"Prongs!" Sirius whisper-shouted. Sirius Black, also known as Padfoot, had been James' best friend since their first year at Hogwarts, when James helped Sirius set off dung bombs in the Prefect's car on the Hogwarts Express.
"Padfoot, just get the cloak over us and hurry. That redheaded Prefect, Weasley, will be making his rounds any minute." Just as Sirius managed to throw the invisibility cloak over them, Arthur Weasley came around the corner. The the tall, thin red head walked right past them, and nearly trod on James' foot. James swore under his breath. Once Arthur had walked the length of the corridor and rounded the corner, Sirius and James threw the cloak off of their heads.
"Pads," James turned to Sirius as he tossed the silvery material to the floor. "We are growing way to quickly to fit under that cloak together anymore. And by the way, you wear way too much cologne. Seriously."
"If that was another name joke, I swear…"
"Chill Sirius. I swear sometimes you're as moody as Moony." Moony was their nickname for a fellow Gryffindor and friend, Remus Lupin. "Okay, now lets see what Marlene got for us."
James produced a small parcel wrapped in brown paper from under his bedclothes. Looking back on this moment, James always wondered why he didn't notice anything fishy about the fact that Marlene had wrapped the package. It would have made his night a lot easier if he had realized what she was up to. Sirius leaned in curiously as James ripped open the flimsy paper. Suddenly, a jet of blue liquid squirted out of a smaller box inside, covering the boys' faces all the way down to their shoulders.
"Ah! My hair!" yelled Sirius indignantly.
"Shhh!" James shushed Sirius. He went to push his rectangular glasses up his nose, but the nose he felt was not his own. It was quickly swelling to the size of a squash. "Sirius!" James exclaimed, but his tongue was swollen too, so it sounded more like 'theeweuth!'
"Thwellink Tholuthon!" Sirius said, his face also swelling rapidly.
Just when they thought it couldn't get any worse, they spotted a flaming red envelope at the bottom of the small box. James and Sirius looked at each other in fear. Then they ran. James and Sirius were halfway down the hallway when they heard the howler, a letter that screams at you in the voice of the sender.
"JAMES POTTER! SIRIUS BLACK! I AM EXTREMELY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU!" Marlene's voice stopped them dead in their tracks. The shouting could probably be heard from the Headmaster's office, halfway across the school. "YOU THOUGHT THAT I WOULD BETRAY MY BEST FRIEND JUST FOR YOUR AMUSEMENT? YOU HAD BETTER BELIEVE THAT LILY AND I WILL GET YOU BACK! BE READY!" Sirius looked at James worriedly.
"Ithn't thith punithment enouth?" Sirius asked. The howler, about twenty feet from where they stood frozen to the ground, burst into flames. James shook his head, trying to clear his mind.
"C'mon," he whispered to Sirius. They broke out into a run and headed for the Gryffindor common room.
Unfortunately, as they dashed up the Grand Staircase, Mr. Filch stopped them dead in their tracks. The middle-aged man had mousey brown hair that just reached his shoulders, beady eyes, and a scowl on his face.
"What are you two trouble makers doing up this late?! My office. Now!" His screechy voice echoed through the empty halls. James and Sirius sullenly followed Filch down to his office in the dungeons.
Filch led Sirius and James into his cramped, musty office. They sat across from his desk in two rickety, uncomfortable old chairs. Filch glared at them and rummaged through his drawers silently. He handed them each quills and a bottle of ink, and they sat in silence while filling out reports on the crimes that they never had a chance to commit. Surprisingly, Filch didn't seem to notice or care that their faces were swollen like pufferfishes.
"Detention. In the trophy room. Eight o'clock every night for a week. Now leave!" Filch seemed extremely edgy as he sent them on their way. After retrieving the invisibility cloak from the corridor that they had dropped it in, James and Sirius headed for their dormitories on the fourth floor.
The Gryffindor common room was empty when James and Sirius got back, except for two boys sitting by the fire. James and Sirius made their way across the room and sat in between the short, plump boy and the taller, skinny one.
The taller boy, Remus Lupin, looked anxiously at James and Sirius.
"So… What went wrong?" He asked carefully. James scratched his swollen neck before replying.
"What gave it away?" Sirius asked as he ran his fingers through his hair.
"Hm. Well, you're back 30 minutes early, you're not giggling like you're guilty and… hm, what was it? Oh yeah… Your faces are swollen like balloons!"
The shorter boy, Peter Pettigrew, let out a squeaky laugh. Remus also looked like he was suppressing a grin.
"Here," Remus said as he passed James and Sirius each a cup of thick, orange liquid. "This is Deflating Draught. It should stop the swelling." James toasted with Sirius and raised the cup to his lips. "Oh no," Remus smiled as the fire crackled. "You don't drink it…" Sirius looked at Remus quizzically. "You, erm… you put it on your face." Remus smirked as James took a huge dollop in the palm of his hand and smeared it all over his face. Sirius followed suit and soon their faces were back to normal.
"Tell us what happened!" Peter exclaimed impatiently. Remus and Peter sat still, hanging on every word of James and Sirius' story. By the time they finished, conveniently leaving out how Marlene's howler told them off, you could practically see the wheels turning in Remus' head.
"If only you had known Filch was coming… If only… I'm going to the library." Without another word, he picked up his cloak and left the common room.
"Bet you ten sickles that he gets more than twenty seconds down the hallway before he snaps out of it and realizes that it's midnight," James said to Sirius.
"You're on, Prongs," Sirius said as he and James shook hands. They waited in silence for exactly twenty-two seconds before Remus came scrambling in through the portrait hole, which was the entrance to the common room.
"How come no one stopped me?" Remus asked as he slumped into the armchair closest to the fire. Sirius was too busy counting out sickles to answer. "Well," Remus announced, "There's always tomorrow."
The boys spent the rest of the evening planning their revenge on Marlene and Lily.