I meant for this to be a one-shot, but I've decided to expand it into a three part story. Hope you enjoy this chapter. Feedback is always much appreciated!
Myka can barely look at Helena. The guilt eats away at Myka as she watches Helena unable to find the strength to move from the bathroom floor.
"I'm so sorry Helena," Myka says, unable to hold back the tears. "Claudia is working on figuring out whether Paracelsus gave Pete any clues about artifacts that can cure you. We'll figure something out before you have another treatment, I promise."
Helena shakes her head. "I'm ok Myka. You don't need to worry about me."
"God Helena, you've been throwing up for 24 hours now. How could I not worry?"
"I'm fine," Helena says through gritted teeth, doubling over in pain. She had agreed to an aggressive course of treatment for Myka and Claudia's sake and had her first infusion of intraperitoneal chemotherapy less than a week after using Mary Mallon's butcher knife.
"No you're not," Myka says. "Why did you do this?"
"I couldn't watch you suffer Myka."
"But it's ok for you to suffer?"
"If doing this means that you're healthy, then I'm not suffering."
Myka doesn't know what to say, doesn't know how to accept the fact that Helena is willing to endure this pain, is willing to die, so that Myka would be spared. She tries to bite back the awful guilt and instead asks Helena, "Is there anything I can do to help?"
"Tell me about your life. What did I miss when I was being a bloody fool this year?"
Myka arrives home from a mission to find Helena and Claudia well into their fifth hour of a Twilight Zone marathon.
"Snagged, bagged, and tagged?" Claudia asks.
"Yep. Pete got himself into a little trouble by hitting on a very uninterested stewardess on the flight home."
Claudia chuckles. "Remind me to tease him later."
Myka sits down next to Helena. "How are you feeling?" she asks, looking Helena over. Every day she grows thinner and frailer as the cancer and the cisplatin ravage her body more.
"Aces. This program really is brilliant! Claudia has finally convinced me that the television isn't a complete waste."
"Oh come on H.G." Claudia says, "admit it, you loved The Golden Girls."
"I suppose it was entertaining."
Myka drops her bags on the floor. "Ok, well let me get my computer so I can do some research while I watch TV with you."
"I really wish you wouldn't do that," Helena says.
"Helena."
"I already told you. I won't let you use an artifact to cure me."
"I know you've said that, but I don't understand why not."
"I already told you Myka. I am not willing to risk an artifact reversing what Mary Mallon's knife achieved."
"Achieved. What it did is make you sick. Look at you Helena!"
"The artifact cured you, and I won't do anything to jeopardize that."
"We don't have any reason to think that using another artifact would make me sick again. Please, you have to let me try."
Helena sighs, and though she knows that Myka will never stop trying to find a way to cure her, Helena desperately longs for Myka to stop focusing her efforts on a futile search for healing artifacts. "For tonight, Myka, would you please just sit here with me?"
Helena's request catches Myka off-guard. She has been so busy searching that she has barely sat still with Helena. Claudia is the one who distracts Helena with all the movies and music and technology that she missed out on. Claudia is the one goes with Helena to her chemo appointments. All while Myka frantically searches for a cure, because Myka knows Helena's prognosis, the prognosis that had once been her own, and Myka needs to do something.
But Helena seems to be disappearing before Myka's eyes. Even though Helena never utters a word of complaint, never cries, never loses her sense of humor, Myka can see clearly how the life is draining from Helena.
These could be the last months of Helena's life, and Myka is missing it. And Helena wants her here, wants Myka not to find a cure but to be by her side. So even though it is impossibly difficult, Myka leaves her research on artifacts upstairs, and settles in next to Helena.
"Thank you," Helena says, and she seems so truly grateful to have Myka besides her. Helena offers Myka some of her blanket, and they huddle together and watch tales of futuristic worlds full of wonder.
Helena begins to doze off after another episode, her head lolling onto Myka's shoulder.
"Do you want help getting her upstairs?" Claudia asks.
"No, we'll be ok. Thanks Claude."
Claudia turns off the TV, and begins to gather her things to head up to her bedroom. Helena looks so peaceful with Myka's arm wrapped around her. "Myka?"
"Yeah?"
"I know I'm just a kid and all, but I can't be quiet any longer because you and H.G. are the most infuriating people that I have ever met!"
"What? Why?"
"You love each other." Myka opens her mouth to respond, but Claudia cuts her off. "Are you really going to deny that you love her?"
Myka's heart is pounding in her ears. She's run from the reality of Helena's reappearance in her life for two months now. But faced with the question head on, she can't deny it. "No."
"Finally," Claudia says with a grin. "And H.G. obviously loves you."
"You don't know that."
"Everyone in their right mind knows that! She's dying for you! I called her out of the blue to say you were sick, and she got on the first plane to North Dakota, then wasted no time saving your life. You don't do that for a former colleague, Myka. You do that for the person you love."
Helena stirs then, lifting her head off Myka's shoulder. Claudia grins at Helena, knowing that she has probably been awake through much of Claudia's little rant. "Oh look, cat's out of the bag. Goodnight you two."
Helena smiles fondly at Claudia. "Goodnight darling." Once Claudia has gone upstairs, Helena turns to Myka. "She isn't wrong you know?"
"Why didn't you tell me?" Myka asks, beginning to feel a little light headed.
"You deserve better."
"That's crap and you know it!" Myka says, but she is not going to sit here and argue, not when they've wasted so much time and been so stupid. Myka kisses Helena, and it feels so right, feels like what Myka should have done years ago.
Helena smiles and thinks that she can make it through anything if she just holds onto the feeling of Myka's lips pressed against hers.
"It's beautiful," Helena says, staring up at the shooting stars. It's April now, and the weather has finally allowed for Helena to begin spending more time outside. She finds that even today, when she had seen the doctor and been told in no uncertain terms that curing the cancer is no longer a possibility, lying on a blanket in the garden with Myka still brings her joy. "Though not nearly as beautiful as you."
"Charmer," Myka whispers. She tries to embrace Helena's seemingly endless ability to cope with the awful developments in her health. Helena accepts the pain and the illness like a friend that has given her the gift of saving Myka's life.
Helena pulls Myka to her chest. "You won't hurt me," Helena reassures when Myka is reluctant to put pressure on the frail woman's body. Helena's arms wrap around Myka.
"Helena?" Myka says, her voice already thick with tears.
"Yes my love."
"I have a lead on an artifact."
"Myka," Helena whispers gently, weaving her hands in Myka's hair.
"Zhang Guo Lao's wine glass is said to have healing powers. The glass has been missing for centuries, but I think I located it. Claudia and Steve are going to China tomorrow to try to retrieve it."
"Please tell them not to waste their time."
"Saving your life isn't a waste of time!"
"I won't use it."
"Please Helena," Myka begs, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Let them find the glass, and we can go from there."
The first time that Myka hears Helena scream in pain it is a hot July evening. Myka and Helena had spent the day in the air condition, cozily tucked away in Myka's bed because Helena had found herself too exhausted to move. Myka had shared her childhood photo albums, much to Helena's great delight. They had made it a good day.
But now at 3 a.m. Helena in curled in on herself, clutching her abdomen, and crying out in pain.
"Helena, what's wrong!"
"Hurts," Helena manages, sobbing with the clenching pain and the nausea.
"It's ok, it's ok," Myka promises, keeping one hand steadily on Helena's arm while calling 911.
A half hour later Myka is sitting next to a sedated Helena. There's an NG tube down her nose, and Myka has done enough research to know that Helena's bowel is obstructed even before the doctor comes and briefs her on Helena's condition. The doctor informs her that there is nothing to be done now but supportive care. The doctor talks about pain management and hospice, but Myka thinks of only one thing. She calls Claudia.
Myka ends up having to wait until the middle of the night, because people come and go from Helena's room too frequently for Myka to do what must be done without interruption.
"Helena," Myka whispers, shaking the woman she loves gently until she awakens. "I'm sorry for waking you, but it's important."
"Of course," Helena says, trying to wake up more fully. The pain medications make her feel fuzzy, and this feeling of not being quite herself frightens her more than anything else has during her illness. "What is it?"
"I need you to do something for me."
"What?"
"Drink from Zhang Guo Lao's wine glass." She holds the filled glass out to Helena.
"I already told you that I wouldn't do it."
"I don't care. I don't care what you said, Helena. I need you to drink." Myka feels frantic; Helena has to do this. "Please, please," Myka begs. "Things are bad now, really bad, and I cannot lose you."
"I'm sorry Myka."
"Don't be sorry. Just do this for me. I can't live without you Helena."
"I love you very much Myka."
"Then do this for me!" Myka practically screams. "There's no reason to even think that it will hurt me at all. I'll be fine and you'll be fine, and everything will be all right. Please, please," Myka begs, grasping Helena's hand.
"You'll be ok without me," Helena promises.
"No, I won't. I won't ever be ok if you just give up like this. If you want me to be happy please do this for me. Please Helena."
"I can't risk you getting sick again."
"There is absolutely no reason to think that I'll have cancer after you use the artifact."
"These things never work without a price to pay. You should know that by now."
"I would pay any price."
"I can't allow that," Helena says resolutely. Even if the chance of Myka becoming ill is remote, Helena can never take that chance.
Myka had expected this response, and so she does what she knew she would have to. She forces Helena's mouth open and presses the wine glass to her lips, forcing the weakened woman to drink.