(2)
He left her feeling confused and heartsick. The one woman he cared for most on Alpha, had felt a deep attraction for; something more than a physical need or even tender whispers in the dark, was now out of his grasp. Perhaps for all time.
"I don't know how I pulled that trigger, Victor." He told his friend as they unwound in his office the following day.
Bergman sipped his coffee slowly as he listened. Sitting on the sofa, the doors to Main Mission closed, he nodded thoughtfully. "You talked with her?"
"I did. She understands … and she hates me. Under the circumstances, I can't blame her." Koenig turned slightly in his swivel chair, trying to hide the grief on his face.
"Hate is a strong word, John. It will pass." Professor Bergman assured. "Helena is a smart woman. But right now she is in pain, confused, and feeling sensitive. She's still in shock, you know."
"I put her there." He reminded, unhappily. "And yes, I've told myself that, Victor. But I'm not so certain she will ever completely forgive me."
A week passed.
He pushed Helena from his mind, desperate to continue-on as they did when the moon first started its journey, to move forward and one day – if the fates of outer space agreed - to find a home like Earth, or perhaps even better than their home planet. Now, more than ever before, John Koenig wanted a place the Alphans could call their own.
Arra had confirmed that he, Alpha, and all of the Earth people that remained on the base meant more than they thought, even though they were a mere spec in outer-space. It was good to know they were significant, that his command had meaning, even if he was to remain lonely and unloved for the rest of his life. Perhaps this was the price he paid for being Alpha's Commander. Was this what Arra was eluding to when she said their journey, perhaps his alone, would be never ending?
He had not seen Helena in days. She did show for a command meeting earlier in the week, telling them that Medical and Life Support were on-line and functioning well. Koenig knew that under her tunic she was still bandaged and sore. To him she appeared delicate and pale yet she put on a brave if somewhat dispassionate face. He longed to speak with her.
She never, not once, made eye contact with him.
After the meeting, as everyone parted, John walked over to one of the windows in his office and looked out at the surface of the moon, then up into the void ahead. Unconsciously, a hand reach up and placed itself where the heart beat in his chest. It ached.
A few days later he looked at the calendar on his desk. The electronic mechanism flipped over to reveal the star-date, the days since leaving Earth orbit, and what the Alphans and moon estimated was the date on Earth.
Tomorrow was Saint Valentine's Day and a party was being given that evening in Recreation Room Three. It was arranged by Sarah Foster and Kel Bennet, both engineers. They had told Koenig, after the threat of a planetary collision and other stresses, the Alphans needed some fun. He agreed. As long as they both worked their shifts and planned the party during time off, the celebration was a welcome diversion.
The Commander would not be attending. His entire Main Mission staff were itching for a bit of enjoyment, to spend time with their friends and lovers, and he could see no reason to make them work when he could very easily hold down Main Mission. There was nothing but clear space ahead and if an emergency did happen his people were a comlock call away.
Besides, there was no reason for him to attend. The one person he wanted to be with during the merrymaking was no longer his to keep company with and the party itself would just remind him how lonely it was to be the Commander of a lowly moonbase, travelling deep space. He could just see his people, happy in each other's company, men and women making a connection during a time of love and togetherness. He would feel out of place and awkward.
The following day Victor Bergman met with Helena for lunch. As they ate, drank coffee, and chatted, the conversation eventually gravitated to the white elephant in the room between them.
"I wish you would talk with him, Helena."
She sighed gently, looking slightly off into the distance. "I know." She said, regretfully. "I just do not know what to say to him to make us both feel everything is all right. It isn't, you know." Helena reflexively reached up to touch her injured but healing shoulder. "The thing is, I know he's sorry, that he wishes it would never have happened, but I cannot get passed the fact that he was capable of killing me, Victor."
"I am not so certain that is a fact."
"He shot me." She spoke calmly but her voice trembled slightly with exasperation.
"In the shoulder. Helena I think if John really wanted you dead he could have easily aim that gun at your chest."
She nodded, "I told myself that, Victor. I wish it made a difference. He still pulled the trigger."
Helena watched as Alan Carter entered the dining room. He briefly acknowledged she and Victor then joined a table of his friends and workmates. Tanya was there and Helena knew he and the Main Mission operative were an item these days. How interesting, she thought, that a little over a week ago Alan was threatening some of these people's lives, all of them actually, but here he was with them now, as thick as thieves!
"Let me suggest something to you." Victor smiled gently at his friend, took her hand from across the table, and spoke low. "We did something just as bad - if not worse - to John Koenig."
Her eyes widened ever so slightly. What could he be talking about?
"He's our Commander, our very good friend, and we betrayed him, the both of us as well as his entire command staff. We made him think we believed him about Arra then, when his back was turned, we drugged him and pretty much took over command. He forgave us and, oddly, even respected us for not believing what he knew sounded ridiculous to rational ears. It was true, Helena. Every word of it."
"Well yes, but we had an excellent reason for doing that, Victor. We thought radiation had warped Alan and John's minds and if they were sick as we suspected …."
"Yes." He interrupted gently, "And as much as we hated to do it we did what we did. Just like John did the unthinkable." Victor released Helena's hand and picked up his napkin. Carefully, gazing at her thoughtful expression, he dabbed gently at his mouth. He could see the realization dawning and he was satisfied. "I plan on going to that party tonight. Ruth Kimball asked me to attend with her. She is a lovely lady of science and the arts. I do not want to disappoint her."
Helena's contemplative expression turned a bit more impish and she grinned, "I never thought of you as a man about town, Victor. Do you have a lady in every department?"
"No." he chuckled gently, "But then we haven't been out in space that long, have we?" He stood and before he parted said one last thing, "Except for John, Main Mission will be empty tonight. Just thought you might want to know."
Helena watched her friend leave the table and walk from the dining room. He was an intelligent man, smart about everything from science to the human condition - and matters of the heart.
With a soft sigh, feeling she may have blundered, Helena briefly closed her eyes. Yes, she had plans tonight too.
To Be Continued ... Final Chapter ... Soon.