I found a computer, and this is going to be the only update for ten more days. Sorry! This is dedicated to the Fluff Club, and please don't think I'm being hypocritical by writing this. In case you didn't notice, the Marian in Lady of Sherwood is extremely clumsy and always tripping. Enjoy!
Robin stood at the front of the tree house, pacing anxiously at the situation laid out in front of him. Prince John was getting closer and closer to discovering their base deep within the forest, and each day, it was getting more and more dire. He sighed.
"We'll have to double the guard, stake out further into the Forest, and..."
"Oh, booooyyyyyyssssss...."
"Uh oh," groaned the men in the meeting.
"Now, be nice, lads," said Robin, even though beads of sweat had began to form on his brow.
"It's MEEEEEE!!!!!!!" Shrieked Maid Mary Sue Marian. "Peek-a-boo, I see you!" she cried, looking over the window sill and into the room.
She was greeted with silence, until Robin gave his company The Look.
"Oh, yeah, hi!"
"Great to see you!"
"New outfit? Smashing."
"Ha, ha," said Marian. "I'm here to save you all from the horrors of malnutrition!"
With that, she whipped away the men's ale and replaced it all with spinach and feta cheese finger sandwiches, along with diced eggplant. She beamed her perfect teeth.
"Dig in, my little fighter men," she cooed.
They looked at the new food with more terror than when they fought Prince John's men.
"Sorry, wife put me on a diet."
"I'm healthy-intolerant."
"Did I ever tell you that spinach has the highest carb count amongst all vegetables? Well, it's true."
Marian's perfect blue eyes welled up with tears. "You...you...you don't like it?"
"Oh no," whispered Robin.
"I PUT SOOOOOO MUCH WORK INTO IT, SOOOOOO MUCH TIME, AND SOOOOOO MUCH LOVE, AND YOU DON'T LIKE IT!!!!!!! I HATE MY LIFE!!!!!!!! I'M SOOOOOO USELESS!!!!! YOU DON'T LOOOOOOVE ME!"
Immediately, the men swarmed the sandwiches, stuffing eggplant into their mouths as though their life depended on it.
"Oh, yeah, really good stuff!" They applauded, while sounds of retching were heard in the background.
"Oh, okay!" Marian chirped. "Have a good meeting! You're far too smawt and wittle intewigent men fow wittle old me.'
Strained laughter filled up the cabin as Marian climbed down the ladder. As soon as she left, most men spat out the stringy globs of feta that had congealed in their mouths.
"I wouldn't eat that sort of food in helllllllloooo, Marian!" said one man, stopping as her smiling, perfect face appeared once again.
"Oops, I forgot! I forgot to introduce you to my new handmaiden, Mianne!" She announced, bringing up a tall, pale girl with a slightly chubby face and long blonde hair. Her plain brown eyes surveyed everyone in the area, stunned to be in the presence of her childhood heroes.
However, most of the gazes she received in return were those of pity.
"Bye bye!" Said Marian again. "Oh, and Robin..." she slobbered her palm and blew the spit globules in his direction. "I love you soooooooo much, schnookums!"
As Mianne descended the ladder with her new lady, her Official Fluff Club Homing Device began to beep. She prayed with all her soul that the following operations would go smoothly.
Back at the Fluff Club Headquarters, Sugarsprite's youthful features shone with delight and anticipation as a red dot began to blip on her map.
"Bingo," she whispered.