Chapter 2 - Stuff happens!
Eragon had woken up with what seemed like the worst hangover he had ever had in his life.
Mentally he noted himself to never drink Dwarfish mead ever again.
He just had the strangest dream last night.
He was with Aya when suddenly his cousin and Blodhgarm popped in,
then he jinxed Blodhgarm using a harry potter spell, only to make him a giant tarantula,
and his teddy...
Eragon stared to his right, and his teddy stared right back at him,
with eight tarantula legs popping from its face.
Eragon stared, and the teddy blinked!
"ITS ALIVE!" he screamed.
"So you are awake?" Eragon looked to his left, only to see Aya standing in the corner of
the tent with her arms folded, she wore her usual black outfit.
She looked so cute with the pointed ears popping from her hair.
Eragon nodded, too shocked to say anything.
Beside her stood Roaran, and to his surprise he was bowing.
Strange he thought, then he remembered what his cousin did.
Roaran jumping over Aya + ? = Roaran bowing.
Eragon was not very good at math, but he knew that one.
Arya kicked Roran in the -
"Eragon!" came a voice from the entrance.
Eragons head snapped to the entrance, only to see Evalyn, one of his elven guards.
"Shadeslayer" she said, "your presence is required at the command tent immediately,
it's urgent" then her gaze fell on the teddy on the floor.
"I didn't know you have a teddy" she said surprised.
"Actually this is Ayas, isn't it?" he asked the elf.
"Ofcourse n-"
"ISN'T IT?!"
"Yes of course" then Aya picked the tarantula teddy and hugged it close.
But then the teddy winked! The teddy was a pervert!
"My teddy! MINE!" Eragon snatched the spidery-teddy and smashed it on the floor.
Then he jumped over it, crushing it with his weight.
SQUEEK
"Ehh, Eragon?"
"BAD TENTA-TEDDY!"
SQUEEK
"BAD TENTA-TEDDY!"
One of the plastic buttons of the teddies eyes popped and flew right into Eragons left eye.
"AHH IT ATTACKED ME!"
"Eragon stop!" came Ayas voice, but Eragons mind held only one thought.
Kill the teddy
He unsheathed his sword, and held it with two hands, pointy edge versus teddy.
"BRISINGR!"
Eragon, Aya and Roaran finally arrived to Nasuada's tent fashionably late.
All thanks to a little incident they had with a spider named Blodhgarm.
Apparently the sneaky bastard tried to build a Harem!
And the fact that he was a tarantula now didn't stop "His Tarantulness" from
running across the Vardans camp declaring his love to every woman he saw.
Inside Eragon fumed, no one was allowed to have a harem! No one!
Except for himself of course, that is if Aya will let him, Eragon didn't do anything
without her permission.
He sighed, and followed Aya into the tent.
Inside he saw what appeared to be the entire Vardan leadership accompanied by two mirrors,
one displayed the image of his foster brother, king of the dwarfs, Orik.
The other, to his dismay, displayed the queen of the elves, Ayas mother, Islanzadi.
His knees suddenly felt very weak,
She doesn't know anything, She doesn't know anything, She doesn't know anything
He muttered to himself as he walked to take his seat in what he hoped was Islanzadi blind spot.
"Hey Eragon!" Nasuda waved at him, and he smiled back, a little to widely,
because Arya shot her an icy glare.
"What was that?" asked Islanzadi.
No! don't notice anything he thought.
Orik however was a little more perceptive, "Ah, my foster daughter" he said.
As glad as he was that mirror-Orik felt the need to accept Arya to their "foster family"
he didn't appreciate doing so in front of her mother.
"Who?" asked Islanzadi.
"He meant me" he replied, everyone was staring at him, I will smash your little mirror Orik, he thought
"I am Oriks foster daughter"
Everyone laughed and then they shared tea or something.
"Ah, that's good tea" said Orik, taking another sip from his tea.
"But I am not Orik" he said, "I changed my name, it's Yurik now, and the dwarfs aren't the dwarfs
anymore, we are the E.U, and I am their king".
"But the E.U doesn't have a king! They have a-"
"Mustache! Behold my kingish mustache!" he said.
"BUT YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE A MUSTACHE!" Eragon yelled.
"Ah" said Orik.
"Only smart people can see my mustache, I guess you are not smart enough Eragon.
Maybe you are not meant to be a dragon rider after all."
(dramatic pause)
"All in favor of removing Eragon from his position say aye" said Orik
"Wwwwait a second! You can't vote me out!" said Eragon.
"Aye" said Islanzadi.
On second thought
"Aye " said Eragon
"Aye" said Germ-endure.
WAIT! There is a guy named GERM-ENDURE?!
"I WANT FALAFEL!" screamed Roaran.
(many excruciating moments later)
Suddenly a messanger crushed into the tent.
"We are under attack!" he said.
"What? Who?"
"Shadeslayer!" he said.
"Its your sworn enemy, Merry-Tag!"
Orrin laughed, "Merry-Tag? That name is sooo gay!"
Eragon shot him a glare, "It's not his fault that he is gay!" he said
"He was changed by Galbatorix!"
Merry-Tag's voice augmented with magic, echoed forth across the land.
"Come fight me Eragon! I see you there, hiding behind Nasuada's skirts."
Also augmenting his voice with magic, Eragon replied
"Foolish brother! I would hide there if I could! believe me I tried."
And with that he grabbed the nearest broom which just happened to have pink dots all over it,
and used it as a horse, riding through the tents entrance.
Outside he met the entire Vardan, and they all cheered for him, some even had tears in their eyes.
Must be tears of admiration, he thought.
So he rode as fast as he could, he nearly reached the camps entrance
when Saphira suddenly landed in front of him.
He tried to stop, but he slipped and the broom hit his -
"AHHHHHHH" he screamed, and the Vardan cheered.
"Stop cheering!" he yelled.
He was just about to recover when a red dragon suddenly landed in front of him.
The rider on the dragon back immediately dismounted and Eragon could easily identify his
once-friend-then-enemy-then-brother-then-half-brother Merry-Tag.
Merry-Tag was dressed all in red, even with
-to Eragon horror- red cowboy boots.
"AHHHHH" Eragon screamed as he felt his eyesight decreases.
Merry-Tag just grinned, "It's over now, Eragon" he said.
"This time you are coming with me to Urobeane, and then all of us
can all watch the super bowl together like a big nice family!"
"NOOOOOO!" Eragon screamed as he suddenly had a vision of Galbatorix cookings
on the table while they watch the super bowl, everyone knows Galbatorix can't cook!
"Listen to me Merry-Tag, you can change your name, I know you can,
and together we can put an end to Galbatorix evil cookings!"
Merry-Tags face just darkened, "Evil? Galbatorix is an excellent cook Eragon,
you should hear him speak! He knows cookies recipients that the elves don't dare even look at,
cowards that they are, table manners that were lost before Galbatorix discovered them!"
"And for good reason! I heard Galbarotix cookies are poisonous" Eragon said
Merry-Tag just laughed. "Is that what they tell you? Elves are so narrow minded Eragon,
did you know that before the Fall all the riders only ate cinnamon cookies?"
"But I hate cinnamon cookies!" Eragon yelled.
"EXACLY!" yelled Merry-Tag. "And so is Galbatorix! So what you would have him do brother?
Would you sentence him to eat cinnamon cookies for the rest of his eternal life?
Of course not! Join us Eragon, and together we could have a new menu!"
That's actually makes sense Saphira. Eragon said to his stomach-partner.
No! came the Saphiras reply, Don't listen to his lies, Eragon!
Remember your cooking lessons with Oromis
"We must end this now!" Eragon said.
Merry-Tag face darkened, "Very well" he said.
It was then that Eragon noticed that the Vardan formed a circle around them,
not daring to get any closer.
"ROCK! PAPER! SCISSORS!" They both yelled.
Eragon chose rock, but to his dismay Merry-Tag also chose rock!
Damn! Its a tie! Help me Saphira
Sorry little one, you are on your own
So they both chose rock, and chose again, and again, and again.
The only difference between them is that Eragon with his elves speed
chose many more rocks than Merry-Tag.
DAMN IT! When did he become this good?
Eragon could remember dueling with his brother before, but never did it take so long,
Thorn and Saphira just finished watching "The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King"
for the third time when Eragon had enough.
When Merry-Tag prepared to chose rock, again, Eragon unsheathed Brisingr.
"Ha! I win!" said Merry-Tag
"Are you insane? That's a sword!"
"No" said Merry-Tag, "That's Scissors, rock beats scissors!"
Eragon slices Murtagh fist off
"No its not"
"You just sliced my fist off" Merry-Tag said shocked
"And you are taking it surprisingly well" said Eragon
Catch him Eragon! Before they run away
But it was too late, Merry-Tag ran off and hugged the nearest tree.
Then Thorn flied and with his claws, ripped the tree off the ground and with it Merry-Tag and flied away.
"We will be back!" he yelled.
Eragon fell to the ground, defeated, and smashed his fist on the hard soil.
They failed! Again!
But before their enemies disappeared Eragon could hear Thorns mental voice
Why a tree Murtagh? I will break my back because of you!
Why not something lighter like a bush, or I don't know, A TENT?!
You know Galbatorix doesn't offer health care for his servants!
Eragon watched as his nemesis disappeared behind the horizon
We will meet again, Merry-Tag, he thought coldly.
And when we do, you better have a different name.
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