Hey everyone! I'm back…with chapter two for all of those who endured the first part, when I saw you guys following and favoriting I was like holy shit, either I don't suck that much or people just come on fan fiction wasted now a days! Either or it works out :) So review! Or do whatever, doesn't matter to me, lol =)

"Good God, my fucken head," groaned Bilbo as he brought his back off of the ground. Massaging his templates at a tranquilly pace, his eyes scanned around his newest surroundings only to find himself in a barren field of dirt. "What the hell!"

His heed begun to wander off before a pounding sound ran through his ears. Swiftly, his head shifted towards the side where an astonishing scene was occurring.

A Hostess truck had been flipped over to its side and herding around it, like they were zombies, was the thirteen midgets he had encountered last night. Now each one appeared to be in raging fumes, with their fists in clenches. All thirteen of them were punching the truck, while also giving it a vigorous kick.

For Bombur, he had found a way to climb on top of the truck's fallen side and was bouncing on it, shrieking, "I want a fucken Twinkie!"

"Oh shit," Bilbo muttered.

Thorin heard his words, then quickly shifted himself towards Bilbo. "Oh you're finally awake, at first we assumed you were dead which wouldn't have been bad either!" he exclaimed.

"How the hell did I get here? And where the hell is my fucken house?" Bilbo asked.

"Funny story on how we got here, so we were driving our big wheels on the highway and Orin kept going 'vooom' like he was driving a motorcycle and I told him to stop being a fucken idiot."

"Meaningless details, okay, continue."

"So then we notice that in front of us in a Hostess Twinkie truck, so we thought we should try hijacking it….'cause…I don't know, but anyways we kept slamming are big wheels against it and finally we drove it off the road."

"I'm not going to say anything about that."

"Yeah, so the driver was being a total asshole and wouldn't give us a fucken twinkie…so we got really pissed and flipped the truck over…which was later found out wasn't the best idea."

"Who would have guessed?" Then with a heavy thrust, Bilbo tossed Thorin out of his ways and approached the other midgets. "Okay, now I know the pedophile Gandalf had told you all that I was going to aid you on reclaiming your homeland back…but there seems to have been a mistake. I am not…so someone please give me a ride back home and I will not call the police."

Thorin, who was trailing close behind, said, "Uh, we can't. Thing is, when we were driving the truck off of the road, our big wheels crashed."

"What the fuck!"

"I know! You thought they would be more durable!"

Giving himself a face – palm, Bilbo felt aggravation and fury emerging within himself. Damn these midgets. "Okay, well maybe I'll just walk home. So where are we now?"

Pushing pass his midget companions, Balwin appeared and entered into the conversation. "Wisconsin."

Bilbo's mouth draped open by an inch, while his brow roused up. "I'm from Texas!" he screeched like something that screeches.

"Well see, you get to experience new cultures! Like they have an ocean over here," chimed Thorin.

Each midget shot a glare toward their leader, with their faces scrunching. "Wisconsin is not by a fucken ocean you dumbass! Their most renown visiting spot in the fucken Mcdonalds!" Kili declared.

"Also the largest building they have!" Fili announced.

Bilbo was on the verge off speaking, before Thorin came up from behind him and wrapped his arm around Bilbo's back. "Yeah and just like back in Texas, here in Wisconsin they also have lots of guns and hillbillies. You're always going to see tumbleweeds, pick up trucks with coops in the back and towns with only a population of forty people, fifteen of them being incest," explained the lead midget, with a grin.

Within a second, Bilbo shifted his head to pore at Thorin. "I said I'm from Texas, not Alabama!" He rebounded back, fumes growing inside of him. "So now how am I suppose to get back home, hmm? I had a sweater I was planning on finishing knitting, but apparently now I'm fucken screwed."

Bombur, who was still standing on the Hostess truck, raised his hand and asked, "Why would you need a sweater if you live in Texas? And also, on a more important note, do you guys also still have fried butter on a stick down there?"

"Of course you would eat that, you fucken lard" snarked Kili from below.

"Because when I knit I can subscribe to Knit Wit,a magazine about knitting humour," Bilbo responded. He then glared towards each midget, and finally to Thorin, while his left brow roused. "Now, how am I suppose to get back home?"

"I hear hitch hiking is popular, just try not to enter the van of anyone rapy appearing," said Balwin. "Though truckers might pick you up."

"And truckers make good lovers," another midget chimed.

With his head shaking at a rapid pace, Bilbo begun to scamper away from the midgets and muttered, "Never mind, I'll just go catch a bus. Goodbye to you all!" He was a far distance from them after a prolonged moment, before he came to an alarmed halt after hearing a yell coming from the direction of the midgets. His head shot over his shoulder, before turning around and begun to dash towards the midgets, in wonder.

"Oh God…why!" Was the first words Bilbo heard as he approached the midgets, to find Bombur kneeled down next to the truck, that they had now opened. He raised his arms up to the skies, tears streaming from within his eyes, while he screamed out, "No!"

"What's with him?" Bilbo asked.

"It turns out…there was…there was…" Balwin begun to choke, "no…no twinkies in the truck."

"Oh," replied the man.

"Oh?" Bombfur mimicked, holding back his tears as he came upon his feet. He then came face to face with Bilbo. "Is that all you have to say? Just 'oh'."

"Uh…I'm sorry?"

"I hate you!"

"What?"

Thorin, who had been viewing from a distance, came closer to the two. "It's alright, I kept a spare Twinkie in my pocket, I knew something like this was to erupt." He then crept his hand into his coat's pocket and as his fingers came into searching mood, a baffled expression emerged across his face. "What the hell?"

"It's gone!" cried Bombur. "I saw in your pocket and when you weren't looking I took it. And now it's gone and I hate everything!"

As the midget gradually sprinted away, disappoint seemed to rest its hand on Kili. He looked at the barren truck, only silver steel walls were to be found. "And to believe we killed the driver for this," he muttered.

Bilbo shot his head towards him. "You fucken did what?"

"Where did you think your clothes came from?" Fili questioned, making the man glare down towards his new apparel.

Before Bilbo could even say another word, all thirteen midgets trembled a little as the sound of an impaired engine grew close. Each one peered to their sides, where they caught the sight of a crappy mini van driving at the rate of 15 miles per hour, whipping up dirt and rocks from the field.

When it came in front of them, there was an immediate stop and the driver's dark window rolled down, revealing Gandalf. "Get in!" he shouted. "Hurry now, I was at the park and almost had a little kid in my van before I noticed a cop was behind me!"

And although Bilbo tried to vilely fight his free, he soon found himself in the crappy mini van, on the way to who fucken knows where.

Ugh…I hate living in Wisconsin….