Chapter Two: Bella's Father.
Bella stepped into her father's house and promptly tripped over the leopard print rug. Her father, Charlie, hastily shoved his magazine down the side of his couch. Bella couldn't see exactly what it was, but knew the title started with P.
'Whoa, watch out!' laughed Charlie, as Bella rushed to give him a big hug.
'God, I'm so clumsy,' groaned Bella in a guttural voice, 'I thought only people whose parents were brother and sister had this problem.' She laughed, her fat cheeks wobbling with the effort. 'Imagine that!'
'Yeah, about that. There's something you should know about your mother and I.' started Charlie, clearing his throat several times.
'What's that?' Bella asked, genuinely not knowing where this conversation was going.
'Never mind,' said Charlie quickly. He walked off, muttering nonsense about 'past convictions', 'Perverts Anonymous' and 'relapse.'
Bella knew that her dad was just trying to look cool. He was a virgin, of course. Bella couldn't understand why the other students at her old school wouldn't accept the truth about their roots. Literally, their ROOTS. They were too stupid to understand that all humans are descended from the Great Lord of the Cabbage Patch, and thus were born in a cabbage. Bella, considering herself to be a kind creature, then reasoned that the others ought to be pitied. She would not show them any derision for their ignorance.