I thought about changing the language Kili teaches Tauriel, but the common foreign languages are German, Spanish, and French. I thought French fit better than the others. It's not really important ^-^
Bilbo found Kili hunched over a French textbook in the library a week after his first day of school.
"What are you doing?" Bilbo asked.
"I heard that Tauriel needed a French tutor." Kili replied.
"Do you even know French?"
"No, but that's why I'm reading this book. I will just read whatever we will cover before the lesson. It'll be easy." Kili smiled.
Bilbo sighed and shook his head. "Hopeless"
/
Kili met Tauriel after school that day to start their French lessons. "Uh, hi" Kili greeted.
"Could we make this quick? I have a hair appointment soon." Tauriel said.
"Uh right, um….well, I thought we could work on the basics. I say something to you and you repeat it back."
"Sounds boring." Tauriel said.
"Well uh" Kili stuttered, "Th-there is an alternative."
"There is?" Tauriel smiled.
Kili almost melted but quickly caught himself, "Yeah, we could…perhaps go somewhere French ya know? Let the atmosphere help us learn." He laughed nervously. "We could get together some time, like Saturday night perhaps?" He finished meekly.
"Aw, are you asking me out?" She cooed. "That's adorable, what did you say your name was?"
Kili blushed. "Uh, Kili"
"Well Kevin,"
"It's Kili"
"I'm sorry to say that my dad has a rule that I can date, but only when my brother does." She said.
"No way, that's great! There's this new movie that just came out and I was thinking-"
"Big problème Kyle" She interrupted and Kili didn't even bother correcting her. "I don't know if you've noticed, but my brother is a cold-hearted bastard."
Fili flinched.
"I don't think there is a person alive who would date him. And live to tell about it at least."
"Yeah, he is pretty intimidating." Kili replied softly. "Do you know why?"
"No idea" Tauriel shrugged. "He used to rule the school, everyone wanted to be with him. But then something changed and now everyone is afraid of him. Personally, I just think he's incapable of feeling love."
Kili could only gape.
"Like I said, cold-hearted bastard." Tauriel said.
"I-I'm sure there has to be some girl who would be willing to go out with him."
"He's gay Kenny." Tauriel deadpanned.
"Oh, okay. Well I'm sure there are some guys that would be willing to go out with him. Someone who likes a challenge." Kili said.
"Do you really think you could find someone insane enough to go out with my brother?" Tauriel asked.
"Yeah, sure why not?"
"You would really do that for me?" Tauriel asked. She laced her fingers in his and squeezed. Kili's heart raced and his blush returned.
"Y-yeah, of course."
"Oh thank you Chris, you're the best!" She squeezed his hand one last time and ran from the table.
Kili could only stare at his hand, his skin tingled where she touched it.
/
"You want to WHAT!" Bilbo exclaimed.
"Why is this so hard to understand?" Kili groaned.
"I don't know, maybe because what you are describing is both impossible and suicidal!" the boy hissed.
"All I ask is that you help me interview some guys. Please Bilbo, I really want a date with Tauriel." Kili begged.
"I can't believe I'm doing this, I can't believe I'm doing this." Bilbo sighed exasperatedly. "Alright, I know a few guys who might be interested. I will meet up with you after school."
"Thank you, you're a lifesaver!"
Bilbo shook his head as he watched the boy practically skip down the hallway.
/
"Okay, these were the best I could find." Bilbo led Fili to a secluded area of the school.
"I'm sure they'll be fine. How hard can it be to find a date for Thranduil?"
Bilbo didn't reply but looked very anxious.
They turned the corner and Kili stopped. Standing in a very tight space were four guys, nothing like what Kili had in mind. They looked like school rejects, and Kili had a feeling this was going to be a lot harder than he thought.
"Hello" He greeted the boys. "Would any of you be interested in going on a date with Thranduil Greenleaf?"
Two guys screamed and fled, one laughed his head off, and the last fainted. Things were not looking promising.
"Well that was a bust" Kili sighed once the boy who fainted woke up and ran away.
"This isn't going to be easy Kili. Thranduil is feared, I don't think there is anyone in this entire school who isn't at least a little afraid of him." Bilbo said.
"I think I got that." Kili huffed.
/
Three days passed and Kili still couldn't find someone who would date Thranduil, not for lack of trying though.
"I told you it was pointless, there is no one who will go out with him. No one that crazy." Bilbo said.
Kili sighed. They walked by the metal shop class where something caught his eye. "What about him?"
Bilbo peered into the classroom to find a guy fixing a pick-up truck. When he turned Bilbo quickly pulled Kili down the hall. "No, no way. Don't you remember who that is?"
"No"
"That was Bard Bowman, the guy who spent a year in prison. Ring a bell?"
"Oh, that guy. Well, that just means that he won't be intimidated by Thranduil. He's perfect."
"Okay Einstein, how do we get him to date Thranduil? He's not just going to do it because we ask him to."
"Why not?"
Bilbo gave him an 'are you stupid?' look. "He would kill us for even talking to him." He pointed out. "We need to give him some kind of incentive."
"We could pay him." Kili said.
"Do you have a few hundred dollars in your pocket? I sure don't" Bilbo asked.
Kili deflated, "Then how else are we supposed to get him to take Thranduil out?"
"Hmm, perhaps if we use someone else." Bilbo suggested.
"What do you mean?"
"We ask someone who has a lot of money and would be interested in getting Thranduil to date" Bilbo looked up to see Smaug chatting up a bunch of girls, "Or someone who is interested in getting Tauriel to date."
"What?"
"I'll be right back." Bilbo said and walked towards Smaug and his group. "Hello everyone" He greeted.
The group looked at him. "Excuse me, who are you Pipsqueak?"
"My name is Bilbo Baggins and I was hoping I could interest you in a proposition."
Smaug smirked, "What would a nerd like you have that would interest me?" His friends chuckled.
"A way to get a date with Tauriel Greenleaf." Bilbo replied.
The laughing stopped immediately, "There's no way. Tauriel Greenleaf isn't allowed to date, Father's rule."
"Ah, but I have it on good authority that the rule has changed. She is allowed to date if Thranduil starts dating."
Smaug looked interested, "I'm listening."
Bilbo smiled nervously, "Well, not just anyone will go out on a date with Thranduil, right? Because everyone is too afraid of him."
"Hurry it up maggot, I'm getting bored." Smaug grinned.
"Right, of course." He cleared his throat. "What you need, is to hire a guy who will go out with him. Someone who doesn't scare as easily."
"And who would you suggest?"
Bilbo turned to find Bard and his friend walk out of the building. "That guy"
Smaug followed his finger and frowned, "I heard he eats cats."
"Dogs too." Bilbo added. "Clearly, he's a perfect choice."
"An interesting proposition maggot. But I must ask, what are you getting out of this?"
"Me, oh I'm not getting anything out of it." Bilbo replied nervously. "Well, I guess it would be nice if I could walk down the halls unhindered."
Smaug smirked, "Of course, protection for the weak."
Bilbo shifted his weight, eyeing the boy warily.
"I'll think about your proposition."
"Oh, th-thank you." Bilbo nodded and quickly walked back to Kili.
"Well?" Kili asked.
"I think we have a deal." Bilbo replied.
"Awesome!" Kili cheered.
/
A few days later Smaug approaches Bard who is sitting on a bench overlooking the sports field, reading a book.
"Hey" Smaug tried to get the other boy's attention, but it didn't seem to work so he stood in front of him.
"Hey, what's your problem?" Bard hissed.
"I'm trying to talk to you."
"Do I know you?"
Smaug frowned and turned to the field, "You see that guy over there, the one with long blonde hair."
Bard followed Smaug's finger to see Thranduil waiting for his turn shooting.
"That's Thranduil Greenleaf, I want you to take him out." Smaug said.
Bard barked a laugh, "Whatever you say Hot stuff."
Smaug growled lowly, "Look, I can't go out with his sister until Thranduil starts dating. Their dad is insane-"
"This sounds really touching, but you're forgetting one little thing" Bard leaned in close, "It's really not my problem."
"Would you be willing to reconsider if I provided you with generous compensation?"
Bard smirked, "You're actually going to pay me to take out some guy?"
"Indeed"
Bard raised a curious eyebrow, "How much?"
"Twenty dollars"
Bard turned to find Thranduil standing in front of a target, the teacher was shouting at him so he aimed his arrow at the teacher and fired causing them to duck.
Smaug winced slightly, "Alright thirty"
"Hold on now. Let's say I take him to a movie. Buying tickets…twenty dollars? And he'll probably want popcorn so…forty dollars. Let's make it more just in case he wants candy." Bard grinned.
"I don't recall this being negotiable. You either take it or leave it grease monkey."
"Fifty dollars and we have a deal Romeo. You seem a little desperate to chicken out now."
Smaug was tense for a moment, but he ended up producing the money.
"Wonderful doing business with you" Bard smirked and left the field.
/
Thranduil had just left the locker room when Bard came up to him.
"Hey Elf, how are you this fine day?" Bard asked.
Thranduil gave him a strange look, "Tired and eager to get home."
"Aren't we all" Bard grinned. "So how 'bout I drive you home? Maybe get lost along the way?"
Thranduil's nose wrinkled in slight disgust, "I'll drive myself thank you."
"Then how about Saturday, pick you up at seven?"
"Oh of course" Thranduil replied sarcastically.
"Oh Elf, the places I can show you." Bard whispered, stepping into Thranduil's personal space.
"You mean like the local meat market? Or maybe some dark alley where you and your seedy friends hang out?" Thranduil replied snidely. "You don't even know my name metal head, why would I waste my time with the likes of you?"
"I know your name, I actually know a lot about you." Bard replied.
Thranduil scoffed, "Very doubtful." With that he left Bard and got into his car leaving the other boy standing on the sidewalk, watching Thranduil's car pull away.
Kili and Bilbo were hiding behind a wall further away, "Well, that's it. Failure" Kili cried out.
"Hey now, this isn't over yet. We still have time." Bilbo assured.
"You have an idea on how we get them to go on a date?" Kili asked.
"Yes, I do."
Hope you liked it!
Review please!