I really like writing this story, so if you like it too, don't hesitate (please... don't...) to leave a review! Also I'm promising fluff and only a little bit of angst... Isn't that good? :*
Disclaimer: I'm not a medical professional so if anything in this story regarding Amanda's trauma or the way Dr. Bates speaks is wrong, I apologize. I'm doing my best. Onward.
Chapter Two.
When she wakes up for the second time since her accident, she feels remarkably better. Her eyes are still a bit unfocused but her head only throbs at a steady four out of ten (judging by the "ouch chart" Dr. Bates asked her to rate her pain with).
She's embarrassingly relieved that she even remembers that she'd woken up a first time, that she remembers a few names and faces, her career; which is most likely now not really her career because she can't for the life of her figure out how to actually detect things at the moment. She's also embarrassed about the fact that she's grateful that Olivia Benson is still in the chair next to her bed, relaxed with a file open on her lap and thick rimmed glasses nearly sliding off her nose as she dozes.
Amanda wonders how she can work with someone so beautiful and not be a rambling idiot, and then she thinks, for all she knows, that's exactly what she was around this woman. Is the old Amanda gay? This new one sure feels a little bit gay.
She shakes the thought from her head and clears her throat. Olivia is supposedly her boss and it seems inappropriate to even be thinking like that. Reaching over to grab her cup of water, she takes a few long sips to ease the scratch in her underused throat.
"You're awake.." Comes that honey voice from beside her, and she jumps, spilling a bit of water down the front of her hideous hospital gown. Olivia reaches forward to take the cup and she hands the younger woman a few tissues from the box on the side table, "I'm sorry to startle you."
"It's alright." Amanda smiles slightly, "Where is the other guy.. Fin?"
"He went home to rest before his shift tonight."
"How long was I out for this time?"
"About twelve hours."
Amanda nods and leans back, wincing at the now obvious pain in her shoulder and ribs. She hadn't noticed earlier, most likely due to the fact that there was a drumline competition going on in between her skull and brain. Now, that pain has waned and she notices the throb that takes residence everywhere else, very very much.
"Do you want some more pain medication?" The Lieutenant asks, concern visible in her expressive eyes.
"No.. I want to stay awake for a while. It's not too unmanageable right now."
The older woman nods and bites her lip, closing the folder and shoving it into her purse on the floor. Amanda can sense that there's something the woman wants to tell her. Maybe she is a good detective. "Will you tell me things?" She asks, hoping to get a little more insight on her life pre-accident.
"What do you want to know? I don't want to overwhelm you," She says softly, but Amanda shakes her head.
"It's overwhelming not knowing."
It's quiet for a moment before Olivia starts, removing those attractive glasses and stuffing them into the breast pocket on her dark blazer.
"You're a wonderful detective, very dedicated and really good with victims. I'll be honest though, you had trouble following the rules. But you always got results, which I suppose is an upside to your ornery-ness." She smiles coyly, and Amanda revels in the comfort that comes with the smooth timbre of Olivia's voice. "You joined my unit about five years ago.. You moved here, to New York from Atlanta. You were a Vice detective there first, I think. I don't know for how long."
"I remember that I used to live there.. I just don't remember.. What I did, who I was with.." She shakes her head. "How the hell is that even possible? I know some things but I don't know others."
Olivia smiles in a way that seems less reassuring and more sad, tight lipped and head tilted. "I wish I could tell you. But no matter what happens, we're here for you. I'm here for you."
Amanda inhales deeply, blowing out the tense breath. "Thank you." She relaxes back against her pillow. "Please keep going?"
Olivia nods, "I don't know much about your hobbies outside of work.. But I know you like to go running."
"Running?" Just the thought of it makes her stiff bones and muscles ache.
"It's a great stress relief."
"I suppose stress brought on by work?"
Olivia smiles, "That seems to be a large source of stress for all of us, yes." Amanda smiles back, and the older woman pauses, almost as if contemplating whether or not she should say what she's thinking.
"Please tell me everything." Amanda pleads, tucking dry blonde hair behind her ear. She desperately craves a shower.
"You.. have a daughter. Her name is Jessie." Olivia admits, eyes soft. She rushes the next part out as if any moment, Amanda could be set off like a bomb. "She's with Sonny right now, another one of your colleagues. She usually stays with me but we didn't want to stress you or her out by bringing her just yet."
Amanda's eyes widen in horror. A daughter? "I- A daughter?" She breaths, voice full of panic and confusion. She tries to tamp her nerves, and Olivia takes the blonde's shaky hand in her warm ones, squeezing softly. That seems to help a bit and she takes deep breaths. "How am I supposed to take care of her if I don't even.. If I don't remember her?" She asks breathlessly, "How am I supposed to take care of her and myself?"
She can't stop the overwhelming feeling of incompetence wash over her. How the hell is she supposed to do anything?
"You don't have to do it alone, Amanda. I've had no problem taking care of her while you've been here. You don't need to rush back into anything while you're recovering. We can take it all one day at a time."
Amanda lets tears fall, too weak to brush them away, and she nods. "How old is she?"
"She's almost two. Her birthday is in July."
"She's so young."
"Incredibly smart though. She knows a lot of words. She's started calling me Ivv since she's been living with me." The older woman smiles proudly. "And she asks about mommy every day. She's ready to see you as soon as you're ready."
Amanda smiles despite herself before a new thought slaps her in the face. "Her dad?"
Olivia shrugs, "I don't know the extent of your contact with Declan, but I haven't seen him around since before you told me you were pregnant." She leans forward, "But either way, you were doing a fantastic job on your own. I have no doubt you'll fall back into the mommy role effortlessly."
The brunette's faith in her is refreshing. She can't help the smile that falls upon her lips once again.
She just stares at the older woman for a moment, really takes her in. Amanda doesn't know how their relationship was before all of this, but they seem to be close. What boss would take their subordinate's child in like Olivia so graciously has?
"Were you and I close? We seem kinda close, at least from what I can tell right now."
Olivia bites her lip, "not at first. But over the years we've kind of.. I don't know, overcome our differences? We're closer now than before. Especially since you had Jessie. I've got a soft spot for that little girl." She smiles, hoping to ease the younger woman's frustration.
Amanda nods, then presses her eyes closed tightly, letting a steady breath out through her pursed lips. That's enough catching up for now.
"What's wrong?" Olivia asks with a lazy squeeze to her hand.
Amanda shakes her head. "I think I may need that medication now."
Olivia nods, letting go of the blonde's hand and leaning forward to press the assistance button on the side of Amanda's bed. As they wait for the doctor or a nurse to come, Olivia leans forward, linking their hands together again as if it's the most natural thing in the world. "I know this is all very confusing and overwhelming… But you're going to heal. Dr. Bates said that he sees no reason why you shouldn't get your memory back over the next few weeks or months, we just have to be patient."
"We?"
"Yes. We." She smiles, pretty lips encasing white teeth. "And when you're ready, I'll bring that sweet little girl of yours over and you can meet your daughter."
Amanda sighs, eyes slipping closed in effort to keep the tears back. It doesn't work obviously, but at least she's in the safe confines of her eyelids. Meet. It's a harsh reality that she has a long road ahead of her.
She hears the doctor come back in, and without having to express her own pain, Olivia tells him that some more pain medication is needed. She takes over effortlessly, and Amanda is grateful.
This is going to be a hard recovery.