Missing Moments: Helpless

The med bay doors hissed open and Shepard stood at the brink. She could see Kaidan from where she stood and from there it didn't seem like the damage was too bad. But she knew better. Slowly, she walked toward him, her brows furrowed with worry. It wasn't like she hadn't seen people get hurt in battle, or that she hadn't witnessed worse wounds in men under her command. She'd seen more than her fair share of horrific things, even before Elysium. But this was Kaidan.

Training kicked in. Shepard pulled off her armored gloves and their under-padding. She could change after she'd done everything she could, because she couldn't stand doing nothing while Kaidan lay there injured. The med bay was set up close to the same as it had been back when she had worked with Cerberus. She found the medigel, washcloths, and basins quickly. Filling one of the basins with luke-warm water, she realized her hands were shaking. Shepard clenched them tightly, willing them still.

She walked over to where he lay and gently dabbed the caked blood away. The bruises were starting to show now, deep purple surrounded his eyes and larger greenish ones were spreading across his cheekbones and jaw line. Shepard grit her teeth. It was so hard seeing him like this. She didn't dare try to remove his armor and risk more injury, but at least she could clean him up a bit. The medigel didn't do much at this point except to keep infection out. Carefully, she dabbed some on the few open wounds he had. There wasn't much else she could do and she hated feeling this helpless.

Shepard leaned on the table over him. The tears wouldn't come. She wasn't sure why she expected that to change after all these years. Instead she just shut her eyes. They were so angry at each other. The last things they had said, she shook her head. Kaidan's accusations struck at her heart. You have to admit, it's kind of convenient... Shepard, I need a straight answer…. I don't know what you are, or who, since Cerberus rebuilt you…. I think maybe you should think about how you should know me better.

The sound of the doors opening broke Shepard's train of thought away from those last remarks. Her guilt ate away at her though and she wished she had had the strength to tell Kaidan how she felt about him. That she loved him… missed him... She recalled her last dying moments when she was out in space suffocating, burning and freezing at the same time. Her last thoughts had simply been regretting not telling Kaidan what he meant to her. And yet she had another chance after Cerberus brought her back, several even, and she still hadn't told him.

Liara quietly joined her, studying her face before looking down at Kaidan. "I remember watching Kaidan back when we were chasing down Saren; the way he would look at you when you weren't watching, it was clear that he admired you. I also recall a certain conversation we had, about how you cared for him. I was always a little… envious of him for that."

"Liara…"

"Do not worry about me, Shepard. We became friends, which is more than I could have hoped for. I admit I was embarrassed at the time, but I was always happy for you both." She smiled softly. "You know, you never told me how you met."

Shepard brushed Kaidan's hair back off his forehead. "I met Kaidan during the Normandy's shakedown. Our first mission together was on Eden Prime. The prothean beacon we found somehow activated and I had to push him out of the way. The blast knocked me out cold…Chakwas was standing there talking about brainwaves and there he was, trying to take the blame for the whole thing. He looked so worried, I actually had to tell him that it wasn't his fault," Shepard smiled a little. "I remember that was the first time I saw him smile."

"You were always talking with him, I had assumed that you two had worked together longer than that. It never occurred to me that you only met him a couple weeks before I met you."

"I told myself after that first mission that I wouldn't get distracted by some charming lieutenant but…"

Liara smiled. "But Kaidan was different. I guess he managed to distract you after all."

"That he did," Shepard smiled wholeheartedly down at Kaidan as she said it. But as quickly as it came, it disappeared. Liara worried about her and noted Kaidan's shallow breathing. She didn't want to say anything though. Shepard already had enough to worry about.

"Shepard… we'll be arriving at the Citadel soon. You should take this time to get ready."

Shepard frowned, she didn't want to leave Kaidan here alone but she knew she couldn't afford to stay here and mope either. The council needed to be briefed on the reaper attack on Earth. There was more at stake here than just one life, she knew that. But she couldn't bring herself to walk away.

"I can stay here and watch over Kaidan for you," Liara added, noticing Shepard's reluctance.

"What about the data?"

"I can work on that here. Besides, EDI is working on the bulk of the analysis. Don't worry, I will have our findings ready for the council by the time we arrive."

"Alright…" Shepard replied, though she was sure it was more to convince herself than to convince Liara. "I'll be back before we dock."

Liara nodded. "And we'll be here."

Once Shepard left, Liara scanned Kaidan with her omni-tool. His pulse was low, his breathing shallow. She shut her eyes. She wasn't a medical doctor; she couldn't do anything to help him. If only she had paid more attention to what was happening around her at the archives, she might have realized Dr. Core was a Cerberus agent and this would have never happened. And now with the reapers attacking Earth… Shepard already had so much to grieve over.

"Goddess, please let Kaidan make it through this."