These characters don't belong to me. They all have their respective creator, I'm just being plain evil with them.
2. Mourn
Two hours later, I was parking in front of my old man's house. The Corvette wasn't there, meaning: Mikasa is not home. I was a little relieved. I didn't wanted to talk to her. Not right now. She still hated me. But I was sure the old bastard was at home. Funny thing to think of: I was afraid of my little sister, but not my father. I walked through the white fence, into the front garden. It was a little bit forgotten, but I'm sure Mikasa was taking care of it. Then, the porch. Rough, the wood was practically falling apart from its place. Just as I remembered it. I press the small button to hear the so-known-and-annoying ding-dong and then a heavy, dry cough, caused by a lot of years of cigarrettes and not caring at all about cancer. He opens the door and I can see how his eyes fill slowly with disgust and dissapointment.
-So, the prodigal son finally comes home... -there it is. The snarky comment before the punch in the throat. Here it comes. -What do you want now? You finally got the death row and you're coming to see your beloved father to say your goodbyes? Because yes, it is a bother.
-I left a few boxes. I came to pick them up. -I say, ignoring his whole sarcasm. He doesn't move, looking at me with distrust. -Don't worry. I will not stab you. -the old man smirks, just a little, mumbles something and then, he opens the door just a bit more to let me in.
-Go get your stuff and leave. I told you not to come here ever again, kiddo. -he says as he closes the door, slowly. -A killer, an asshole, a freak and now a deaf. What else are you, besides, of course, being stupid and a dissapointment?
-Nice speech. Should I start crying now or...? -he raises a brow, then shrugs. This insensitive asshole is my father. The same fucker who didn't shed a tear in my mom's funeral, the same prick who said "she was kind of a slut" when I called home to tell him Eren was dead. Yes. I'm not proud and I feel a deep hate everytime I see his face. -Mikasa is working? -I ask, trying to take the conversation to a least tense way.
-Yeah. Why? Now you're planning to go after your sister, too? -God knows how much I wanted to punch him right in the face. Even to kill him, right here, right know. Smashing his fucking head against the floor over and over until that fucking smile dissapeared. I inhale, deeply. "Control your anger, Levi. Control it. Keep it cool." I don't answer, going up the stairs, walking down the small hall to stand right in front of my old room. The door is filled with stupid band stickers. I know my dad uses it as an attic now, so when I open it is no surprise to see it full of boxes and old stuff. I can see some "X-mas" labeled boxes, an old excercising machine and the tool's red, rusty box.
The stuff I'm lookinjg for is n the floor, next to my bed. My whole memories are in a small shoe box. I pick it up, along with another little can, filled with photos and letters, and small notes. I feel some melancholy. The walls have some posters of bands that I don't listen to anymore. There are some books on the bed, but I don't touch them. They're all Eren's. I guess she wouldn't be mad now if I didn't return them, right? Besides, I don' want any more things that reminded me of her. I've had enough mourn.
When I came down again, my father was watching some fishing program on TV. He was ignoring me on prupose, so I returned him the favor and I walked out the house in silence, with the shoe box under my right arm and the little can in the left hand.
(***)
-I'm sorry for being a bother...- she said, shyly and, God have mercy, I really wanted to kiss her.
-You're not. It's my car. I can give you a ride if I want to. -I say, maybe a little bit to rough, but she smiles and my heart do fucking backflips. -Besides, the piece of crap you drive is now under my supervission.
-Respect for the ancient ones! -she says, slapping my arm softly, in a playful manner. -Betsie is a long time friend and a loyal support for me.- she looks outside the window, right at the fence that surrounds her house. She seems like she doesn't want to go out of my car and, being honest, I don't want her to leave.
-I'll take care of Bettie.
-Betsie.
-Yeah, whatever. She's in good hands now. - I let my self brag about my mechanic habilities. I can do that in front of the girl I like, right? I wanted to impress her by doing some repairs on her car. She raised her brows. -What? You don't believe me?
She nodded in a negative way, and a couple chocolate locks fell down of her messy pony tail and she looked so damn hot. I wanted to kiss her, to touch her, to feel her.
-Thanks, Levi. -she says, after a moment of brief silence. She doubts a little but, finally, she leans in my direction and kisses my cheek before stepping out of the car.
I would be lying if I say I didn't smiled like an idiot for the next 24 hours.
(***)
The only half-decent cafeteria where I was sure I could get some coffee without some bastard spitting in it was, ironically, the one I saw Eren for the last time. It was called Garrison's and seeing the large neon Rose sparkling up in the evening sky made me feel like a masochist. I didn't know why I was trying to keep alive the last memories I had with Eren. It just made me feel worse, miserable, lost. Even angry. I pushed the glass door with one hand, listening how the little bell on top of it rang, driving all the attention to me. Luckily for me, just a pair of eyes, fearful looks. I sighed as the murmurs started and I tried to ignore them while I was walking toward the closest table.
-Levi? -I turned around as I heard my name, just to find Petra standing right behind me, a little confused and maybe a little nervous, but not scared. Or disgusted. That was a relief. -What are you...doing here?
-Can't I come for some coffee? -I asked, raising a brow. Please, don't reject me too. Please. I couldn't live with instant coffee...I couldn't live without this last place. Please.
-No, no...It's okay. I mean...It's been a while. -she said, smiling a little, taking off her front pocket a little notebook and a pen. -Take a sit and I will take your order. -I did as she said, but I didn't even took a look to the menu. -You want...dark coffee, as usual, right?
-Please. No sugar. -she scribbled down while I reached for a napking, starting to unfold it and fold it again, as a recient anxious thing I got from all the stress. -I thought you didn't worked here anymore.
-Half-time. Just enough to save some extra money. -Then, I remembered. Petra always wanted to travel, to do and to be more than just another town girl. She was beautiful, smart and kind. She was born to be part of big stuff. The town wasn't enough for her and we both knew it. -I almost make it.
-That's nice. -I honestly said. -You'll get a job wherever you want. Leave this town as long as you can. Some of us are chained to this shitty place. -Petra's smile went smaller, but she didn't said anything. She just turned around and went to get my coffee.
I found myself thinking about the time we spend together as a couple. Maybe a year, maybe more, maybe less. It was just before Eren came into my life. I knew things could never work between me and Petra. She needed someone to look after and I knew how to take care of myself. You can say we were together just to see if it was real or we just wanted a nice fuck. And sex was good, I must admit it. But we weren't meant to be. She had her dreams, her passions and she was decided to run after them. I wasn't so lucky. It wasn't the first time I lost somebody that really mattered to me, but still, I couldn't get used to the fucking feeling of emptiness and mourn. Maybe God or Whoever was decided to fuck me up. To take away from the things I loved the most. Maybe I didn't deserved those things because, and I know it, I'm an asshole. A clean-freak, senseless asshole. Maybe that's why I can't have nice things.
-Here's your coffee.- I saw how Petra placed the steaming cup in front of me and I couldn't help but smile just a bit. It wasn't a sincere smile, neither a happy one. It was just a simple gesture. -Levi? -she asked, not leaving immediatly. I saw her from the corner of my eye. Petra was nervous, I noticed because of her fingers, playing with the fringe of her t-shirt. She inhaled deeply. -I'm sorry about what happened with Eren. Really. I mean...she was so young... I just can't imagine who could ever do that to her.
When my mother died, ten years ago, I heard a lot of people giving and sharing my father's mourn (if the prick could feel any of that). They seemed sad, as sad as I was. But I knew that they really didn't understood their sadness. They could still go on with their lives, meanwhile me and my sister were left alone with a lame excuse of a father. You can really feel the mourn and the loss when it happens to you. Empathy is just an excuse but I know they thought "Thank God that's not me". And that's what I felt with Petra at the time. She was apologizing for something that she didn't really cared about. Not that much.
-Me neither. -I mumbled, taking a sip from the cup, burning my tongue in the process. -Shit happens.
-Don't say it like that, Levi... I'm sure everything is going to be alright.
-You can say it just because you're not the one they're blaming. Every single fucking person in this town hates me and I'm sure they want to see me getting fried in the chair. -I said that out loud, making sure people around me could hear me. So they knew that I didn't give a shit about their dark fucking intentions. -It's not going to be alright, Petra.
She opened her mouth to say something, but she remained quiet. Petra placed a hand on top of mine and squeezed it just a bit.
-I am sorry, Levi. I really am.
Petra turned around and left, leaving me alone with my coffee and the painful sensation of pity. I was really sorry too. I really wanted things to change, I wanted to believe that Erwin could save my ass from jail. I wanted to think that it was just a bad joke.
I took another sip from my coffee and I got another burn.
-Shit happens. -I repeated to myself.
So...here's a little flashback. Thank you for the reviews. I'll put this thing in AO3 too, so go there, please c: Thanks again and keep reading!