4 weeks later
I sat there dumfounded watching my husband eat his meal the way his fork twisted around the spaghetti and lifted it too his mouth. His eyes met mine
"Take a bite." he said his words gental but I could tell he ment buissness
As much as I wanted It to my body wouldn't move. The only thing my body did do was make my chest heavy and my eyes fill with tears.
"Cristina you heard what doctor Nelson said." he said softly as he got up from his seat to wrap his arms around me. All I could do was grip his shirt tightly and bury my face into his chest. I knew what he ment of course but I didnt want to believe it.
Two Days Before
"Okay so now that the mental portion is done well have to begin on the physical." Dr Nelson smiled at me in a way that said your screwd
"Shirt up please." I did as he asked. The only thing I heard was a gasp from the other side of the room. Dr Nelson frowend
"Okay step on the scale for me I looked up and saw the numbers 98.3lb." Dr Nelson continued to look at me softly.
"Alright Cristina were done hear could you please step out so I can have a word with your husband."
Owen looked at me and his eyes told me one thing If you want to stay you can stay.
"If you have to say something sqy it to both of us."
Dr Nelson begun his long list of diagnosis
With the findings in the mental fragment I have found reason to believe Cristina suffers from anxiety
She also according to her horomone levels has depression and beacuse of recent events I believe PTSD. Going onto the physical section beacuse of the tremendos amount of wieght loss in this short period of time I know Anorexia and the throat beacuse of the swelling around the lymph nodes tells me attempted Bullimia and beacuse of the swelling around her large intestine she been self medicating to relive the stomache pain. I also have resson two belive that the deppression is critical stage 6 and progressing into the final and most dangerous stage. Im going to write several prescriptions one for the depression an anual for PTSD stage 10 Dr hunt im aware you take the same type of medication for your stage 4 PTSD. The difference's is this will have a larger dosage and stronger side effects. Also one to increase hunger."
Turning to me with a soft look on his face he added
" I cant force you to take theese medications niether can your husband but they will help."
I looked at him and scoweld.
Dr Hunt I would also advise a full body inspection for anyself inflicted wounds. And most definitely therepy.
" I agree with you 100% Dr Nelson and she will be taking the medication were gonna head to the clinic right now. Thank you so much for your time." He said as we walked out the door grabbing my arm rather tightly I froze. He turned around.
"No you dont get to act like that compleate stranger is right im a skinny girl I have been my whole life so you can go waste hundreds of dollars on medication that theres no way in hell im gonna take or you can put on your scrubs and go save lives." I looked at him with narrow eyes.
"Get in the car." he groweld in a low voice looking at him I could see how exasted and upset he must be. When I didn't awnser he yanked my wrist
"NOW!"
I guess you could say this was the beginning of the end. This was where I first thought whats the point? Why am I here?
"Okay". I said deafeted
Present Day
"I dont care Im not hungery and you cant force food down my throat." I sat up abruptly.
"What is going on sweetheart im worried about you." he said softly
"Im fine." I replied noting how many times Ive said those two words in the last month."
"Okay then you have a late shift tonight can you handle it." he asked me
"Im fine I said standing up too leave.
"ll see you later."
Christinas POV
I walked into the hospital and was met by an overly cheery Meredith I scoweld.
"Sooooo Dereck..."
I stopped her.
"Not now we have work." feel bad I told myself I tried I mean I just compleatly ignored my Best friend. But I felt nothing. So I walked away
EMERGENCY ROOM
" Now dear why are you so rough with me im your patient after all." she said in a snarky tone.
"Sorry miss are you on any medications?" I weakly replied all the fight drained out of me.
"Yes but I dont know there names."
I abruptly walked away and found alex.
"My patient doesnt know the names of her medication." I started laughing hysterically.
" So if I give her warfrin and I give her ibeprouphen then shell bleed out ." If I give her dyphenhidromine and shes on doxipine shell die."
"I think she wants to die..."
"DO YOU WANT TO DIE!?!?" I screamed at my patient while still laughing my ass off.
"CAUSE OF YOU WANT TO DIE JUST GET A GUN ITLL BE A WHOLE LOT EASIER!"
"YOU KNOW WHAT ILL HELP YOU."
I started to throw things around and look through shelfs tears falling from my eyes.
"SOMEBODY FIND ME A GUN SHE WANTS TO DIE."
"YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE DIED HERE LAST MONTH 43!"
"IN A HOSPITAL." it was ironic actually .
WE SAVE LIVES HERE OH WAIT BUT NOT YOU YOU WANT TO DIE SOMBODY FIND ME A GUN SO SHE CAN SHOOT HERSELF IN A HOSPITAL HEY WHILE YOU AT IT WHY DONT YOU SHOOT UP THE WHOLE DAMN ER THEN WELL HAVE 2 SHOTTINGS ON ARE RECORD WELCOME TOO SEATTLE GRACE MERCY DEATH ARE YOU LOOKING FOR SOMEWHERE TO CONTINUE YOUR MEDICAL TRAINING ARE TOU WILLING TO HAVE A GUN TO YOUR HEAD IN A OPERATING ROOM WOULD YOU BE INTERESTED IN HAVING A BOMB IN YOUR HAND DO YOU WANT TO DIE WELL LOOK NO FURTHER! YOU'VE FOUND YOUR DESTINATION!
"SOMEBODY FIND ME THAT GUN!"
YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE YOU COULD DO?
YOU COULD SLIT YOUR WRIST THAT WORKS TOOO THAT HELPS YOU DIE HERE IN A HOSPITAL! I lifted up my sleave and showed hwr what I had tryed so hard too hide for the past month from my husband look I did it! But I didnt die
"HELP SHES GONNA KILL ME SHES CRAZY." My paitent screemed
"NO IF IM GONNA KILL ANYONE ITS MYSELF SO DONT YOU WORRY HONEY AND FIND ANOTHER GOD DAMN DOCTOR."
I walked out of the now silent ER without a word I heard owen call after me but I ran as fast as I could. I found myself in an empty on call room and fell too the ground my entire body shaking with sobs I relized in thay moment I wanted too die now it was a matter of how to doo it.
RATE AND REVIEW
sorry guys but I really dont like this story its hard to write I dont lie the setup so ive decided im only gonna do one more chapter but I will be doing another suicide fic but like in the 13 reasons why set up.