A/N: Soooo this is Marinette's POV for this story. And if I said the first chapter was sad and angsty, hoo boy you're in for a ride. Warnings for umm blood and violence and character death and trauma I guess? It's all just pretty sad and traumatic. Please don't be as mean to me as I've been to Marinette and Adrien. I know I'm a hypocrite. Read at your own risk. EEEEP.
000
"Louis! NO!" the girl screams as she falls in the dirt, the little boy tumbling from her arms and into the middle of the road. Straight into Javelot's line of fire.
Marinette sees the mother fall, sees the desperate look in her eyes as she tries to claw her way back up and retrieve her child. Her cherubic child in footie pajamas, green eyes welling with tears as he tries to get up and find his way back to his mother.
He probably hasn't even reached his third birthday.
Marinette is both too far away to pick Louis up and get him out, and too far away to stop Javelot's throw. Desperate, she does the only thing left she can think of.
She jumps in front of the javelin.
All the breath leaves Marinette in a startled gasp, and she crumples to the side, the direction of her momentum changing after being struck. It's like being punched in the gut times 1000, coupled with the everlasting zing of a million little papers cuts all concentrated right at her stomach. It's the ache when her appendix got infected plus an elephant just sitting right on her belly.
It is pain.
And Marinette doesn't have the breath left to scream.
Chat does though.
"NO!" Adrien roars, and he swoops in out of nowhere, kicking Javelot in the face to give the mother time to run and gather Louis into her arms and sprint away.
"Ladybug!" he shouts, landing next to where she lay, curled up around the eight foot long pole now sticking out of the right side of her gut.
And out of her back.
"Oh my God," Adrien takes a moment to gasp, but a moment is all he gets. Because Javelot has turned his attention back to them, a shotput ready to throw in his arms.
"I'm so sorry," Adrien whispers, and Marinette doesn't even have time to wonder what he's sorry for before the javelin is ripped from her body and Adrien has gathered her in his arms, vaulting them both up and away.
Turns out, Marinette did have enough breath left to scream.
000
The world turns white and dizzy for a little bit. The only thing Marinette can hear clearly is an annoying, wheezing gurgle.
Then, she comprehends that's her breathing, and begins to realize something is horribly, horribly wrong.
"Marinette? Marinette? Oh my God, please, please, Marinette, open your eyes, please, please." Adrien is crying, and somebody is punching her in the gut again, and Jesus Christ how does she make this stop?
"Adrien, stop—h-hurts," Marinette gasps out, opening her eyes and weakly pawing at his hands clamped down on her stomach.
"I'm sorry," he says, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I can't Princess. I can't." He's still crying, his tears dripping onto her stomach the way he's leaned over her, mixing with her blood and flowing down the black spots of her waterproof suit.
Waterproof, but not javelin proof. Seems like a bit of a design flaw for their line of work it you ask her.
They're on a roof somewhere, and the night is clear, the stars winking in contrast to the full moon illuminating everything she sees. It's beautiful.
Until she hears the screams and crashes down below, and remembers they're in the middle of a horrible akuma attack.
"You have t'go," Marinette mumbles, "He's gonna kill them, you hafta-,"
Adrien looks like she's slapped him. "I can't, I won't leave you Marinette, how could I-,"
"Tikki, take Tikki. Stop it…Save them," Marinette wheezes, as she realizes the motivation he needs. "Save me, Chat Noir."
Adrien bows his head and lets out a quiet sob.
"Claws in."
"Shit, kiddo, what have you done this time?" Plagg asks quietly, resting a soft hand on her cheek.
"Plagg, will it work? Can I take Tikki and be Ladybug? Will the Lucky Charm-," Adrien asks desperately, unable to finish his last question.
"You can take Tikki," Plagg answers, not taking his eyes away from her own. "We have to be fast, though. Once Mari drops her transformation, she's….well, it's going to get worse." Plagg finishes ominously, looking up at Adrien. "Tikki and I can get her earrings out and put them on you. Just hold the wound tight, and once you've got the earrings, end this. Fast."
Adrien nods along, and Plagg looks back at Marinette pointedly.
Ah. So this is the moment for last words.
"A-Adrien, if it doesn't work-,"
"It'll work, Marinette. It'll work, I promise."
Marinette closes her eyes and juts up her chin. She doesn't want his last image of her to be tears. "I know, Chaton. I-I know. Just if—my parents. P-please, you gotta, you gotta tell them the t-truth."
And here come the tears.
"And tell 'em I love them. S-so much. And I'm sorry."
"Marinette-,"
"Love you, t-too, mon minou." And then his lips are on hers and it's short, so short, because she can hardly breathe and his lips are stained red with her blood, and his white t-shirt and gray joggers are just drenched in her blood and oh God, this is bad. This is so, so bad.
"Don't die," Adrien begs, leaning down his forehead to meet hers, "Please, please don't die."
"Kid, you gotta do this now," Plagg admonishes, and Marinette hears a quiet, almost whisper in the back of her head:
Brace yourself, Marinette.
Silly Tikki, asking her to do the impossible.
Marinette gasps, "Spots off," and then the world gray and she is choking, and choking, and dying and oh God.
"Hold her down! Don't let her curl up like that kid!"
"Marinette, oh Marinette, it will be alright! You'll be alright!"
More pushing and punching and crying and dying and then:
A ring on her finger.
A kiss on her forehead.
"I love you. Tikki, spots on!"
000
Marinette thinks that's it, it's over and done and the world has turned to this odd grayish black and all the noises are muted and wow, this must be death.
But then, there's a soft, tiny hand back on her cheek, and green eyes are peering into her own.
"Breathe, sweetheart, just breathe, that's it, try to copy me. In," a high pitched, whooshing breath, "and out," a whistling exhale. Marinette realizes Adrien's white t-shirt is wrapped around her torso, and she's still laying on the rooftop, bleeding out in her favorite pink fuzzy pajamas.
"You with me, kiddo?" Plagg asks softly, his hand still on her cheek.
"Plagg," Marinette gasps, "Is it—where-,"
"They'll be back soon, honey. Just relax and breathe, okay?" But Marinette can't, because it's getting worse. She's getting worse. She's getting numb, and the blood is all over her and she is dying.
She's dying.
"I don't wanna die, Plagg. I don't wanna die." She desperately confesses, admitting to him the one thing she simply couldn't tell Adrien.
"You're gonna be okay, sweetheart, just relax," Plagg says calmly, nuzzling under her chin. "You'll be just fine."
"I want my maman," Marinette sobs, and God, she's never going to make fun of old, cliché war movies ever again because they're all true.
"Marinette, look up. Look up at the stars," Plagg tells her, and she does, because what else is there left to do besides listen to him? "Look at the stars. Look how pretty they are. See how beautiful the moon is tonight." And they are. It is. It's lovely, one of those nights, without the akuma attack, that she and Chat would take off for the Eiffel tower and just sit and stargaze.
"Relax sweetheart," Plagg whispers, and his voice is nearly hypnotic. "Relax, and just think about happy things, all the wonderful things in your life. Think about the way the bakery smells when it opens in the morning. Think about how tight your papa squeezes you and how he twirls you around every time he gives you hug. About your maman's sweet laugh, and Tikki's pretty eyes…"
Alya's arm around her shoulder, the way Nino's head bops when he plays music. Watching the reflection of the sunset on the Seine, and ice cream cones and kittens and…
Adrien's crooked smile that makes his green eyes squint and his dimples show.
"Plagg…" she says, but it's barely a breath.
"Just shut your eyes, sweetheart. You're just going to sleep for a little while. It's fine."
Marinette's last thought, as the stars become her eyes and all sounds fade away, is that she's glad Plagg is the one with her now. He is comforting. He's good at this.
He's done this many times before.
000
And then the world is red, red, red, but it's not blood, it's pink and everything is flying and her chest hurts and her throat hurts and—
Marinette opens her eyes with an almighty gasp.
Somebody takes a trembling inhale right beside her.
Adrien is there, shirtless, hands stacked on top of one another and held out oddly from his body. Tikki and Plagg hover nervously next to him. Marinette is lying there, still on the roof, still in her fuzzy pink pajamas with Chat's ring on her finger, but the blood is just gone.
Silently, Marinette drops her hands to her stomach, riding up her shirt to feel the smooth skin there.
Nothing.
No scar.
No blood.
Like it never even happened.
Marinette rolls over and retches.
"Shit, shit, Marinette, are you still hurt? Is there blood, do we need to go to the hospital? Jesus, of course we need to go to the hospital, oh my God," and Adrien is there, rubbing her back, holding back the hair that has fallen out of her pigtails as she pukes up everything in her now healed stomach.
She pukes and pukes, then she just stays there, panting on all fours like a dog, staring at the mess she's just made and trying to clear her head of everything.
Adrien drags her away gently, sitting up against the wall a few feet away and pulling her in to his lap. He won't stop staring at her, watching the way her chest rises and falls every time she breathes, watching her eyes blink. Watching her hands shake clutching his white (so white) t-shirt in her lap.
"Marinette," he begs, "Marinette, say something, please. Are you still hurt? Do we need to get a doctor? Do you-,"
"Adrien," she says softly, and the spell is broken and she's just bawling, crying noisily and messily into his bare shoulder.
And he holds her close and sobs into in hair.
000
She's still crying when Adrien scoops his arms under her legs and begins to stand up, muttering something about a hospital.
"No," Marinette gasps around her tears, "No, no. No hospital. They'll know, they'll know and I wanna go home. Just take me home. I'm fine, I promise I'm fine. Please Adrien, I wanna go home, I wanna-,"
"Marinette," he pleads.
"No, home. I want to go home."
She must sound pathetically desperate, because he listens.
"Spots on," Adrien says quietly, and then they're swooping through the shadows of the moon, and leaving the chaotic aftermath of Javelot's attack behind without an explanation to anyone.
She should be angry with herself, she should be ashamed, because she's stronger than this. She's better than this. She's more than some swooning damsel in distress, and she's not even hurt anymore, the Lucky Charm has seen to that. She doesn't need to be saved, to be carried home by a knight wearing her armor.
But Adrien's squeezing her so tight it's almost painful, and with her head on his chest she can feel his breath coming out in shuddering gulps that have nothing to do with exertion.
He wouldn't put her down now, even if she asked.
And she doesn't.
000
The second they fall through the skylight and land on her bed, Marinette is up, shrugging Plagg out of her collar and pulling off her pajama shirt as she runs for her dresser.
"Marinette?" Adrien asks, still sitting on her bed as Ladybug. "What are you-," He trails off, but Marinette doesn't respond, doesn't care, because she just has to get these pajamas off. Off and burned maybe, because the blood may have vanished, but it will never be gone, and Marinette can't stand it. She strips, and dumps the fuzzy pink pajamas and Adrien's t-shirt in the trash bin under her desk, and the room is dark, but she's still standing in her underwear in front of Adrien, and yesterday, an hour ago even, she'd be losing her shit.
It's funny how little everything matters once the shit has already been lost.
She grabs her robe off the hook and wraps it around herself before heading for the stairs.
"Hey—wait! Marinette, wait—Spots off, Tikki," Adrien whisper yells, before running across the room and grabbing her wrist, "My lady, stop."
She stops, and turns to stare up at Adrien. He's shirtless again, and his green eyes are glowing through the dark like a cat's. His golden hair is mussed, the ends illuminated by the moonlight shining in the window, framing his head like a halo and Jesus Christ all he's missing is a pair of wings.
"Where are you going?" Adrien asks quietly, loosening his grip on her wrist to grab her hand instead.
"Bathroom," Marinette responds, finally breaking out of her reverie. "I need to take a shower." Adrien's mouth opens and closes at least three times as he decides how exactly to respond to that.
"Don't you think that can wait 'til morning, Cherie?" and now she wants to just cry again, because Papa calls Maman cherie, and Adrien's never called her that before, but she loves him, and he loves her and shit they're only fifteen and what even is the point of it all?
And she still really needs a shower.
She shakes her head quickly and moves to go down the stairs, but Adrien tightens his grip.
"Adrien, I need to do this, I need to get it off me," Marinette desperately tries to explain, and tears are filling her eyes again because she just feels so dirty and lifeless, and all she wants is to pretend a shower can fix it. "I'm fine, I promise, I feel fine," and actually, her chest kind of hurts, more with every passing moment, but it is vague, a caress practically compared to the pain she's already felt tonight. "Nothing's wrong with me, you fixed it-,"
"You don't know that!" Adrien says frantically, "What if something's still wrong, what if it wears off, Marinette, we don't know anything is certain, nobody's dealt with this, and you, you-," he stops with a sob.
Oh. Oh.
"Just give me five minutes, Chaton. Five minutes. I'll leave the door unlocked and you come in if I'm not out by then, okay?"
Adrien bites his lip before finally nodding his head and letting go of her hand.
000
Marinette pointedly doesn't look at the mirror when she enters the bathroom, just dumps her robe and gets in the shower. She doesn't want to see herself before she's clean.
She turns on the shower and scrubs and scrubs and scrubs her stomach and legs and chest and arms until everything is red again, but a different kind of red. It hurts, and it's raw, but she's clean and the blood has to be gone, doesn't it? It can't have survived her disproportionate loofah.
Her chest hurts worse, and when she gets out of the shower she finally looks in the mirror as she dries off. There's a mark there, standing out and even brighter against her raw skin, and Marinette already knows tomorrow it's going to be a brilliant black and purple bruise.
When had she even been hit there? There was the javelin, and she hit her head, her arm had been a bit sore before the Lucky Charm, but when did she get hit right in the sternum, right between her boobs? The mark is obviously rounded, like the palm of a hand, bigger than hers, maybe around the size of Adrien's—
Oh.
Oh fuck.
Her poor minou.
Marinette wraps her robe back tightly around her, taking care to make sure the mark on her chest is covered. She opens the medicine cabinet and knocks back two ibuprofen, hoping the capsules will end the ache in her chest and reduce the swelling tomorrow. Then, she brushes her teeth, finally getting rid of the horrible vomit taste in her mouth before opening the bathroom door.
Adrien is sitting on the ground across the hall, and looks up as he hears the door open. He's taken one of his sweatshirts Marinette "forgot" to give back to him out of her drawer to wear.
Marinette should be worried, should be exasperated with him because God, what if her parents had to go to the bathroom? What if they heard her showering and decided to come investigate because why the hell does Marinette need a shower at two in the morning?
Instead she holds out a hand, and Adrien takes it and she helps him up, and begins leading him quietly back up the stairs, back to her room and then to her bed. She watches him curl up on his side before turning to her dresser and pulling out an oversized t-shirt and plaid pajama pants, turning away from Adrien as she changes so he can't see the darkening mark on her chest from the light of the moon.
She goes back to bed then, slipping under the covers and burying her head into Adrien's chest as he wraps his arms around her.
"Thank you, Adrien." Marinette says softly, grabbing one of his hands in both her own and holding it lightly to her heart. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
Because without Chat Noir, without Adrien, Marinette would be dead right now. Chat Noir defeated Javelot and used the Lucky Charm and let her be healed. But Adrien, Adrien rushed back to that lonely rooftop and found a Marinette without a beat in her chest and breath in her lungs, and brought her back to life.
Thank God for Ms. Bustier's CPR class during health and fitness week.
Thank God for Adrien Agreste.
Adrien moves his hand from her heart to cup her cheek. "Thank you for waking up."
000
"Shit!" Marinette wakes to Adrien's shocked expletive, and turns over to see him checking his phone. Sunlight is streaming through the windows, yet Marinette can't even recall falling asleep.
"Shit, shit, shit," Adrien whispers again, and Marinette grabs his arm.
"What's wrong?"
"Nathalie just texted me, asked where the hell I was. Pere needs to talk to me," Adrien says worriedly. "Marinette, I-," and he looks pained, so pained, and Marinette knows there's not a bone in his body that wants to leave right now.
"Adrien, it's fine. It's fine, just come back when you can." Then Adrien is kissing her quickly and hugging her tightly before climbing through the skylight, the promises of his return continuously leaving his lips.
"Guess it's just you and me, kiddo," A dry voice says, and Marinette looks down to see Plagg curled up on her nightstand. She still has Chat's ring on and Adrien—
Marinette grabs her phone, ignoring the multitude of messages and missed calls and texts Adrien quickly:
MDC: Don't forget to take out the earrings before you talk to your dad.
AA: Holy shit, thanks.
MDC: Plagg says hi
AA: Tikki misses you
Confident now in the fact that Adrien will be fine, will keep his promise and be back soon, Marinette turns to the other messages and missed calls on her phone. Some are from group chats with friends from school, a couple are automatic news alerts. Even Nino has called her and texted her a few times.
The overwhelming majority are from Alya.
AC: OMG Marinette OMG the akuma
AC: HAVE YOU SEEN JESUS CHRIST OH MY GOD
AC: MARINETTE I THINK LADYBUG ASHDOIVCX
AC: Holy shit, I think she might be dead.
AC: Oh my God. Marinette, I think she's dead.
Two missed calls from Alya Cesaire
AC: Marinette, I was right there, I got a video of it, it was livestreamed to the blog. I don't think anyone could have survived that. Fuck, this is horrible.
3 missed calls from Alya Cesaire
AC: people from the news keep calling me already. They wanna interview me about the fight and show my video.
AC: shit, should I do this? It seems so wrong.
AC: I always wanted a big break y'know, but not like this. Never like this. Shit, this is bad.
AC: please call me when you see this. I really need to talk to you.
2 missed calls from Alya Cesaire
AC: I'm gonna do it Marinette. People need to know what happened before shitty rumors and lies get spread
AC: God, I still feel so dirty doing this. Can you call me, please? I know it's Sunday, but girl, please wake up, I need you right now.
AC: okay, don't call me now, I'm in the studio they're making me shut off my phone. But we have to talk later, okay? Oh God, Mari, I think I'm gonna cry on live television. Shit I'm so sad. This is horrible
Marinette turns on her little television set and switches the channel quickly to TVi.
"—and that was Alya Cesaire, ladies and gentlemen, creator and editor of the popular Ladyblog, with her thoughts on last night's akuma attack and the fate of Paris' beloved superhero, Ladybug." Nadja Chamack says, face somber. "We turn now to Cecile Francis, reporting live from outside Notre Dame Cathedral."
"Hello, Nadja. It's recently been announced by a spokesperson for the Archbishop of Paris that all masses today are being offered in honor of Ladybug. Special intentions for her health and well-being will be made at each mass, and a Prayer service in her honor will be held at four o'clock this afternoon, presided over by the Archbishop himself. Many recognizable faces are expected to be in attendance this afternoon, including Paris' own Mayor Bourgeois, who plans to give a statement on the situation after the service. Back to you, Nadja."
"Thanks, Cecile. In other news, a candle-lit vigil has begun at the Heroes statue in Place des Vosges. Hundreds of Parisians have gathered to mourn and pray together, leaving flowers, toys, and notes at the foot of the statue in honor of both Ladybug and Chat Noir. We go now to-,"
Marinette turns off the TV, unable to watch anymore.
Shit. They all, they all think she's dead. All of Paris, they are grieving her praying and crying and leaving flowers like she's Princess Diana or something but she's just Marinette and—
"Marinette, dear, are you awake? Papa's taking his break right now, and I've made breakfast if you want to join," Maman calls up the stairs.
"Coming!" Marinette answers in a strangled voice, taking a deep breath before rushing down the stairs. Maman is pouring juice at the table, and Papa in sitting on the couch, apron still on, mug of coffee clutched in his hands as he watches the news intently.
Marinette wraps her arms around Maman's waist from behind, and Maman lets out a soft chuckle and pats her head before Marinette leaves and cuddles on the couch next to her father. He wraps an arm around her and continues to watch the news.
"—and, as stated before, it is not recommended small children watch this clip. Viewer discretion is advised."
Then Marinette feels like a ghost as she watches herself jump in front of little Louis, herself being impaled by the javelin and falling to the ground. Herself horribly wailing when Chat Noir rips out the javelin to keep them both from being flattened by the shotput.
Watches Chat Noir's terrified face and desperate cries.
Watches Adrien as Ladybug trounce the akuma and fly away like his life depends on it.
Well, her life did.
But then, they're pretty much one in the same at this point, aren't they?
Marinette can't help the little gasps she lets out as she watches the clip, and the horrified tears that fill her eyes and fall down her cheek.
"Oh, honey, did you not know about Ladybug?" Papa asks softly, his arm around her tightening.
Marinette shakes her head. "No, no I knew," understatement of the year, "Alya's been texting me. I just, well, I hadn't actually watched it yet. It's so awful."
Because it is, it is, it is awful. It was awful and it still is.
"Poor Ladybug," Papa says, shaking his head. "They all seem to think she must be dead, since she hasn't shown back up again. I hope she's alright, there's gotta be a chance. That Lucky Charm has worked plenty of miracles."
"Poor Chat Noir," Maman says solemnly, standing behind the couch, a hand on both their shoulders, "If anyone's had a worse night than Ladybug, it's him."
And Marinette can't stand it anymore.
"I'm gonna go back to bed, I'm still tired," she says quickly, and rushes up the stairs before her parents can even blink. She didn't eat breakfast, but she's not hungry, and it's already ten o'clock, but she is still so tired and she can't listen to her parents anymore, mourning and pitying her like the rest of Paris because they don't know.
They know what happened last night, and yet they don't at all.
She is a terrible, terrible daughter.
000
Marinette wakes to a soft hand on her shoulder, and hopes that Adrien has finally returned.
Instead it is Maman, sitting on the edge of her bed and looking worriedly into her eyes, and Marinette can't find it in herself to be at all disappointed. How could she ever be disappointed with Maman?
"Darling, are you alright? Are you getting sick? It's almost one in the afternoon, I didn't realize you were still asleep," Maman says, putting her soft, small hand to Marinette's forehead. Marinette leans into the touch before shaking her head.
"No, Maman, I'm fine, just tired." Maman frowns.
"I was just coming up to tell you we've closed the bakery early. Papa and I are leaving soon so we can get a seat at the prayer service, if you'd like to join us." There's a lump blocking Marinette's throat, so she just shakes her head again.
"Marinette, what's going on? You've been so odd this morning. Is this about Ladybug?"
Jesus Christ, what a loaded question.
Throat still blocked, Marinette nods and Maman sighs sadly. "I know you know her, what with that class of yours attracting akumas like honey attracts flies. It's scary, and it's sad what happened, but I don't have anything good or true to tell you now, and I'm sorry, baby." Maman sighs again. "I think we can just hope, and be happy we had her for as long as we did, if she really is gone."
"Do you think she's gone?" Marinette asks quietly.
"I don't know, Darling. I really don't. I hope not." And then Marinette is crying again, and Jesus where are all these tears coming from? She's going to be dehydrated soon if she keeps this up.
"Oh, my Marinette, what happened? What's wrong?" Because this is her mother, and she may not know why but she always knows when something is troubling Marinette. Her mother can read her emotions like a book, and will gently pry and cajole until Marinette finds herself spilling her deepest darkest secrets.
But Marinette can't let that happen now.
So she decides, for once, to give a little.
"Maman, I was there."
"What do you mean, you were there?"
"I-Alya texted me last night when the akuma attack started, and I just-I get so worried about her when she goes off to film these things. You and Papa were already in bed so I just, I went to help."
"Marinette-,"
But Marinette interrupts, must get all of her half-truths out now, before she folds, "I didn't make it to Alya, but I was there, I saw, I watched when-," and Marinette can't continue, because she's seeing it all again, flashing back to her perspective: all the breath leaving her lungs as the javelin pierced her, Adrien's horrible scream, laying there, dying, staring at the stars…
And Maman is gaping at her desperately, looking so much like Louis' mother in that moment that Marinette nearly chokes.
"Are you okay? Are you hurt? Marinette, why on earth would you do that? It's so dangerous, baby, I already worry myself sick about Alya chasing those things around, why would you-,"
"I'm fine, Maman. I promise, I'm fine, I'm not hurt."
Not anymore.
"It was just so scary," Marinette whispers. "And I keep thinking about Ladybug, about her family and her friends and how sad and worried they'll be and-," Marinette screws up her face, refusing to cry again. "It's so sad, Maman."
"Yes, my darling, it is," she says forlornly, leaning down to kiss Marinette's forehead. "Marinette, you can't go after akumas like that, especially at night. I understand that sometimes you get caught up in the attacks, and that's unavoidable, but baby you can't run off looking for trouble. Alya's not my kid, I can't tell her what to do, but you are mine, and if I were to lose you…." Maman's voice becomes strained.
"Oh Maman," Marinette says softly, and sits up to give her a hug.
Maman seems unaware of the fact that Marinette makes no promises.
000
After Maman and Papa leave for Notre Dame, Marinette finally gets out of bed and gets dressed. She brushes her teeth, showers again for good measure, and goes to the kitchen to fix herself a sandwich she forces herself to eat half of.
Marinette goes up to her desk then, and tries to finish her Physics homework. She got some of the problems done Friday in study hall, and she still has a few left. But, halfway into the first one, she starts thinking about the way her momentum shifted when the javelin struck, and the force behind the throw and the angle of the javelin and—
Marinette goes to sit on her balcony instead.
Plagg accompanies her, watching her intently as she checks her phone.
AC: Marinette, you there? Can you talk now?
2 missed calls from Alya Cesaire
AA: Mari, I'm so so sorry. Pere decided today was a good day to start acting like an interested parent and I can't get away. I'm so sorry. I'll be back as fast as I can. I miss you.
Marinette sits on the messages for a bit before responding.
MDC: Now's not a good time Alya, I'm sorry. I'll talk to you at school tomorrow.
MDC: I miss you, too. My parents are at the prayer service 'til five. If you come after, window's always open.
Then she turns off her phone, because she doesn't want to look at either of their responses. From her balcony, she has a clear view of the Cathedral. Even from here, it's obvious that Notre Dame is packed full, all the doors open and a flock of people fifty deep peering in from outside every entrance.
"Plagg, I need Tikki. This can't keep going, it's madness. I have to tell everyone I'm alive."
"Why?"
Marinette whips her head around to stare at Plagg, hovering next to her and calmly looking off toward the Seine.
"What do you mean, why? It's cruel. These people are grieving and I'm not dead. It's like I'm some fucked up version of Tom Sawyer."
Plagg flies over to face her, his green eyes hard. "You don't have to do this, sweetheart. You can let Ladybug be dead."
Marinette's mouth falls open in complete and utter shock. What?
"Ladybugs and Chat Noirs, they've done it before. They've gotten sick or hurt, or had babies. Sometimes one of them died, and the other didn't want to continue. Sometimes they were just ready to be finished. This isn't me saying Tikki needs a new Ladybug, Mari," Plagg adds quickly, catching her shocked and probably hurt expression. "You're a good Ladybug, sweetheart, one of the best really."
"Then why-?" Marinette sputters, and Plagg sighs.
"Ladybug and Chat Noir, they're important, don't get me wrong. But kiddo, Marinette and Adrien are important, too. You're so, so important, and I-," he sighs again. "I've lived a long time, Marinette. I'm tired of seeing bad things happen to important people."
"So I should just hand off the mantle to someone else?" she wants to scoff, means to scoff, but the words come out as a croak instead. "I should stay back and watch another little girl die instead of me? Because she'll become important, too, Plagg, I'm sure they all do." And it's just this cycle, this horrible terrible cycle because there's always going to be some kind of Hawkmoth in the world and Ladybug and Chat Noir will always be needed and—
And Plagg, Plagg and Tikki will be there to watch, and to give advice, and to love them and give them the powers.
But in the end, it's up to Ladybug and Chat Noir. And the people under the masks don't live forever.
Marinette sees Plagg's eyes shining before he turns away from her, staring at the sun's reflection on the river. Shit, shit how many fucking people will she make cry today?
Marinette reaches out and plucks Plagg out of the sky and cups him in her hands, like she does to Tikki. On any other day, Marinette knows Plagg would be furious, would absolutely rage against being man-handled but—
Today he doesn't say a word, just settles in and looks up at her.
"You're important, too, Plagg." Marinette states quietly.
"Mari-," he scoffs, but she interrupts.
"No, listen. I-I was terrified, after Adrien and Tikki left last night, and I was in a lot of pain, and I think I said some things that were probably horrible to hear."
Plagg's silence is answer enough.
"I was so scared, Plagg, and you probably were, too, but you were calm. You were so calm. And because of you I just laid there staring at the stars, thinking about my favorite things and it was…..it was peaceful. You made me feel safe. By the time I—when it—I really did think I was just going to sleep, Plagg." Marinette lets out a shuddering breath, and looks away from Plagg, toward the river again.
"I felt safe and loved. You let me die with dignity, and now I know just how precious a gift that is. Thank you, Plagg. Thank you. I just—you needed to hear that, because I don't know if anyone's ever been able to tell you before."
Plagg rushes up and kisses her cheek, his small tears falling down her skin where they touch.
"You're a treasure, Ladybug." He's said it before, in that sarcastic, biting way of his, but this time, this time Marinette knows he's been honest all along.
000
Maman and Papa come back from the service teary-eyed, and all three sit around the kitchen table and eat the soup that Marinette has made, an apology of sorts for her odd behavior and her newly discovered absence during the akuma attack. Her parents seem to appreciate the gesture, and by the end of Sunday dinner with her family, Marinette is still scared and tired and anxious, and she's not good, not even okay, really, but she's starting to feel better now, and that makes all the difference.
She goes upstairs after dinner and finishes her physics homework and packs her bag for school the next day. Honestly, Maman would probably let her skip if she asked, but Marinette needs to go. She needs at least something in her life to be normal. Plus, she's already promised Alya to talk tomorrow, and based on the scathing/worried texts Marinette opened after she finally turned on her phone again, she's going to need to do some damage control.
Adrien hasn't texted her back, and she's getting pretty worried, readying herself to make Plagg transform her into Chat Noir when there's a knock on the skylight above her bed.
She gives him a small smile before motioning him inside, and Ladybug opens the window and lets himself fall, whispering "spots off!" during the descent, and landing on the bed next to her as Adrien in blue plaid pajamas.
"Marinette I'm so sorry! I've been gone all day. How are you feeling, are you still okay? I've been so worried. It was horrible, I missed you so much," he says quickly, desperately pulling her into a hug. "I'm sorry, Marinette, I'm sorry, I just left you here and I promised to come back and I never did and—,"
"Adrien," she says quietly, pulling back from the hug and grabbing his hand. "Adrien, it's fine, it's okay, I'm okay, just tell me what happened."
"I don't know, Marinette, it was so odd. It's like Pere had a bad dream or something last night and he woke up determined to be a 'good father'," Adrien explains, adding air quotes at the end. "He wouldn't leave me alone. He sat there and ate breakfast, lunch, and dinner with me, he made me practice piano while he watched, he rescheduled a photo shoot I was supposed to have Tuesday to this afternoon, and then just stood there, hovering and directing the photographer like an awful pageant mother.
"It felt like I was in the Twilight Zone all day long. Pere's just, he's been so different and distant since Maman-," Adrien chokes out. "But today he was nice and I wanted, I wanted to enjoy it, but then I was just so suspicious, wondering what on earth he wanted, and I missed you, and I was so worried about you and-,"
"Oh Minou," she says softly, and pulls him into a hug again. "I'm sorry."
Adrien chuckles humorlessly, "What in the world are you sorry for, Mari? I should still be apologizing to you after today, after last night-,"
Marinette cuts him off, "Let's just agree that this weekend has actually literally been a clusterfuck for both of us and stop apologizing."
And, for the first time since last night, Marinette sees Adrien smile.
It's small, and kind of watery, but it's there, and Marinette feels herself smile back. Adrien's grin grows at the sight.
"How've you been today? Are you okay? Well, are you better than you were?" Adrien asks, and God, this boy may have exactly the same brain as she does and she really, really loves him.
"Yeah, yeah, I'm better than I was," Marinette answers softly. "My parents could tell something was up today, though."
"What did you do?"
"I told Maman Alya texted me about Javelot and I went to help."
Adrien chokes. "What?"
Marinette sighs, and curls herself in to Adrien's chest. "Yeah, I mean, it really wasn't a lie, technically, and they just, they could tell how upset I was about the whole thing. Apparently witnessing the local superhero being impaled should be enough to traumatize me."
Adrien mumbles something indistinguishable.
"What's that?" Adrien blushes, but repeats:
"It was enough to traumatize me."
Marinette opens her mouth, the response nearly automatic, necessary, when:
"No more apologies, Cherie, didn't you say?"
"Okay." They just lay there for a while in her bed, curled around each other, both really breathing for the first time since last night.
"Hey, Marinette?" Adrien asks finally, and she can feel him looking down at her. She doesn't move, just hums noncommittally into his chest. "Maybe we should tell your parents."
That gets Marinette to look up.
"I mean, I would say Pere, too, but I just, with the Miraculous book and how weird he's been lately, I don't think we should trust him now. But, Mari, your parents, maybe they should know. It could make everything easier, and there would be someone besides a slightly crazy 181 year-old-ex-monk who knew about all of this and—and I know it's selfish, but when I thought you were g-gone-," Adrien takes a deep breath, "You wanted me to tell them the truth. And of course I would have, I would have, but God, Marinette, even just thinking about telling them, about being the only person in the world who knew the truth, who knew all of you until I told them was absolutely terrifying."
Marinette groans.
"Adrien, I'm not saying I don't agree. I do, I do, and I'm sorry, no listen you need to hear it, I'm sorry I put that on you. That was pretty mean of me, no matter the circumstances, and it was so much to ask in an already terrible situation.
"But Chaton, I don't think I can. Today, when I told Maman about just going to help Alya, she freaked. Adrien, she completely freaked. Wanted me to promise never to do something like that again, went on this spiel about how horrible it would be to lose me, and—and they don't know Adrien. I really, really don't think they even suspect, based on how they reacted to the news at breakfast."
"Oh." Adrien says sadly.
"Yeah."
"Well, that's okay-,"
"No, it's not." Marinette says firmly. "It's not, and you're right, we need somebody else. We need help Adrien. We need to have backup in case something like this ever happens again. We can't go on like this forever."
Adrien sighs.
"We'll figure it out, Mari."
000
Marinette Dupain-Cheng has never been a very religious person.
But the next day at school, when Ms. Bustier gives them hugs and hands both of them the classes' thank you notes, tells them how proud she is of them and that they are not alone;
Well, it feels a whole lot like all their prayers have been answered.
It feels miraculous.
000
"In other news, at six o'clock this evening, Mayor Bourgeois will be holding a press conference outlining the schedule of events for the funeral of Ladybug this Friday. It's expected that the day be turned into a bank holiday, and public schools will be cancelled in order to allow all Parisians to attend the processional and memorials taking place throughout—,"
Marinette turns off the TV.
"This is ridiculous. I'm not waiting for the next akuma, I'm just gonna go for a patrol now, Adrien." Marinette scoffs. "Tikki, spots-,"
"Wait! Wait. Marinette, are you sure you're ready?" he asks, looking up at her from his seat on the couch. "It's okay if you're not, you don't have to be."
Marinette nods vigorously. "I refuse to be present for my own funeral, Adrien, especially when I'm fully capable of telling them I'm fine!" Marinette jumps up from his couch and walks toward the wall of windows.
"Whoa, whoa hey wait!" Adrien yells, jumping up from the couch and his homework to grab her hand. "Don't do this yet."
Marinette takes a deep breath and looks back at him. She thought he was past this, that they'd made it through, and yeah they weren't good, but they were better, and they were working on being apart and trusting and Ms. Bustier was being so helpful and—
"Minou, I'm good. I promise I'll be okay."
Adrien shakes his head. "No, no it's just, my lady," and that sly smirk that's completely devious and all Chat Noir is back, and Marinette feels like she hasn't seen it for years, even if it's only been a few days, and wow she loves it. "I've got a better idea."
000
"And so, Paris, it is with a heavy heart that-,"
Ladybug and Chat Noir simultaneously drop down to the platform behind Mayor Bourgeois.
"Hello Mr. Mayor-," Adrien begins.
"We're very sorry to bug you-," Marinette continues, and Adrien is beaming.
"But we've got a bit of an announcement of our own."
And all of Paris explodes.
000
A/N: Wow, this chapter has been a monster, in many different ways. I hope you liked it, sorry if you didn't. I know Tikki doesn't show up much, and I love Tikki, I promise; depending on the reception of this chapter, I may consider adding another installment to this story, of Adrien and Tikki's day with Hawkdad. And I've never really seen much Plagg and Marinette interaction, so that was interesting. In my head, Plagg is basically Haymitch from Hunger Games.
Also, I think Marinette has super wonderful parents, but there's no way in hell they'd be okay with their teenage daughter fighting supervillains on a daily basis, powers or not. I don't think Dupain-Chengs are stupid and oblivious, but I also truly don't think they know about Marinette being Ladybug yet, so that balance was kind of hard to find. I tried to do it justice.