping stones" Blaineley said.
The television changes over to a bunch of greasy stepping stones going over a pond.
"Then it's a pass off to the greasy wheelbarrow race" Blaineley explained.
The TV switches to two wheelbarrows with a lot of grease on the ground.
"And then the last lucky players have to climb up a greasy rope wall" Blaineley said.
The TV switches to a rope climbing wall with the wall and rope covered in grease.
"And when she says lucky, she means unlucky" Chris said.
"That's a lot of grease," Dave said. "It's very greasy... Like all of it!"
"Meh, I use grease to style my hair when I'm out of hair gel" Daryl said.
"Now, I was going to have you pass a relay baton," Chris said. "But I couldn't find any"
"What are you going to make us use instead?" Topher asked. "This is going to be great"
Chef drags two wild boars towards Chris and Blaineley.
"You will be using wild boars" Chris answered. "Not so much batons. But rather, bacons"
"Good one Chris" Topher said.
"Thank you Topher" Chris said.
Confessional
"I love pigs. This is gonna be just like back on the farm in North Carolina" Dorothy said. "I feed the pig, grow to love it, then I slit its throat and eat it in a delicious sandwich"
End Confessional
"First team to get their pig over the finish line wins" Chris said.
"But there are only eight obstacles and we're a team of eight" Scarlett pointed out.
"You're right. That means two of you will have to double up on one section of the race" Chris said. "Now's the time to decide who's one wich obstacle. Because the race is about to begin"
"Jasmine and I, sure do" Rodney said.
"What?" Jasmine asked.
"I mean... Ah! Focus Rodney" Rodney said to himself.
Rodney turns back to Jasmine.
"Two hearts strong can't- something," Rodney said. "I wrote a poem but I lost the-"
Amy cuts off Rodney by punching him in the stomach.
"Stop talking you creepy mouth breathing Appalachian," Amy said. "Samey and I will partner up"
Rodney starts staring at Amy.
Confessional
"I've never felt this way about anyone before," Rodney said. "Breaking up with Jasmine will be hard. But it's the right thing to do"
Second Confessional
"Every single time I meet a guy he's either gay or a complete creep," Amy said. "Rodney is without a doubt the creepiest guy I've ever met"
Third Confessional
"I can't believe Amy actually wants to be my partner," Sammy said. "Maybe this is some kind of turning point"
End Confessional
"It really wouldn't be fair to stick one of you with Samey," Amy said. "She needs my guidance since I am the superior twin"
"Okay team here's how we do it," Jasmine said. "Rodney goes first, Chuck takes the stairs, Topher goes next, Amy and Sammy go fourth, Scarlett on tires, Phoebe on the stepping stones, Max on the wheelbarrow, I'll take the wall"
"Got it" Topher said.
"Whatever you say Jasmine" Sammy said.
"Okay" Phoebe said.
"Yeah! Let's do this!" Chuck cheered.
The camera pans over to Team Maskwak.
"Sugar or Dorothy should take the last section. They both grew up on farms" Shawn said.
"I'm more used to killing animals than carrying them" Dorothy said.
"Normally I'd agree with you but we have a wizard on our team" Sugar said.
"Can we put fiction aside for a minute?" Dave asked. "Sky is practically an Olympic gymnast. She should go"
"One word: Wizard!" Sugar exclaimed.
"Okay... Sky can take the first obstacle" Dave said.
"Only if Leonard can't be in two places at once" Sugar said.
"Well I'd need the mucus of a Byzantium worm" Leonard said.
"Does anyone have one of those?" Ella asked.
"Let me check" Dorothy said, as she rummaged through her backpack.
"Okay teams, take your places" Chris announced.
"I'll start, Leonard finished, everyone else just pick a spot" Sky said.
Cut to later where Rodney and Sky are at the starting line.
"On your marks, get set, GO!" Blaineley announced.
Sky's pig slips out of its leash and starts running away. Sky starts chasing after it. Rodney's pig doesn't want to move at all. He picks up his pig.
"For Amy" Rodney said.
Rodney runs up the log.
Meanwhile, by the wheelbarrows, Max is building some sort of helmet. He raises it above his head.
"Behold my evil invention!" Max exclaimed. "Isn't it so diabolical?"
The camera pans over to Scarlett.
"What is it?" Scarlett asked.
"It's a helmet of evil" Max explained. "It will turn any animal who wears it into my minion. Observe"
Max walks over to a bunny rabbit.
"Come here little rabbit. It's time to evil!" Max said.
Max puts the helmet on the bunny's head.
"Look how sinister the little rabbit is becoming" Max said.
The rabbit blankly stares at Max.
"Goosebumps Max, I have goosebumps" Scarlett said uninterestedly.
Confessional
"I made it out of pieces of one of Chris' security cameras and an underwear elastic," Max said. "The only problem is it doesn't work"
End Confessional
Meanwhile, Rodney is already halfway across the log. Sky is trying to push the pig across the log.
"Focus!" Dorothy called to her. "Imagine the pig is a punching bag made of pork"
"Got it!" Sky said.
Sky pushes the pig harder and it slides across the log. Sky does a flip and lands on top of the pig. They both make it to the other side.
"Nice work!" Dorothy said.
Dorothy grabs the pig and runs over to the next course.
The camera pans back to Rodney on the log. Rodney slips and lands on his crotch. The pig falls out of his arms.
"My biscuits!" Rodney exclaimed.
Rodney slides off the log.
"I'm okay..." Rodney said weakly.
Chuck walks over to Rodney.
"You look incredibly in pain" Chuck said.
"I am..." Rodney said.
"I'll send you a get well soon card" Chuck said.
Chuck picks up the pig and runs over the stairs.
Cut to Dorothy running up the stairs.
"Let's hurry up future bacon" Dorothy said.
Dorothy gets to the top of the stairs and then starts running down the second part of the stairs. The pig bites Dorothy's finger and she falls down the stairs.
"My brain..." Dorothy said weakly.
Chuck runs down the stairs and past her.
"Bye" Chuck said.
Dorothy gets up the starts running and hands off her pig to Shawn.
"Thanks" Shawn said.
Chuck hands his pig to Topher.
"Nice work" Topher said.
Shawn is running towards the zipline.
"See little guy, to survive this game you gotta use your head" Shawn said.
The pig bites Shawn's head.
"I said head, not brain!" Shawn exclaimed.
Shawn keeps running and falls off the cliff but somehow the pig managed to stay on the rope. Topher runs up to the rope.
"Learning from Shawn's mistakes Topher knows what not to do now" Topher narrated to himself.
Topher straps onto the zipline and starts sliding across the rope.
"I am loving this challenge!" Topher cheered.
On the other side of the zipline, the pig that managed to hang on makes it to the other side and lands on top of Sugar.
"Aw, what a cute little piggy" Sugar said.
Topher makes it to the other side of the zipline and gets off.
"Made it!" Topher cheered.
Topher hands his pig to Sammy.
"Here you go Sammy... Or Amy... I'm sorry I still get a bit confused" Topher said.
"You were right the first time," Sammy said. "Amy's the one with the mole on her face"
"First of all, it's a beauty mark. Second I'm very sensitive about it so don't even bring it up again, Samey" Amy said.
"Sorry..." Sammy said.
The camera pans over to Sugar hugging her pig. The pig is struggling to get out of her arm.
"Who's the sweetest pig ever? You are!" Sugar said to the pig.
Confessional
"My granny always said that you gotta love the fight out of a pig before you take it out on the town" Sugar said.
End Confessional
The pig stops struggling with Sugar.
"There we go" Sugar said.
Sugar starts running. She runs past Amy and Sammy and jumps into the tubes. Sammy is having trouble pulling her team's pig.
"Hurry up Samey" Amy said.
"I'm trying my best," Sammy said. "If you helped a bit it would speed things up"
"I am helping," Amy said. "I'm the beauty and the brains. You're... Everything else"
Sammy scowls at her sister.
Confessional
"Ugh! I am reaching my breaking point!" Sammy said. "I swear, I might actually say something to her"
End Confessional
"Stop messing around! Let's move it!" Amy said.
The pig gets angry and tackles the both of them. Amy, Sammy, and the pig all fall into the tubes.
On the other side of the tubes Ella and Scarlett are waiting for their teammates. Sugar and the pig come out of the tubes.
"Hooray!" Ella cheered. "I'll take it from here"
"Not so fast," Sugar said. "I'm not done with this adorable pig yet"
"Well, um, I'm sure I can just take care of it for a bit," Ella said. "Maybe I could sing it a song"
"No, it's mine!" Sugar said.
"Hey there little girl or fella, please come over here with me, Ella!" Ella sang to the pig.
The pig jumps out of Sugar's arms and runs over to Ella.
"I'll always love you little pig" Sugar said.
Confessional
"But I don't love that pig stealing Ella or her off-key singing" Sugar said.
End Confessional
Ella is slowly making her way across the tires while dancing with the pig.
The camera pans over to Daryl and Phoebe. Daryl is cheering Ella on.
"Good work Ella!" Daryl cheered.
The camera pans back to Ella who is still dancing with the pig.
"Um... I don't know what you're doing but I need you to stop" Daryl said. "We're kind of on a timer to get there first"
Back at the tubes, Scarlett is making a trail of pecans for the pig to follow. The pig runs out of the tubes dragging Sammy and Amy behind them. Amy and Sammy let go of the pigs leash.
"Ugh, look at me," Amy said. "I'm so greasy and sweaty. I look just like you"
"You always look like me," Sammy said. "We're twins"
"Don't get smart with me!" Amy said.
The camera pans to Scarlett continuing the trail of pecans through the tires for the pig to follow.
Confessional
"Pigs love pecans," Scarlett said. "Maybe they know that pecans delay the progress of motor neuron degeneration"
End Confessional
Ella is continuing to dance with the pig.
"I'm so happy right now. I almost feel like singing. I think I will" Ella said. "We're right where we belong, with an oink, and a song, everything is-"
"Enough with the singing!" Chris yelled over the loud speakers.
The sudden noise causes the pig to get frightened and run away.
"You scared it" Ella said.
"There is no singing required in this season" Chris explained. "None!"
Ella gasps. Scarlett runs past her and leads the pig over to Phoebe.
"You were surprisingly swift" Phoebe said.
"Thank you" Scarlett said.
"Ooh, do you think I could have one of those pecans?" Phoebe asked.
"Um... No" Scarlett said. "They're for training animals"
"They still look delicious" Phoebe said.
"Just go" Scarlett said.
"I hate you" Phoebe said.
Phoebe picks up the pig and starts making her way across the stepping stones.
"This thing is so greasy" Phoebe said.
"That's why it's called a greased pig" Scarlett said.
Ella and her pig catch up to Daryl.
"Oh my goodness, that mean man gave Mr. Truffle Hunter a real fright" Ella said.
"Get over it Snow White" Daryl said.
Daryl picks up the pig and starts going over the stepping stones. Daryl starts to get closer to Phoebe.
"Hey, your hair looks stupid" Phoebe said.
"Well your voice annoys me" Daryl said.
Phoebe pushes Daryl and he and the pig fall into the pond.
"Aw, man, I bought this outfit just for the show" Daryl said.
Phoebe makes it off the stepping stones and runs over to Max in the wheelbarrow race.
"Come on, let's get going Max" Phoebe said.
"I just need to do my stretches first" Max said.
Confessional
"I hate my team," Phoebe said. "I just hate this show in general. When was this outhouse cleaned?"
End Confessional
Phoebe puts the pig in the wheelbarrow.
"Just move!" Phoebe said.
"Fine" Max said.
Max starts running with the wheelbarrow. Daryl climbs out of the pond with his pig.
"Here's your pig Dave," Daryl said. "Careful, somehow that water made the pig more disgusting"
Daryl holds the leash to up to Dave.
"It looks so... Slimy" Dave said.
"Take it!" Daryl said. "I am covered in this stuff"
Confessional
"It'll be fine," Dave said. "Nobody said it was dirty germy grease. Right?"
"I forgot to mention where I got the grease!" Chris announced over the loud speakers. "They've been freshly collected from the grease traps at Chef's restaurant"
End Confessional
Dave grabs the pigs leash and puts it in the wheelbarrow.
"This is so gross" Dave said.
Dave starts running as fast as he can. Dave trips over but he quickly gets back up and catches up with his wheelbarrow.
"It's all over me!" Dave exclaimed.
Dave runs faster knocks over Max. Dave makes it over to Leonard.
"Take the pig," Dave said. "I need hand sanitizer!"
Sky goes over to Dave and grabs his shoulders.
"Dave, calm down," Sky said. "You are okay"
Dave stops breathing heavily.
"You're right" Dave said.
Confessional
"Wow, Sky handled that well," Dave said. "Usually, I'd freak out way more but she has a calming effect on me"
Second Confessional
"I think Dave has a bit of a crush on me," Sky said. "I'm not here to meet boys, I'm here to win"
End Confessional
Max finally makes it over to Jasmine. Max's wheelbarrow runs over a rock and the pig goes flying through the air and lands on the ground. Jasmine walks over to the pig. The pig growls at her. Jasmine intensely stares at the pig.
"Easy little guy" Jasmine said.
The pig stops growling and rolls over.
The camera pans over to the rope wall where Leonard is trying to use a spell to get his pig over the wall.
"Pigus, levitateus, this instantus!" Leonard shouted.
Nothing happens.
"Piggy, piggy, float over the wall, win this challenge for us and all!" Leonard chanted.
Sky, Sugar, and Dave walk over to him.
"Just take the pig and climb like a normal person" Dave said.
"Give the wizard a chance" Sugar said.
"My spells aren't working because someone here doesn't believe in me" Leonard said.
"It's me!" Dave yelled. "I don't believe in you! Now pick up the pace!"
They all look up and realize that Jasmine has already climbed to the top of the wall. Jasmine climbs down the other side of the wall and crosses the finish line.
"And it looks Jasmine got here before Leonard" Blaineley announced. "That means Team Kinosewak wins!"
The rest of Jasmine's team cheers.
"And today's sponsored meal comes from Jimmy's Beaks and Feet!" Chris announced.
Chef tosses Jasmine a bucket of chicken feet and beaks.
"Also know as KFC's recycling bin" Blaineley said.
Team Kinosewak cheers for their victory.
"Well this sucks" Dave said.
Cut to later where Team Kinosewak is going back to their tree fort.
"Wow, that thing you did with the pig was amazing," Sammy said. "How'd you do that?"
"Just something I learned at home," Jasmine said. "No big deal"
Rodney suddenly runs over to Jasmine.
"But I just- Can not... Right, I mean... Bye!" Rodney said, before quickly running away.
"That guy is weird" Jasmine said.
"Agreed" Sammy said.
Confessional
"Breaking up with Jasmine was hard," Rodney said. "I'm sure she's hurting right now"
Second Confessional
"I have not understood a word that farm boy has said," Jasmine said. "I hope they don't find me too bossy. I had to take charge. Otherwise, it'd be one of us going home"
End Confessional
Meanwhile, it turns out that Shawn found a cave.
"Nice work Shawn" Sky said.
"It needs sparkles" Sugar said.
"It reminds me of my home" Dorothy said.
"I figured that another night of sleeping in the rain isn't going to help us" Shawn said.
"So does this mean you'll stop sleeping in that tree?" Dave asked.
"No way, but thanks for asking," Shawn said. "There is no way I'm an undead snack"
"Attention Team Maskwak!" Chris announced over the speakers. "Get down to the campfire immediately! You know what time it is!"
Cut to later where Team Maskwak has gathered around the camp fire.
"Hey, you tried your best, and you were all horrible," Chris said. "Now, let's see who you blame for your collective failure"
Confessional
"Duh" Dave said.
Second Confessional
"It's pretty obvious" Sky said.
Third Confessional
"Definitely not the wizard" Sugar said.
End Confessional
"The following team members are safe," Chris said. "Shawn, Sugar, Daryl, Dave, Sky, and Dorothy. You are all safe from elimination"
Chris throws them all marshmallows.
"That leaves Ella the songbird, and Leonard the wizard," Chris said. "Who's it gonna be? The final marshmallow goes to..."
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"... Ella!" Chris announced as he threw Ella the last marshmallow.
"What?!" Leonard exclaimed.
"Yeah, pack your potions pal," Chris said. "You're going flying"
Sugar faints dramatically.
"Time reversal spell!" Leonard shouted.
Chef grabs him by the arm and drags Leonard away.
"Fireball! Lightning bolt!"Leonard frantically yelled while being dragged away.
Cut to Leonard inside the cannon with Chris, Blaineley and Chef standing next to it.
"Aw nuts..." Leonard said.
"Hey, guys, want to see a magic trick?" Chris asked.
"Sure" Blaineley said.
"I've got nothing better to do" Chef said.
"I'm gonna make Leonard disappear" Chris said.
Chris presses a button on his remote and the cannon fires Leonard away.
"So far we've lost a beatboxer and a wizard," Chris said. "In other words nobody important. Who'll be the next one out of the cannon? Only time will tell. On: Total. Drama. Pahkitew Island!"
This chapter took longer for me to get up than I expected. I don't know why. By the way, let me know if my OC's are getting obnoxious. I'm trying to give them an equal amount of screentime with the other contestants. As for the elimination, it was pretty obvious Leonard was going home. Leonard really doesn't have much to do other than get eliminated early. Thanks for reading, let me know your thoughts.