Chapter 2

Kara rode shotgun while Ashley drove them to the airport. They would board a flight to take them to Ashley's family. Family. Something she'd never had. The navy was close. Her foster family and the Reds were poor substitutes, something she didn't realize until later.

She understood the need for leave, but rarely relished it. Time away from work meant time she might feel tempted to slip back into old habits. She had no friends outside the service. Hers was a life of service to something greater than herself. That was what mattered. And this was truer now than she'd ever known it.

They'd come perilously close to the extinction of every sentient species in the galaxy. Their victory was costly and temporary. She was encouraged by Anderson's words, it seemed the Council wasn't about to bury it's head in the sand. They made it the airport, proceeding through customs they waited in the departure lounge. They sat in a restaurant. A waiter quickly came to take their drinks order.

"Two scotches." Ash said.

"One!" Kara said sharply. "I'll have some Duncan Hills coffee."

Ash looked at her oddly. But she saw Kara's furrowed brow and wisely decided not to press the topic. The waiter came with their drinks.

"More coffee?" Ash said. Kara nodded.

"If I didn't know better, I'd say you were addicted to the stuff." Ash said, trying to lighten the mood, seeing how hers had darkened.

"Well, there's worse things to be addicted to." Kara said. You would know.

"So," Ash began with a warm and patient tone. "What happened back there?"

They sipped from their drinks. "I have a…reputation."

"No shit." Ash said dryly.

"I've had a lot of people die under my command. But, this is really about Akuze. Someone started a rumour that I sacrificed my men while I hid like some little baby, waiting for rescue to come. Came up with the nickname Dead Shep."

"I've heard it." Ashley admitted. She grabbed her glass and sipped, as if this admission were a confession of a deep and terrible shame.

Kara drank some more coffee. "When I was in the can, I heard some people outside talking shit about me. Called me Dead Shep. I wanted to punch their faces inside out, but since getting into a fight at a funeral rubs people the wrong way, I did the next best thing and punched a mirror." She put her drink down and sighed. "It's followed me like some old curse. No matter how hard I try, no matter how I try to learn, people always die under me. Kaidan's just the latest. "

Ash said sympathetically after a few moments silence. "You're not to blame for those people dying, not Kaidan, not anyone at Akuze, not anyone else."

"Yes-" Kara began.

"No, you're not!" Ash said, slamming her palm against the table. The table wobbled beneath them. Kara was taken aback. Ash leaned back with her drink to recover her composure. "I guess it's good to know I'm not the only one here with a big chip on my shoulder."

"Yeah, we got that in common." Kara said.

"That's not all we have in common." Ashley said, deepening her tone.

"Oh yeah? What else?" Kara asked.

"We're both ultimate badasses!" Ash said with a smile.

Kara grinned, happy for the change of subject. "I'll drink to that." They clanged their glasses together and sipped some more. Kara turned to her left, watching people float by the departure lounge, some going, some coming. She wondered, not for the first time, if they had any inkling of how close they had come to catastrophe just a few days ago. They probably heard the news about an attack on the Citadel, but the details were being hushed up and the council was still very coy about what happened. Would they ever know the truth? And if they did, how would they react? Would it change them? They received a message their flight was ready for boarding. Their finished their drinks and set for the gate.

The Williams household was in a modest neighborhood. The lawn and gardens were well maintained, a detail that Kara did not find surprising given all she knew about Ashley. Kara found herself fidgeting nervously on the drive. She could find no rational reason why she was suddenly nervous. She wasn't readying for a combat mission, preparing a briefing for top brass or approaching Joker about his pornography habits. Maybe this was what kids felt, the first time they met the parents of their prospective boyfriend or girlfriend. But that was silly. This wasn't anything like that.

They sat around the dinner table, eager for Mrs. Williams to bring in the meal, a simmering roast that smelled divine. Sarah was outgoing, equally eager to catch up with her sister as she was to get to know her. The resemblance was uncanny, though Sarah had shorter hair. She felt comfortable, at home. Like I belong here.

Mrs. Williams brought in the trays with the food. She sat at the head of the table. Mrs. Williams sat at the head of the table. "Will our guest of honour say grace?"

Kara looked nervously around the table. "Eh, I don't know how to say grace."

The Williams women chuckled. "Don't worry about it, skip. Just repeat after me." Ash said and led her through the saying of grace. When it was over, Kara remembered her manners and was sure not to just dig in for the food because that would be rude and leave a bad impression. Be sure to say please and thank you. Her preconceptions were destroyed when her hosts dug into to the food, unceremoniously dumping the meat and vegetables onto their plates and voraciously devouring their meals. When in Rome. After dinner they sat in the living room. Kara liked this, time to relax. Ashley had other ideas.

"Let's go clubbing." She said.

Kara groaned.

"Come on. Don't be such a party pooper." Ash said with a beckoning, pleading smile.

Well, I've come this far. "Okay." She said.

Several hours later they came out of the club. The air was refreshingly cool on their warm and sweaty bodies. They walked towards the lot where Ash's car was parked. Kara felt uncomfortable with her outfit clinging to her body now. She didn't like tight fitting clothes even though they were more fashionable. Although she had to admit Ashley didn't look so bad in them. Despite herself, she'd had some fun, stepped out of her comfort zone and hadn't regretted it.

"I can't believe no hot guys tried to pick us up." Ashley said.

"Two beautiful women dancing together? They probably thought we were together." Kara said. She looked at Ashley. Then realizing what she'd said, looked away quickly. She laughed nervously to make the awkwardness pass.

"Nah, I don't think it was that." Ashley said. Kara found the courage to look at her friend. An odd grin was forming on the edge of her mouth. "I think they were scared away by your crappy dancing."

"You're dead, Williams." Kara said sternly. "I think you just volunteered for three weeks of KP." The facade lasted for two seconds before they both laughed. They found the car.

So," Ash said as they entered the car. "What do you wanna do tomorrow night?"

Kara shrugged. Ashley opened her Omni-Tool.

"This is interesting." Ash said after some browsing. "This bar down the road has an open jam night. I'd like to see you play." Ash said with a smile. "I hope you're better with a guitar than with a rifle."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Ashley's answer was sly grin and a wink.

The pub was called The Screaming Lion. Kara had left her guitar on the Normandy, she was hoping she would be able to borrow someone's. She'd never jammed with other musicians before so she was rather nervous.

The pub looked rustic on the outside, with an old-style hanging sign of a lion's head in full roar, wood exterior with bright contrasting colours of red, green and brown. The sun was beginning to set. Inside was much the same with attempts at invoking a bygone age, vintage signs, posters and paintings carpeted the walls so much that you couldn't tell what colour the wall actually was. Not far from the bar was a small bandstand with a basic drum kit, vintage amps and microphones. Kara smiled. She loved vintage equipment. There was a warmth and unpredictability that you couldn't replicate with modern technology. The legendary Hammond organ would sound different each time it was powered on, a shame there were none left.

Ash found them a table while Kara went to find a guitar she could borrow. It didn't take her long to find someone willing to share, a kindly looking man in his 40s. She detected only genuine kindness from him. A rarity in any age.

She sat back down and ordered a round of drinks, she ordered Scotch for Ashley and coffee for herself. The first group went on and broke into a rendition of Don't Fear the Reaper. Kara and Ash looked at another and laughed. It was a good rendition but it was missing something. Kara enjoyed the music as they ran through the usual gamut of pub rock favorites, mostly songs from a hundred years ago. These musicians were like her, more comfortable with old equipment, old music.

Kara's turn came up after they'd downed their second round of drinks. The borrowed guitar was a copy of a Gibson Les Paul with sunburst colours. She'd lusted after an authentic one since she picked up the instrument. Strapping it on it felt warm and comfortable. She looked at Ash across the room and the two friends smiled at another.

She was joined onstage by another male guitarists, a bassist and an asari drummer. Without waiting for anyone, she broke into a basic blues riff, 12 bar blues. The others quickly fell into step. They didn't just fall into step, but in sync. The bassist came up the mike and started singing improvised lyrics. Kara added in little fills after each lyric. The drummer knew just when to do a fill of her own. The other guitarist was equally adept. They were five playing as one, listening to the other, and not just playing over the other. Kara didn't want this to end, she was completely at ease.

From across the room Kara's eyes met Ashley's. An odd tremor when through her. Kara closed her eyes and launched into a soulful solo. It was far beyond any solo she'd ever improvised. She swayed her body in time with her solo, completely lost and absorbed in the music. She couldn't believe her own ears, much less that she was responsible for this divine, fluid flurry of notes. It was like a choir of a thousand angels were singing through her little fingers. Her solo kept building and building, the tension continuing to grow until it was an inescapable centrifugal force, like a black hole sucking in everything around it. And then she held the last note for two full seconds before unleashing a massive flurry of notes, releasing the tension with a fiery climax.

She opened her eyes. The entire pub was erupted with riotous applause. The musicians beside her were impressed as well. Holy shit. She felt lightheaded, her chest heaving, she stumbled and almost fell. From across the room her eyes met Ashley's again. Their eyes held another for what seemed like an eternity, but was only for a few fractions of a second. A stranger walked in front of Ashley and broke their gaze.

"We want more! We want more! We want more!" The crowd chanted. Kara and the others were only too happy to indulge them.

It was almost an hour later when Kara was allowed to leave the stage. She was sweating and shaking with adrenaline. As she walked towards Ashley's table, everyone wished her well and congratulations, and she quickly found herself struggling with three complimentary drinks in her hands. Oh shit!shit!shit!shit! She forced herself to look away from them. Ash quickly liberated them from her friend's hands. Kara sighed with relief when the booze was taken away.

"Kara, that was so awesome!" Ash said, wearing a deep, almost awed smiled.

"Thanks." Kara said, touched by her friend's praise.

They went outside to the rear patio. There was a nice cool breeze running through the air, the sun had fully set but there was more than enough lighting on the patio. They found a table and sat down. Kara was slowly coming down from her adrenaline high. Kara thrust all of her complimentary drinks towards Ashley.

"Wow!" Ash gushed. Kara found herself blushing. "Where'd you learn to play?"

Kara leaned back in her chair. "It started when I was a kid, growing up on the street. There was this busker who played on this one street corner. Everyone him the Blues King. He would play all day and never played the same thing twice. I would sit next to him while he played, sometimes I would try to sing or dance along to whatever we played. Even though I was this little girl hanging out with this old guy in his 70s, he gave me 10%. He was the only sanctuary I had from my shitty foster family. His favourite saying was something that made no sense to me back then, but does now. 'Sometimes you have the play the notes that are there, sometimes you have to play the notes that aren't there'."

"But that wasn't the best time of my life." Kara was about to leave at that, like she had so many times before. Her youth was sealed in a vault. Nothing could penetrate it, should penetrate. Talking about it made her weak, vulnerable, just some other self pitying oaf. But something about how Ash looked at her broke through her barriers. She sighed.

"He died when I was 12. Old age and poverty isn't good for you. He was a nice man but he was a drinker. Had a water bottle he filled with whatever cheap booze he could get his hands on. He gave me my first drink when I was 11. When he died, I fell into gangs. It wasn't until I signed up that I picked up the guitar. Learned in my spare time." She said quickly, eager to avoid any discussion of her adolescence.

"I can't imagine you being on the street. So young." Ash said sympathetically.

"Did a lot of stuff I regret. Saw a lot of things." And for the first time in her life, Kara told someone about her experiences. Ash listened to her openly, with sympathetic eyes and ears. Kara felt like she was having an out of body experience, not believing she was finally telling someone about growing up.

It wasn't long after her first taste of alcohol she had her first taste of hard drugs, and fell into a deep, dark abyss. One small step became a grand leap. Her life centered around the drugs. Getting more of them. She stole to feed her habit. She sold herself to feed her habit. More than a few men and women were happy to take advantage of a young girl to feed their own perverse needs. She'd suffered more than her share of beatings, violations and assaults.

"When I started, I made up all these rules of what I wouldn't do. I wouldn't steal, I wouldn't sell myself. On my 13th birthday I stole my foster family's jewellery to get some blow. Some of it had been in their family for hundreds of years. There was a silver necklace that belonged to an ancestor who survived the Holocaust. Later I started doing tricks. I said, I'll do this but I won't go all the way, I won't do it with older men, I wouldn't go to gangbangs." She laughed bitterly. "Didn't take me long to break those rules, either."

"One day, I got out of a detox centre. Rehab was just a place I went to when I wanted to get away from my foster family or the gang. They knew my type. They knew they'd see me again. When you're doing drugs, you know you should stop, but you can't help yourself. I knew I was fucked, but I couldn't find a way out. It was easier to get high than to do anything else."

"I scored some blow with a buddy of mine, Teddy Quint. We got high. We fucked. When I woke up, he was dead. His cold body was pressed against mine... Those dead, empty eyes of his staring into mine...I just got out and walked. And walked. I kept walking until I found myself in the fancy part of town. I looked around and there was a recruitment station. Still not sure why, but I signed up. Here I am, almost 10 years later."

Not for the first time that night, Ash was looking at her friend with even more admiration than before. "I… I don't know what to say." Ash said. A long lasting burden had been lifted from Kara's shoulders. She felt it physically as well as mentally. Why did it take so long to find someone she could trust this much?

"That's why I don't drink." Kara said. "Caffeine's the only drug I do."

Ash reached over and touched her friend's arm. Kara looked at her friend who was now looking at her with great warmth and compassion. Ash squeezed Kara's arm. Kara felt a strange feeling coursing through her. It was equally thrilling and terrifying. Could she trust Ashley? Trust her with truths she'd never shared? Would she ever be diminished in her friends eyes for sharing this? Looking at Ashley, she knew the answer to those questions. An answer she'd never received before. She looked away suddenly, as if she'd been staring at the sun.

"How long have you been sober for?" Ashley asked.

"9 years, 9 months and 12 days." She answered with pride. Ash squeezed her arm and gave her an admiring smile.

"So, how come you haven't scooped up some lucky guy?" Ash asked, sipping the last from her drink, pulling her arm back.

"Guys don't do it for me anymore." Kara said and looked away again, suddenly eager to avoid her friend's gaze. Ash was quiet for a moment. Contemplating something.

"Not any?" Ashley asked, without a hint of being judgemental.

"Well, I guess I'd make an exception for Dirk Hardpeck." Kara said. The two women laughed, thinking about the incredibly handsome and muscled star of the Space Mutiny movies. It was said even salarian females fashioned him.

"How about you?" Kara asked.

"I'm just looking for a special guy, who who's strong and sensitive. I've been with strong men who weren't sensitive and sensitive men who weren't strong." Ash said before imbibing further.

"Listen, Ash." Kara said more seriously. "I've never told anyone that before, about growing up." Their eyes met again and Kara smiled gratefully. "Thank you."

Ash nodded. "Oh, captain, my captain. My friend."