By: Ellipsis the Great
DISCLAIMER: Kingdom Hearts and everything affiliated with it belongs to SquareEnix and Disney. All I own is the plot…
Summary: Sometimes, rules aren't meant to be followed, and promises shouldn't be kept. Seiner.
Rated: M just in case.
Spoilers: None that I know of…
Warnings: Definite yaoi on the horizon, a little angst (obviously), and I suppose I should point out that this is AU…
Chapter One: Silence Isn't Golden
"You shouldn't have to pay for your love with your bones and your flesh." –Pat Benatar, 'Hell is for Children'
Hayner was quiet that day. Actually, his entire posse was kind of quiet, but he was even worse than the rest of them.
Olette treaded carefully around him, always touching him in that gently comforting way of hers. Pence was awkward, like he didn't know exactly what to say, or if he did know that he didn't know how to say it. Roxas glared at anyone and everyone—including that weird boyfriend of his, Axel—like he was daring someone to push him. And Hayner…
Hayner wasn't acting like himself at all. His back stayed hunched when he was walking instead of straight and full of himself like he usually was, and when he sat he curled around his desk in an awkward position that couldn't have been at all comfortable.
And then, sometime around lunch, he disappeared.
The rest of his quartet sat around one of the picnic tables that were set up outside the cafeteria, so I ditched Rai and Fuu and walked toward them.
"Oi, dweeboids, where's the chickenwuss?" I demanded when they looked up at me.
"Which one, jackass?" Roxas asked, scowling at me.
"Oh, lemme think about that—you're here, fat boy's here, and annoying chick is here…which chickenwuss am I looking for?" I asked, my voice practically oozing sarcasm.
"Why do you want to know?" Olette asked, crossing her arms over her chest. As wimpy as the girl usually looked, that stance would've made a lesser man tremble.
I held up a paper bag. "Mom made him lunch again since it's near the end of the month and money's always thin for him then."
"And how would you know that?" Pence asked, sounding surprised.
I rolled my eyes. "I know because Mom knows, and Mom knows because Hayner comes to the restaurant every afternoon. Keep the fuck up, chicken shit."
"Whatever." Pence said, resting his head back on the table.
"Look, we don't know where he is. He just…walked off after class let out, okay?" Olette said.
"If you find him, lemme know so I can kick him." Roxas said. "He's been in a shitty-ass mood all day and it's pissing me off."
"So you don't know what's wrong with him?" I asked.
"If I knew, I sure as hell wouldn't be asking you for anything." Roxas replied shortly.
"Right." I snorted, and walked away without another word, feeling my anger rise.
It was time to search the school.
And yes, my mom really had made lunch for him, and it was for the reason that I'd given the goons. And yes, that was a large part of why I was searching for him.
When Mom gives you a job to do, you do it. Or you die. Slowly.
The first place I checked was the roof—most kids go up there when they want to be alone. The school even had to fence the place off to deter jumpers (I say deter because the really resolute ones just climb the fence). But he wasn't there, and no one was screaming and calling an ambulance, so he hadn't jumped, either.
I'm not saying Hayner had ever been suicidal, because he wasn't, really. But sometimes he could go to a really bad place (thanks to his dumbass whore of a mother), and sometimes a rash decision— for which Hayner's famous—can be the last decision someone makes.
Then I went to another good alone-time place—the library. Hayner usually avoided it, but most people avoided it, so when you wanted peace and quiet it was a good place to go. I considered doing things the old-fashioned way, but settled for asking a librarian and then yelling 'LAMER!' at the top of my lungs when she said she hadn't seen him. And since he didn't come scrambling out of the woodwork to try and kick my ass (emphasis on the word try), I didn't much mind getting kicked out.
That's when I decided to try the bathroom. All ten of them, most of which were on opposite hallways of several different floors. Luckily, I decided to try the most out of the way bathroom first.
And wouldn't you know it, I could hear him sniffling in the last stall. You know the ridiculously big one that they have to put in for handicapped kids? Not that I have anything against handicapped kids, I just think it's stupid to put one in when we don't even have an elevator so they don't have to use the stairs. The school just made sure all of their classes were on the bottom floor, and moved some teachers around when necessary.
Cheap bastards, I know.
I also know I'm getting off subject.
"Yo, chickenwuss, that you?" I asked.
No answer, but the noises stopped.
That meant 'yes,' for those of you who don't know 'depressed-Hayner-speak.'
"Mom made lunch for you—why in the hell are you way the fuck over here instead of in the cafeteria? I had to go all over the friggin' school looking for you, you damn lamer." I said as I walked down to the last stall.
"Go the fuck away." He snapped, his voice strangely flat for someone who'd just been crying.
"Come out of the stall and get the fucking lunch."
"Just leave it." He said.
"No fucking way. Mom's gonna ask about you, and if I tell her I left you crying in a bathroom stall she'll freak out, kill me, and then tear apart the town looking for you and making sure you're alright. You know how she gets."
He let out an odd sound that was half-amused snort and half-annoyed groan.
"Just tell her I'm fine." He said.
"She'll know I'm lying." I said. "And then she'll be even worse than in the previous scenario. Just get the fuck out here."
"No."
I knelt beside the stall. "You think I won't climb under here, chickenwuss? Because I will, and when I do I'll be royally ticked that I had to crawl all over this nasty-ass…floor…"
The weird, trailed off ending was because I had just seen blood drip to the floor.
"Lamer, what in the hell are you doing in there?" I asked, banging my fist against the stall door. "Did somebody punch you? Why the fuck are you bleeding?"
"It's none of your fucking business, Seifer!" He said.
"Oh, hell no." I said, standing and ramming my shoulder into the door. It rattled on its rusty hinges, and finally broke off when I ran into it again.
And, just as I'd feared (yes, feared), Hayner was sitting on the john, looking up at me with his all-too-wide eyes with a razor held to the wrist he always wore that stupid arm band on.
"What in the fucking hell do you think you're doing?" I demanded, grabbing the arm with the razor. "What the fuck is this?"
"What the fuck do you care?" He retorted, trying to pull away from me. "You fucking hate me, remember?"
"I don't care who in the fuck you are, chickenwuss, or what in the fuck I do or don't feel for you." I growled. "You're gonna fucking tell me why in the fuck you're doing this or I'm gonna ram this razor so far up your ass you'll cut yourself every time you wipe your fucking nose."
"Well that makes things a lot easier." He drawled.
I grabbed his collar and pulled him to his feet, our faces a mere inch apart. "I'm not fucking kidding, lamer. Tell me what in the fuck is going on before I call my mom on you—and you know she'll make anything I could do to you look like a Struggle match between Vivi and that fat shit you hang out with."
"Don't call Pence that." He said.
"Answer my fucking question and I won't." I snarled.
He opened his mouth to answer, then snapped it closed again as we heard the bathroom door creak open. I set him down and stepped out of the stall, turning my fiercest glare onto some kid with a mohawk and a weird looking guitar-like instrument.
"I'm trying to have a fucking conversation here, just get the hell out before I make you eat that fucking piece of shit instrument." I growled.
The kid's eyes got big as he immediately turned on his heel and ran off.
I whipped back around to face Hayner. "You were saying?"
"Mama's new boyfriend left." He looked away from me, like all of a sudden the fiery part of him that was the biggest part of why people loved and hated him had been sucked out of him. He had a light bruise on his cheek that made me wish I hadn't been taught not to hit girls.
"Yeah, and? That happens a lot." I said.
"And this time it's my fault." He said. "I…I made him leave."
"Good; he was an ass." I said. "Why does that make you want to cut yourself?"
"Because Mama…I mean, it was my fault he left." He said, his voice getting smaller and smaller as he spoke.
He seemed to be shrinking, too; he already seemed half his size. Like he was afraid of me. Like he thought I would beat him.
And while I might beat up on him, I have never, ever beat Hayner March. I wouldn't beat on someone who didn't beat back.
I pursed my lips together, almost not wanting to ask my next question. "Why is it your fault that he left?"
"Because I…I didn't stop him. And…and he…"
My expression darkened as I grabbed his chin and made him look at me. "Was that sorry bastard beating you?"
"No…n-no…" He said slowly. "Not…not exactly?"
"Well then what exactly was he doing to you?"
"He was…touching me." He said, squeezing his eyes shut and turning his face away from me as much as he could with me still holding it.
"Where?" I could feel the color draining out of my face.
"E-everywhere." He whispered. "And…and he told Mama that…that he realized he…he likes b-boys, not girls, so he…he left. And he tried to take me with him, but I wouldn't go. And Mama's so, so angry with me, Seifer, she…she's…God, she's so angry."
"Shit." I cursed. That sick bastard had better hope I didn't run into him any time soon (read: ever).
"I didn't mean to do it." He said. "But I…I just froze up, and…I didn't know what to do."
"Did you tell your mom about this?"
"He did." He said. "Only he made it sound like I wanted it, and I…I didn't want it, Seifer, I swear I didn't, but Mama doesn't believe me."
"I know, Hayner. You don't have to explain yourself to me." I said.
And I did know, sort of. Fuu had been molested by her dad when she was younger, so I had at least heard about this stuff before. She didn't talk about it much…not that she talked about anything much.
"Actually, I'm lying." I said with a scowl, holding the razor up again. "Explain this to me, lamer."
And wouldn't you know it, he chose then to remember that he hated me.
"Why should I?" He asked, rearing up suddenly.
"Because I fucking said so, chickenwuss."
"Yeah? Well fuck you, Seifer! Fuck. You." He said, punching me.
I jerked back more from surprise than pain—I was used to being punched, so I'd gotten used to that part—and had only just recovered when he pushed past me and fled from the bathroom, stopping only to grab some paper towels to wrap around his wrist.
I cursed under my breath, fingering my busted lip gingerly.
When I went to my next class after lunch was over, Hayner was smiling and laughing with Roxas as if nothing had happened, but when he didn't come to the restaurant that afternoon I knew he was still upset.
"How was Hayner when you gave him his lunch?" Mom asked as we washed dishes after the dinner rush.
I paused for a moment before shaking my head, looking at the dish I was scrubbing so I wouldn't have to see the concerned look on her face.
"I don't know, Mom." I mumbled. "I really don't."
End Chapter One