A Miracles/Supernatural Cross-over
by Laurel (Sailorhathor)
Chapters: 2 of 4
Rating: Adult17+ for graphic sex between two men and bad language
Dates: Written June-July 2008
Word Count: 4,559 (this chapter), 19,273 total
Summary: Dean and Sam return to Boston, and Dean tells Paul that he is a God is Nowhere person. Buckets of hurt/comfort.
Pairings: Dean Winchester/Paul Callan. Also, discussion of Teen!Dean/Billy Loomis from Scream.
Timeline: Happens after the Supernatural episode "The Benders" and before "Shadow," which moves the Miracles timeline up to 2006. Yes, I am still stuck in the first season of SPN. Post-series for Miracles.
Warning: Contains spoilers for all of Miracles and Supernatural up to "The Benders." Spoilers for the movie Scream.
Betas: Thanks to Harshini the Impatient Vegemite for poking me until I wrote this story. She also served as its beta.
Author's Notes: The part about the God is Nowhere phenom refers to a past Miracles fanfic of mine, but you don't necessarily have to read that story to enjoy this one.
This chapter has been edited for inclusion on FF .net. If you'd like to read the hawt unedited version, remove the extra spaces from this URL and visit: dementedstuff .com/ miracles/ crossunspoken02 .htm
"Does this change anything between us?" Dean asked. It shocked him, how weak and scared his own voice sounded.
A beat and Paul wrapped his arms around Dean's neck, kissing him on the mouth. Longing for his comfort, needing to quiet his fears. Dean put his free hand on the back of Paul's neck and kissed him back with relief and passion. They shared a few more small kisses, then just sat for half a minute with their foreheads resting against each other, breathing and brushing their lips together.
There were certain words Paul wanted to say, and if he'd said them, he would have meant them, but his own fear kept him from telling Dean how he was now sure he felt. Instead, he said something he knew Dean needed to hear at that moment. "It doesn't change this between us. Not at all."
A tiny whimper escaped Dean before he dropped the letter on the floor and put both arms around Paul, kissing him with all his passion. His father's journal slid off his lap and to the floor, and they kissed without thinking about anything but each other until they were so hot and bothered that they could think of nothing but rubbing their bodies together and seeking release.
Dean began to remove his jacket. Paul noticed and said between kisses, "Haven't finished the letter."
"It'll keep," Dean responded, throwing off his jacket and then going for Paul's shirt...
Paul moaned Dean's name helplessly. It wasn't long before the room filled with the sounds of squeaking bedsprings and heavy breathing and pleading.
Paul, unable to hold it in, began, "Dean, I... I..." He couldn't say it. There were too many years of repressed feelings and shameful confessions between them. "...I really... really care for you."
Dean stroked the hair at his temple softly. "I care for you too." They shared another deep, desperate kiss...
Now that they had relieved their immediate tensions, they could get back to their talk. Dean wasted no time. "So what does it mean, the God is Nowhere thing? What does it mean for me?"
Paul sat up, getting a towel from on top of the nearby clothes hamper so they could clean up. "Let's finish your father's letter."
spn/miracles/spn/miracles/spn/miracles
"Why don't you just tell your brother that you know about his relationship with Paul?" Georgia was saying as she pulled into the parking lot of the building Sodalitas Quaerito occupied.
"Because he's been keeping this attraction to men secret from me for at least ten years. Ten years! We've kept secrets from each other before, but something like this... it's a big deal." Sam huffed, agitated. "I don't want to have to ask him. He's going to tell me. He's my brother. You don't keep a secret like that from family."
Georgia switched the car off, then turned in her seat so that she was partially facing him. "Sam, those are precisely the people you keep a secret like that from, when you're afraid of how they'll react."
He didn't say anything, just thinking about what she'd said.
She continued. "Dean is the macho type. Tall guy, big, got the spiky hair, the muscle car, the manly persona... this is how people see him. It's his image. Then, he discovers that he's got an attraction to men. This doesn't really go along with the rest of the image, does it?"
Sam shook his head. "No."
"I bet Dean was pretty embarrassed when he realized he was going to have to tell people how he felt. Maybe even scared."
Again, Sam shook his head, more forcefully this time. "He knows he doesn't have anything to be afraid of. I'm not some homophobic jerk."
Georgia, shrugging, said, "Maybe not, but Sam? It's different when you have to tell someone very close to you a big secret about yourself, especially when it could totally blow their image of you. Don't you understand? It's different when it's personal."
He didn't know what to say in response; she had a point. Sam had kept his own secrets from Dean until he was ready to tell him, and it had been exactly for the reason she'd said - because he was afraid of his brother's reaction. "But ten years, Georgia? To keep it from me for ten years?"
She gave a light shrug. "If he'd told you he had romantic feelings toward men back then, would you even have been able to believe him? Maybe it was something you had to see with your own eyes. Maybe when it started, you were too young to understand. And as you both got older, and the time passed, he'd been keeping the secret for so long that it just got easier to keep and harder to tell." Georgia paused, then finished, "Maybe Dean was afraid that if you knew he wasn't all that you thought he was, you would leave."
Those words hit Sam hard in the gut. ...you would leave. College. Stanford. Sam had left, and planned to go back once he found that yellow-eyed animal and had taken his revenge. Was it possible that in the back of Dean's mind, he thought Sam had left because he knew? And was he afraid Sam would leave him again for the same reason? If he did leave... when he would leave and return to Stanford... Sam had to be sure that his brother knew precisely why. It bothered him to think that Dean could be punishing himself for a decision that had nothing to do with him. "You're a smart woman, Georgia."
Georgia grinned, laughing through her teeth. "You'll talk to him then?"
"In time." Sam got out of the car and leaned down to the open window. "Thanks for the ride."
"No problem. Hey, when you do talk to Dean, be gentle, okay? Paul's pretty freaked out about this too. This isn't a common relationship for him, but he's involved now. I don't want him to get hurt."
Giving her a nod, Sam replied, "I promise I'll think of Paul's feelings too." He started to go, but turned back and leaned down to the window again. "I'm glad Paul has such a good friend who cares about him so much. It makes all of this much easier."
They shared a smile, and then Sam climbed the stairs to the back entrance of SQ.
He found the door open, a light breeze blowing into the office. Alva and Evie were inside, leaning over a box of files; they looked up in surprise when Sam entered. "Samuel!" Alva said, straightening up. "You're back from Vermont."
"Hi." Sam raised the bottle of protein water as a form of greeting.
"Where's your brother?" Evie asked.
"He's over at Paul's, having a talk with him. They'll be in later."
"Oh?" Alva seemed curious and suspicious at the same time. "What are they talking about?"
"Well... guess there isn't any reason not to just get right into it. We have something pretty serious to tell you. Dean thought it was only right to tell Paul himself. I'm supposed to relay the story to you two."
Alva and Evie looked at each other. "Is it about the Mothman?" Evie questioned.
"Not entirely." Sam let out a nervous sigh. "You may want to sit down."
The two glanced at each other again, and then Alva took a seat. Evie remained standing, picking up her large coffee mug and holding it in both hands, taking a sip. They both looked troubled.
With a deep breath, Sam began, "After we left the other day, I had one of my visions. I saw myself finding a note hidden in the back of our father's journal. So, I went looking for it, and I found it. Dad wrote this letter in 1984. It was about how he met with a woman at a park back then; she had sought him out for help with a prophecy a psychic had made about her son.
"Her name was Lydia Goodwell."
Alva gasped; Evie's eyes went wide, and they looked at each other again.
"You would have to fill in a lot of the details on that one. All I know is that her son, Chad, went on a killing spree years later. I guess my dad wasn't able to help her."
Swallowing hard, Alva nodded slightly. "We can fill in those details."
"Good. Anyway, the letter continues... saying that my brother was playing on the jungle gym and fell off. Dean was only five at the time. Dad and the woman run over with me just in time to see..." Now Sam swallowed down a lump of apprehension and worry. "...to see that Dean had busted his mouth open. And his blood had pooled on the ground... spelling out the words 'God is Nowhere.'"
This time, Evie gasped; her hands gave a sudden tremor and released the coffee mug. It shattered on the hard floor. A puddle of coffee spread at her feet. Sam jumped in surprise at the noise.
Alva put a hand over his mouth. "Oh... of course. Of course. I should have known," he said, more to himself than anyone else. "The Mothman has given me clues about the God is Nowhere people since the beginning. This is why he brought us all together. Your brother... is person number eight."
Concerned, Sam grabbed a roll of paper towels off a nearby desk and ripped off a bunch, then handed the roll to Evie. "Are you okay?"
She blinked several times, swayed, and steadied herself against her desk. "I'm alright, just... never expected to hear that." Evie took the paper towels. They both bent down and started to wipe up the coffee. Sam slid the trashcan next to him over so he could pick up the pieces of the mug and dispose of them.
Alva immediately began to dig through the box of files. "Hemography, Hemography, it's in here somewhere..."
"Are you sure you don't want to sit down?" Sam asked Evie.
She seemed to shake it off. "I'm fine." Frowning, Evie looked at a piece of the colorful mug. "Matty gave this to me," she lamented, and regretfully tossed it into the trashcan.
"Hm?" Alva looked down at where they were crouched, finally noticing. "Oh, your Mother's Day mug... I'm sorry."
"It's okay." Evie rolled her eyes and sighed; wasn't like there was anything she could do about it now. "I've got a couple more a lot like it."
While they cleaned up the mess, Sam finished the story. "Our dad's letter ends with details about some dreams Dean had about Paul. Dreams he had many years ago."
"Well, most of them dreamed of Paul. Come here, Samuel, and look at this." Alva held up the Hemography file.
Sam looked at Alva, then at Evie, and tried a tentative smile of relief. "You're not frantically running over to Paul's to protect him from Dean. I guess that means the God is Nowhere people aren't some kind of threat. We really didn't know how you would react... we don't know a lot about this thing."
Looking up at him, Alva showed him a sheet of paper from the file. "It will all make a great deal more sense once you read this."
Evie, standing, put a hand on his arm. "We've received information that indicates that 'God is Nowhere' is a positive message. We don't think these people are dangerous."
Relieved, Sam sat down hard into a chair. "Phew! You have no idea what a relief that is."
"I think we can imagine," Evie commented.
Alva plopped the open Hemography file down in front of Sam. "Of course, I'll want to interview your brother and father."
Sam blinked, speechless at first. Interview Dean... and Dad? Finally, he said, "Oh, that's going to be fun..."
Dean had pulled up his jeans but didn't button them, and as he watched Paul doing up his pants now, he wondered why. "You're just giving yourself one extra thing to do later."
Paul looked up. "Huh?"
Smirking mischievously, Dean pointed to Paul's fly. "Or should I say, you're just giving yourself one extra thing to undo later."
Paul took a second to get it. A sly little smile crossed his face. "You think you're getting more after we're done talking?"
"I don't think, I know." Dean wiggled his eyebrows at him. "Actually, I should amend that. You're giving me one extra thing to undo later."
Paul, chuckling briefly, responded, "Read the rest of the letter."
"Right." Dean picked up the journal and the letter. "Back in serious mode. I'm sorry, but this'll blow your mind." He cleared his throat and began to read again.
After this happened, Dean began having dreams about a boy named Paul. Paul's eyes widened in shock for a moment. "You had dreams too? Why does that surprise me; almost all the God is Nowhere people had dreams about me."
Now Dean looked surprised. "They did?"
He nodded, and pointed at the letter, indicating for Dean to continue.
My son told me he dreamed of Paul being three years old, sitting on his father's lap, only he doesn't know it's his father. Dean had other dreams that were too vague for him to describe in detail. Something about this boy, Paul, becoming an adult, and meeting his father again, only he still has no idea this man is his father. These dreams in particular agitated Dean because he was convinced that Paul's dad was a very dangerous man, and seemed to want to protect Paul from him. As he read, Paul's eyes widened again, filled with confusion, and finally took on that stricken look once more. "Oh... God, Dean... what if I've already met him? And I didn't even know who he was..." He put his head in his hands.
Dean moved over next to him, putting his arms around him and stroking his hair. "I know it's shocking, and I can imagine it must be hard. But maybe you haven't met him yet. Maybe you don't want to."
"Dean..." Paul lifted his head. He was close to tears. "...even if he was the most dangerous man in the world, I'd still want to meet him. He's my father. Even if it's just to ask him why... why he didn't want to be a part of my life... why he left me in an orphanage... I'd want to meet him." His bottom lip quivered.
Swallowing down the lump in his throat, Dean caught that trembling lip up in a small, gentle kiss. "There's nothing in the letter that says it's already happened."
Paul shook his head. "I'm not being totally honest. I had the chance once to meet someone who could have been my father, and I made every excuse in the book not to go. There was a confidential file at the County Records Office that held information on who my father was... the file clerk sent out a request for someone to give me permission to look at it... the man who answered could have been my father. And I just kept saying no, Keel needs me here, whatever I could think of not to go see him when he came into town to look at the file. The truth is, I was scared. He left me once. Maybe... maybe he just didn't like me."
"Oh, Paul, stop it," Dean scolded.
"Trouble happened and I wound up missing him anyway. And you know what he did? He sealed the file so I couldn't look at it. He wanted to make sure that I never find out who he is. How am I supposed to take that, Dean? He doesn't want me. He never wanted me." Paul hid his face in his hands, as if he felt ashamed for being the little boy whose father didn't want him.
Dean gave his shoulders a light shake. "If that's how he feels, then he's a piece of shit, Paul. You hear me? It's not your fault. You were an adorable, innocent little kid, and you're an honorable man now. Any man should be proud to have a son like you. If he doesn't want to know you, then he's not worth it. He's not even a man. He's a coward. Alright? Paul? Look at me."
Paul lifted his head slightly, keeping his hands close to his face. He looked at Dean through teary eyes.
"Don't let the fact that your father's a dick make you feel bad about yourself. Knowing you is more than worth it. Okay?" Dean stroked his thumb over the hair above Paul's ear.
Paul seemed to think it over, and finally nodded.
As an afterthought, Dean added, "Besides, they were just dreams. Who says they're going to come true?"
Paul sniffled and wiped at his eyes. "Everything the others dreamed has come true."
A cold chill swept up Dean's back. He thought of Paul's father sitting by the fountain with the woman at his side, smiling blankly like a department store mannequin. Theresa. Paul's dead mother. "What happened to these people? What did Chad Goodwell do to them?"
Paul began with the hard truth. "He killed them. Five of them."
"Why?"
"Because God told him to."
Dean, squinting, said, "I think you skipped something."
"I just didn't know where else to begin." Letting out a sigh, Paul continued, "There are supposed to be nine God is Nowhere people total. Chad murdered five of them. He was in the process of trying to kill a sixth when I stumbled upon him. I stopped him and the man survived, but the police picked us both up until they could sort out what happened. During the ride to the station, Chad confessed everything to me; he was babbling like a lunatic. He said he had injured himself somehow and bled, and he saw the words the same as I had."
"God is Now Here," Dean interjected.
Paul nodded his affirmation. "Chad claimed that after that, Tommy started to visit him."
Dean, looking surprised and more than a little confused, asked, "His ghost?"
"No. The kid started visiting Chad before he died. Tommy even dropped my name. Said he was going to meet me soon, and that I was the only other person who 'saw the words right.' Chad claimed that Tommy called the God is Nowhere people 'the Darkness' because they were all going to do something horrible to the world. And then God started talking to him. Telling Chad that all of the God is Nowhere people had to die. That it was his duty to kill them all."
After all the evil he had seen throughout his life, Dean thought he instantly recognized what had really happened to Chad Goodwell. "Some thing was manipulating the kid. Chad thought he was listening to Tommy and God, but he was really working for some evil little shit."
"Chad said that since the police had stopped him, it was now up to me to finish off the rest." Paul swallowed hard. "There was a time when I actually considered that he might be right."
"But... you don't believe it anymore. Do you?" Dean questioned.
"No. I can't believe that God works that way. Coercing some poor kid to fly all over the country murdering people?" He folded his hands together, shaking his head. "No, it wasn't God."
"Where is Chad now?"
"Dead. Grabbed a gun off a policeman and shot himself." Paul leaned his chin on his hands; his eyes were on the wall but were clearly not seeing it as he remembered that horrible night. "He asked me to tell his mom that he was sorry, and then he shot himself."
"You saw it?" Dean rubbed his arm. "I'm sorry."
"It's nothing compared to what happened to those innocent people. Chad shot them, he choked them, he tried to beat Mr. Webster to death with an iron... all because they experienced hemography. The only thing that makes sense now is that the God is Nowhere people are... and were... supposed to do something to help the world. Otherwise, why would these evil beings go to such lengths to manipulate an impressionable kid into murdering them?"
The relief had begun to seep into Dean's being, slowly bringing him to realize that this wasn't going to turn out as bad as he had thought it could. Paul was freaked out, but he wasn't going to run away. This God is Nowhere thing didn't mean the bad things that Dean feared it would. He breathed a grateful sigh. "That's a good point. We should figure out what kind of spirits we're dealing with here. There are a few different kinds that can take on the form of a living person. Doppelganger, shape-shifter... maybe Tommy was possessed and really did visit Chad Goodwell in the flesh."
"I got the impression that no one else could see Tommy. That these visits were clandestine, and continued after Tommy died," Paul said.
"Oh. Hm. Then we just need to consider beings that can make themselves invisible to everyone but one person, and not a ghost. Something that can make itself look like anyone it wants. It would have to be something pretty adaptable, chameleon-like. It's actually too bad that Chad Goodwell is dead," Dean sighed. "It would be helpful to interrogate him."
"It wouldn't be helpful to have him running around trying to kill us," added Paul with a huff.
Dean looked at him. "Us?"
Paul almost cringed. "Uh... yeah."
"What do you mean, us?"
"Dean... my blood has spelled out both phrases. I'm also a God is Nowhere person," Paul confessed.
Glaring at him for a few moments, Dean asked, "When were you going to tell me this?"
"When I had the chance."
"Well." Dean leaned forward, his elbows on his knees. "Guess that means there's only one left whose identity we need to discover."
"Yeah." Thinking it over, Paul also leaned forward, his elbow propped on one knee, hand under his chin. "Dean, can I ask you a really personal question?"
"Most likely." He looked over at Paul.
Paul let out a nervous sigh before launching into the story. "Keel and I trapped a demon once and questioned it. We had trapped it in a magick sign that forced it to tell the truth. The demon said that 'God is Nowhere' is a positive message because it refers to God being there for us when things are at their worst, when we are emotionally and spiritually nowhere."
"That's kinda corny."
Now it was Paul's turn to glare. "It's true, you know."
"Yeah, yeah. Finish your point."
Raising an annoyed eyebrow, Paul went on. "Anyway, all of the God is Nowhere people share a common link - they have all felt this sense of being nowhere. They have, or will, all attempt suicide sometime in their lives." He put a hand on Dean's shoulder. "Dean, I have to know... have you ever attempted suicide? Because if you haven't, that means at some point, you will, and I just can't bear the thought - "
Dean's shoulder had stiffened under Paul's hand. He froze, staring at the floor. "Stop," he said, halting Paul's emotionally charged words. Dean didn't answer him for several agonizing moments as he tried to collect his thoughts. "Wow. This is not where I expected the conversation to go."
"Dean?" Paul's voice sounded desperate and weak.
"Paul... yes. Yes, I did try to kill myself."
Unspoken is (c) 2008 Demented Stuff/The Pleasure of the People
Miracles is (c) 2003 Spyglass Entertainment and Touchstone Television
Supernatural is (c) 2005+ Kripke Enterprises, Wonderland, & Warner Brothers/The CW Television.