Adventures in Neopia!
Chapter Two – Codestone Thief Extraordinaire
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Someone shook Jack's shoulder.
"O'Neill!" said Teal'c's voice. Jack opened his eyes and sat bolt upright.
Turns out, that was a very bad thing to do.
"Ah!" He squeezed his eyes shut and lay back down, waiting for the throbbing pain in his head to subside. What had happened to them, anyway?
Oh yeah, poison darts…right. Great. He sat up again –slowly, this time- and examined their surroundings. The rain had stopped, and it was dark out now.
Must have been out for a long time, he thought it annoyance. They were in a primitive, stick-and-rope cage. He reached out an arm and experimentally shook one of the bars.
A very sturdy primitive stick-and-rope cage. One they wouldn't easily escape. He sighed and looked over at Carter and Daniel, who were still unconscious, lying in an unceremonious heap where they had apparently been dumped.
Hey, was that…music he was hearing?
"O'Neill!" Teal'c said again. Jack followed his gaze. He was staring over Jack's shoulder, looking as alarmed as he ever did. Jack whipped around.
Holy….
He didn't know what he had been expecting, but it sure wasn't this. He found himself trying to resist an insane urge to laugh. The scene in front of him was far too ridiculous to comprehend. He figured there were two logical explanations. One: the poison in the dart had been a lot stronger than he had thought, causing extreme hallucinations. Or two: They had never left home. He was still on earth, in his quarters at the SGC, snoozing away. Yes, that was it. At least, he sure as hell hoped that was it.
Because there was no way he was really seeing a group of animals with brightly colored fur, standing on their hind legs and dancing around a bonfire on a beach. Some of them sat off to the side, beating on drums and singing in some unknown language. They had white markings painted onto their fur and wore clothing made of leaves and flowers.
This time, he did laugh. He couldn't help it. This earned him a "have you lost it?" look from Teal'c (which was kind of funny, coming from him) and the attention of two "animals" with sharp looking spears. They rushed over.
One of them was a blue tiger-like creature with oversized ears. The other was a fierce looking yellow shark, with a bone through the fin on his head. He "walked" on two back fins. All in all, it was a very strange sight to behold.
"Hey, fellas…" Jack said.
The shark poked him with his spear.
"Hey!"
The tiger giggled, and said something to the shark. It poked Jack again. He glared at them, backing up out of the reach of the stick. Both creatures burst out laughing.
The shark attempted to poke Teal'c, who calmly grabbed it and snapped the end off. He sent the shark a death glare.
The tiger gasped. "Humph!" said the shark. They both turned and stalked off.
Jack found this whole situation amusing, as he still wasn't entirely convinced he wasn't dreaming. "Now, Teal'c, I'm not sure it's a good idea to antagonize our captors-"
"Sir?" Carter said groggily.
"Oh, hey, Carter! You might not want to-"
She sat up and winced, holding a hand to her head.
"-sit up so fast…"
She shoved Daniel off of her, waking him up, and moved to a slightly less crowded corner of the too-crowed cage. "What happened…?" Her eyes widened as she took in the scene outside the cage. "Oh my…"
"Oh yeah,"
Daniel raised his head. "What's going on, guys?" he started to get up, then froze as a pink wolfish creature walked by and cast them a disgusted look.
"Huh. Ookay…"
"You guys are acting like you've never seen a neopet before!"
What the… Jack turned around, noticing for the first time that there was a second cage behind theirs.
Oh, for crying out loud! This just kept getting better and better. The cage contained a red unicorn with wings, a golden horn and big blue eyes. A unicorn that was talking to them.
"Um, hi," Daniel said. "Who are you?"
The unicorn grinned. "The name is LilCutiePie876987." That got odd looks all around. The unicorn grimaced. "Please, don't ask…" He said.
Jack couldn't resist. He was planning some smartass comment when Daniel sent him a "don't you dare" look. He knew him too well.
The unicorn cleared his throat. "So, you guys don't look like you're from around here..." he glanced at Teal'c.
"No, we're not." Daniel began the introductions. "I'm Daniel Jackson; this is Colonel O'Neill, Major Carter, and Teal'c. We're explorers, from earth." He looked at LilCutiePie876987 expectantly.
"Earth?" he looked thoughtful a moment. "Never heard of it." He grinned again. "Anyway, explorers, huh?" Sounds fascinating. I am a Master Codestone Thief Extraordinaire."
He reached his front leg through the bars of his cage and held his hoof up. Daniel and Carter took turns shaking it.
"Welcome to Mystery Island!" he exclaimed. He gestured at the cages. "Accommodations aren't much, but the food isn't bad. And we do have a lovely view of the ocean." He said dryly. Jack supposed he could get to like this…guy. He shook his hoof. Teal'c merely inclined his head.
"You're a…unicorn…" Carter said. Yes, Major. Thank you for stating the obvious.
But LilCutiePie876987 shook his head. "No, I'm not. I'm a Uni! And a darn good looking one, if I do say so myself." He smirked, tossing his mane dramatically for effect.
All right, that was enough. Time to get down to business. "Listen, Little Cutie Pie… Eight Seven… Six…" Jack said. "Cutie. Can I call you Cutie?"
The Uni sighed. "If you must."
"All right, listen, Cutie," Jack emphasized his name with great satisfaction. "Can you tell us what we're doing in a cage?"
Cutie blinked. "You're prisoners."
"Yes, we got that." Jack said impatiently. "But have you any clue why we are prisoners?"
"You were stealing codestones! I heard the tribe talking while you were passed out. They caught you carrying a bag full of the things."
"Excuse me," Daniel said. "But what are codestones…?"
The Uni stared at him for a moment, as if trying to determine whether he was kidding or a moron. Apparently, he decided on the latter. "Oh, for the love of Coltzan!" He said with an exasperated sigh. "You people really aren't from around here. Codestones! You know, the rocks with the stupid little drawings on them?"
Hah! So this was all Daniel's fault! "Oh yeah, those stones…" Jack smacked Daniel upside the head.
"Hey!"
Of course, Jack knew it was partially his fault for telling Daniel to take the rocks home, but it was much easier just to blame him for the whole incident.
Cutie looked at him weird, and then continued explaining. "The tribe here believes codestones have some mystical powers." He rolled his eyes. "They have them stashed in secret hiding places all over this little corner of the island. But the rocks are really just used as payment for the training school." He stood straighter. "Me and my brothers take it upon ourselves to find these little 'secret' stashes, and we get free battle training. It all works out quite nicely."
"But not for the tribe." Carter said.
Cutie shrugged his shoulders. "So? They're all a bit wacky if you ask me." He put his hoof to his head and traced circles around his ear, in the universal gesture of insanity. "Anyway," he continued. "That's how I ended up here. Got caught on one of our raids."
"And what will become of us now?" Teal'c asked.
Before Cutie could answer, there was a change in the music. The drumbeats become rather ominous sounding and the tribe stopped dancing and sat down in a circle around the cages.
Jack gave them a little wave. "Hey guys. How's it going?"
The yellow shark with the stick came out of nowhere to poke Jack once again.
"Hey, easy, Jetsam Boy!" Cutie yelled at the shark. The shark began making his way to Cutie's cage, probably to jab him with his stick, which he seemed to enjoy doing very much. He never made it there, however: he was stopped by the sound of a horn being blown. He scrambled around the cage and stood at attention.
"Oh, are we expecting someone?" Jack asked dryly. Sg-1 all turned around to face in the direction the tribe was looking, at a small brown hut. They didn't have to wait long. The flap of the hut raised, and out stepped –actually, out hopped- a large green... Well, Jack wasn't sure what it was, but it looked sort of like a fat round mouse with tiny little hands and feet. His massive tail held him several feet above the ground. He had two of the tiger-creatures with spears flanking him. The most entertaining part, however, was the ridiculously large headdress that the mouse was wearing, made of palm branches and blue flowers. The thing was bigger than he was. Literally.
Carter let out a strangled noise as she tried to keep from laughing. Jack felt better now that he wasn't the only one to have reacted to their situation that way.
The mouse slowly turned to look at Sg-1's cage. He pointed a finger at them.
"Bring the humans to me!" he said melodramatically.
Good grief. This guy was as bad as a Goa'uld.
The original tiger and shark opened the cage. They gestured for the team to come out, and the tiger began to tie their hands behind their backs. The shark looked at Jack with an evil glint in his eyes, and raised his spear menacingly.
"Whoa! Hey!"
The shark laughed. "HAH HAH HAH!"
He went to stand next to the tiger, who was finished tying. He jabbed Carter in the shoulder on his way past.
"Ow!"
"HAH HAH HAH!"
Good lord, he was annoying. Jack was so going to get this guy…
The mouse hopped over to stand on front of Sg-1. "Who is your leader?"
"That would be me," Jack took a step forward. The mouse looked him over.
"I am Chief Crazy Bones the Meerca!"
Someone snorted. Jack could've sworn it was Teal'c. If this "Meerca" heard it, he ignored it.
"Colonel Jack O'Neill, US Air Force." He winced at the scratchy rope that was too tight on his wrists.
"Is there a problem, Colonel?"
"No. You just look like something that should be running on a hamster wheel, is all."
Crazy Bones narrowed his beady black eyes, and hopped close enough to breath in Jack's face.
Oh, the stench! Jack coughed and his eyes began to water.
"I would be careful, if I were you. I didn't get my name for no reason, you know."
"Oh, I don't doubt that, sir."
"Good," Crazy Bones muttered, and hopped back (Thank God). He puffed out his chest and pointed an accusing finger at Sg-1.
"You were attempting to steal the sacred codestones!" He yelled, for all the tribe to hear. "And for that you must PAY!"
He laughed evilly. "MWA HA HA HA HA!" He clapped his hands. "Archers, ready!"
Out of nowhere, various creatures with bows and arrows appeared, and aimed their weapons at Sg-1.
"Prepare to meet your DOOM! Ha HA!"
Oh great.
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To be continued…