Disclaimer: All of the characters, concepts, and anything affiliated with the Merlin franchise belong to the BBC.
The rest of the work belongs to me and should not be copied in any way, including translations, without my explicit consent.
AN: *waves at the 15 people who have this on alert* Hi! Thanks for all those who have this on alert, this one's short but it explains why Arthur can't make a move. I'm working on more, but I have assignments due this week, plus exams in the upcoming weeks, so I'll try to get more done.
Anyways, thanks to everyone who reviewed before and hopefully you enjoy.
Warnings: Homophobia, self-hate, underage sex, underage drinking, drug abuse, internalized homophobia, and I think that's it.
This Longing
Merlin. He can never get that boy out of his head, no matter how hard he tries. For god's sake, he's in Year 11 now, he should be over this bloody infatuation.
But he's not. Oh god, he's not.
He dreams of him. Of his voice, his hands, his mouth, running his hands through his hair, nibbling on his ridiculous ears, everything. Everything.
But he pushes it aside. He can't be like this.
Abnormal.
That's what his father calls it. Abnormal, deviant, strange, sickening, repulsive, unnatural.
So he pushes everything away and does his best to make his father proud. To be the perfect son. To be normal.
And it works.
Until he sees him passing by the hallway, or hears his voice, or his laugh, or sees any of his artwork hung up in the artroom. Then, all he feels is this emptiness, this longing for something he knows he could never have. Ever. Not without losing everything and everyone he cares about.
So he pushes it all away into the corner of his mind and sets his mind to being normal.
Because that's what everyone wants him to be.
Normal.