Cosima's eyes fluttered open experimentally as the first hint of daylight infused the predawn portrait out her roomette window; the gentle rocking motion of the train coaxed her further into wakefulness, but kept her simultaneously content to be prone in her otherwise utilitarian fold-out bed. It took only a fraction of a moment, however, for her conscious mind to rise from the depths of somnolence and erase that feeling of easiness altogether. Instead she became a bit nauseous; the pressure of emotional weight in her solar plexus threatening to ruin her relationship to food indefinitely.
She had hoped to spend the next two days in a harmless, one-sided flirtation; a little emotional dalliance to fuel her summer fantasies. Her past flirtations had never failed to make women giggle, blush or even play the role of sighing ingénue to her brazen cad. Although she knew it unlikely that any object of her affection would ever permit her to cross the boundary between playfulness and passion, she still sought out opportunities to walk that fine line, finding that their confused arousal inspired satisfaction in her romantic imagination.
But Delphine's sudden exit last evening had shattered the illusion that the blonde might ever blush at her innuendos. And even though Cosima wasn't the sort to wallow in guilt (especially not when the injuries she caused were accidental), her recollections of the insensitive things she had said mingled with memories of Delphine's unflinchingly calm reactions and overwhelmed her with regret. She felt compelled to apologize to the blonde and resolved to do so at breakfast.
She wrestled her twisted blankets into a tidy pile and folded the stiff bed back into its daytime "bench" position. She turned on the trickle of water in the roomette basin, splashing it into her eyes, over her face and offering her queasy stomach a small sample, before using a cloth to clean her underarms and her more delicate places.
Feeling fresh enough, she dried off and slipped into her grey pedal pushers and white pop over top, finishing the ensemble with a comfortable steel blue, cropped sweater. She slid her glasses on, checked her look in the small fold out mirror, and decided it was best not to rely on its distorted feedback, which threatened to intensify rather than alleviate her emotional discomfort. Instead, she applied a quick sheen of lip gloss and ran a brush through her wavy brown tresses one more time, smoothing them down with her palms, before she stepped out into the corridor and turned toward the sounds of life to the right.
The sun was just cresting the horizon as Delphine approached the dining car, the smell of warm sugar and fresh coffee pulling her forward. Through the glass window of the sliding door, she scanned the car looking for her companion from the previous night, hoping her own awkward retreat would not have caused the other woman to alter her morning routine. She recognized Cosima immediately, seated at the same table they had shared hours earlier, a steaming cup sitting to her right, her attention on the table in front of her, specifically on pencil marks she was scratching onto the pages of a small leather-bound book.
Steeling herself with a deep intake of oxygen, Delphine drew her lips into a tight smile and fixed her eyes on Cosima. She slid the door to the dining car open; the other woman's attention pulled immediately by the sound of the door heaving in its track. Cosima pushed her glasses further up the bridge of her nose, tensing in recognition as their eyes met; Delphine noticed the shift in body language and offered a slight wave, which Cosima acknowledged with a smile and wave of her own. Delphine approached the table, the low slung skirt from her shirt-waisted dress swaying gently as she walked. "May I join you?" she inquired, perhaps too friendly considering how she had last spoken to Cosima, so she added deferentially, "If you are not too busy with your work, that is."
Cosima blinked several times, a puzzled expression painted across her features. She had expected she'd be forced to seek out Delphine's company in order to apologize, and it knocked her of balance to be on the receiving end of this solicitation. "My work? No, no not possible. I'm just, well, doodling really. Please, sit down; would you like some coffee?" Cosima signaled the waiter to come, as Delphine took the seat across from her.
"Yes, that would be nice." Their eyes found each other again and Delphine added with a smile, "We seem to have wasted our opportunity last night, non?"
"Uh, Yeah..." Cosima replied, the small hint of a curiosity tugging at her voice. She requested another coffee from the waiter before asking Delphine, "Are you hungry?"
"I am, actually. Very." Her eyes left Cosima's as she ordered a soft-boiled egg and a croissant from the waiter. "S'il vous plait." The waiter tipped his head toward Cosima.
"Can I bring you any food, Miss?"
"Ummm," the mild nausea that had plagued Cosima since rising seemed, almost instantly, to have dissipated in response the blonde's affable tone since her arrival; its absence signaled by a rather loud churning in her her abdomen. "Yeah, actually, I guess I better eat something. Can you bring me an egg, poached-soft, on toast?... actually, make that two eggs, poached-soft, on toast."
"Of course, Miss." And he turned to walk away.
"Thank you." Cosima called behind him.
Silence hung briefly between them, Cosima using her pencil as a place holder, carefully shut her journal. Each time their awkward gazes crossed paths, their smiles grew incrementally; it was Cosima who finally spoke. "Delphine, please let me apologize for last night." she asked earnestly. "I don't know how I got so turned around, but I swear I was not trying to insult you; it's just that…"
"Cosima." Delphine interrupted, just as the waiter returned with her coffee. She offered him a dismissive 'merci' and made a long slow pour of cream into her cup, swirling it slowly with her spoon. Cosima inhaled sharply and opened her mouth to continue, but Delphine stopped her mid-breath with a raised hand. "I think perhaps I should go first." she mused.
"OK." Cosima stilled her body, the pressure in her chest returning, limiting both her appetite and the volume of her voice.
Delphine, elbows perched on the tables edge, used both hands to bring her coffee to her lips and cautiously took a slow sip. Her line of sight landed on the wall just over Cosima's right shoulder, and as she withdrew the cup from her lips, she caught the remnants of her first sip with her tongue. Cutting her eyes back toward the brunette, she began "You are a scientist, non?"
"Ummmmm, yes," Cosima confirmed, unsure if the question had been rhetorical.
"And as a scientist, I assume you are familiar with Occam's Razor, oui?" She still held the coffee cup with two hands just in front of her chest, a self-satisfied smile forming on her lips.
"Mmhmmmmm." Cosima hummed. "Yeah, of course."
"Which tells us… what chérie?" Delphine challenged, taking another sip of warm liquid.
"Wait," Cosima's face twisted in uncertainty, you want me to explain Occam's Razor to you?" Cosima toyed with the rim of her own coffee cup, tracing its curves with her nervous fingertips. This conversation was certainly not what she had expected.
"Oui." Delphine affirmed, eyebrows arched playfully in challenge.
"Why? Am I being graded?" she mused quizzically.
"For someone who was just asking for my forgiveness, you are very resistant to following my lead." Delphine teased, finally placing her beverage back onto the table. Arms now folded in front of her, the self-satisfied smile now a full-fledged smirk. Cosima wondered, vaguely, if she was on the opposite side of a flirtation; she was certainly disarmed by this charming woman.
"Okay, okay." Cosima acquiesced. "Occam's Razor tells us that when you are faced with two hypotheses which lead you to the exact same conclusion that the simpler of the hypotheses is likely true."
"Correct, very good." Delphine offered.
"Thanks. I think." Cosima replied.
"Now, tell me about anomalies." Delphine demanded gently.
"Anomalies?" Cosima clarified. "Like unexpected or unusual occurrences?"
"Oui, scientific anomalies." Delphine confirmed.
Cosima was amused and flustered all at once. It was obvious Delphine was leading her through an intentional thought exercise, but she could not decipher it at all. Frankly, she was intrigued. It reminded her of the Socratic methods of her grad school teachers; of course, none of them made her feel quite as unsteady as her new companion, for reasons not entirely related to intellect.
After establishing a line of thinking, she began, "Well, anomalies are interesting because they defy the normal expression of reality as defined by scientific understanding."
"Mmmmmm." Delphine appraised. "Continue, s'il te plait."
Cosima complied, "They are useful because they can help us problematize our thinking about what we perceive as rational, normal, natural or correct, which" she added with genuine delight, "seems contradictory because anomalies are often rooted in legitimate, albeit rare, expressions of natural mechanisms." Cosima paused, waiting for her next task.
"Is that all?" Delphine asked.
She quickly added, "Of course, anomalies can also be appreciated simply for the elegance of their absolute idiosyncrasy."
"I concur." Delphine smiled. She reclaimed her coffee and sipped again.
"That's it?" Cosima inquired. "Did I pass?"
Delphine chuckled now. "Yes, and if we apply our mutual understanding of Occam's razor and the utility of scientific anomalies to our conversation last night, you will forgive me, if I reject your apology and ask to offer my own in it's place."
"You know Delphine, I am pretty smart, but I'm not sure I'm following you," Clearly still entertained by the conversation's nebulous intent, she added adamantly, "And I am really not sure that you owe me any sort of apology."
"Non, Cosima; I thought about you, about this… situation all night, and I am convinced I am correct about this; I assure you. And, if you will indulge me, I can prove it." Delphine winked.
Cosima, who between the "chérie," the wink, and the "you" was unraveling a little at the edges, gestured to the space in front of them, happily inviting Delphine to continue, "By all means. Please, proceed."
"You see, if one encounters an anomaly, say a married woman not wearing a wedding ring," Delphine displayed her still empty left ring finger, "what might Occam's Razor compel one to believe about this anomalous woman?"
Cosima shook her head, chuckling softly to herself and completely in awe of Delphine's adorable intellectual meandering. "Occam's Razor would suggest that she is not married."
"Correct, even though a competing hypothesis may have existed. And if this anomalous woman, given many opportunities to correct this totally understandable mistake, fails to do so, Occam's Razor might also lead one to believe that this same woman was a liar." Cosima's face shrank in disapproval at Delphine's self-deprecating statement.
"Delphine, don't say that." Cosima chided.
Delphine, whose voice and face had shifted from playfulness to gravity, continued "I would not want you to think of me as a liar, so please let me apologize and explain."
"It's really not necessary." Cosima assured her, hands cutting circles through the air in front of her as if to erase the entire event.
"That may be, but I would like to all the same. Even if you do not require it, it will make me feel better." Uninterested in denying Delphine her right to be correctly understood, Cosima sighed and nodded.
"Merci, Cosima. Merci beaucoup." A softness settled over the blonde, starting in her eyes, then loosening the emphatic line between her eyebrows that had last night indicated confusion, but most recently gave testament to the earnestness of her desire to apologize, finally cascading through her body in a wave that allowed her to sink comfortable into her dining chair. "You see, I don't have many relationships with women my own age for very particular reasons," Delphine began, "and I was so surprised to find anyone, especially a contemporary, possess such a cavalier attitude about marriage, and especially, divorce, that I wanted to hear more. So I just let you talk, and then it became clear that we had so much more in common than our unconventional regard for matrimony, that I found myself wishing we could be friends…. even though you stated that I am exactly the kind of person you would wish to avoid right now."
Cosima continued to listen intently, disbelief fueling an strong desire to interrupt, she was determined to hold her tongue until Delphine was finished. "It seemed that letting you believe a lie about me was a terrible way to start a friendship, and I did not know what to say to you besides the truth, so I just said it. I walked away because I did not wish to see your attitude toward me alter. I'm sorry Cosima; it was rude of me. Je suis désolé."
It seemed incredible that Delphine was claiming responsibility, when Cosima felt so strongly that it had been her fault. Unable to contain herself she retorted, "So, let me get this straight," Cosima's hand, finger pointed, bounced emphatically between the two of them as she checked her reasoning, "you thought I would be upset with you for not correcting my presumptuous judgments about your life?"
"Perhaps a little, oui." She blushed as she nodded her head, hands folded in front of her on the table.
It was Cosima's turn to cover Delphine's hands with her own. "Not. At. All. In fact, I also thought about this all night, and I think I came on way too strong. I don't blame you for not knowing how to handle me. In fact, I came here this morning, despite feeling physically ill over how I treated you, just hoping you would allow me to apologize." Delphine's top hand turned over to intentionally squeeze Cosima's.
"So we are both sorry; and neither has a need to be, is that the situation?" Delphine smirked.
"Oui!" Cosima agreed!
"So friends, then?" Cosima, in answer, returned a prolonged squeeze of Delphine's hand.
Delphine's tranquil expression turned arch once more as she inquired, with more than a hint of mischief, "And what about my status as a "dude"? Is this not a problem? It seems I've already found a way to get you to hold my hand and we are not even in Reno yet." Again, the millisecond response of Cosima's parasympathetic nervous system forced a flush into her cheeks and a pool of warmth elsewhere.
"Well," she leveraged the flood of desire to make her bold, "using the paradigm we've established for this conversation, I guess I'll say it this way: you, Delphine, are an anomaly that I think I can learn to appreciate, simply for the elegance of your idiosyncrasies." It was Cosima's turn to wink, and the obvious blush that crept up Delphine's neck instantly rewarded her.
"So tell me about these doodles in your journal." Delphine suggested, releasing Cosima's hand and scooting her chair around the table to sit next to rather than across from her companion.
"Well, they are actually golgi stain progressions of human brains age 0 to 2." Cosima clarified.
"Non," Delphine gasped, "Fascinating." Her fingers delicately tracing the web of lines on the page in front of her "and you are drawing them by hand? You working from the original images, non?"
"These were from originals yes; I had to leave those in the lab obviously, but when I need to relax I like to trace them; we've been exploring redundancies in neural pathways in the lab. It's kind of morbid, I know, but it is easiest to see the patterns of development in the brains of infants and juveniles." Delphine looked at the intricate, intersecting pathways of black lines cascading down the page; they reminded her of a dense root system, not that of tree whose root connect to the trunk in increasingly thicker ropes, but more like the expansive root systems of grass which are thinner and spread out in inch thick sheets under the topsoil. "See, if we flip back two pages here, see… those are neurons of a newborn, see how sparsely connected they are?" Delphine nodded affirmatively; Cosima slowly turned the pages, adding, "Then here is the same brain at six months and one year old."
"It is remarkable, isn't it. How much we still have to learn about the most basic aspects of our biology?" Delphine marveled.
"Said the geneticist!" Cosima laughed. "So what have you been working on, if you don't mind me asking."
"Of course I do not mind, mon dieu. It is so, how does one say," she paused, grasping for the correct word in English to express her relief, "refreshing to meet someone who is actually interested." Delphine offered.
"Oh, I am definitely interested." Unavoidable innuendo dripped from her words. Cosima wondered if it went unnoticed.
"Well, we are attempting to correlate certain disorders with chromosomal variation; In France, Lejuene is very close to publishing his work on Down Syndrome. My research focuses on disorders that effect the expression of sex traits in particular. So you see, if your work is morbid, mine must certainly be labeled provocative." Delphine quipped and smiled slyly.
"So what I am hearing you say," Cosima pressed the analogy, "is that your work focuses on understanding anomalous genetic expression; is that right?" Cosima smiled back, giving Delphine a gentle nudge.
"Absolument, c'est vrai." Her hazel eyes fixed gently on Cosima's, "It seems we both can appreciate the elegance of divergence."
The arrival of their food broke the playful tension strung between them, and they ate enveloped in companionable silence, until Delphine observed how similar their tastes were, each using her preferred bread to bring the rich, warm yolk to their mouths. Cosima moaned her delighted agreement halfway through a bite. When their dishes had been cleared, neither woman made a move to leave the dining car.
"I guess we can't stay here all day." Cosima observed, looking around the car for something to focus on but finding nothing.
"Non, I suppose that is true." Delphine agreed; she also seemed to be searching for an elusive something in the space around them, some reason to stay rooted to the spot.
It was Cosima who finally ventured a suggestion; an affected chivalry and western accent imbuing her words, "Well, ma'am, if you are not busy for the next little while, would you permit me to accompany you to the Pleasure Dome?" her cowboy persona broke as she smirked at her own cheekiness.
"Excuse me, " Delphine's jaw dropped. "That cannot be what it sounds like, I think."
"That depends," Cosima dared, "What does it sound like?"
"Oh, no, no, no. I am not walking into that trap; just take me to this Pleasure Dome, Cosima!"
"Anything for you darlin'." Cosima dropped back into character and offered a hand that Delphine took easily, and she led the giddy blonde out of the dining car.
AN: Just wanted to acknowledge GeekMonkeyNow's fic Science in the Black! The chapter 1 title "Occam" was so clever that it lodged in my brain and inspired Delphine's strategy for engaging Cosima in this chapter. Thanks for the smart writing GMN!