Hello! I'm still not sure if there's any interest in this story, I guess time will tell, but I'm keeping it up for now, just to see how it goes. If it turns out that people like it, it will probably be another long shot. It depends, would you rather have a few chapters and then to move on to another story or do you want this one as detailed and long as my other ones? Speak up, I'll do as you tell me:)

I do not own the characters or the songs used, just the ideas.

''You're gonna have to take some vitamins too, I can recommend a few ones over the counter, it's very important for both of you. You should also sign up for some classes, not now, it's too early, but you never know-''

She hears noise instead of words, everything is blurry, or is it just her eyes filling up with tears? The emotion she was feeling was not possible to describe. Was it shock, disbelief, desperation or all in once. She is choking on her own air, her heartbeats so loud she can hear them through all the layers of her designer clothes and the thick skin she had since ever.

She never truly understood the term of ''walls crashing around you'' until now.

Pregnant. She was one month and two days pregnant. She keeps her poker face all along and sits perfectly still as the doctor tells her all about the baby classes there are, best hospitals, vitamins and all the stuff she never imagined would have to care for. It isn't until she exits the clinic and is walking down Fifth Avenue that she breaks in to tears.

She isn't able to stop till next morning.

''Miss Blair-'' a soft voice wakes her up ''-it's almost noon, your mother asks where Miss Waldorf is''

She opens her eyes which stung from crying, but stays under covers ''-just leave me here Dorota-'' her voice is hoarse and tired ''- I'm not feeling well'' and it's all she had a chance to say because she gets a sudden urge to throw up. She runs as if she was being chased by fire, Dorota stays where she was, her mouth agape both from shock and confusion

''Miss Blair, you okay?'' she asks from the other side of the door

Blair sits on top of the toilet seat that is freezing cold, but she's too overwhelmed to notice. She stays there with her head in her hands. ''I'm fine, I'm just feeling kind of sick, it's probably a cold or something, just please leave me alone''

Dorota nods and does as she was told though she knows it isn't a cold or a flu that Blair has, after all, she was the one who found Miss Waldorf's pregnancy test just a few minutes after the girl did. It's been a week and she's said nothing. So let it be.

It was another one of those stupid mornings when he just knew his day would suck, it was happening a lot lately, and though he refused to admit, it had everything to do with him.

How could he not feel awful, strange? It's been a month and he hasn't seen or heard from her yet. He knew it was mutual, but a big part of him is sure it is his fault, he shouldn't have left just like that the morning after. He couldn't help it, he got scared as always and blew up something that could have been a lot more.

Even worse, he can't talk to anyone about it. He can't talk to Dan because he would be pissed off if he found out Nate had sex with his girl just a few hours after they broke up. Serena is never safe to talk to, Chuck is still trying to win Blair back even though he refuses to admit and he loves her. He can't stab his friend in the back, not again.

And Blair, Blair who is there to solve any single dilemma he's ever had in his life is the main cause of his dilemma this time.

He's not even sure it would be a good idea to ever talk to her again, not because he doesn't want to, but because he's afraid of her rejection.

''It's okay, I can do this-'' she says staring at her reflection in the mirror ''-I command myself to do this'' but it feels so wrong saying those words out loud, especially when in your hand there's a flyer for an abortion clinic.

She figures better get over it and never mention it again then to make a scandal. She has thought this trough.

She was barely capable of taking care of herself, let along look after and raise a human being. Her career would have to take a break; no one wants to work with a pregnant designer who makes clothes for teenage girls, when she just finished her education herself. Her mother would probably take the company back and then Blair would be pregnant, humiliated and unemployed.

God knows what her mother would say of all of this, nothing nice she supposes.

That's just some of the tiny pieces that make her decision weight down on getting rid of –it.

And Nate. Gosh, he doesn't even know the baby, no, the fetus is there and even if he knew it wouldn't make much of a change. Why didn't she tell him then?

Nate was just like her on the matter of taking care of something. A child should be brought to and be raised by someone who knows how to handle it and make their life better. Nate and Blair would raise a child that would be even more messed up then themselves. They grew up on the UES with no parental figures, just shadows. She would rather not have the baby – fetus, and spare it the horror.

She didn't think at all how the abortion would affect her life. Right now it just feels like getting rid of something that's not supposed to be there.

Yes, she is a horrible person for a) doing it at all and b) not telling the child's father there even is a child (a fetus, not a living thing, just a distraction). Then again, that thing growing inside of her, it didn't have a father, or so she decided.

She finally gathers up the courage and makes the appointment. In a week time, she will be rid of all the problems she is currently having.

''Blair Waldorf'' the receptionist calls out her name, she was so sure of this before she came, but being here now gives her a strange feeling of scare. She isn't the only one there. There's a very young looking girl with an older woman who she supposes is her mother, and a couple. She is here alone and frightened, and her name is called. Today she is only here to make an official appointment, still it gives her chills, not the good kind of.

She listens to everything that the doctor has to say about it, it feels like she's trying to talk her out of it which she did not need. She was already a train wreck. The guilt of not telling Nate is increasing by the second. All of a sudden she feels like she's burning, the walls are crashing again and she needs to get out of there. She gets up on the surprise of the doctor and grabs her purse.

''I understand, we're all set'' she says and leaves not waiting for any response.

The minute she steps out she is on her phone dialing a number she knew all too well

Nate is halfway up to the Spectator when she finally calls. He has a meeting with some of the funders when the call occurs and at first he thinks it's his assistant or Chuck or someone else irrelevant right then. His eyes widen in surprise upon seeing her name flash on the screen. He immediately stops his tracks and answers as soon as he can.

''Blair?'' he says hopefully, he doesn't even greet her because his brain isn't working and for some reason his heart is going much faster than it should

Hearing his voice makes her tremble and make the urge to tell him even bigger. ''I-we-'' she doesn't even know what to say, what to ask of him. She can't do it over the phone. She should've at least thought this troughe before calling him. What's done is done. ''-we need to talk-'' cliché cliché ''-as soon as possible''

The tone of her voice turns his expression from glad to worried, he knew that Blair Waldorf persona approach very well and it always came with bad news. What could have gone wrong, with nothing on his mind he nodded like she could see him over the phone ''Of course-'' he stops remembering he's still at work ''- I have to finish a meeting. Meet me at the Empire in half an hour?''

''No-'' she froze to the mention of the Empire, she couldn't tell him 'that news' where there was a possibility of someone hearing over the conversation. Chuck could show up at any time, Serena too. Too many people knew them there and there were too many Chuck's spies and informers. The last thing she needed was the whole Manhattan finding out about the pregnancy. She could already see the title on Gossip Girl – ''The former golden couple and their heir''. Not so golden any more, not even a couple any more.

She almost let herself think and fantasize of what would life be like if they never broke up. They would both finish Yale and probably be engaged by now, he would run a powerful firm, which he actually does and she would run her own business, which also surprisingly she does. Maybe then a baby wouldn't be that much of a burden.

No, she won't think of that. She can't.

''No, not the Empire. The Palace'' she says trying to keep her voice strong and even

''Fine-'' he says quietly, by now he's really concerned ''-see you there''

She wants to say that she can't wait to see him, that she missed him and wishes it could all be like old times. She's aware that after the conversation she's about to have with him nothing will ever be the same. So she just hangs up.

When he arrives she is already waiting for him. He can only see her from far but he already knows she looks beautiful, she always does. It surprises him that she's not sitting at the bar like usual, she must have something really important to tell him. He has thought it trough and all around trying to figure out what, nothing specific came to his mind. Maybe she was moving away. No, she wouldn't only call him, he wasn't that important to her, she made that clear. What if she was getting back with Chuck, she was meeting him to ask him not to tell Chuck about their hook-up and it would explain why she wanted to avoid the Empire. Of course.

He is there and all the courage she has mustered while waiting for him flees away. She feels like a weak little girl in front of him. She barely makes herself say hi to him.

He can't take it any longer, not knowing is killing him, especially if this had anything to do with Bass ''Is everything okay?''

She can't bring herself up to look at him, one gaze to those eyes and she would be bawling. How did this happen? When did everything become so screwed up… they should have a chance at being young, they should be having fun, joking around and instead-

She is about to tell him something that's sure to ruin both of them on every level. How do you break someone's future along with his heart when yours is already so broken it can no longer work, you know exactly how awful it feels and now your obligation is to make someone you once loved -and maybe still do- feel that awful too.

''I'm sorry I just left-'' he starts, seeing she isn't ready to talk, maybe she is mad at him, still ''-I called-''

''-I know you did-'' her voice is trembling and she's at the verge of tears ''-I just couldn't-'' he voice stops in her throat. She has to tell him. She can't keep stalling this forever.

He nods quietly. She eventually brings herself to look at his eyes, at first he doesn't return but when he does and his blue eyes bore in to hers, she lets out a tear.

Nate is frightened by her behavior and realizes something is seriously wrong. Blair doesn't cry, not if it's not important.

He takes her hand in his on impulse from all those years of looking after her, it hurt him to see her like this.

''No-'' she takes her hand back in tears, it breaks his heart ''-I don't deserve this, I'm going to do it-'' she doesn't need him to be so nice to her. Everything she thought trough before this conversation has fallen apart. What is she doing? This isn't just her child, her own decision, it is Nate's too and she thought about losing it without even telling him. She is sure he would never give that baby away, his heart is way to pure. Maybe she should just give birth to it and give it to Nate so she can continue life on herself somewhere far away from them so she couldn't hurt them.

She is making no sense at all and he is even more confused and frightened than before. He decides to put a stop to it so he cups her face and make her look at him ''Blair, stop-'' she is still bawling ''-just tell me what happened''

Now or never…

''I'm pregnant'' she cries out in to the silence. ''You're the father''

I always had a special thread in me for dramatic endings, haven't I? :D Next chapter is Nate's reaction and so much more. So review, review, review and you may speed up my writing process. Should Blair keep the baby? Stay with Nate? Or not, and go on with her life? We'll see, till next update xo L