2-The Dark Half

"There were days when I stopped believing. Days when I would have given anything to just be allowed to die. To not have to be the strong one. But somehow when the pain and the dark got too much to bear, I would think about Misty, May and Dawn, about Gary, about my Mother... about all the people who trusted me to be there. And then I would get back up and keep fighting."

-Ash Ketchum

The shadows were everywhere. That's all I can remember when I'm awake.

I'm surrounded, but that isn't really important. I don't stay here because they physically surround me, I stay because I'm bound to this place. Bound to them. They are a part of me in more ways than I would like to admit.

It isn't really the physical sense of things that matters here anyway. Thoughts have power. Pain has power. Dreams don't exist here as far as I can tell, but nightmares are god. But the pain and the rage aren't nearly as bad as the hideous, treacherous thought that maybe I belong here. That maybe I deserve this.

They tell me things. About who to be and what to do. I'm getting stronger, I know I am, but how can I fight these things on their home turf? They don't even require physical form here.

"Little one"

I shiver. I hate that voice. It isn't any one of them, it's all of them together speaking to me. Instructing me.

"Repeat after us. You are a tool of death. Death is all you are and all you know."

"Death..." I mutter weakly.

"You will never know mercy, tolerance or compassion. These things are not for you. You must end those who feel them."

"Mercy...end, the, the end...not for me..."

"You will never love, you will never be loved."

"..."

"You will always be different. You will always be alone."

I woke up so fast that I knocked Misty out of her chair.

The hospital room was exactly as I imagine most are. Clean, white, and dead. Here and there were little touches to make it look less impersonal- a brightly coloured nutrition chart on one wall, some curtains near the window- but the overall effect just made it worse. Like putting a clown mask on a corpse.

The startled, sleepy, pissed off red-head picked herself up off the floor, but dropped the frown when she saw I was awake.

"Ash! Ash, are you alright?"

"I'm-" I was about to say I was fine, but at that moment my nerve endings decided that this would be a lovely time to cripple me. Pain flashed through my entire body, although it seemed to be the worst on the left. I must have gotten hit there. I collapse back onto the bed.

"-just great." I say weakly. Misty obviously does not believe me.

"I'm going to get the nurse."

She tries to leave, but I manage to snag her wrist on the way past. As she looks at me questioningly, I shake my head. "Don't. They'll just want to sedate me and I don't feel like sleeping right now." She nods and sits back down.

"Are you really alright?"

"I'm fine." I say and grin. "Just a little tired from having to shove your fat ass."

She looks at me in shock. "What?"

"You heard me. Your sisters are right Mist, you do need to lose some weight. I'm exhausted."

Her shock is quickly overtaken by anger, as she picks me up by my hospital gown and starts shaking me.

"You asshole! Do you have any idea how worried I was? And you open your idiot mouth to insult me? Do you want me to finish you off?"

"Yeah, but" I smile "you aren't worried now right?"

We look at each other for a second before simultaneously breaking out in laughter. She drops me back to the bed, much more gently than she picked me up. Misty tells me I've been out for three days and that I'm lucky to be alive. Apparently this little fuckup is going to leave some scars. Joy. I was looking to add to my collection.

The nurse comes in, and I refuse the sedative. They run some tests. I'll be fine, but they're talking about a month's stay, cranial haematoma, traction, hairline fractures, corrective surgery... right. I'll be out of here in a week, two at max. I heal fast, and if the doctor doesn't like it, he can go suck a catheter.

I tell Misty to go back to her dorm. She looks as if she's had shitty sleep for the last three days, and there isn't much she can do here. We trade a few insults, but honestly my heart isn't in it. I'm too tired and too glad to see her alive. She must have felt the same way, because she soon stops her tirade.

"Ash?"

"Yeah Mist?" I reply sleepily. I wake up fast when she leans over and hugs me.

"Thank you."

For a moment, I'm too shocked to move. Misty and I usually show affection through taunting; she must have been more worried than I had thought. I couldn't have looked that bad, could I? I push these thoughts aside as I hesitantly slide a hand up to her back and reply:

"No worries Mist. Just... just watch out next time alright? I haven't got enough friends to lose one."

She smiles, says she'll be careful, and leaves. I am tired, exhausted really, but somehow sleep won't come. I keep thinking about the accident... and more specifically what was wrong with the accident. Why aren't I more hurt than I am? That car was travelling at killing speeds, and here I am with a barely noticed fracture in my left arm and a lot of bruising. Misty hadn't had the best view of the accident, and the cops hadn't managed to ID the driver yet, although they were looking for the car. Judging by the fact I was in one piece, I must've hit high and been rolled... now there's a thought. The ground probably did more damage to me than the car. But how had I managed to get high if I'd been diving? I must have jumped harder than I'd-

Oh.

Oh Christ, the jump.

The voice.

I was wondering when you'd remember me.

Suddenly the pain in my left side is blinding. My entire body tenses, and it hurts so badly I can't even scream.

Sorry 'bout that old chum. I'm more used to the shadows of our mind. Direct interface with the body is something I'm still getting used to.

Yeah, you and me both.

No need to be sarcastic, although the anger is nice. We always did have the tastiest emotions.

OK, the whole voice in my head thing is starting to wear thin. I close my eyes and try to ignore it.

Ignore me? I'm offended.

What the hell are you?

A better question would be what are we, Ash. We are everything that is right in this world. We are the future. We are the new God, and now that our awakening has begun our world is coming.

"We" are nothing. You are a psycho.

Enough of the "you" shit Ash. I am you and you know it. You've always known it. Just as you've always known that one day you were going to have to stop running and fight. I've been waiting for you Ash. Waiting for us.

You're still a psycho.

Alright, fine. Have it your way. But if you absolutely must pretend our mentalities are distinct, at least quit with "you". Give me a name.

I gave it several. It didn't find them funny.

Is profanity really the only recourse? Fine then. To you I will be Kaelus. Now get some rest Ash. I have plans for us.

The voice, or presence, or whatever it was seemed to leave me. I didn't get much rest, however. Not that night.

Not for many nights to come.