"Hey," Jack said timidly he didn't like the way his mother was looking at him.

They sat Jack down with a grim nod of the head. He did as they said even though fear had all but paralyzed him. The room was large and seemed especially silent tonight. There weren't any footsteps from above or any crackling of the speakers. The power was completely out and the shades were drawn. Seeing all of this should have tipped Jack off right away but he couldn't look away from his mother's serious eyes. She held the look she got when she watched a traitor being dragged through the streets towards the court house. That resolve.

His mother did all the talking, the nurse looked as if she was just there for support which in and of itself was weird. My mom never needed support; she's the most independent person I know.

She smiled quickly and started by asking if Jack wanted any tea. "No, thank-you," he responded quietly.

She sighed and each little tick of the old grandfather clock felt like an hour. Jack watched his mother steadily trying to read her face. She was looking at the floor unaware of the two sets of eyes on her face. Possibly she was aware and just temporarily at a loss of words—again something extremely strange for Jack's mother. Finally, she met Jack's gaze directly.

"I noticed that you are hanging with Jenna Marie quite often, are you developing a little crush?"

Jack's mood instantly brightened, this was all it's about? It seemed hardly the reason to act so grim. He shook his head with a half smile on his face, glad that this was all she was worried about. Maybe she was afraid that another girl would take her favorite little man away.

"Girls are a waste. She just gets me better." She always seemed easier to relate to then the other guys. Maybe it was a crush, he seriously doubted it though.

"What about any of the boys?"

"I don't know." He shrugged trying to recall if anyone had ever said anything nice about Jenna Marie. "We don't talk about her much." Jack didn't see the purpose of his mother's questioning, maybe she was the one who had the crush on Jenna Marie.

"No, I mean, do you like any of the boys?"

Jack and society had the same answer for that one. Jack shook his head harshly proclaiming that that was gross. There were several things that everyone was forbid to mention, differences, bad words, negative views of the government and sex. What my mother was implying was the first and she could get in some trouble for speaking that question.

"I know what you're thinking," she claimed. "But every mother is allowed to break the news to explain the way of things to their sons and daughters." She looked at Jack for a long time letting what she said sink in for a while.

"Starting this summer and thereafter, there will be changes, in you." She explained to me the process that was taken in order for me to be conceived and the different anatomy that men and women have. She told me that someday I would be allowed to do the same if I wrote for permission from the Council of Communications. I found it all slightly disgusting and even more embarrassing when I realized that I was the outcome of this disgusting act she was describing. Jack's lips turned down at the corners the longer his mother went into description. He wanted to plug his ears when she got into some bit about blood coming out of unfathomable places. He was also puzzled about certain things she explained, things that didn't seem to go with the way of the world, the world according to Jack. This was a place that only exists in younger minds that are capable of imagining the impossible.

"That can't be right, I'm a boy but I have something different."

My mother just looked at me long and hard waiting for me to finally understand what she was trying to tell me. I was the person looking down at my feet now, a loss of words. Just say it straight out mom, I thought bitterly. What is all this beading around the bush? We both know that you have been breaking the law. I started out slowly waiting, and praying that there was something wrong and she was just making this all up to prank me. It couldn't be though; my mother was always a serious woman who said what she meant and didn't waste time with what didn't need to be heard.

"But mom, that wouldn't make me a boy." Jack's whole world was being turned upside down with one explanation.

"No, you're not. Not a single soul knows this truth apart from the people in this room and it needs to remain so—forever." She seemed to tack on the last part as an after thought.

"Does dad—?"

"No."

Hiding this truth from even my father? It was incomprehensible. He had always been so good to us, maybe he wasn't around as much as we wanted him to be but we loved him and all of these years my mother had been lying to his face—lying to mine.

"It can't be right. I'm going to boy school, I play with boys, I think little dollies are dumb and I hate pink. I pick up bugs not flowers. What happens when I grow those?" I gestured to her chest erratically. "Why even go through the stress of changing my gender? I could have done just as well as a girl. I don't want to be a girl! They're slow, weak and soft."

"Try to calm down," Nurse said, touching my knee softly. My breath was coming fast as I reached my peeking point. What would happen to me and my family if anyone found out?

My father had eminent status. Every person in Taroma knew him and his family. They watched us on television when we were invited to dinners, fancy parties or any other special occasion. People read about my graduation in newspapers and magazines, people read about the time my father bought a new car. He was a hot commodity in the gossip column and a giant in politics. I was known to the world as Jack Plantocracy. How dare my mother build that whole lie around me?

I took in a deep breath. "Wh—why did you do it?"

"You can't see it all now but men have better opportunities in this time we inhabit. Being a girl can destroy a person if they aren't extremely careful and intelligent, which, society keeps them from. I'm not doubting your ability—" she said as I opened my mouth to protest my intelligence. "I'm just saying that things happen now that I don't want my little girl to have to suffer through."

"It's never going to work."

"I always knew you were going to be a girl. As long as you were kicking around in me, I just knew. I feared your future and what your dad would do if you did turn out like I had expected. I wanted to protect you and if that meant lying to the whole world and probably being damned by doing it, I would do it all over again."

"Girls and boys don't look the same, people will catch on."

"You still have about two years until any noticeable changes will occur and when the time comes I have a few tricks up my sleeve."

"Can't we just tell the truth?" There was no rhyme or reason to the way I acted but my eyes were getting foggy and hot. Didn't know how to feel anymore, I didn't feel like myself. I felt like I was standing naked on a stage in front of a huge crowd. I felt venerable and very, very confused. My skin didn't seem to fit right anymore. I scratched my arm quick, waiting for my mom to answer. When she didn't I snapped my head up to see that her and Abbie were both looking at me with pitiful eyes.

"Shut up, stop looking at me," I sneered, my upper lip actually coming up to my gums like I saw a dog do once.

"Do not think this changes anything that you are, or what anyone thinks of you. No one will ever know the truth and you only need to keep going on the way you've been for the last eleven years. We'll take precautions but you're fine."

The heavy weight that was piling up on my chest didn't relent with her words. That look in her eyes was still there but so was that same resolve, she thought she was truly doing the right thing. The least I could do was smile and thank her for going through six hours of labor and nine months of fatigue.

"I'm going to bed for a little while," I muttered.

"Okay, what ever you need Jax." I nodded and stood, walking slowly for the steps. The moment my right foot was on the bottom step I heard my mom call from the other room. "Oh, and Jackie. We found the squirrel."

Some time later I found myself sprawled out on the floor staring up at the ceiling. I find myself doing that a lot after that one night she told me. It was the place I went when I wanted to think. My ceiling was very white that night but over the years small smudges appeared from this and that. Each smudge had a story behind it but some I just couldn't remember all that well. The brown one right in front of me now was from the time that Brent and I had a chocolate whipped cream fight. Brent was the best cousin a birl could ask for.

Birl is the name I gave myself.

Brent was a year older then I was. He thought that he was the biggest toughest guy around because of the fact that his mom decided that he was an annoying pest and wanted him out of her as soon as possible. I told him that he being older just showed that his parents didn't like him as much.

"Oh, yeah?" He got that funny angry look about his face when he was about to punch me. I ducked just as his fist came around. He lost balance and came a tumbling to the floor with a crash. I was afraid that he would break something. He was only fourteen but he already had the body of a young man. He was kind of a little player though, and was awfully sweet on Jenna Marie.

She would giggle and bat her eyes at him when he flirted with her. I would get harassment from him after she would leave. He would always start his attack by commenting on her body or her hair or her face or her smell, the list went on. Followed by the same question.

"Hey cuz, why haven't you gotten that yet?"

That was an easy answer but I never told him the real one. It would usually be something like, she likes someone else or we're just friends. The unfortunate truth was that I didn't like anyone.

It must be the down side to my predicament that I don't like boys but I don't like girls either. I guess I don't like anyone. Dying alone in Taroma wasn't justifiable and that's how my future looked. People gave old lonely crones dirty or pitiful looks when they went out walking.

It wasn't like that people actually married for any good reason. I never saw the point of it. The families arranged who you would live with most of the time and you did as they said. I would someday be stuck with some girl and I'll have to pretend that I actually like her. My mom would probably say that I couldn't tell my wife the truth either.

So currently I just live the lie that my mom forced me into and wish for the day I turn ninety-three and die. Easiest way out of the lie is dying. I wasn't the kind of person that went around moping about life and harming my self. Life got tough sometimes but when it came down to the wire, my overall standing was pretty good.

When I got up in the morning I had dry spit on my lips and wore a baggy t-shirt. I slipped into a tight spandex top that kept my chest flat and wore sweatshirts that were slightly baggier then they needed to be so it would look like that I had bigger arms. Even with the disguise my mom has me wear my face still looks a little too feminine.

I had a straight little curved nose and dark-ish pink lips that were a little too full for boy lips. My eyes were light which made them look a little smaller then if they were brown but they were still pretty large but they were almond shaped from my Irish ancestors. Sometimes before I went out to school I would look in the mirror for a long time and wonder what I would look like with long hair and make up. If I ever tried I knew that I might lose my resolve.

Sure at first boys seem pretty great but when they get older they get more annoying. They sure do know how to have fun instead of sit around and talk but they talk too loud and seem to be puffing out their chest all the time. It would be nice to put on a pretty dress and eye shadow and go to a fancy party and have boys tell me how pretty I am, like all the other girls. Sadly that's not how my life went.

Instead here I was standing in front of the mirror looking at a girl with short hair and a tuxedo that had to be custom made to make me look bigger. I was pretty tall but not as tall as the other boys were at thirteen. They all seemed to decide to shoot up at once and leave me behind.

I only let them leave me behind in height. I worked harder then all of them when it came to grades, staying up to four in the morning sometimes to study. I saw what happens to people that slack off. I've seen kids being pulled away from the building and put into cars. Those kids rarely turn up after that. I've heard rumors that they are killed, others believe that they are made into the cafeteria lunch. But I knew the truth from indirect points leading to the conclusion. They are the slaves that work for the government or are sold to powerful elites like Mister Al. I never got around to asking Mr. Al if that was the way of things, he passed just around the time I figured it out.

Talking to my father about it would be too intimidating. He would probably make up a lie and say they were just sent to a different school which, sure, could be a plausible possibility. From the government conversations I've eavesdropped on it looks unlikely however.

My mom says that I'm too smart for my own good and that I'll draw too much attention to myself. The alternative was being shipped off in one of those black cars. I remember watching the first boy go. He was kicking down the hallways, they took him after school. I had stayed after that day to work on some extra credit work. I didn't want to see his face but something drew me to the window. A little red head was stuffed into the car. The man who had carried him all the way to the car looked up and met my eyes. He tipped his hat respectfully and got into the car. I looked for the red hair for the rest of the year. Red hair is extremely rare, I saw only one kid and it definitely wasn't the same boy.

"Jack, are you ready?" My father's voice was on the other side of the door. I squirted some cologne on and opened it for him.

"Nice jacket." He straightened my tie for me and looked me up and down. "Have you gotten taller?"

I nodded with a little smile. I secretly purchased dress shoes with a slightly higher heel and base knowing it would give me at least another inch.

"It's about time." He punched me in the arm playfully. "You're just a late bloomer. You'll be the biggest guy in the school by the time you graduate." He hesitated for a second looking me up and down. "Maybe." We were going to the ninth grade graduation dinner now. Brent was downstairs already with my mom when we got done.

"Dude, you're graduating not going to a funeral." Brent laughed. I rolled my eyes but caught myself halfway through. My mom said that I looked too much like a girl when I did that. She needed to understand that it was impossible to pretend I was a guy. She still hadn't let go of the dream of me being something more.

"Dude, have you seen the school I'm going to next year?"

He just laughed and patted me on the back.

I was silent in the car on the way to the dinner. Everyone else couldn't have enough to say. Mom was talking about how she proud she was, my dad was talking about the special announcement they told him about that they will be making public tonight. Brent kept poking me hard on the shoulder every time I zoned out. I kept reaching up to touch my hair. I was test driving my new wig today.

"Yeah," I tried sounding agreeable when Brent elbowed me. My dad looked satisfied and went on talking.

As soon as I grow out my hair a good length so I can just see what I would look like, I will chop it all back off anyway. I wasn't suddenly interested in changing genders. There was just that curiosity. All the other boys went through their long hair phase, this was simply mine. My mom caught on to my constant touching half way through our dinner.

"It's not healthy to touch your head while you're eating." She shot me a warning glance.

"What do you have up there bugs?" My friend Chris asked, thinking he was funny.

I lost all of my cool friends in seventh grade when they realized that I was a little weird. So I was stuck with the 'freaks'. Honestly I didn't like them at all and they annoyed me half of the time, always thinking they were funnier then they really were, but without them I would be a total loner. I survived the last two years but just barely. It was miraculous that I didn't just snap one day and punch them all out. There were some days when I was pretty darn close.

"Feels like it."

"Ew man that's gross."

"Sh." My mother hushed us quickly. Our principal was just taking the microphone from a disembodied hand in the darkness. This must be the time my father had been looking forward to all night. The big announcement. He wouldn't have come if there wasn't a big announcement. He felt that if he went to the 'graduation' he didn't have to go to some dumb dinner with people that just want to talk to him about their problems.

He was handling pretty well tonight. Only three people came over to talk business and even then he dismissed them pronouncing that he was here to be with his family and if they had anything they whished to share with him, he would be in the office tomorrow. They were more then welcome to come down and waste his time then. That got people to shut up. No one wants to actually go to the communications building. I was his son and even I didn't go there on career day. I sat at home and wrote a fake paper about what I did with my father.

"Ladies and Gentlemen I hope you are enjoying your evening. I'd like to take a chance to thank everyone here and congratulate the ninth graders on a superb readying school experience." There was a pause to give everyone the chance to applaud, my parents did. I kept my hands in my lap until an angry look from my mom made me place them together. The noise died.

"Yes, yes, good job. This is a time of celebration, for some more then others. I'm happy to have been able to educate each and every boy here. They are all fine specimen of male and all of their teachers agree. One, especially out applied all the others as long as this school has been in use. A student has been chosen to be sent to Mareth Vox from our very own school. This is a true honor for everyone involved because it takes everyone to educate anyone. The pupils around us here today facilitated this rise to stardom and hereafter we will all be remembered because of them. Based on test grades other aspects he has been requested by the head Vox. This in itself is a paramount approbation."

I knew it was my name that he would call. There wouldn't be any other reason for my father to be here. This was why he was so excited. I was terrified and I knew the moment my name left his lips everyone would go searching to see my face. I would have to put on a killer performance if I was ever going to survive this night.

"Jack Plantocracy will start his new school this coming autumn with the greatest minds and bodies that Taroma has to offer." Gasps from some of the boys who were all probably thinking about how we used to be so close. I was strong in P.E. faster then most of them but certainly couldn't bench nearly as much, maybe half as much as the weakest guy. The only way they would have picked me is because the fact that I was a Plantocracy and that I had outrageous grades. There were only fifteen kids per grade level at that school, people say.

"Woah, is this for real?" I said in my deepest voice, I pulled my best half smile as I looked at all the proud faces looking at me. That night my dad looked like he would die on the spot from being filled with too much pride.

He never lost the little kid excitement in his eyes for the following hours as we stood outside of the school talking to reporters who were eager to get the low down on the extraordinary boy.

"Were you expecting this surprise tonight?" A blonde woman with perky blue eyes asked me. She seemed to be trying to get my attention by using her body. Like that would get me to talk to her. I answered her question anyway since my dad was busy answering his own.

"No, I had no idea. I always knew I was kind of good with school but not that good."

"Is it scary thinking that you are going to be at school with the most gifted kids in Taroma? It's got to be intimidating."

"Hell it is."

"Some don't even make it through their first year."

"Yeah. I know." I picked my smile back up before all of Taroma saw a boy who really didn't know what he got and thought, just because he was of a good family, he was above the government. I didn't think any of that, I was just freaking out in my head and needed a place to go and think.

"I wish the best of luck to you this coming summer. You're going to need it." She said off of the camera. I smiled sadly at her and walked away, ignoring all of the questions being fired at me from friends, ex-friends, reporters and teachers. Everyone wanted to see the boy that everyone spent the last year making fun of because he wasn't as big or as strong as the next one. Now, their tune changes when fame is at stake.

"Good job, buddy." Brent clapped me on the back hard.

"Thanks."

"You seem down," he said once we were safely in the car. My dad told us to go off before him. He had to get back to work and answer some more questions for the press. I didn't mind, I really didn't want to see him right now.

"Wouldn't you be if you were just told that you were going to Mareth Vox? Dude, that's...whoa."

"It is but you've always been tough, never that big of a guy but certainly tough."

"Thanks. But the guys that are going to be there will be tough and you know what tough guys do to the little guy?"

"They aren't like that, kids that got in there are like you, they are all freaky smart. I actually know a kid that goes there."

"You do?" It was rare for some one to know a person in Mareth Vox even rarer to know two.

"Yeah, my best friend was brought there last year. I could call him and have him show you the ropes or something. I'm pretty sure I've talked about him before. Dean is his name."

"Right, the one you would spoon at sleepovers."

"Right." He smiled and punched me. I was going to have bruise there if everyone didn't stop hitting me tonight.