The Official Fanfiction University of the 39 Clues
~chapter two: orientation
by Miss Fia and Miss Lacey
Stacey was woken up by the sound of a slamming door. That was strange—her parents never slammed doors.
She rubbed her eyes and opened them slowly. Why was she so tired? Stifling a yawn, she looked around her room sleepily. Sunlight was streaming in through the window to her left. The suitcase she had packed in her dream sat against the far wall next to a brown wooden desk. Huh. Maybe she had been sleepwalking. Well, it was fun while it lasted, even if that snoring was getting annoying…
Wait. Snoring?
Eyes suddenly wide with fear, Stacey turned her head slowly to look at the slumbering, snoring form in another bed. This was creepy. She didn't have any siblings. She didn't have an extra bed in her room. Plus, her room didn't have plain white walls- they were pink! And where did all her posters of the Jonas Brothers and Justin Bieber go? Stacey gasped and sat bolt upright. Where were her Hannah Montana blankets? Where was her Camp Rock pillow?
"Are you done gaping?" a grumpy (and rather annoying) voice asked. "Goodness, no one wants to see your open mouth! Get up and get down stairs. Orientation starts in about ten minutes."
Stacey could only think to move her eyes to see an old woman glaring at her. She wasn't very pretty- every portion of visible skin was wrinkled, her clothes weren't in style, and her oily gray hair was piled on top of her head in what looked like a beehive.
That was one big beehive.
"You!" the old woman yelled.
"Wha—?" Stacey started to ask.
"Wake up!"
There was a startled snort from the other bed. The figure gave a jolt and then sat up so quickly it almost fell off the bed and onto the floor. "Huh? Wusgoin' on?"
"Orientation! Ten minutes!" The old lady slammed the door with a humph of contempt.
Stacey stared at the girl who sat across the room from her with wide eyes. "… Who are you?"
She yawned. "Veronica. Who on earth are you? Did you put me here?" Veronica looked distastefully at her white sheets.
"Stacey. And I could ask you the same question." That sounded like a witty retort—she should use that in a story sometime! Ooh…
"Um, Stacey?"
She blinked. "Huh? What?"
Veronica gave her a funny look. "Did you hear what I just said?"
"… No…"
"I asked if you had a weird dream last night, too. About some book characters?"
Waking up in a new room with strangers was creepy. Meeting a psychic? Creepier. But kind of cool.
"Um." Stacey shrugged. "Yeah…"
Veronica gasped. "So—do you think this is real? You know, the university?"
Stacey tried to remember what Fiske—had he really been there?—had said last night. "The UFO? University for… No, that's not it."
Veronica frowned. "Um, wasn't it official, or something? I thought—"
"That's it!" Stacey cried. "The Official Fanfiction University of the 39 Clues!"
They were silent for a moment, realizing for the first time just how daunting that sounded. Was that an ominous echo Stacey heard?
"Wait," Veronica said. "So… you write on Fanfiction-dot-net, too?"
"Yeah. So?"
She leaned forward eagerly. "What's your username?"
"JuicyStarRocks," Stacey told her. "Why?"
Veronica gasped. "You're JuicyStarRocks?" She squealed. "OMI, no way! That is too cool!"
"Wait, wait… who are you?" Stacy asked, bewildered.
"I'm ian_luver_39!" she cried with excitement.
Stacey stared at her for a moment. "You mean… V?" No wonder she'd suggested that for a nickname! Her actual name started with that.
Veronica nodded, looking like she was about to burst into tears. "Star," she whispered happily.
It took approximately one second for both girls to leap out of their beds and fly into each others' arms, screaming for all they were worth. They jumped up and down together in circles, unable to contain their sudden joy.
"I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M ACTUALLY MEETING YOU!"
"I'VE DREAMED ABOUT THIS MOMENT SO MANY TIMES!"
"This is too cool!"
"I love your hair!"
"OMI, thanks! Yours is sooo cute, too!"
"Haha, like, really? Thanks!"
They continued chatting and hugging and exclaiming just how cool this was until the door was thrust open. The hideous, old woman was back, her face looking even more distorted with disgust than before.
"What is going on here?" she demanded.
"OMI," Veronica said. "I just found my BFF!"
They screamed again.
"Who knew this would ever happen?" Stacey laughed. "It's like destiny!"
The woman stared at Veronica. "OMI?" she asked slowly. "What on this earth is that supposed to mean?"
"Oh My Ian," Stacey and Veronica stated very matter-of-factly.
She raised a hand to her eyes and sighed. "I should have known." Then she glared at them. "No screaming for pathetic fangirl reasons," she snapped. "Detention."
"What?" Stacey cried. "That's not fair! Come on, I totally just fulfilled a life-long dream, and—"
"I don't care. Detention!" She turned to go. "Orientation is in eight minutes." And she slammed the door again.
It took Stacey and Veronica another while to fully appreciate their good luck. Then they realized they had barely five minutes to get ready, and they dared not be late for orientation—that terrible woman might extend their detention.
While they were getting ready, Stacey took a closer look at Veronica. Her friend had shoulder-length black hair that took her a while to untangle to its natural straight state. Her eyes were brown, she had a perfect tan, perfect white teeth, and she wasn't fat! Veronica was only a little shorter than her, too. She couldn't wait to ask her about what she did to be so pretty.
The two friends then began following the flow of students in the hallway, which descended down a grand staircase to a spacious ballroom. There was a podium set up at one end of the room and chairs in front of it which were filling up quickly. Another old woman—though prettier than the first—was talking into the microphone.
"Please sit yourselves quickly, everyone. We wish to start as soon as possible!"
Stacey wondered what was up with all the old ladies, but this one had an air of authority about her that she wasn't going to say no to. Everyone else seemed to catch that vibe, too, and soon everyone was seated and talking quietly, if at all. Stacey glanced around curiously at the people surrounding her. Most of those seated were girls, and any guys were sitting uncomfortably near the edges or in the back. Veronica sat on Stacey's right, and another girl was on her left. She seemed to be deeply shaken, and was muttering "So… ugly," under her breath. Maybe the beehive hair lady had given her detention, too.
Another group behind the podium were a mix of genders and ages and, and most of them were sitting as well. She recognized Dan chatting with a fidgeting girl, and Fiske was talking seriously with the nicer old woman.
"Did Dan and Fiske visit you last night?" Stacey asked Veronica.
"Yeah!" She nodded happily. "It was too cool."
"But then… if that's Dan," she pointed him out, "wouldn't it make sense if that was Amy?"
The girl was twisting a strand of hair around her finger, her eyes darting around the room. Stacey was too far to clearly see them, but they didn't seem abnormally dark or terribly light. Wait, that looked like a touch of green. Yes, she was certain that the girl's eyes were a brilliant shade of jade green. And her hair was a perfect combination of red and brown. Stacey had always kept a lookout for such hair in real life, but never had it been as natural as what she saw now.
Veronica seemed to be considering the girl's appearance as well, for her eyes suddenly widened. "That has so got to be Amy! Given!" She grabbed Stacey's arm and shook it excitedly. "So if that guy was Fiske," she pointed him out, "then that crabby lady must be Beatrice!"
"And the other one is Grace," Stacey finished. And then, "Wait. Beatrice just gave us detention!" She gasped indignantly. "I can't believe it! After that wonderful monologue I gave her in that one story…"
"Who cares?" Veronica said softly. "Guess who that is?"
Stacey's eyes locked onto the figure of a teenage boy. His skin was a dark brown similar to the color of coffee, his black hair cut fairly short but stylishly. And above all, Stacey was certain that she saw the color of amber in his eyes.
"Ian," she breathed.
Veronica nodded. "Given," she sighed wistfully as she stared at him.
But just as Stacey began to comprehend what being so close to the real Ian might entail, Grace came back to the microphone. She tapped it lightly to call for the attention of the teenagers who were chatting. "Please listen, everyone," she said. When she saw that she was obeyed, she continued. "I'm afraid there have been a few minor issues of confusion. But do not worry; these will be sorted out accordingly by your counselors."
"Counselors?" Veronica muttered skeptically. "Lame."
"Now, let's get down to business," Grace said. "I am Grace Cahill, Headmistress of the Official Fanfiction University of the 39 Clues, which you can all call OFU39 for short. You are all attending students who will be required to pass all of the given courses in order to continue publishing on Fanfiction-dot-net."
Worried conversation rose, but she hushed the crowd. "Allow me to introduce to you my brother, Fiske Cahill, who is my assistant head deputy." He stood, causing some excited whispers.
Grace waited a moment before continuing. "Settle down—all right, now I would like to introduce you to our course coordinators, Miss Fia and Miss Lacey."
The two who stood up to be recognized seemed very strange to Stacey. She couldn't quite put an age to either of them, although somewhere between 17 and 25 seemed about right.
The first girl (woman?) was tall and held her head up high. She looked at the students with disgust and put a hand on her hip. Her blond hair was long and elegantly curled, and she was wearing a sheik black dress that seemed meant for making terrifying impressions on the first day of anything. She was a sharp contrast to the girl beside her, and their eyes were where the similarities ended.
The other one was smiling at them in a friendly way, swaying on her feet a bit. Her hair had been dyed a bright shade of red, and while she could have been older, her expression made her seem like a little girl hoping for a bit of candy. Her doe-like brown eyes were wide and eager, and her sundress only made her look more like a child. She caught Veronica's eye and waved excitedly to her, despite the fact that she had never seen her before in her life.
"I don't remember them from the series," Veronica whispered to Stacey.
"They weren't in it," the girl to Stacey's left said. "Why would they be here?"
Stacey glanced at her, but something about the girl made her turn her head to face her directly. She wasn't necessarily very ugly or very pretty. But her eyes—
"My name is Viola," she said. "Don't look at my eyes!"
Viola's eyes were an interesting sight, Stacey had to admit. They were the ugliest shade of purple she had ever seen.
"I'll try not to," Stacey mumbled, bewildered.
Grace was calling for the crowd's attention again. "The rest of the staff consists of the characters you should all know from reading The 39 Clues. The first five who you should meet are your counselors. You have all been divided into one of the five branches of the Cahill family, and your counselor will belong to this same family." She held up a clipboard. "I will now read off the counselors and those who belong to each branch. If you have any issue with the decision, you may talk to your counselor at a set time in the future.
"First, the Janus branch: your counselor is Cora Wizard."
Cora stood up and flashed a perfect smile. Striding up to the microphone, she tossed her hair. "I'll read off the names." She took the list from Grace and cleared her throat. "Please say 'here' when called. Sophia M."
A girl near the back raised her hand tentatively. "Um, here."
Cora made a note on her clipboard. "Emily?"
"Here."
Stacey and Veronica listened fervently for their names, but neither of them was called for the Janus branch.
"I bet we'll be Madrigals," Veronica assured her friend. Stacey nodded, biting her lip.
Grace stepped forward again. "Now, the Lucians. Your counselor is Vikram Kabra."
Vikram and Cora passed each other with distasteful looks, and then he silently took the list.
"Bryce Emmons."
Stacey shivered. His voice was cold and cut through the air like a knife aimed for the heart. Although she had once imagined that he might sound more like Ian's silky, smooth accent, his words were more abrupt and clearly annunciated as if the people he were talking to were toddlers who could barely follow his words.
It took a moment for the boy to reply to his name, and most of the other Lucians stumbled over their responses.
Grace announced that the Tomas counselor was Mary-Todd Holt, who looked very excited to call out names.
"Flying Pigs!"
Stacey and Veronica couldn't help giggling, and it seemed that most of the other students couldn't, either.
"Who puts that as a name?" Veronica looked around to see who would answer.
A short girl on the front row was blushing terribly. "Here," she mumbled.
"Who said that?" Mary-Todd frowned disapprovingly at the laughing.
The girl winced. "I did."
"Ah, it's wonderful to see you, Flying Pigs!" Mary-Todd happily checked off her name. Once the laughs subsided, she said another name. "Stacellia Cahill!"
Stacey froze. What? Had she heard that right? No, Mary-Todd couldn't have just called her name and put her in the stupid Tomas branch.
Mary-Todd looked around, confused. "Stacellia Cahill? Am I saying it right?"
Veronica nudged her. "Is that you?"
Stacey tried to keep her eyes from watering. "I—no, that can't be! I can't be a Tomas!"
Murmurs rose, everyone wondering why no one was responding.
Miss Fia stood up, looking directly at Stacey. "Stacey Carter," she said. Her words burned like ice. "Are you here or not?"
Silence.
"H-here," she whimpered. Then, she stood up. "But I can't be a Tomas!" She clenched her hands into fists. "I specifically put down in my application that I wanted to be a Janus or a Madrigal! Or both… I can't be a Tomas!"
"Yeah, and I wanted to be a Madrigal, too."
"I wanted to be an Ekaterina!"
Suddenly, there were a lot of people wondering why they hadn't been put into the branches they wanted. The rest were afraid for their fate or gloating that they had gotten into the right one.
Miss Lacey looked worried. "Oh, no!" She tugged on Miss Fia's arm. "I thought you said everyone would love their branches."
Miss Fia mocked her fellow staff member's frown. "Oh, no, well too bad." She glared at the fangirls whining around her. "Everyone shut up." Her voice was magnified by the microphone, and she was pleased to see that she was obeyed instantly.
"There. Now—" she gave Stacey a pointed look. "As Grace kindly mentioned right before we started sorting you all out, you can talk to your counselors later about any issues you have. Does everyone understand?"
The fangirls followed Miss Lacey's example, who was trying to hide the fear in her face and nodding frantically.
"Good." She gave a sickening smile that was probably meant to look sweet. "Now, the only other words I want to hear for the next ten minutes are the names that the counselors call and a proper 'here' from the rest of you. Is that clear?"
More nods.
Miss Fia sat down. "Perfect."
Mary-Todd cleared her throat. "Um. Veronica Williams?"
Veronica gaped at her. "Did she just—"
"V," Stacey whispered, "the scary blonde is glaring at you."
Veronica's mouth closed with a snap. Then, "Here…" She cringed and turned back to her friend. "Well, at least we'll be together, right?"
Stacey slumped down in her seat and sighed. "Yeah. At least there's that."
"You should all find a small drawstring backpack under your chairs." Grace waited for everyone to do so. They were all black with the Cahill crest upon them, with a smaller emblem of the OFU39 below that. "Inside it you will find many useful items. An empty notebook and pencil, to begin the notes that you will surely need for this semester; a map of the university; a library card; a meal card; and many things of the like."
Stacey pulled out the notebook. How on earth did it have "Stacellia Cahill" on it? She looked at Veronica, who had found the same result on her notebook.
"Ooh, look! There are these cute little pictures of books on the library card!"
Grace tapped the microphone for everyone to quiet down again. "Please gather with your counselor. They will be giving you and the rest of your branch a tour of the university. The Janus will be meeting in the front corner to my left, the Lucians to the back left corner, the Tomas to the back right, the Ekaterina to the front right, and the Madrigals in the middle. Go!"
Stacey stood up with a sigh and she and Veronica began making their way to their designated area. Viola gave them a sympathetic look. "Um, sorry you didn't get the branch you wanted."
"Yeah, easy for you to say." Stacey kicked a chair. "You got into the Ekaterina branch. That's better than Tomas."
"Hey, I bet it won't be that bad."
Veronica frowned. "They'll probably make us work out all day. Do pushups and jumping jacks, or something."
Viola shrugged. Giving a small wave, she turned to go meet with her branch leader, Bae Oh.
Stacey and Veronica turned as well, coming face to face with Miss Fia.
"Ah!" Stacey jumped, staring at the course coordinator with wide eyes. "How did you get there?"
"I walked," she deadpanned.
Miss Lacey popped up beside her and giggled. "Ha-ha-ha-ha, me too!" She twirled a strand of her hair. "Oh my goodness, it was so much fun. And then I almost tripped, and—"
"Shut up, Lacey." Miss Fia crossed her arms and gave Stacey a pointed look. "Listen up, fanbrat. You're probably used to getting your own way. Only child?"
"Yeah, but—"
"Well now you're not going to, so suck it up. I don't care how stupid you think the Tomas are, that's where you were put. Maybe it says something about you."
Miss Lacey started humming a cheerful tune.
Miss Fia leaned forward menacingly. "Now get this straight, Stacey. You can make this experience horrifyingly torturous, or only slightly horrifyingly torturous. Just follow the rules, and you'll end up somewhat okay." She stepped back and straightened. "Bye-bye now. Come on, Lacey, let's go," she ordered.
"Oh, bye!" Miss Lacey called, waving enthusiastically to Stacey and Veronica. "I love your nose!"
Stacey and Veronica stared at them.
"Who was she talking to?"
"I have no idea."
"Oh Stacellia! Veronica!" Mary-Todd came up to them, jogging in place with a wide grin on her face. "We're meeting over here. Come on!" She waved them over and began jogging back to the her corner of the room.
Veronica obeyed, and Stacey followed with a deep sense of foreboding.
Was it just her, or was that ominous music playing in the background?
A/N:
Miss Fia: Just in case you are unaware, the first chapter has been rewritten (mostly the second half). We are terribly sorry that this hasn't been updated very frequently at all. Please rest assured that we are much more organized now, though. Applications are still open; again, please go to ofu39(dot)webs(dot)com for more information. Reviews are not meant for applications; however, we would be delighted if you would submit one about the content and quality of the story instead.
Miss Lacey: Yeah. And keep a look-out for the next chapter. It's going to be
wonderful.
...I'm going to go eat some red-velvet cupcakes now.