"Better never to have met you in my dream than to wake and reach for hands that are not there."

-Otomo No Yakamochi

Three Years Later…

He was sitting on that ledge, the one he hated with a furious, burning passion. In fact, he was straddled over it, but it wasn't night; in fact, it was midday and there was a cool breeze ruffling his hair. A small smile graced his lips as he looked over at the form that sat across from him.

"You and your rooftops Chuck Bass," Blair said with a smile as she tucked a strand of brown hair behind her ear, "you should really come up with something new."

He chuckled, "come on Waldorf, you know me better than that. That's like asking me to get rid of my scarf. It's a Chuck Bass signature."

She laughed lightly and nodded as she took a sip of the glass of champagne, "speaking of your scarf, you really need to get rid of that thing. It really doesn't do you any justice. I've heard people call you Scarf Boy."

He frowned, "well maybe it's time those people learned what my name was."

"Uh oh, the Big Bad Bass is going to come strangle them with a scarf?"

Chuck laughed with her and silence fell again and he looked back out over the city.

"You know, I've really missed you Blair. I feel like I haven't seen you in forever."

"Well, I haven't been in town for a bit so it's understandable. But I promise, you'll see me again tomorrow night, and the night after that…I'm not going anywhere Chuck."

He looked over at her again and grinned, "good, because I don't think I could handle you being gone again."

Reaching over for her hand, Chuck's eyes grew dark with confusion when his hand passed through hers as if she were a ghost.

"Wha-," he questioned looking back up at her.

Suddenly, he was facing a brunette with tears streaming down her face, "its hard reaching for hands that aren't there isn't it Charles?"

"But…"

"I know how it feels. I remember what it was like," she said as she stood.

Scrambling quickly up after her, Chuck looked at Blair, "what?"

"It's time for me to go Chuck," she said softly looking over at him.

"What? Why?"

"Because you let go," she whispered before taking a step forward and falling gracefully off the edge.

"BLAIR!"

Chuck woke with a start, his eyes recognizing the dark ceiling above him. He took a breath and rested his head on the back of the pillow. It was just a dream. Or a nightmare. He wasn't sure anymore. Sometimes he liked thinking about Blair, the way she and he had clicked so easily, but at the same time it still hurt.

"You okay baby," asked a slightly sleepy voice next to him.

He looked over and forced a smile on his face, "yeah Jen," he said wrapping his arm around her shoulders as she snuggled into his bare chest, "just go back to sleep."

She nodded against his chest and immediately she fell back into a deep slumber.

Chuck lay there for a long time staring at the top of the youngest Humphrey's head. Three years ago, no one would have believed that he would begin dating the Brooklyn girl publicly, but after losing his father, and Blair, and then Serena and Nate he changed. There was a city full of girls that he could have picked from, but he had picked Jenny specifically because her appearance was the farthest thing from Blair that he could find, but her personality at times was just like the brunette's.

Although, when it first came out they were dating, about a year and a half ago, both of them received criticism for it. She was under eighteen; it was illegal for him to date her, especially if anything went wrong. And well, for Jenny, she got all of the repercussions of the girls at Constance and the boys at St. Jude's, not to mention her father and brother didn't approve of the relationship, and by the end of her junior year, she had moved in with Chuck to escape the constant conviction.

Things, over time, had smoothed down, and they were now just another society couple that occasionally appeared on page six when there was nothing much more interesting to report about. Although, the only reason she was in his bed at the moment was because she was just ending her winter break from her freshman year at design school, and she would tell you that it wasn't that enjoyable of a break because her boyfriend worked most of the time. But Chuck had told her countless times that Bart had left the company to him and being overworked wasn't a requirement but more of an expectation that he was forced to meet because he was still trying to prove that he belonged there. She was whiny; he tolerated it.

Two Days Before The Anniversary…

Chuck wasn't sure how long he lay there stroking the sleeping blond's hair, but the next thing he knew his alarm was going off and he had to slip out from under her head despite her many protests and headed off to the shower. By the time he was out, as usual, Jenny was up and in a short night gown waiting with a breakfast for him before giving him a kiss goodbye and promising to meet him for lunch.

He would take the limo to the office, go to the top floor, settle in the familiar leather chair, and begin to go through piles of paperwork of words that seemed to meld together beneath his eyes. He'd take calls, he'd listen to proposals, he'd have phone and video conferences with his company's half way across the world and then he would head over to the café across the street and have a meaningless lunch with Jenny before going back to the office and start the process all over again.

"I found the perfect dress for your charity ball tomorrow," Jenny gushed today at lunch, "I thought that maybe if you got off work early you could head over to Bendle's and see it before…"

Chuck sighed and pulled his wallet out and pulled one of the many credit cards out and slid it over to her, "why don't you just surprise me?"

Part of the reason he did this was because there was no way he was getting off work early tonight, plus it was exactly what Jenny wanted. She never came right out and asked him for the money, but he knew that was part of the reason she stayed in the relationship was because he had no problem giving her one of his credit cards so she could go and spend it on whatever her heart desired on Fifth Avenue.

"Would you mind if I got some shoes and accessories to go with it," she asked in an innocent voice.

He shrugged, "knock yourself out honey," he said in a rather bored tone as he took the last sip of his coffee pulled a few crisp bills from his wallet, setting them down on the table.

He stood and walked over to her side and leaned down and kissed her lips lightly, "I'll see you later sweetheart."

As Chuck pulled away he felt Jenny's hands cup his cheeks and pull him back, deepening the kiss. Repressing a sigh he complied with her wish before pulling away firmly this time.

"Later," he said softly before turning and making an abrupt exit.

It was the same routine every day. It never changed. It bored him. But it was safe. No one got hurt; no one's body mysteriously disappeared; no one heard him say I love you.

There was a soft knock on the office door as Chuck rubbed the bridge of his nose, his eyes squinting in the soft lighting at the computer screen in front of him. One of the younger employees popped his head in and smiled, "hey boss, a few of us were going out for drinks and we wondered if you wanted to join us."

"No," he said calmly as he began typing on his computer again.

"Aw come on Mr. Bass," the guy said, stepping into the office a little more, "you're always the first to get to the office and the last to leave it. Don't you think you work hard enough?"

"No," was Chuck's answer again.

"Really? You need to loosen up. Come have a drink with us, and then you can go back to that honey of yours."

Brown eyes finally pierced the guy's in the doorway, "I said no," he said sharply, "if I have to say it again I will fire you."

An almost look of appall crossed the man's face before he raised his hands in surrender, "sorry, just thought I was being nice," he mumbled as he retreated out of the office.

Chuck ignored him and continued to work, but the moment the door was closed his hands fell and he slumped back in the chair. He had stopped drinking, ever since the night on the roof, he hadn't taken a sip of alcohol and he wasn't going to ever again. Slowly he let his head fall on the desk, closing his eyes, trying to block out everything.

He faintly heard the sound of a door opening and snapping shut, but he didn't look up.

"Rough day," a familiar, sweet voice asked him and he looked up quickly to find Blair smiling at him, her hands gripping the edge of the desk.

"Am I…" he started.

"Hallucinating? Yeah, I'm not really here. Just in your head," she said as she walked over to the book shelves on the wall, her fingers absentmindedly tracing the bindings of them.

"Great. It's nice to know I'm not crazy or anything," he said sarcastically.

She shot him one of her infamous glares, but it quickly softened as she moved back towards him.

"You look tired Bass," she said concerned, "have you been working this late all week?"

He nodded, yawning and rubbing his hands over his face, ignoring her emphasized sigh.

"That's not good for you and you know it. You're beginning to turn into your father. No wonder your employees fear you and you have no friends."

He opened his mouth but she pointed a finger at him and he quickly shut his mouth. A small smirk curled onto her lips, "wow, I wish I could've shut up that quickly when I was alive. Chuck Bass closing his mouth at a simple glare; you really have changed."

"You are a horrible ghost you know that," he said through gritted teeth.

Blair smiled and flounced down in the chair in front of his desk, "first of all, I'm not a ghost, and second of all, I appear to you how you think of me. Like I said before this is all in your head Chuck."

Sighing again, Chuck ran his hands through his hair, "all right, well how do I get rid of you?"

"Simple. Let me go," she paused, "oh, wait you already did that."

"Blair," he protested, "that was an accident."

"Oh, I know that," she said sweetly, "but you keep blaming yourself. It's not my fault you chose me to be your Jiminy Cricket."

"Well, if you know it was an accident, why can't you just leave me alone," he asked agitated.

"Because you haven't figured out who pushed me yet."

"What," he asked confused.

"You really were wasted that night weren't you," she asked standing, "look, the only way you're going to get rid of me is if you let me go, and to do that you need to figure out what really happened that night."

She started for the door and Chuck watched her with curiosity, "until then," Blair said with a sickly sweet smile as she opened the door, "sweet dreams."

With that, the brunette walked out and closed the door, leaving Chuck staring at the silence that she had left.

One Day Before The Anniversary…

Chuck forced another smile as he shook another hand, "so glad you could come, please, enjoy the party," he said to the man and his wife whose names he could not remember.

Jenny's elbow was hooked around his elbow as they walked around the ballroom in The Palace. People dressed to the nines surrounded them, and Jenny seemed to be rather enjoying herself.

"You're going to be at the airport before I have to leave right," she asked, maintaining the smile on her face as she waved at people.

"Of course," he said in a dull tone, "what kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn't?"

"Well, it's just…I know what tomorrow is, and I don't want to worry about you dwelling on it too much."

Chuck remained silent. There was one thing he and Jenny talked about it and it was Blair, so he wasn't too sure what to say when she spoke.

"Oh look there's Serena and Nate," the blonde gushed, quickly glazing over the conversation topic.

"Let's," Chuck said rolling his eyes as she pulled him over to his former best friend's.

Serena and Jenny greeted each other with squealing hugs, and Nate just gave her a simple hug. Both of them looked at Chuck who nodded, "Archibald…Van Der Woodsen."

"Bass," they responded in unison.

There was an awkward silence between them and Jenny sighed, "you know what, I think I'm going to go look for Eric," she said breaking away from Chuck and quickly walking away.

Chuck's hand's immediately stuffed into his pocket and he looked towards the floor.

"So, are you two on winter break too," he asked, trying to make civil conversation.

"Yeah, we both head back tomorrow, but…" Serena started.

"There's a stop we have to make," Nate finished for her.

He nodded, knowing exactly what they were talking about. He looked up and opened his mouth, wanting to fix things, maybe ask them to go for coffee afterward, but he stopped himself.

"Excuse me," he said lamely stepping away from them and disappearing in the crowd.

Both of the old friend's stared after him and Nate sighed and Serena frowned.

"Well, at least we know Jenny wasn't exaggerating. That's not Chuck Bass," she said shaking her head, "that's just something that looks like him."

Nate was nodding in agreement, "I feel almost bad not seeing him, not trying to help him."

"Hey, he was the one who said we weren't friends anymore," Serena said sharply, "we won't help him until he asks for our help Nate."

"And when will that be Serena? Blair might have fallen over the edge, but Chuck's still hanging on, and if someone doesn't grab him…he's going to let go."

For a moment the blond paused, "you're taking a philosophy class aren't you?"

The Anniversary…

Every time this day came, Chuck woke up dying for a drink; anything that would sooth the extremely loud voices in his head. He dressed slowly and ignored the breakfast that Jenny offered him, but did give her a kiss and promise to see her off at the airport. He then proceeded to head out and stop at a flower shop, purchase a bouquet of hydrangeas and headed over to the cemetery.

Blair's headstone was of course eloquent, and every time he saw it he would trace the letters of her name slowly and read and reread the quote that Eleanor and Harold had decided to put on it.

"I was born with an enormous need for affection, and a terrible need to give it."

He would smile every time he would see that. It was only proper that it was something Audrey Hepburn had said it, and even more proper that it was one of the truest facts about Blair and several people failed to realize that.

"I miss you," he whispered, the words sounded more choked up than he meant.

A soft breeze blew towards him and he closed his eyes as he slowly sank down, his back resting against the headstone as he shook slightly, hating the fact that one petite girl could make him cry like this.

"She misses you too Chuck," a soft voice said, and he looked up to see, of all people at her grave, Vanessa.

His eyes were bloodshot and he looked down quickly, "what are you doing here? Didn't you hate her?"

Vanessa nodded and sat down beside him, "actually, yeah, but that doesn't mean I didn't care."

He bit his lip and looked over at her, and she looked back at him.

"If you want to be alone," she said quickly, but he shook his head as he stood, "no it's fine, he responded, "I have to go anyway, otherwise, I'm going to be late to the airport."

She nodded slowly, "well, if you ever need anyone to talk to Chuck…"

He nodded and sent her a small smile before heading down the grassy hill to his waiting limo.

"Stop for coffee first," he told his driver, "somewhere I haven't been before."

With a nod from the man, he slid in and rubbed furiously at his eyes, trying to catch his breath.

The limo stopped at Brooklyn coffee shop. Well, he wanted somewhere he had never been before and he had definitely never been here. It was just after the normal lunch hour and so the place was virtually empty. As he stepped through, the bell over the door signaling his entrance, soft music could be heard pouring from behind the counter. There were two girls standing behind it, both of their backs were towards him, once of them was singing along to the song.

"Sleeping pills know sleeping dogs lie
never far enough away
Glistening in the cold sweat of guilt
I've watched you slowly winding down for years
You can't keep on like this...
now's a bad a time as any"

She certainly wouldn't make a career of singing, but she had a sweet voice, one that could entertain someone for a little while. From what he could see, she had long, straight brown hair cascading down her back, nice legs…the kind of girl who reminded him far too much of Blair, but one that he would enjoy spending a night in bed with none the less.

"Audrey," the other girl said, "do you mind taking this customer?"

The girl nodded and continued to sing the song as she made her way over to the cash register, Chuck standing there looking at what they had to offer as she continued to sing.

"There, there baby
it's just text book stuff
it's in the ABC of growing up
Now, now darling
oh don't kill yourself
cause none of us were angels"

Chuck looked back down from the menu over her head and his eyes met hers as she finished the last line of the chorus, "and you know I love you yeah."

For a moment he thought he was dreaming or hallucinating again, because while this had straight hair and not the usual curls he was used to, her eyes were ones that he wouldn't forget anywhere. He saw her lips move, but he didn't hear any of the words that fell out of her mouth.

"Blair?"

Author's Notes:

1) Oh no! A cliff hanger! Is it really Blair? Or is Chuck really crazy?

2) Song: Speeding Cars by Imogen Heap

3) Thank you to those who reviewed and read the first chapter, those would continue to be appreciated because if you don't express interest…I stop writing.