Well hello there again. Have you come back for your waffle? -throws waffles- Thanks for the reviews!!!
Disclaimer: I don't own any Twilight characters. If I did, I wouldn't be sitting here writing this damn fanfic if I had the REAL THING, I'd be off having some fun (yes, THAT kind of fun). But I don't, so I'll keep fantasizing.
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"Alice, are you all right?" Her concerned English teacher asked. She had a crazed look on her face and was searching frantically through her backpack mumbling something like, "They gotta be here."
Alice's eyes locked on the teacher's. "You took them, didn't you? You were just jealous, because I had every single color. I even had the minis! WELL GIVE THEM BACK!" she roared. She jumped out of her seat. The chair flying back into the desk of the person in back of her, who got knocked out of her chair.
"I didn't take them! I swear!" He managed to say.
Alice was slowly advancing upon him, eyes locked on her terrified prey. "Give. Them. Back." Alice ordered.
"I…I…I don't even know what you're talking about. Whatever it is, I didn't take it!" He pleaded. He tried to make eye contact with a student, so they could go get help. No one met his eye, they found this too hilarious to leave.
All of the sudden, the door burst open to reveal Jasper in a frilly sparkly pink tutu and a princess crown. He was dangling a huge bag of sharpies. "My babies!" Alice gasped.
"Looking for these?" he taunted, swinging the bag back and forth.
Alice let out a scream of rage and leapt at Jasper, who nimbly leapt aside ballerina-style. He batted his new jeweled fake eyelashes at her. Alice went at him again and again, each time missing by inches. "Want the sharpies? Does Alice want the sharpies?" Jasper cooed to the raving mad Alice.
She nodded, her tongue hung out like a dog, and started panting. "Go fetch!" Jasper shouted as he threw the bag down the hallway. Alice bounded, on all fours after it. Once reunited with her beloved sharpies, she took the time to kiss each individual one and give it a long, deep sniff before moving on to the next.
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By this time, Rosalie and Emmett had reached the store. They were ransacking the magazine aisle. Rosalie screamed out "YES!" as she found the new issue of World Weekly News, which had a picture of Elvis on the cover. Emmett ran over and looked over her shoulder as she flipped through the pages and found the Elvis article. They quickly scanned it.
"HA! The little devil's in Moldova, is he? To Moldova…AWAY!" Emmett screamed, and leapt down the aisle superman-style. Rosalie followed in quick pursuit. And off they were, on their great Elvis Presley hunt.
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Edward was walking Bella to her last period class. "Edward," she said softly, "I love you."
Edward smiled, thinking of Jasper.
"EDWARD!" She screeched. She whipped around to face him, face red as a ripe tomato.
"Yes, darling?" Edward asked meekly.
"You DO love me, right?" Bella demanded. They had attracted the attention of those in the hall with them.
"Of course…I love you, too." Edward managed to spit out. He was stunned, as always, by Bella's constant mood swings. He was trying to remember the number to the local Mental Ward.
"You'd better!" Bella threatened, and glared at him. "Bipolar bitch." Edward muttered under his breath.
Bella then broke down crying. "I'm not good enough! I'm too fat. All the other girls are prettier than me. I don't deserve you. I need some ice cream!"
"Of course you are, honey." Edward said in comfort.
"Oh, Edward. You always know the right thing to say." Bella managed to say through her tears.
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After the eventful school day, the bell finally rang to end it.
Bella shot up in her seat and screamed, "FIRE!!!" She dropped onto the floor and started rolling around. "Fire! Fire! Fire! Get it OFF me!"
(Now is usually the time where the superman-garbed Edward would come in and try-to-but-not save the day…well this is my fanfic and it is NOT going that way!!!)
Jasper tiptoed up to Bella, who was still frantically rolling around on the dirty hallway floor. "Bella dahling! I can fix this faster than you can say OMIGOD!" He pulled a sparkly fairy wand out of seemingly nowhere and waved it around. "Bippity, boppity, BOOP!"
Bella turned into a sharpie.
Jasper's mascara-d eyes opened wide. "Oh, goodness. What was that word?"
As he thought, Alice came careening around the corner, eyes trained on the new sharpie to add to her collection. Before Jasper could react, Alice had snatched up the Bella-sharpie. She pulled off the cap and inhaled deeply.
"Bella scented? Hmm…everyone always says she smells like freesia. That's bullshit. She smells like a human. Not a damn flower. But she is a sharpie…" And at that Alice sniffed again.
"Hel-looo that's BELLA you're sniffing!" Jasper informed Alice.
"But she's a sharpie!" Alice wailed.
Jasper stepped up to Alice and slapped her in the face. "BITCH! Give Bella back!" He started trying to wrestle Bella out of Alice's hands, but then it came to him.
"Bippity Boppity BOO!" He exclaimed, waving the wand at the Bella-sharpie. The sharpie exploded and turned into Bella, who fell on the hard hallway floor. She sat smiling up at them. "Ouch! That hurt!" She exclaimed with enthusiasm.
Alice looked sadly at her once-was sharpie, but leaned in towards Bella to sniff her anyway. "Nope…still no damn Freesia."
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Sorry no Edward-Jasper makeout scene in this chappie, I'll try and get it into the next chappie. And sorry this chappie is so short…it's spring break and my mind can't focus on anything for too long!!! (and please, keep reviewing…it gives me what little motivation I have to write this thing)
If anyone happens to know the whereabouts of Elvis Presley, please contact me, so I can, in turn contact Rosalie and Emmett and tell them. They're still frantically searching for him…and I'd like to aid them if I can.