A/N: I just found a hilarious website and promptly got inspired for the second drabble of this little ficlet ^_^ Enjoy another part of funny Alphard x Canaan AU drabble goodness, brought to you by the one and only Spoon! XD jk ;-) This one is a bit fluffy at some parts, but I tried to keep their general dynamic of the first chapter ^_^ Enjoy reading!

Warning: Guys! What you're going to read now is definitely NO good way to start a conversation with someone you want to flirt with. Really. It's not. *shakes head* XD

(Although I CAN recommend the cooking for your lover thing when trying to make him do something for you. It always works...if you're a good chef, that is XD)

.

#2: Pick-up lines, part 1

Setting: Canaan lies stretched out on the couch and watches TV. At around 8pm, Alphard returns from work with a bag of groceries in her hands. She doesn't bother to unpack it though and puts the whole bag with its contents in the fridge before she hurries to sit beside her girlfriend on the couch with some kind of magazine in her hand.

Wish Canaan the best of luck to survive that! ;-)

"Oh my god, Canaan! You gotta take a look at this!"

"First: You're sitting on my feet, get off them. Second: Hi honey, my day was just fine, thanks for asking. How about yours? And third-"

Canaan sits up after Alphard has gotten off of her feet, pecks her on the cheek and then leans her chin on Alphard's shoulder, looking at the magazine in the older woman's hands with a curious and slightly confused expression.

"Since when are you interested in lifestyle magazines?"

"I'm not, but look here!"

"Fifty cool ways to pick up your crush! Pick up lines? Really, Alphard?"

"Uh huh. I'm gonna try those on you."

"Why do you want to try cheesy teenie pick up lines on me?"

"Just to see how you'd react to them."

Canaan puts a few inches of distance between her and her older lover again, leans against the back of the couch, grabs the remote and starts zapping through the channels while Alphard keeps her gaze fixed on her.

"Do we really need to do this?"

"Oh come on, it'll be fun."

"Oh yeah. Having my girlfriend trying out pick up lines on me although we've been dating for almost a year now will be sooo amusing."

"Aw, don't be like that. There's nothing good on TV now, anyway."

"Two and a half man is on in a few minutes."

"Summary of a typical episode: Two guys, a kid and a few random women do and say stuff that's supposed to be funny. You won't miss anything."

"Probably not, but it'd be an excuse to avoid the verbal torture you want to put me through."

"It won't be that bad. Come on, please?"

"No."

"Pretty please?"

"Nope."

"Pweease?"

"...Babe, your puppy dog pout actually scares me."

"Really?"

"Yeah. It somewhat reminds me of Liang."

"Oh god, that bad?"

"Uh huh."

"Geez. Hmmm...okay, how about this then: You let me try the lines on you and I'll make dinner tonight?"

"Hmm, depends. What do you have in mind?"

"Let's see...we still have some crab in the fridge and I also got a bottle of oil on my way back...How about spicy crab cakes?"

"Ooohh, are you gonna make the cream dill sauce, too?"

"Yes, I'm gonna make the cream dill sauce, too."

"Yay!"

Canaan leans in again and plants a long, hard kiss on her lover's cheek, which causes said lover to roll her eyes and smile, before lying down, putting her legs into Alphard's lap and focusing on the TV screen (she's watching The Simpsons) but listening to her girlfriend. Alphard puts her elbows on Canaan's lower legs and opens the magazine.

"Alright, it's a deal. You can try your lines on me."

"Hehe, I knew I'd get you with food."

"Yeah yeah, let's get this over with already. But do we need to do all of them?"

"Yes."

"Today?"

"Of course."

"Fifty pick up lines?"

"Sure."

"No."

"Ugh."

"It's just too many. Can't we divide it? Like doing a few today and the rest another day?"

"Uhm...yeah, I guess that's okay. So how many do you want to do today then?"

"Dunno...maybe twenty?"

"Twenty it is then."

"Thanks."

"You're welcome. Now, let's start. Ready?"

"As ready as I can be for this nonsense."

"That's my girl. Okay, first one: I wish I were a tear so I can start in your eyes, live on your face and die on your lips."

"Wonderful, that sounds like you're describing yourself as some kind of weird parasite. And I don't kiss dead people."

"So it's a fail?"

"Alphard, they're all gonna be fails. I'm just gonna tell you why exactly they suck and not that they suck."

"Hmhmhm, okay. I got it. Next: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together."

"Grammar fail. It's supposed to say you and me and not you and I."

"I...think you kinda missed the point of that one."

"Whatever. Next one, please."

"Kay, here goes number three: I may not be Fred Flintstone but I can sure make your bed rock."

"I know. You already proved that many times."

"Oh, and I'm faaar from being done giving proof."

"..."

"Your cheeks look really good with that tinge of red on them, y'know."

"...Just continue with the lines."

"Yes ma'am. Fourth one: I've heard sex is a killer. Wanna die happy?"

"I would shoot the one who says that to me."

"Why?"

"Because he would have threatened to kill me and because I shoot when I'm in danger."

"Hmm, you have a point there. Guess I'd do the same."

"Uh huh. You. The person that was threatened by my former employer that she'd kill you as soon as you even put a finger on a weapon ever again."

"Tch. Yeah. Natsume that stupid bitch. Well, nevermind. Fifth: Excuse me, but I'm new in town, can I have directions to your place?"

"No."

"...And?"

"And what?"

"That's all?"

"Yes."

"Lame."

"Whatever."

"Next one then: Is your dad a thief or something? Because someone stole the stars and put them into your eyes."

"Oh yeah. Accusing my father of being a criminal is such a nice way to start a conversation."

"Sarcasm much, babe?"

"Oh come on! That one was practically begging for it. And stop smirking like that!"

"Okay, okay. Chill out, geez."

"Ugh. Seventh, please?"

"Kay. You know what? Your eyes are the same color as my Porsche."

"Awesome. Now I have finally a good reason to buy those colored contacts I always wanted."

"You really wanna buy contacts?"

"Well, there are those light brown ones that I thought about buying 'cause at work everyone's always staring at me like they've never seen silver eyes and it's really bugging me."

"But wouldn't contacts be a hinderance to your Synesthesia?"

"Not really. I don't use my Synesthesia that often anymore and even if I wanted to use it, I could simply take the contacts out."

"I see. Well, still. I don't think you should buy them. Your eyes are beautiful the way they are and I think everyone staring at you at work thinks the same."

"...You...you really think so?"

"Of course."

"Thank you, that's so sweet of you."

"..."

"..."

"...Now, where were we?"

"Uhm, eighth I think."

"Ah, right. Okay, number eight: Do you have a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants."

"...Okay, I actually have no idea how to counter that one."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I'd probably just punch the guy in the face and leave without a word."

"Hmhmhm, and people ask me why I love you. Ninth: The body is made up of 90% water and I'm thirsty."

"I'm not into vampires."

"Haha, good one, although it's kinda predictable. Well, whatever. Next...Oh, you'll love that one: Excuse me for interrupting and I'm not trying to make a pass, but you must be leaving the country if you're packing that much ass."

"I MEANT HIS FUCKING DONKEY!"

"Hahahaha, I knew you'd say that. And it's not my fault that this is in here so calm down, babe."

"Ugh. How long is this whole farmer Bobby thing gonna dog me?"

"Well, until I lost the fun in teasing you with it I guess. But don't get your hopes up, cause that won't happen anytime soon."

"You know, I really don't understand how it's possible to switch personalities from being incredibly cute and romantic to being a complete bitch in only one minute."

"Yeah, yeah, nevermind. So how would you counter that line?"

"I already did. I would scream 'I meant his fucking donkey!' into the face of the one who tried that on me. I think that'd be enough to let the guy think I'm crazy and scare him off."

"Well, that's a nice strategy."

"Next."

"Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?"

"Yes. And your presence doesn't make it better, so beat it."

"Oh, good one, baby. Good one."

"Thanks."

"Number twelve: Do you like bananas or blueberries? Why? I wanna know what kind of pancackes to make in the morning."

"...That one is actually kinda cute. I think I could like the guy who uses that."

"Food really is your weakspot, huh?"

"Well, not every food. Only sweet stuff and basically everything that you make 'cause your're an awesome chef."

"Hehe, well after I couldn't threaten people with death anymore I needed another hobby and cooking was somehow the first thing that came into my mind."

"Well, and you're brilliant at it. I mean, you don't work at a six star restaurant for no reason, right?"

A few moments of silence pass in which the two of them just stare at each other with warm smiles on their faces, sharing their romantic moment in silence. Finally, Alphard lies down beside Canaan and drapes her right arm around the smaller one's shoulders before she turns her head to kiss Canaan's forehead while she holds the magazine up with her left hand. Canaan cuddles up closer to Alphard, wrapping her arms around the woman's waist while lying her head on her girlfriend's chest and putting one of her legs over Alphard's.

"Okay, next one."

"Ugh."

"What?"

"Way to ruin the atmosphere, honey."

"Come on, it's just seven more and then we're through with it for today."

"Fine then. Continue already."

"Alright, number thirteen: Are you from Tennessee? Because your the only ten I see."

"No, I'm from Arabia. And what does this ten mean, anyway?"

"I think that's a rating. Y'know, that 'on a scale from one to ten' bullshit."

"Language."

"Oh come on! I also didn't language you when you cursed before!"

"Well, that doesn't mean that I won't when you do."

"Oh, so you're allowed to curse but I'm not?"

"Precisely."

"What the fuck!"

"Language."

"Gah! Ugh. Fourteen: You have 206 bones in your body. Do you want another one?"

"Lame. And I already have an extra sense, so I don't need an extra bone. Next one."

"I'll give you a nickel to tickle my pickle."

"And you either run or you'll meet my gun."

"Jesus, baby. You would really take your gun with you on a date?"

"Well, I don't have it with me when I'm out with you. But if I'd be on a date with someone who uses those stupid lines, then yes. Definitely."

"Damn, girl."

"I probably wouldn't shoot him, though."

"Probably?"

"Probably."

"How nice of you."

"I know, right?"

"Ugh. Next one: Kiss me if I'm wrong but isn't your name Pineapple? Mmmmph! Wha..what the-"

"What? You said 'kiss me if I'm wrong', and you were wrong."

"..."

"Next."

"Uhm, right. Seventeenth: You turn my floppy disk into a hard drive."

"Oh come on, a computer nerd pick up line? How is that gonna make you even remotely attractive in any way?"

"Yeah, this one's the worst until now, huh? Although I do believe that Natsume could like this one."

"Oh please, even a pro hacker like Natsume has at least some kind of taste. But this line... it's so lame that I don't even want to thinkabout a proper counter line."

"We'll just skip to the eighteenth then: My name isn't Elmo, but you can tickle me anytime."

"In Germany, tickling somebody without really knowing him is as bad as punching someone in the face."

"Wow, really?"

"No, but the idiot who thinks that this line actually works will also believe that crappy excuse."

"Hahaha, that's probably true. Number nineteen: If I were a fly I'd be on you all day cause you're the shit."

"Okay, this is just way beyond gross."

"Agreed. Last one?"

"Oh god, finally! Go ahead."

"And... the last pick-up line... for today...iiisss..."

"...Alphard!"

"Ouch! Hey, don't elbow me!"

"Then just spit it out already!"

"Okay, okay. Geez. Number twenty: You wanna know what I want to do in my life? You."

"Well, dreams gotta stay dreams sometimes, right? But nice try."

"Haha, yeah. Geez, I can't believe that there are actually people who really use those cheesy lines for flirting."

"I know, right? Ugh."

"But hey, there's one thing I gotta ask you."

"What is it?"

"Well...were you really sure about your name not being pineapple?"

"...Hmhmhmhm, come here you..."

A/N: And the rest will be left to your imagination ;-) I hope you liked this one ^_^ I'm actually planning to make at least 2 more drabbles with pick-up lines in this collection. Not all in a row, but I think somewhere along the lines, drabbles of Alphard trying out more pick up lines on Canaan will pop up again ;-) Well, that's it for now :D If I won't get hit by a sudden burst of inspiration again, it could take longer for updates from now on. Maybe something around one or two weeks =D Bye until then and leave some reviews on your way out, okay? Thanks for reading!

~Spoons